Condemned (18 page)

Until tomorrow, my dearest Andrea, I remain forever yours.

Brett

Chapter Twenty-Three

For the next week and a half, Brett told Andie everything
that popped into his head. He let his words flow, not bothering to put them in
any particular order. He told her of his childhood, the mischief he and Jordan
had gotten into and the way Jordan used it to torment Shane. He talked of his
first career, his new career and the hopes he had for both. He confided his
fears, his feelings about Kiley when Jordan first met her and announced she was
his future and the way he and Jesse had been trusted with the growing
relationship between Shane and Alyssa. Since she knew of Flynn’s past he told
her of Flynn leaving the gang and asking Shane to adopt him. He mentioned his
parents, their early retirement and their plans to travel. He touched on his
friendship with Max and his feelings on the little time the child had left, and
any other random thoughts that crossed his mind. Andie seemed to be waiting
less time before she opened each successive one. She still didn’t respond though
he included questions at times.

Tuesday, Brett was sitting at his desk at the radio station.
Since the rest of his belongings had been moved and unpacked, he’d stopped
avoiding his new responsibilities. Jordan had gathered several staff members to
discuss some possibilities on how to manage various day-to-day operations.

Brett’s mind was drifting even before the meeting began. On
the pretense of taking notes, Brett pulled a tablet in front of him. Soon he
was lost in his latest sketch of Andie. This one showed her face as it had
looked when she writhed in ecstasy the time he had made love to her tenderly.

Jordan waved the others from Brett’s office when he noticed
Brett was oblivious to the discussion. After they were alone, he moved to stand
looking over Brett’s shoulder. The image he saw surprised him.

Jordan rested his hand on Brett’s shoulder, drawing his
attention. “Wishful thinking or memory?” he asked casually.

“Both,” Brett admitted quietly after a sigh. “Sorry, I guess
I wasn’t paying attention.”

“Not to the conversation going on around you,” Jordan said
as he took the chair opposite Brett. When Brett remained silent, Jordan tried
to draw him out. “Look, Brett, whatever it is that I’ve done, I’m sorry.”

Brett leapt from his chair and paced before staring out the
window. “It’s not you, okay? I have… I, uh… Christ!” He ran his hand over his
face. His shoulders slumped.

“What?” Jordan wondered how long Brett had looked this
tired. “If you need—” His ringing phone interrupted. “McKade.” Jordan’s face crumbled.
“Oh God, when? I’m so sorry,” his voice broke. “I know. Yes, we’ll be there.
No, I’ll tell him. Thanks.”

Brett knew by the expression of Jordan’s face and the sound
of his voice that their young friend, Max was dead. The boy had hung on longer
than every doctor’s estimate on the length of time he would be able to battle
the disease that had been attacking his muscles since birth. Several weeks
prior, Max entered the hospital for what was the last time.

“Jordan.” Brett reached for his crushed friend. “Damn, I’m
sorry.” He felt Jordan fighting for control. “I drove today. I think you should
let me take you home now.”

Jordan nodded. “I need to tell Kiley,” he whispered as Brett
urged him to the car. “They’re having an open house Thursday because Max wanted
them to have a party for him. Anytime after one.”

“I’ll be there. Want me to stop by Shane’s?” Brett asked.

“Lyssa was with Kiley when I left. If she’s not still there,
yeah, thanks.” Jordan leaned his head back and closed his eyes. Brett knew his
friend was suffering and desperately needed his wife’s arms around him.

“No problem.” Brett wished he had someone to cry with too.
No, not someone. Andie.

“Will you call Sadie and Jesse? Ask them to go Thursday.”

“Sure,” Brett agreed, knowing this took priority over
everything else. If Andie answered, she would understand why he broke their
unspoken agreement for silence. “Looks like Lyss is still here.”

“Coming in?” Jordan asked when Brett didn’t turn off the car
engine.

“No. I want to make those calls. Want me to see if Greg is
available for tonight’s show?”

“Don’t. I promised Max I’d do a show in his honor when he
was gone. He wanted me to do it right away so I wouldn’t forget anything.”
Jordan took a steadying breath. “Damn, this is going to be so hard but I know
his parents are expecting it and will be listening.”

“I’d tell you to wait until tomorrow but I know you’re right
and won’t.”

“Neither would you if you’d made the same promise.”

“Yeah,” Brett agreed. “Maybe I’ll call you on the air
tonight.”

“He would’ve liked that.” Jordan hesitated. “Brett…”

“Go on, Jordan.” Brett knew his friend hadn’t entirely
forgotten their aborted conversation. “We can talk some other time.”

After watching him for a long moment, Jordan nodded and
turned to walk into his house.

* * * * *

Brett tried Jesse first. When his voicemail picked up, Brett
disconnected. This wasn’t something that he could leave a message about and
didn’t trust his voice enough to ask Jesse to call him. Maybe he’d be calmer
after he spoke with Sadie and could manage then.

Brett knew there was an equal chance that Andie would answer
the phone but he was still stunned by her voice.

“Hello,” she repeated.

“Andie, hi, it’s Brett. I hate to bother you but I’d like to
speak to Sadie please.”

“Oh,” Andie said shakily. “Um, she’s not home. Can I give
her a message for you?”

“Ah damn.” Brett was torn.

“Brett, what’s wrong?” Andie must have heard the tremor in
his voice.

“Jordan got a call today.”

“No,” she gasped.

“I’m afraid so,” Brett barely managed to tell her.

“Oh, Brett, I’m so sorry. Can we do anything?”

“Not that I know of. They’re having an open house on
Thursday, after one. Can you and Sadie be there?”

“Of course.” Andie sniffed.

“It’s not fair to ask to you to tell your aunt. I’ll call
back later.”

“It’s all right. I can do it.”

“Thanks, Andie.” Brett didn’t want to hang up even though he
knew it was time. “I should go. I need to get in touch with Jesse too.”

“Wait. He’s here,” Andie sounded as if she wanted to say
more but didn’t.

Jesse took the phone from her outstretched hand and wrapped
an arm around her. “Max?” he asked even though it was obvious.

“Yeah.” Brett gulped. “This morning. Open house is Thursday
afternoon. Jordan asked if you would come. Maybe you should drive Sadie and
Andie. You know how Sadie is about this sort of thing.”

“I agree but I’m out of town that morning. I might not be
able to get back in time. I’ll try to get there even if it’s late but I don’t
want them to wait for me like they would end up doing. That means you’re
elected. What time you think you’ll be picking them up?”

Andie apparently guessed what he was talking about and shook
her head. “I can drive us, Jesse.”

“Hang on,” he said to Brett. “We all know that, Andie, but
we also know how your aunt is going to react. As independent as she is in most
things, this isn’t one of them. She’s going to expect one of us.”

“But—” Andie protested weakly.

“Jess, let me talk to her.” Brett overheard their
conversation.

“He wants you.” Jesse extended the phone.

“Brett, this really isn’t necessary,” Andie stated
insistently.

“I know it’s not but please let me do this,” Brett urged
softly. “Sadie will want to be escorted and you heard Jesse say he won’t be
home in time. I’ll do whatever I can to keep the awkwardness to a minimum for
you.” He waited.

“I’m being selfish,” Andie murmured. “You’re Aunt Sadie’s
friend. Of course you should drive her.”

“And you,” he clarified. “Andie?”

“All right.” She gave in before he heard her muffled crying.

“What time?” Jesse asked, reclaiming the phone.

“Tell them I’ll be there at one. It won’t take long to get
to the house.”

“Jordan tell you?”

“We were at the station. I took him home to Kiley.”

“At the station together? Did you talk to him?”

“I was about to when he got the call. I know I shouldn’t
ask, but can you hang out there?”

“No problem. Sadie should be back soon anyway. I’ll wait for
her.”

“Good,” Brett said, silently wishing he were the one holding
Andie as he was sure Jesse was at the moment. “Jordan’s doing the show tonight.
Max made him promise to talk about him right away so everybody knows of his
life. After he called to convince Jordan to take the dog, Max loved to hear it
when Jordan told him the callers were asking about him.”

“I’ll be sure to tune in. I’ll tell Sadie about it too,”
Jesse paused. “How are you?”

“Shaky but hanging in,” Brett answered honestly. “I’ll be
okay, Jess. I’ll call you if I need to talk later. You holding her?”

“Yeah. But only temporarily. I think it was a wise
decision.”

Brett knew he was referring to the emails he was sending
Andie. They must be back on friendly terms if she’d told him about them.
“Thanks for suggesting it. Try to get there Thursday. I know Max’s family will
miss you if you aren’t.”

“I’ll do my best,” Jesse promised. “Talk to you?”

“You bet,” Brett agreed, feeling more alone than a moment
ago. “Tell Andie…”

“Not part of my job.” Jesse was surprised when Andie reached
for the phone. “Hold on, Andie wants you again.”

“Brett,” Andie said softly, “I… I… Oh.”

“Sh.” He could hear her indecision. “You don’t have to say
anything. I think I understand anyway and I wish it could be different right
now too. Is that it, Andie?”

“Yeah,” she sobbed. “But…”

“But I hurt you too badly and you don’t trust me even about
this. It might take forever but I won’t stop until I show you that I’m not the
same as I was a few weeks ago.”

“I’m sorry,” she finally said.

“Me too, Andie. More than you could possibly know. See you
Thursday and don’t let yourself worry about me coming for you and Sadie. Take
care, okay?”

“You too,” she responded as she hung up.

Chapter Twenty-Four

Jordan’s show was almost over. With Kiley holding his hand,
he had cried, laughed and cried again with his audience. Many of his callers
were people who had known Max. His private nurse, Wanda shared stories of Max
playing in the park with Jordan and Bear. Both doctors and nurses who had been
involved with Max’s treatment gushed over the exceptional boy he had been. Even
Max’s parents called, thanking everyone for their kindness and concern
throughout his short life. They said Max had made many friends and, through
their memories, he would never be forgotten. Shane, Alyssa, Jesse, and Sadie
had called, each with a special story to relate. The only one who Jordan
expected but hadn’t heard from was Brett.

Even through his sadness at the loss of his young friend,
Jordan couldn’t help wondering how long he had been missing the tension that
seemed to hover around Brett now. What nagged him the most was the way Brett
accepted it, as if whatever caused it had been going on for quite some time.

Announcing that the show was nearing its end, Jordan finally
received Brett’s call. “Our next caller was a very good friend of Max’s. I know
they shared many things and I doubt if there are any who knew Max better.
Hello, Brett. I’m glad you called.”

“Hi, Jordan. I’ve been listening and I feel I must say how
fortunate we all are to have had Max touch our lives, however briefly it may
have been. His passing has made me take some time to consider my own life. If
you don’t mind, I’d like to tell you about some of it.”

Jordan pulled Kiley closer. “Go ahead, Brett.”

“Thanks. It’s hard to know where exactly to start. You see,
there have been a lot of changes for me lately. The best friend I ever had
found the perfect woman, the only woman I can imagine him with, to share his
life. She’s beyond beautiful in every way. I don’t mean just looks although she
is gorgeous. She’s kind and generous and funny. She can be determined and soft
at the same time. She finds something good about everyone she meets and
inspires the best in people.

“But the best thing about her is that she truly loves my
friend the same way he loves her. I can feel it whenever I’m near them. I can’t
describe it other than to say that together they are magical. I’d guess many of
you had friends who drifted away after they got married or involved but these
two aren’t like that. I know I will always have my own place in their family,
no matter where they are or what life hands them.

“Then there’s my friend’s big brother. Over the years, we’ve
had a love-hate thing going on between us, more love than hate. He is the kind
of guy who you could easily idolize. He isn’t that much older but I always
thought he was so together. Sometimes, when he was a little overbearing in the
way he watched out for my friend and me, I tried to convince myself that he
wasn’t as great as my friend insisted he was. In the end though, I have to
agree. This guy is even better than my friend thinks and I am both fortunate
and grateful to be part of his life too.

“Like my friend, he married recently. He and his wife had a
different start to their relationship. They were continually on the verge of
exploding, first in fury and later with passion. I wouldn’t have missed a
minute of it. If you’re listening, thanks for taking me on the adventure with
you. I’m sure life with you will remain as unpredictable as it has been so far
and I’m looking forward to sharing in it.

“There’s also a very special young man who has had such
unbelievable roadblocks in his short life. He’s overcome them all with a
maturity and style that I doubt I’ll ever achieve. He’s insightful and
sensitive. He’s observant and patient beyond his years.

“The way he was forced to live could have turned him into a
bitter, hateful, always-looking-for-trouble drain on society. Instead, he chose
the harder path and walked away from what could very easily have led to his own
destruction. He worked his way into a much better situation and learned to
trust without having one tangible reason to. He’s well on his way to becoming
an incredible man who I will be proud to call my friend for many years to
come.” Brett paused. “Am I taking up to much of your time?”

“No,” Jordan practically whispered. “You have as much time
as you need. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Thanks.” Brett expected that response but had wanted to
give Jordan the opportunity to finish this privately if he preferred to.
“There’s a little girl I know. She’s very young but again hasn’t lived in the
best circumstances until recently. She’s been dubbed the Fairy Princess because
of her looks but it only takes about thirty seconds after you meet her to know
how appropriate the name is. She already shares her mother’s ability to keep us
on our toes. I have to admit I’m glad I’m her adopted uncle, not her father. I can
spoil her shamelessly whereas he can’t, since he has to maintain at least an
image of parental control. She knows I’m wrapped around her little finger and
am happy to stay there.”

Brett rushed on, working his way around to his point because
it hurt too much to go there directly. “A few years ago, I made the
acquaintance of a rather unconventional older woman. She is feisty and
independent in ways that shock most people. She’s opinionated and outspoken and
never backs down from the things she believes in. She’s direct and tough and
has always been able to see straight through me. She calls me on everything and
rarely lets me slide.

“If you ever heard us together you might think we are mortal
enemies, out for each other’s throats. But there’s more to it than that. This
woman comes across as the toughest old bat alive but that’s just the image she
likes to project. Underneath it, she is one of the dearest women I’ve ever had
the privilege of knowing. She commands respect and deserves even more. She is
fiercer in her loyalties than she is in her attitude and though we never say
it, I love her as much as she loves me.

“There’s one other friend that I’m extremely lucky to have.
He’s very particular who he spends time with. Even more so about who he opens
up with and gets close to. He’s the kind of friend that really will do anything
for you. He’ll stick with you, no matter how much you screw up and try to scare
him off. He won’t let you destroy yourself even when you’re doing everything
possible to do just that.”

Jordan broke his silence. “Have you been doing that?”

“Yes,” Brett admitted. “In more ways than I can count. There
are no parts of my life that I haven’t been steadily undermining for many
months now. It’s snowballing out of control and I’m not sure I can stop it
anymore even though I’ve finally decided I want to.”

“Want to tell me about it?”

“Well, some I can, some I can’t.”

“Sounds fair. I’m willing to listen to whatever things you
feel you can talk about.”

“Okay.” Brett realized Jordan was going to let him talk as
long as he needed to since his show should have ended some minutes earlier. He
couldn’t explain to himself why he felt the need to do this on the air. He just
did. He took a deep breath and continued.

“I took a new job a few months ago. I agreed to ease away
from my old one slowly instead of leaving all at once. That made it hard for me
to be as focused on my new responsibilities as I wanted to be. I found myself
getting frustrated, torn between the two. When I should have talked to my
friends, the ones who I’ve always shared everything with, I didn’t. I hid my
feelings from them as long as I could, pretending things were fine. When I felt
too overwhelmed to continue, I just plain hid from them completely. I told them
I was too busy whenever they called and promised we’d get together soon.

“The more I withdrew from the network of moral support I’d
always been a part of, the more lost I felt. I started to end the day with a
few drinks, you know, just to relax. First, I went out to have them. Then, after
I needed to be carried home a few times, I switched to going straight home and
drinking alone. Soon, I was drinking lunch too.

“The same time this was all going on, I met a woman who was
different from the ones who generally interested me. I always gravitated to one
particular look and she was so far away from that image that I spent our first
few meetings ignoring her. When I caught her looking at me one day, I told
myself I was definitely not interested. She not only lacked the look, I fooled
myself into believing that she was dull and mousy too. I found unlimited ways
to criticize her inside my head without really getting to know a single thing
about her. I did all I could to avoid actually speaking with her.

“Eventually though, this woman came up with a way to snag my
attention. She started sending me mysterious emails, always telling me the
choice was mine if I wanted her to stop. For weeks she sent messages. Some were
observations, some impressions, some opinions. Whenever she mentioned me or an
aspect of my personality, she was extremely accurate. I could have found out
her identity but I liked not knowing. It took away all responsibility for me
needing to respond. On occasions, she was very witty. She made me think about
things in ways no other woman had. She was obviously intelligent and secure in
herself. She even shared a few more personal thoughts that made me positive I
had attracted a rare female.

“There was an evening when we should have met and spent
together. Things went wrong and I ended up with the wrong woman. The friend I
hadn’t managed to drive away stepped in to help her. While I was getting more
involved with the mistake, I finally stopped fighting what I think I’d always
known. The girl I thought was unattractive and a waste of time, was even more
special than you can imagine. Everyone but me already knew it. By the time I
was ready to come to my senses and approach her, the mistake had her hooks into
me with a well-thought out plan to take everything I had, leaving me broken and
penniless. I played right into her hands and made it so easy to be used.

“While our mutual friend was babysitting me as he had taken
to doing, my lady performed a miracle and found the solution to all my
problems. She called and asked him to leave so she could share her spectacular
news with me alone before taking me with her to fill in the minor details.
Unfortunately, I still believed my life was over and I had nothing to lose.
When my angel showed up, I refused to let her say anything. I made a bargain that
I never intended to keep, just so I would have the advantage I wanted.
Believing I would keep my word, the woman proved my revised opinion was closer
to the truth. She was really so much more than I ever dreamed possible. I went
to sleep, happier than I ever was, in love with and loved by the woman I had
been searching for my entire life.

“Then I woke up and the reality as I knew it came crashing
back. I was a coward and ran away. I left a note that hurt my love in so many
ways. I destroyed her faith in me. I shattered her trust. I twisted our time
together into something crude and ugly. Worst of all, I broke her heart. I
killed the love she had so freely and beautifully showered on me. I demolished
all traces of the tentative foundation that we’d started building so thoroughly
that there could be no doubt in her mind as to how wrong she had been about me.
I took her incredible goodness, made it evil, and threw it back in her face,
showing I lacked the decency to care how it affected her.

“While I slithered away, she managed to find enough kindness
to save my unworthy, useless neck anyway. I was in the process of wrecking
other parts of my life by taking out my anger at the unfairness of how I
thought it would end on the first innocent victim to cross my path, when the
mutual friend showed up. He made me listen to what I had refused to hear the
night before. He took some time to undo the latest harm I’d caused. In doing
so, my lost love thought he’d turned against her too. My foolish actions hurt
both of them but my friend still didn’t give up on me. He went with me to put
an end to the plan that was well on the way to making my life not worth living.
He made sure I regained some of my former common sense.” Brett stopped talking.

“What are you going to do now?” Jordan finally asked.

“I don’t know. I want to put my life back together but I
don’t know if I can. My oldest friends and their wives would have stuck by me
without question if I’d been honest all along. I know my deceit hurt them too.
I put a wedge where one never should have existed. I turned my back on them at
the happiest time of their lives and refused to share it with them even though
they made repeated offers to let me do just that. I rejected the friendship we
expected to have forever at the time I needed it most. I don’t know what to say
to them. I don’t know how to ask them to forgive me and let me try to make it
up to them.”

“Want to know what I think?” Jordan didn’t let him answer.
“I think your friends would tell you that, even though you won’t let yourself
see it, they still love you as much as they ever have. I think they would ask
you to stay right where you are until they got to you and could show you how
unnecessary your doubts are. I think they might want to ask you some questions
about things they understand you can’t discuss in public and would listen to
your answers without judgment. And I think they would do anything to help you
find your way through this and back to them. Maybe they’re listening now and
will be there sooner than you think.”

Jordan’s producer had just handed him a note that Shane had
called to say he was leaving instantly to walk the half-block to Brett’s house
and would meet him there.

“About the woman…”

“I don’t deserve her,” Brett quickly stated. “But God, how I
want her to find a way to forgive me. I may have only had her love for a brief
time that was so filled with other conflicts but I know living with that light
would be indescribable. I know there could never be anything better than the
way I would feel if she gave me another chance. I’ve been sending her emails,
hoping to show her who I really am. She’s opened them but I have no way of
knowing if she’s actually read any of them. I won’t let myself even hope to
have an unguarded conversation with her. I know nothing I could ever do would
excuse the way I treated her. It’s impossible to erase the hurt I inflicted.”