Concealed Attractions (Cedar Island Tales) (19 page)

“As a
matt
er of fact, I do. I usually suggest that couple
s go through an adoption agency
so
they are prepared and know what can
happen. That’s what the Hartman
s did
about eighteen months ago
. Perhaps you saw them when they brought their
baby
to church? I think you were singing in the choir when
their little girl
was baptized.”

She nodded.

“Do you know someone
with
a baby she wants
to give up for adoption
?”

“I’m not sure, I was
just
wondering how it happens.”
She couldn’t seem to stop opening and closing her fists
, her heart thudding in her chest.
C
an
he tell it
’s me
?

“The short answer is the pregnant girl signs papers giving up her rights—and if the father is known, he
does, too. T
hen the adoption agency does an assessment of the parents who want a child. They match the baby to the family and after the birth, the adoptiv
e parents have to wait a while. I
t used to be many weeks, but now i
t’s usually just a few days. T
hen they come to the agency and the baby is given to them. After a while, the adoption is finali
zed and the baby becomes theirs
to
love
and raise as their own.”

“Oh.”  She waited. “What happens to the
real
mother of the baby?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, does she ever get to see the baby after the adoption?”

“Not
always
. Some couples are
okay
with occasional contact
and a few are opting for what’s called open adoption. Some
birth mothers write letters t
o their babies,
to be read to them when they are old enough to understand
. B
ut
often
, the birth mother never sees the baby again. Legally,
it’s not
her baby anymore.
” 

The pastor
peer
ed
at her
with a kindly expression.
“
Dannilynn
,
you’
re asking
the
sam
e
questions women ask
who are thinking of
giving their baby up for adoption.
” He paused before asking,
“
A
re you pregnant?”

She bowed her head, and nodded.  “You won’t tell my folks, will you?”

“Our conversation here is confidential and private. I won’t tell your folks if you don’
t want me to
. B
ut surely they’
ll want to know.”

She
hid behind
the curtain of
her
hair,
as she bowed her head and looked away
.
She thought of Pastor Wheeler’s baby, Adam, a much-
love
d, long-awaited child. She remembered singing
in the choir
when she was in
high school
, dreaming of going to college and getting an exciting job
. What kind of future did she have now?
How was
her
life
going to change now that she was pregnant?

Finally she said,
“My dad will
be furious
. And
if
I
tell my mom, s
he
’ll
tell him.”
She looked
at
the p
astor
. “Promise me you won’t
say anything
.”

“That’
s your
job,
Dannilynn
. I’
ll pray for you
and for your bab
y, a
nd for your parents, too. A
nd I’
ll pray that you tell them, because you need their support.
I know
they
’ll want to
help you through this.” He went to the door at the quiet knock that sounded. “In a short while, I’ll be down.”

He turned back to her as she sat, hunched on the couch. “
Dannilynn
,
do you want
to give up this baby?”

“I’m thinkin
g about it. I’m not sure.” S
he sighed. “I have so
much
to think about. I
decided not to have
an abortion,
but I haven’t figured out what
to do
now
,
what comes next.”

He put his arm around her. “You have a
lot on your mind, I can tell. Let’s pray together and if you need to talk again, call me. I’m
here for you,
and if you decide you want to give the baby up for adoption, I’ll put you in touch with a
n
agency
to
find a wonderful family for the child.”

The next day, Bronnie closed the clinic during the lunch hour.
Joe
l
called
Danni
in from the back over the intercom and asked her to report to the kitchen for lunch.
When she arrived, a cake with
twenty-one
lighted
candles was on the table. Bronnie,
Joe
l
,
Kate
and Ben applauded wh
en she blew
them out
.

She
was
thrilled
at
their thoughtfulness.
Joe
l
handed her a
check for her last week’s work,
two days early
,
and Bronnie gave her a picture
showing
Dannilynn
surrounded by the
c
ocker
puppies she had helped to whelp
two
weeks earlier. Ben gave her a note,
telling
her to open it after she got home. She hugged
everyone, and went back to work
glowing with a sense of closeness to the people with whom she had worked all summer.
If only her parents were like Joel and Bronnie and Ben. Thinking of him made her stomach flip-flop and her pulse speed up.
If
only
. She found herself thinking those words so often.

When she
arrived
home, she p
laced
Ben’s note under her pillow and
brought
the cake
in
to
the kitchen
. Her father was home
and
planned
to drive her back to school. After they had a special birthda
y dinner, she went to bed early
.
When she climbed into bed, she
rea
d Ben’s note.

Dear
Dannilynn
, aka Shortie
-

Keep this phone number with you. If you need a ride back home, for appointments with the doctor or just to get away from the
book
s for a
while, give me a call. 

Your friend, Benjamin the Tall.

Dannilynn
folded his letter into a tiny square and slipped it into her wallet. When she kissed her mother good
-bye, she told her she would
wo
rk
extra hard. 
Her
father dropped her off at the dorm
,
and
insisted on
carry
ing
her things
to her room
before she
kissed him good-bye
.

Sarah
had already checked in and was
re
arranging
the coverlet on her bed when
Dann
i
entered the room
. “
I see you made it.
Do anything exciting this summer?”

“
I worked at the v
et clinic. How about you?”

“My folks
took
the boat up the Inside Passage.
But
I stayed home and worked, too
—as a barista
.
” She
looked
up at
Dannilynn
. “Your hair is longer than
last year
.”

“I decided not to cut it.
Let’s go register.
”
T
hey headed out the door to pick up
book
s for their fall classes.

Three weeks later,
Danni angrily tossed her wet towel onto the floor and reached for her nightgown. “Sarah, you’re not going to
believe
what those two freshmen from the other end of the hall said to me.”

“Must not have been nice the way you’re acting. Let me guess. They noticed you’re losing your waist.”

She nodded. “Did you hear them? Have they said anything to you? It would be just my luck they blab to Mrs. Winter.”

“Ignore them. They shouldn’t have been using our showers anyway.” Sarah closed her book with an audible snap. “You
are
getting bigger.”

“But my sweats mostly cover it up.”

“Except when you’re in the shower. Maybe you should shower earlier in the morning, or late at night
so you don’t run into anyone else.”

“Maybe.” But she liked showering right before she had to leave for class. Danni sighed and zipped up the new jeans she’d bought the previous weekend, in a size larger than her regular ones.
How long am I going to be able to zip these up?
She pulled on her sweatshirt and grabbed her backpack. “I’ll see you after class.”

The next day,
she was summoned to the housemother’s room.
“
Dannilynn
,
I asked to see
you
after
two of the girls said
you’
re pregnant.
I guess everyone knows
at your end of the wing. Frankly, I wasn’t sure, the way you’ve been dressing. Is it true?”

She nodded.
Now what?

“You know the rules. Pregnancy
mean
s
automatic
dismiss
al
from the dorm.” She wrote a note on a piece of paper. “I’ll arrange for you to get a refund on
your
dorm fee
s for the rest of the quarter.
Take this to the bursar’s office and they will cut you a check.”

Dannilynn
threw caution aside.
“Mrs. Winter, pregnancy isn’t catching. Why do I have to le
ave? I’m not bothering anyone.
My roommate
doesn’t
even
care
.”

“
Sarah
may not, but some of the
other
girls
do
. And
since there’s no
way they aren’t going to know
, seeing you in the shower and all, you have to leave. I’ll give you a
couple of days
to find other accommodations.”

“
This is so
unfair.
”

The housemother pursed her lips.
“It might be different at another school, but
here
at
Buckley
, that’s the rule. Would you like me to call your folks so they can help you move?”

“No. I
’ll
take care of it myself.”
Time for a little white lie
.
“
My folks are out of town anyway
.
Can I have
til
l
the end of the week?
”

Her housemother nodded.

Dannilynn
walked
down the hall to
her room
and
called Ben.

“What do you mean you’ve been kicked
out
?”