Confessions and Olivia (Olivia #2) (35 page)

I take the steps towards Claire’s front door and Calvin comes bounding through. I glance up at him quickly and see he’s beside himself.

“There you are! I’ve been looking everywhere for you.”

Before I go to answer he pulls me into him and sighs a relief while he holds me.

“I went for a walk.” I manage.

He holds me out at arm’s length to study me. “I wish you wouldn’t do that.” His blood shot, exhausted eyes narrow
while he regards me carefully. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost. What’s wrong?”

I look down at my feet.
“I… I heard your gran before. I had to get out Calvin, it killed me hearing her that way.”

I’m not going to tell him what really happened, and I’m not lying about hearing Hazel that way. It was torture.

Calvin bends down a little so he can see my face. He places my hair behind my ear, and tips my chin up to face him. “I’m sorry you had to hear that. She’s not taking it well at all,” I look up at him this time, so he straightens up tentatively wiping a tear away from my cheek with his thumb. “My granddads gone into shock. Claire is already busying herself with what to do next.”

“Ruby?” I ask worried. She’s only eighteen and a young eighteen at that.

“She ran up into her room.” Calvin’s glazed eyes look behind my shoulder. I quickly turn to see what he’s looking at but it’s nothing.

“Olivia?” he questio
ns me again confused on a frown. “Why are you so jumpy?”

“I’m…it’s... I just don’t feel safe. That’s all.”

I’m aware that my tone is clipped. I’m being short with him, I don’t mean to be, but if I have any chance of leaving him, it has to be believable. If he realizes for one moment that I’m doing it to protect him, he won’t let me leave. I can’t have him in danger anymore.

“You’re safe with me. You know that.”

Calvin is about to kiss me but I painfully turn my head away. He’s taken back by my unusual behavior and grimaces. I have to look away from his eyes because the pain that is seeping through them is tearing me apart.

I head inside the house and hear Claire immediately
barking orders before I see her. “We need to go up the hospital. Calvin should never have left him there. If they have tested his body they need to release it. We need to make funeral arrangements. We need to talk to the police, we have to organize…”

I feel Calvin behind me.
I don’t have time to look back at him, he’s already barging past me into the kitchen.

“I shouldn’t have left him there?” Calvin voice is full of hurtful incredulity in response to what Claire has just said.

Claire shocked expression to see him standing there only last's a second. She tightens her jaw and points her finger enunciating every word. “You shouldn’t have left him there alone. He’s lying on a cold slab when he should be comfortable in a mortuary.”

“He is in a mortuary.” Calvin snaps back,

“Yes, in hospital, it’s not the same.”

My gaze turns towards Hazel while they argue it out. She’s sitting at the table, staring into space. Here face is white. Her eyes are swollen. Her body is shaking. I want to go over to comfort her but I'm glued to the spot by Calvin and his aunt arguing. I don’t move in case I get dragged into it. I feel sick guilty and feel that they should be blaming me but selfishly, I don’t want the blame.

“You think I wanted to leave Ashton alone? You don’t think that was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do? Seeing him lie there stone cold dead? Well do you?” Calvin’s rage is spilling out in his tone, but Claire doesn’t back down.

“Well why did you leave then? You should have called us.”

Calvin laughs turning his head away in amazement. “You would rather have heard he was dead over the fucking phone? You can tell me until your blue in the face what I should have or shouldn’t have done. But you’re not the one with a fucked up image of him dying. My brother died in my arms and you reckon I can think straight after that?”

Claire suddenly muddles up her words. I think she now recognizes Calvin’s point.

He’s right, how could he think straight after all that. He couldn’t. He can’t please everybody.

“Well, we need to go back right now,”
she pats her black bob in place. “There are things to discuss with the doctors. The police…”
Calvin groans loudly in exasperation. “I’ve already spoke to the police. They won’t do fuck all.”

Claire disagrees.
“Of course they will. They will catch whoever did this. Mark my words.”
I frown in puzzlement, then realize Calvin couldn’t have told them the whole story. I’m relieved but it will come out eventually.

“Yes. We need to go. I need to see my boy.” All eyes dart over to Hazel as she makes her quiet statement. She’s still looking into oblivion when she stands. I glance around noticing Gerald isn’t anywhere to be seen. Where is he?

Calvin walks over to his gran taking her hand. “Are you sure you want to come gran?”

Hazel nods her head absent minded. He looks towards me a little lost, wanting reassurance off me but I look away from him. I can’t look at him. Not knowing what I’m going to do to h
im. Looking around this kitchen there is a family who is completely broken by all the wrong doings of one man. If I can save any more heartache for them, I will.

“Claire? Do you want to drive down?” Calvin’s tone is a little more approachable now. I think it’s because he has his grandmother in his arms but his face is still stern when he looks her way.

“Come-on mom, let’s get you in the car.” Claire takes Hazel by the hand and escorts her outside.

It’s just me and Calvin now, standing at opposite sides of the room. I wrap my arms around myself feeling cold and distant. I can’t bare this. I want to walk into his arms and be told everything will be alright.
I want to tell
him
everything will be alright. I want to feel the warmth of his embrace. I want to feel the passion of his lips when there touching mine. The smell his intoxicating scent that soothes me. But I can’t.

Calvin instantly picks up on my body language.
Of course he would
.

“Olivia, why can’t you look at me? Have I done something wrong?” Oh my god.
Please don’t say that. I roll my eyes to the ceiling and inhale deeply. He has done absolutely nothing wrong. My silence is killing the both of us.

Walking towards me he’s about to touch me but I step back. This time h
e throws his arms up in the air from my cold lack of interest. “What is wrong with you? You won’t look at me, you won’t let me touch you. I’m trying here Olivia, I really am.”

I know you are,
I want to scream. I want to tell him. He’s doing everything he can for me and I have to chuck it all back in his face.

I stare back at him and I know my eyes are oozing sorrow. Such pain. I can feel it seeping through and so does Calvin. He looks dead inside. His blue, what once were sparking eyes, are dull, puffy and red. He’s definitely lost weight and his complexion is sallow. He looks ill. But he’s still beautiful to me. There is no denying he’s still flawless. What I hate is that he’s a lost soul. He used to be full of life and carefree. I even miss the smugness of his personality, the cockiness of his ways. Will I ever get to see that again?

“Baby, speak to me.” He pleads, and even though he calls me baby a lot of the time, he said it this time with anguish.

“I’m just tired Calvin. That’s all.” I shrug it out coldly.

Calvin nods unsure, but also that he understands. “Why don’t you go lay down for a while. You want me to lay with you?”

Does he have to be so nice? I love it, but it’s killing me because I’m being a heartless bitch.

“No. You go the hospital. You need to be with your family.”

I offer another
suggestion. “I’ll stay here. I’ll watch Ruby.”

Ruby can’t go to the hospital. They will want someone her
e with her.

“Okay.” He says finally but seeming lost. “We shouldn’t be long. I suspect we will be home
by tomorrow.”

“That’s fine.” Again I’m short with him and don’t look him in the eyes. If it isn’t believable then I’m killing him for nothing!

“I’ll even get my hand seen too, for you.” He smirks trying to lighten my mood. He knows I want him to get the hand he punched the mirror with checked out. And the adorable childish way he smiles at me, the way he says he’s having it done for me is painful. What do I say?

“Good.” I don’t smirk or smile.

I quickly glance up at Calvin and watch him briefly close his eyes like he’s fighting a losing battle with me. My heart presses together tightly causing chest pains, but I breathe deeply trying to ignore it. He walks towards me cautiously. I keep my arms wrapped around myself when he kisses my forehead while gently caressing the side of my cheek with his one hand. He prolongs the kiss to my head, lingering with hope, inhaling as he does. Do we still have hope?

My glance
lowers. I stare at his boots, close my eyes and let tears fall. Was that the last kiss I would ever receive from him?

“I love you.” He breaths into my ear before letting my hair fall from his fingertips. My ragged breathing doesn’t stop when he walks reluctantly walks away from me.

Calvin turns to face me remembering something before he leaves.

“Olivia,” I glance up at him swiping at tears. “Promise me you won’t leave this house.”

Promise him! I can’t promise him. I
have
to leave this house. So I don’t use the word 'promise' as it is something I don’t use lightly. He knows this. “Yes.” I say simply.

“Tomorrow.” He promises me.

“Tomorrow.” I reply on a weak smile, because I know there is no tomorrow with Calvin.

He
nods slowly, a little hesitant. “I love you, you know that right?”

“Hmm.” I murmur shakily, looking away from him as he leaves.

I stumble my way over to the plastic chair that Hazel was sat on and slump down.

I put my face in my hands and sob. I sob so hard that the only time I remember crying this bad was when Calvin left me and ripped my heart out. And now, I’m going to do the same to him.

Chapter Thirty Two*

I’ve cried for almost an hour. Now I’m sat here, cold alone and numb. Mindlessly staring at the kitchen walls.

“Olivia.” I jump at the smallest sound of a girl saying my name. Shit. Ruby.

“Are you Okay?” she comes into the kitchen sheepishly.

She’s been crying the poor girl, and I’m sat here alone feeling sorry for myself. I should have been comforting her.

“Ruby. Come sit down.” I pull out the chair beside me and pat the seat.

She sighs and smiles briefly. If I know anything about being a teenager, I know that she will try and be brave, but she doesn’t have to be. I think to myself that maybe she doesn’t want to talk about it but she jumps straight in.

“I don’t know why anyone would do something like this to Ashton. Did they hate him?” her face twists in confusion. I wince at her choice of words. Yes. These kind of men hate everyone.

Instead I offer Ruby comfort, and kind words.

“You know, nobody ever knows why these kind of men do the terrible things they do. It had nothing to do with hating Ashton because,” I close my eyes briefly to compose myself, “he was such a kind, caring, brave man. I can’t see how anybody could hate him. Can you?”

I did once. But only because I had reason to. When I got to know him, he was w
ithout doubt a great man with great spirit. Yes, he has hidden demons put there by Mauricio the fucking idiot but he was loyal and caring. He is the one who took care of Calvin. He protected him and lived for his little brother. I hate when I think about it, that Ashton never experience love with a women because he thought he was never worthy of protecting them. I hate that Mauricio did that to him. The impact of what that merciless human being has done to these boys have scared them. Turning them into people they shouldn’t have been.

Ruby smiles as I place my hand over hers. “I loved Ashton, Olivia. I can’t believe he’s gone. They don’t want Calvin too do they? Ashton and Calvin
are like the big brothers I never had. I’ve already lost one. Calvin can’t go too.”

I shake my head fran
tically trying to reassure her. “Calvin isn’t going anywhere.”

“You know he loves you don’t you.”

Where did that come from? “He does.” I smile looking away from her angelic face.

“Do you love him?”

I don’t hesitate to answer. “With everything that I have.”

“Will you get married?”

I burst out laughing. For the first time in weeks, something has made me smile. Only a child could do that. “Maybe.” I lie, because that’s what she wants to hear.

“Ruby, where’s your granddad?”

She takes her hand away from mine to rub her eyes with a scrunched up tissue. “He went to the sun house out the back yard. He never said a word, Olivia. It was like, he shut down or something.”

He’s out
side?
“It’s so hard on them. For all for them.” She adds and tightens her brown hair up into an elastic and stands. “You wana watch a movie or something? I have chocolate?”

I smile at the thought. She wants to take her mind of things and I agree to do what she wants before taking a glance at the wall clock quickly, its four pm. I have seven hours to burn. Shit am I really going to do this?

“The film is called the lucky one,” Ruby pulls me from my thoughts.

“Who doesn’t love a bit of Zac Efron?” she adds, making me chuckle along with her.

“Zac Efron it is.”

***

I stare at the TV rather than watch it. Ruby is swooning over the handsome actor, that’s what's been my entertainment. It reminds me of Tyler. He would definitely be drooling right now. I almost hate him for not calling me. Maybe I should text him. I do.

‘Thinking of you’ and that’s all I send an
d I also send the text to Mayra and Sophia. Why not contact them now? Mauricio knows where we are, it doesn’t make a difference. I go back to picking at the chocolate. I know I should eat, but how can I? I have zero appetite.

“Ruby
, have you ate?”

She shakes her head entranced the TV. “This will do fine.” She breaks off more chocolate and pops it
into her mouth.
Typical girl.

“I’ll go see what your mom has.”
I look through the refrigerator to see what I can do. I pull out some fry’s and burgers and set to work.

It takes me a few times to work out the dammed stove but I get there in the end.

When it’s cooked, I find two plates, leave out the silver wear, dig out the ketchup and make my way back into the room.

The film has just finished by the looks, and Ruby looks up to me startled. I don’t know if she’s crying because of what’s happened or if they film was sad.

“Bad ending?”

She blows her nose i
n her scrunched up tissue. “No. Happy.”

I roll my eyes smiling and pass her the plate of food.

“Mom will kill us if she catches us eating in here.”

“Do you wana eat in the kitchen?” I wouldn’t like Claire on my back.

Ruby smirks acting the rebel. “No. Here will be fine. Though, I don’t really have an appetite.”

“Me neither.” I sigh, “Maybe you shouldn’t have ate that chocolate before dinner.”

Ruby grins at me and points with a fry. “Now you sound like mom.”
I work my way through a few fry’s and Ruby demolishes the whole thing.

It's eight pm when I glance at the clock again. Hell, I’ve been glancing every second.

What I have now on my conscience is that I’m going to leave Ruby alone. I know Gerald is outside in the sun house, but can he look after her?

He will have to. I can’t bring any more trouble to this house.

My cell buzzes from an incoming text, its Mayra,
*
Darling, Olivia. I hope you’re safe. Come home soon
*
I contemplate on whether Mayra knows what’s happened or not but I think maybe, she just thinks I have run away with Calvin. I think about calling Elise but if she had any news she would call me.

Nine am comes around and I tell Ruby she should try and get some sleep. She yawns agreeing.

“I wonder if granddad will come back in.” I know she’s spurring me on to go and see him. Truth is, I don’t know if I can.

“I’ll go see him.” I agree eventually but I hate every second of it. I want to comfort Gerald, I really do, but what if he pushes me away? Worst still, he knows what really has gone on.

As Ruby goes up to bed, I get another text on my cell. I hope it’s a reply from Tyler but it’s off Calvin but sent from Hazel’s cell. The text was sent two hours ago but I’ve only just received it.

It’s more of an essay.

*
I can’t call Olivia, I have shit service. I’m hoping this text will get through to you. Everything is being taken care of. Ashton is in a better place now. We’re here with him. They have transferred him to a private mortuary. We’re going through funeral arrangements. I told them we will only have the best for him. We have talked to the police again. They say it’s a complicated one because of the men involved, but they are doing their best. Fucking shit-houses that’s what they are. I wish you was with me though. I need to hear the comfort of your voice. I need your beautiful smile to lighten up my darkest hour. I wish all this shit would leave us, but when I’m back I will do my best for us to try and lead a normal life and to make you happy. Even if it means we go away. Someplace hot, just you and me. That’s all I want. We’ll talk when I get back. I'm hoping to be with you tonight, but if not, just remember I love you. I always have. Always will. Sleep tight tonight. Sleeping beauty.*

My tears blur my vision completely. The screen on my phone is soaking. The more he melts my heart, the more it punctures. I can’t believe I’m going to leave him behind.

Visions of us leading a normal life, somewhere hot, someplace where no one will get to us dash through my mind. But I quickly dismiss it, they will always find us. Mauricio will always go after us if I don’t do as he says. I will always be living in fear. Always looking behind my shoulder. Always jumping at anything and everything that startles me. How is that living? If it’s living, then it’s living in hell.

I write a text simply saying
*
I love you
*
and hover over the send button. But I don’t send it. I push my cell aside. I can’t send that. If I don’t act cold towards him he will never believe I’ve left him in accordance to my own choice.

I do love him. So much. But that’s what is going to have to happen. If I do
n’t text back he might think that the text didn’t get through because of lack of service. So I will leave it at that.

Instead I brace myself, and walk out into the back yard. I see the light on in the small summe
r house.

I tap on the door, and wait for a reply. When there isn’t one, I go inside anyway.

There is he. Sat in a rocking chair. A blanket wrapped around his lap and a portable heater plugged in.

“Gerald do you mind?” He stares at another rocking chair blankly and points to it. I take it as a gesture for me to sit.

“How are you feeling?”
How are you feeling?
What a stupid question to ask. My mouth still hasn’t learned.

The silence from him is telling me he isn’t willing to talk to me. Maybe I should leave?

“Gerald, it’s cold out here. Why don’t you come inside? I’ll make you a nice mug of coffee?”

Finally his ston
e dead eyes flicker towards me. “I’m frozen anyway Olivia. Why do you think the weather would make a difference to me now?”

I look away before he does. He voice is soft. But he’s hurting, I can see it in his eyes. Of course he’s hurting. He lost his daughter, his son-in-law and now his grandson. How can anyone cope with that?

We sit in silence for a while. I listen to the creak of the wood as Gerald rocks back and forth on his chair, while I stare vacantly into the heater.

Gerald speaks slowly.
Finally.

“He was a good boy Olivia. Why would anyone do such a thing? They have taken away an innocent boys life. My grandson’s life.” He adds the last part on yell. Well, it’s more of a cry. He starts coughing trying to catch his breath. This man is ill. He doesn’t need this.

I stand up in a panic, but he quickly regains composure. He needs to be in the warmth.

“Come on Gerald. Let me get you inside. Ruby is worried sick about you.” I try a different tactic, and it works. His eyes suddenly come back to life from the dark place they were at. “Ruby. Yes. Where is she?” he tries to stand up so I take his arm to guide him.

“She’s inside. You should go see her.”

I take him inside and settle him into one of the comfy chairs in the living room. I make him a mug of coffee which he takes out of my hand gratefully.

“You’re a very special young women, Olivia. Please, please look after my Calvin.”

I can’t do any other action than nod. How can I promise him something I won’t be able to carry out?

Jesus, I can’t stay here, clock watching. I can’t stay here with everything reminding me of how Mauricio has ruined these people’s lives. It’s not fair that they have to go through this. I need to go. I need to get out of here.

I quickly get my things together from the kitchen table. I hesitate when I see my cell. I don’t want to take it. It will only make things
worse so I leave it where it is and head out.

Wrapping my red coat around me tightly, I head towards the bar we passed on our way here. I have some money in my purse, maybe I should drink myself into oblivion until eleven comes along.