Confessions After Dark (21 page)

“I make you what?” He didn’t hesitate to take the opening she left hanging there.

She turned on him, twisting out of his hold and backing away slightly, her eyes accusing and the index finger of her right hand pointing in his direction. “You make me feel out of control, okay? I don’t like not knowing what comes next or feeling like I have no choice. I don’t like worrying about you when I can’t do anything about it. I don’t want to give a shit if you’re fucking half the women in Chicago!” Her voice was frantic and louder as the words ripped from her. “I don’t want to give a shit, Alex!” She stopped and centered herself. Alex could visibly see her regaining her control, and it was evident in the calm tenor of her words when she continued. “I can’t keep this up and not care. I know this about myself, and that isn’t what either of us wants. Is that what you want me to say? Let’s just cut our losses while we still can.”

Alex’s jaw shot forward in protest as he pulled back. “It’s too late! I am right there with you, and I’m not happy about it at all!” He was yelling at her. Alex didn’t even realize it until Angel flinched in front of him, yet it didn’t make him back down. “But it is what it is, Angel! I asked to spend time with you, so it is unfair to say I just want sex! And I’m not fucking half of Chicago and you know it. How have I made you feel like this? I’ve worshiped you!”

“Stop talking! Just shut up! This is pointless!” She put both hands up to the sides of her head and closed her eyes, unable to hear anymore or she’d give in. “You’ll never convince me I’m any different than any of your other fuck buddies of convenience and that’s fine! You never lied about how you are. I get it; it just isn’t for me. I should never have gotten involved with you.” She looked straight into his face and dropped her hands to her sides.

“Oh, right. You’d rather have a lesser man following you around like a puppy on a leash. Does Kenny get a hard-on on demand?” he spat in disgust. “I bet he never opens his fucking mouth without asking permission first. I’m sure that’s immensely stimulating for you. Forgive me if I don’t fit your mold.”

“That’s the point, isn’t it? Swanson was just my excuse to end things! Neither one of us fits the other’s mold, so where can this go? If amazing orgasms were all I wanted, you’d definitely be my go-to guy.”

A few months ago, that comment from a woman would have pumped up his ego, but coming from this woman, one he wanted beyond all others, it left him as cold as ice.

“That’s enough! Stop belittling the time we’ve spent together! What do you want from me? If it’s for me to disappear, forget it!” Alex was more pissed than he’d been in a long time, and he couldn’t believe his ears. Nothing had been defined between them other than the insatiable need they had for one another. “Weren’t you listening when I told you that I don’t fuck around? I’ll be damned if I’ll sit still for you doing that just to prove you’re not in this!”

Angel was visibly shaking with the strength of emotions rushing through her. If he only knew she had no interest in anyone else and there was no way she was able to let anyone else near her now. Not while he was in her head… the memory of him inside her body, his kisses and his scent, his sounds, how much he made her laugh. She shook her head in disbelief. Alex wasn’t the type to allow anything beyond lust, and she’d already lost her heart. She’d known this would happen the first time she heard his damn voice.

“Hmmph!” she huffed. “Doesn’t Cole give you a play-by-play?”

Alex paused as the implication of her words sank in. She knew.

“Don’t you know where I am and who I’m with every second? You know I’m not seeing anyone, but if I were—it’s none of your business!”

“Like hell, it isn’t!” he said. The words tore from him without his consent.

It wasn’t possible to face him and still walk away. She should have known he wouldn’t accept defeat with grace. Not without a fight and here it fucking was.

“It’s just the chase you love, Alex. What would happen if I stopped running? Would you still want me?” Her eyes challenged him.

Alex didn’t speak for a few seconds and just stood there staring into her face. “That’s just it,” he said softly. “You weren’t running. We were together. I want to be again.”

The blood drained from her face.

“No. Just… No. This will never work.”

“Why do you fight something that feels so fucking good? God, I’m so pissed at you I can’t stand it, but my cock is hard enough to pound nails! Do you think I’ll let you twist me all up in knots and then just walk away? I can’t. You. Want. Me, Angel.” He punctuated every word and each one was like a knife piercing her heart.

She met his gaze without flinching, but her hand landed over her heart. “Yes… I do want. I want badly. Too much. And it does feel good. But, eventually, it will hurt like hell. I’m not willing to hurt like that. Happily ever after doesn’t start off this way, no matter how earth-shattering the physical connection is between us.”

Alex had moved and was leaning up against the desk, half sitting on its edge with his arms crossed over his chest.

“How do you know what will happen? You won’t give us a chance.” He looked at the ceiling and rubbed the back of his neck with one hand. “It already hurts like hell, doesn’t it?” It wasn’t a question she wanted to answer, but the pain in his voice was as vivid as the anger. “I can’t even fucking believe I said that out loud,” he said in disgust.

The words he said the night they made love in his apartment resonated in her head.
“Oh, Angel. Jesus Christ, it hurts so fucking bad! It hurts… so fucking bad.”

She could feel him behind her, even if he wasn’t touching her. “You told me the first time we spoke that sex was what mattered in relationships. Remember?”

“I’m so sick of you reminding me of those words. I know what I said. Things change,” he said softly with a shrug of his shoulders. “We have to take a chance or we’ll never know, Angel. It’s like anything else. The risk is directly proportional to the payoff.”

Her shoulders slumped, and her voice trembled. “This isn’t a damn boardroom, Alex. One of us will bleed out.” She knew who it would be because her heart was already aching over him. “You have to see it coming.”

“At least I have the balls to try. I want you and no one else. I’m admitting it, Angel.”

She sighed as her eyes closed tightly, feeling the fight drain from her body.
If only that were true.

When she didn’t answer, he rushed toward her and pushed her up against the glass window. Angel gasped in surprise as one of his large hands came to rest beside her head and his face stopped just inches from hers.

“Tell me what is going to happen now. If you can read the future, then just tell me what you’re thinking.” His hand came up to cup her face, the thumb of his right hand pulling on her lower lip and his pelvis pressing into hers.

“Alex, stop. You don’t fight fair.” She didn’t push him away because she didn’t have the strength. She inhaled his scent, his breath, and she craved his mouth on hers even though her mind screamed that they shouldn’t be in this place.

“You don’t expect me to, do you?” Alex repeated the words she said to him that first night they went to dinner. “I always fight to win. But, I don’t want to fight right now.”

“Then what do you want?”

His nose brushed hers and he loomed over her, his green eyes burning into hers. “You already know. I want you to trust me and to let me take care of you, to make sure you’re safe. I want you to take my calls and let me take you out. I want to spend time with you. Just let it happen. That’s all.”

“Spend time—fucking?” She knew it would piss him off and shatter the intimacy of the moment. She needed to do it or she would only get weaker.

His handsome features hardened. “Stop saying that shit!” he said angrily, his grasp becoming more urgent. “Stop taunting me! You know what you’re doing when you’re doing it! You tease me until I can’t stand it, Angel. If sex was all I wanted, do you think I’d put myself through this?”

“But…”

In frustration, Alex interrupted her and he shoved her up against the glass yet again, this time with more force, making it impossible for her to move even if she wanted to.

“Okay, yes! Do you want me to spill my goddamned guts? Is that what it will take? Then, yes!” he hissed, but never let her go, his lower body now pressing into hers and leaving her in no doubt he was as aroused as she was. “It’s indescribable! I’ve never been so consumed with desire. Is that what you want to hear? Then fucking
hear it
!”

He pushed his hard length into the softness of her stomach, and Angel’s fingers fisted around the material on the front of his shirt, her resolve quickly melting into nothing. She closed her eyes and turned her face away.

“Feel it. Yes! I want you, but you drive me crazy in a million other ways. I want to know you not just your body. I want to hear about your work, your family and friends, to sleep in your bed, and share meals with you. I want your voice calling my name in the dark. I want you to let me into your world, and for the first time in my life, I want to let someone into mine. And I don’t want secrets between us. Christ!” he ground out.

The indescribable burn between them scorched them both. They were both furious as his body held hers in place, and they raged at each other with their words. Angel’s chest was heaving at the magnitude of what he was saying. Alex’s gaze dropped to her mouth and his thumb brushed against her cheek as she softened against his will. He ground his pelvis into the softness of her stomach again, and she gasped at the implication, her brown eyes challenging him fiercely, yet she was unable to speak.

“I’m not going to be a hypocrite and lie about the want, Angel. Even if every cell in my body weren’t aching with it, you wouldn’t believe me even if I said it weren’t true.”

“I know it is,” she breathed, and suddenly, the energy changed as his mouth bent toward hers and he took it gently, licking her top lip and urging a response by nudging it with his full lower one. Her breath was hot and rushed from her chest in anticipation, her scent intoxicating and exciting Alex further.

He could feel her body relaxing as she gave into her own desire. Desire for him. The knowledge of it filled him with elation and something that went deeper. Control over her wasn’t what he required, but he needed to know that she was as helpless to this thing between them as he was.

His hot breath rushed over her cheek as he bent to nuzzle against her skin, one hand starting to roam down her shoulder and collarbone and then ghosting over her breast, sliding down the side of her body, over her hip, and lifting one leg up. The fingers of her left hand curled into the front of his shirt and under it until they flattened on the hard muscles, curling in the stream of hair there, while her right slid over his shoulder to clutch into the hair at the back of his head.

“Clearly,” he moaned as her hips surged into his, pressing his aching erection more firmly into the heat between her legs. He needed her to know how deeply he was affected because he wanted her to feel safe, to know he needed her, too, and that they were in this together. It was the only way she was going to open up, and he knew it. She whimpered softly into his mouth, and he loved it.

“Uhh… Alex.”

The sound of his name falling from her lips in passionate surrender urged him on. “Do you feel how on fire I am for you?”

Her arms slid up over the solid muscles of his chest, around his neck, and into his hair. When she did that, he lifted her like she weighed nothing, to press her higher up on the wall creating more of the friction they both needed. “I need to hear you say it.” His mouth hovered over her open one, refusing to kiss her until she admitted to the same need he had. “Tell me you want me, too.”

“We can’t be in the same room without wanting to rip each other’s clothes off. It’s not healthy.” Her voice was breathless and her words broken. “God—you know I do.”

“Mmmm…” His mouth took her lips roughly, passion and need filling them both. Angel opened her mouth to his invading tongue and clung to him as he pulled her closer because there was no thought of denying the raging need. They were both starving, the impact of the words they’d just exchanged feeding their desperation even more.

She broke the kiss and twisted her head away leaving him to bury his mouth in the side of her neck.

“It’s been too long.”

“It’s like an obsession, Alex. It’s not real.”

“I don’t care. Whatever it is… I want it.”

His arms tightened and he lifted her up off of the floor, turning around toward the center of the room where the desk was situated. The computer and the soundboard prevented him from laying her down, so he perched her on the edge of the desk. Her legs came up of their own volation, wrapping around his, one heel digging into his muscled thigh. Alex’s hands closed around her lower back to pull her hips flush against his groin and it was heaven.

Her head fell back and her mouth dropped open before it closed and her teeth emerged to bite her lower lip. She leaned back on one elbow and the other hand frantically pushed up the hem of his shirt, the hard muscles tightening as he sucked in his breath. She looked into his glowing eyes as he pulled her still tighter to his body, a low growl escaping his chest as another wave of lust flowed through him.

“I can feel your heat coming through all of these layers,” he groaned, resting his forehead against her cheek before his mouth found hers in another hungry kiss. Their hips rocked into each other as they worked frantically at each other’s clothing, hands clawing, mouths seeking the delicious skin that was bared. The position on the edge of the desk was awkward, and Alex longed for a way to get her skin on his and fast.

Panting, he pulled away from her and looked around for his discarded shirt on the floor. There was carpeting in the studio but it was low pile and rough. Angel watched in silent awe as his perfect body moved in front of her, laying the shirt out on the floor. The muscles on his back were so well-defined, his shoulders strong, and the biceps flexing in the shadowed light made her tremble.

Why is he so beautiful? Why does he take my resolve? She lifted a shaking hand and pressed the back of her hand to her mouth.