Concealed Attractions (Cedar Island Tales) (55 page)

“You heard me!”
Joel
shouted
.
“Bronnie’s been bugging me
for weeks,
and in spite of your earlier stupidity with your fists, I thought your skills were such that we complement
ed
each
o
ther. You know as well as I do
this is fast becoming a two-person operation
, in part because of your success in getting some of the potential
customers
to be
come
regulars
, especially the farmers and ranch people
. Frankly, I’
m not sure
I’m going to be able to manage
without a
nother
full
time person.
But
I guess
w
e’ll
find
that
out this week,
now
wo
n’t we?”

“I—I don’t know what to say.” Ben stood up and banged his head
on the ceiling of the small cabin
.

“Sit down, for Gods’ sake, before you knock yourself out
,”
Joel
shouted
again
.
“
I don’t have
the energy
to drag you out by your
toes
when
Danni
comes
look
ing for you
.”

Ben sat back down, rubbing his head on the other side of the bumps he already had.
“
Okay
, well,
then
.” He gulped a quick breath. “D
oes this mean you don’t want me to resign?”

“Let’s just say, I’
ll hold this letter
for a
while
.”
Joel
picked up
the envelope and
shoved
it
back
into his pocket
.
“
If you make me mad again, I’ll accept it
. I
mmediately
and without reservations
. If you don’t, we’ll consider this another example of your
adolescence
. Now, get out of my sight until you have at least one working hand and you don’t sound like you’ve been tying one on.”

Ben
rose
slowly
, remain
ing
bent
at the waist
to
exit
the cabin
without
hitting the ceiling
again
. When he
emerged and
walked two steps to
the stern
of the boat
,
Danni
was standing
on the dock
,
look
ing
in his direction
.

Joel spotted her
from the dockside
cabin porthole and leaned his head in her direction.
“Hey
there
!” He seemed to be smiling at her.
“
Is there a chance you might come to the clinic tomorrow? I’ll understand if you aren’t ready to do that, but you won’t be at the front desk. I’
m going to need you in the back,
since
love
r boy here is of no use to me
right
now
.”
Joel’s
head disappeared and he emerged from the cabin to stand
next to Ben
at the stern.

“
Joe
l
, this i
s
all
my fault,
”
she began.

“I don’t want to hear that,
Danni
.” H
e
gave her a dismissive wave
.
“
I just need to know if you can come
to
work
as my
number one
vet
assistant
. Maybe even do some tech work for me
.
”

To Ben, she
looked so sad
as she
stood there,
hesitating as she
consider
ed
what Joel was
offer
ing
.

“Yes or no,
”
Joel
asked
again,
softly
this time
.

Danni
glanc
ed at Ben and
then
at
Joel.
“Yes.
”

Ben climbed onto the dock
, grasped
Danni
’s hand
and turned to face
Joel
.

“I’ll call you as soon as I can talk better and my hand i
s healed enough to work. Thanks for not kicking me out
.”
He
walked rapidly a
way from the boat.

Danni
trotted
with
him
as he headed for the car
.

The daily reminder of
Jimmy
via
her
milk production
gradually declined, and within a few days after the baby’s memorial service,
Danni
no longer leaked or felt full.  But she could not bring herself to move the cradle out of her bedroom, even after her mother suggested
it
.

Ben had looked at her as he if was going to break down again
,
the
last
time her mother had visited. He kept running his fingers over the edge of the cradle, as if imagining the time
s
he’d reached in and picked up the baby. But he said nothing. Only the way he kept clearing his throat as he hitched his shoulders suggested how much he missed Jimmy.

Over dinner
each night
,
she and Ben
limited
their conversations
to activity at the clinic, avoiding what was
really
on their minds. Increasingly, they acted more like
casual
roommates than joint parents of the baby they
had
cherished.
Danni
was certain the baby’s absence was the reason Ben kept to himself
and didn’t offer to wrap his arms around her
in her bed
as
he had during the last weeks of her pregnancy
and after Jimmy’s birth
, or to rub her back when they sat in front of the little fireplace
.
She wanted to ask Ben why he did
n’t
want to
snuggle with her, but was afraid of what his answer might be. At night, she placed one of the baby’s tiny shirts next to her
cheek
, her tears soaking into the soft cloth before exhaustion took over and she slept.

Work was both a bane and a blessing for
her
. She thought less
often of Jimmy
when she was busy in the
treatment
room, but when she
took
care of young animals, she was reminded of the baby no longer in her care
.
And when
ever she overheard people ask
about
Jimmy
and Bronnie’s quiet explanations, she found herself needing to go into the l
ittle kitchen for a quiet cry.
Only when she helped
Joe
l
with surgical procedures was she a
ble to con
centrate completely on the task
at hand.

Ben’s face was a study in different colors when he returned to the
office
, walking the boarders and doing
non-surgical
chores.
Three days after Angela removed the last of the restrictive taping on his finger,
Ben
returned to
his
full
clinical
schedule
. At night, he practiced
finger
exercises to gain more flexibility. When he was able to get into and out of a surgical g
love
without
win
cing,
Joe
l
pronounced him capable of taking on his regular duties
, including
internal
su
turing
.
But he
was
now
less than
two months
away from having to
leave for Pullman.

Danni
agonized every time Ben crossed off another day on the calendar. She wanted to talk to him about Jimmy, but she was afraid of what he might say. He had never
suggested
she should have known
the baby
was struggling, but
she was certain he was thinking it when he looked at her, sadness
filling
his eyes.
He
hadn’t offered to brush her hair dry since his hands had healed. Maybe he was just marking time until he had to leave.
A
nd a
fter he left, she
was sure
he would forget about her and
she
wouldn’t be
a
part of his life anymore.

Her mother had hinted
that
Danni
should
talk to Ben, but
she
couldn’t do it,
wanting him to ask
first
.
Her heart
ached when she went to bed by herself, longing for the baby she had so recently lost,
longing for
Ben
to say it wasn’t her fault,
longing to be
love
d by
him
, longing for him to tell her he
love
d her
—even without the baby
.

Maybe I should tell him I
love
him—even if he doesn’t
love
me—just so he knows. Maybe then he won’t look so sad.
But she couldn’t take the risk. When she we
nt to bed at night, the if only
s
in her mind
returned
to
haunt
her, a damning refrain
mocking her—so many
what if
s
since the winter quarter of her freshman year
when she had first met Steve
.

Chapter 15

Ben
open
ed the
examining
room
door for
Shane
Scanlon and his son,
Eric
. “What
do we have
here?”

“Goldie is really hurting, D
oc.
We’re giving her the g
luco
sam
ine you
gave us
for her arthritis, but
I
no
ticed some lumps
:
here
,
and here.
”
Shane
gestured in the direction of the
white-faced
golden retriev
er, who licked Ben’s hand when h
e reached
over to
pat
her
. The dog wagged her tail
slowly
.

He
lifted
her head
and
looked
into her eyes. “L
et’s see what
the problem is
.
H
ow old is Goldie now
,
Eric
?”

“She was twelve
last month.
Two years older than me.
”

Ben lifted the dog onto the
examin
ation
table and lay her down on her side. He felt lumps in her groin and under both front legs. The old dog sighed when he manipulated her front
legs. When he
stroke
d her back, h
er tail thumped against the end of the table. “She’
s a good old girl, isn’t she?” H
e smiled at
the boy
.
“Will you be my helper and keep her on the table?”