Compromised Hearts (14 page)

“And one of these might have been one.”

“Slim chance, but the thought’s always there. Come on, enough talk. You need to rest.”

“I know. Thank you.”

“My pleasure. Now, shut up and go to sleep.”

Smiling faintly she reached over Thornton to take Cloud’s hand, then closed her eyes. She decided she was quite mad. Cloud’s ‘shut up’ was beginning to sound like an endearment.

S
orry about this, Em.”

Turning from her survey of the somewhat dilapitated cabin, Emily smiled faintly. “It is dry. That makes it nearly a castle.”

“C’mon.” He took her by the arm and tugged her into the second and smallest of the two rooms. “You’ve got to get out of those wet clothes. You’re shivering.” He set her bag down on the dusty bed. “I’ll get Thornton seen to, then we can clean up a bit. We can afford to rest here for a spell.”

She nodded and he left her alone. Although the damp buttons gave her chilled fingers some trouble, she was soon out of her clothes. The rain had finally stopped, but there had been no sun to dry her and she felt
as if she had been wet for weeks instead of just a night and a day. Fortunately, her bag had been well protected in the cart, so her spare clothes were more or less dry and she sighed with relief as she donned them.

The only thing that remained to trouble her was the way Cloud was acting. He was solicitous but somewhat aloof. Not a word had been said concerning her time, thankfully brief as it was, with the renegades. She had the unsettling feeling that Cloud might think more happened to her while she was there than really had, but she was not sure how to initiate a talk about the matter to clear up any misconceptions.

Shaking her head, she decided to wait until they were alone. Perhaps, as they lay alone in the dark, she would find both courage and inspiration. For now, she decided as she frowned at the dusty bed, she would busy her body and her fretful mind with the chore of cleaning. There was certainly more than enough of that to do.

It was growing dark before they all collapsed at the now scrubbed table in the main room. Looking around, Emily decided that the air of disuse and the layers of dust had made the cabin look far worse than it was. It was still showing signs of age and disrepair, but she now had no objections at all to staying in it.

“Do you know who used to live here?” she asked Cloud and hoped no one would hear
the way her stomach was growling in response to the aroma of James’s rabbit stew.

“A fur trapper name of Josh Tucker. He’s been dead for nigh on five years. The cabin’s become a traveler’s haven.”

“Maybe we ought to do a little work around here or the next traveler might find his haven falling down around his ears,” James murmured as he set a pot of coffee on the table. “Either no one has been here for a while or they just used the place and left. Some people don’t understand the unwritten laws out nere.”

Emily nodded as she helped herself to some of the strong coffee, savoring the way it warmed her. It was a drink she had had little of back home, but she was quickly becoming used to it. She doubted, however, that she would ever learn to make it to Cloud’s satisfaction.

During the meal, Emily found herself a little concerned about Thornton. His usually hearty appetite seemed dimmed and he was uncustomarily quiet. Thornton claimed only tiredness, however, and bolstered that claim by immediately seeking his bed, a pallet made up on the floor next to the cot where James intended to sleep. Cloud and James further eased her worries by stressing that even a lively boy like Thornton would be worn out by all they had been through in the last twenty-four hours.

For a while she struggled to stay awake with the men but soon felt too weary to do so. It troubled her a little that Cloud simply bade her good-night when she said she was going to turn in. As she got ready for bed, she scolded herself for looking for trouble where it did not exist, but it did little to ease her worry. It had been several days since they made love and, while this could easily be due to the rigors and lack of privacy on the trail, she began to fear that Cloud was tired of her. As she crawled into bed, she hoped he would soon join her to dispel those fears.

“Might I ask why you’re honoring me with your company instead of following pretty little Emily?”

Cloud glanced at James, then stared into the flames of the fire they sat in front of. “Em needs to rest, and if I crawl in with her before she gets to sleep, I won’t let her get much of that—at least not right away.” He scowled. “I’d want to try and erase all memory of those bastards.”

“Do you think they touched her?”

The mere thought of such a thing twisted Cloud’s insides into knots. “I don’t think so, but then I keep thinking why shouldn’t they?”

“True. I doubt they’ve had anything as fine as Em fall into their hands before, Yet, she doesn’t act as if she was—well, abused.”

“Nope, but would she if she had been? Em
can hide a lot behind her lady’s training and stiff Yankee pride. I’ve got a feeling that a shame like rape would be something she’d do her best to hide.”

“Or, she wasn’t raped. She was badly frightened, though, and she might just be wishing you’d come and keep her awake for a while, comfort her and ease those fears she now carries. There’s something else, too, that’s sure to be troubling her. She shot a man.”

“Hell, yeh. I still can’t believe that.”

“She said she could shoot.”

“Yeh, and she’s no liar, but she’s so damned helpless out here I found it hard to believe.”

“Well, that’s got to be preying on her even though I think she is smart enough to know that it was necessary, that she had no choice.”

“True. Well,"—Cloud stood up—"you’ve convinced me. I might not gain much by joining her but I’ll lose a lot if I don’t. ‘Night, James.”

“Get her to tell you what happened, Cloud.”

“I intend to. You’ll secure the place for the night?” “I will. Get to bed.”

Cloud cautiously entered the other room and silently shut the door behind him. Although Emily was in bed and lying still, he sensed that she was still awake. There was
too much tension in her body. He sincerely hoped that was not due to him, to the fact that he would soon crawl in beside her, as he moved to undress and wash up before getting into bed.

He felt uncertain and that annoyed him a little, but he forced himself to accept it. Women’s moods and feelings had never been of any great concern to him. His reaction to a display of them had simply been to walk away. That was something he could not do this time, although he felt himself tempted. As he slipped into bed beside her, he hoped he did not end up with his foot planted firmly in his mouth.

Emily tried to relax when he gently tugged her into his arms. She had tried to go to sleep, but it had proven fruitless. The greatest deterrent had been the memory of shooting the renegade. Every time she closed her eyes, she saw it all too clearly and, now that the danger was not immediate, she found it hard to justify. So too was she beset with worries about Cloud and the odd way he was treating her. Even now, as he held her, she sensed a holding back, a reserve.

“You should be asleep, Em.”

“I tried. I think it is going to prove impossible.”

“Because of what those men did to you?” he asked gently, trying to hide the sudden tension he felt over the possibility of hearing something he did not really want to hear.

“No.” she answered softly, “because of what I had to do. Oh, God, Cloud!” She covered her face with her hands as she started to weep. “I killed a man. I can see him whenever I close my eyes. I can see how he looked and see the blood.”

“Em, sweetheart.” He tugged her hands away and kissed her cheeks. “He was set to blow my head off.”

“So delicately put.” She could not fully repress a smile, but it faltered quickly. “I keep telling myself that, but it does little good. I have never shot a person before, just targets and a bird once.”

“Only once?”

“Well, yes. I didn’t really like it, although I had been taught to shoot in order to join my family on the fall hunt. Still, I had trouble stomaching it, for birds are such harmless creatures and none of us needed them for food. We had plenty.”

“So you learned to shoot with a rifle.”

She nodded. “The lad teaching me taught me a pistol as well, although it was not suggested that he do so. I wish he hadn’t taught me,” she whispered.

“Well, I’m damn glad he did or I’d be dead and you’d be a prisoner again.”

“Of course. I’m not thinking straight. I must try to remember that.”

“And remember what they planned to do to you.” He saw her wince and felt her shiver. “Em. what did they do to you?”

“Nothing really.” She saw him frown slightly with a hint of disbelief. “Truly. It seems I was of more value untouched.”

“I’d wondered if that could be the case, but I still feel you’re damned lucky it was that way.”

“I realize that. There was one man who made it very clear what he would prefer doing, but the man that seemed to be the leader, a man named Burt, convinced him otherwise. A man named Rodrigo was the one they were taking me to. From what was said I gather they have brought him some sadly abused women in the past. Rodrigo made some rules and Burt meant for them to be followed, for he felt I could bring him a lot of money.”

“Yeh, you would’ve, honey.” He caressed her hair. “This hair was nothing less than gold in that bastard’s hands. Some Mexican don’d pay more than old Burt’s probably ever seen. It must’ve sorely tried him to leave you alone, but greed proved stronger than lust, thank God.”

“He also heard, in the way I spoke, that I was from the east.”

“And a well-bred, probably educated lady to boot. He must’ve felt his bag of coins growing nearly too heavy to carry.”

“I know these men are dead and will threaten no one again, but others will take their places, won’t they?”

“I’m afraid so, darlin'. A few more rocks’ll
be turned over and more just like them’ll crawl out to plague the territory.”

“And steal women from their homes and families to be sold like cattle. Can nothing be done?”

“Not too much, I’m afraid. Just stop ‘em when you can. This area needs more settlers, more towns, and more laws. That’ll make it a lot harder, but I’m not real sure you can ever stop that sort of thing completely. But there’s no use fretting on it, little one. Just be glad that you’re not added to that sad number and that some of that scum’s gone for good.”

She wrapped her arms around him and pressed her cheek against his chest. “I am and I will keep reminding myself of that. I am finding it hard to—well, to adjust to the violence, the wildness, of this West of yours.”

“There’s violence in the east.”

“True, but it’s the shadowy sort and a lot of people can live their whole lives and have but the barest knowledge of it around them. Do you think it will be a little less rowdy where Harper is?”

“A lot less rowdy. And speaking of Harper …” He put one finger beneath her chin and urged her to look up at him.

She eyed him a little warily when she saw his frown. “What about Harper?”

“You didn’t tell me he was your brother.”

“I’m sure I did.”

“Nope. You never said anything that’d lead
me to think he was kin.”

“The simple fact that I was traveling hundreds of miles on the strength of an inviting letter should have told you something.”

“Yeh, that you had strong feelings for the fellow, which could make him a lot of things besides a brother.”

“If I had had a fiancé or a husband, I would have waved them under your nose to try and deter you from the deal we made.”

She wondered if he would now confess to his trickery, but she was not surprised when he did not. Confessing to such a thing would not gain him very much, could even cause him a great deal of trouble. If she had such a trick to confess, she would find it very hard to admit to. She did wonder, however, if he would ever honor her with the truth. It was hard to believe that he really wished to be seen as a heartless rogue who would desert a woman and small child in desperate straits unless he got some kind of compensation for it.

Cloud felt what was now the habitual pinch of guilt over his deception, but he pushed it aside. “It wouldn’t have mattered.”

“Not at all?”

“Nope.”

“And what matters now?” “What do you mean?” Staring at her hand as she smoothed it over his broad chest, she said quietly, “You
have treated me differently since the rescue.”

“Ah, Em.” He held her tightly. “I didn’t know what you may have suffered and I didn’t know what to say or do if you had been used badly. I was feeling damned guilty too.”

“About what? You rescued me. That is hardly something to feel guilty about.”

“I chose that cave for our shelter. I should’ve looked it over more carefully, should’ve known about the other way in. I’ve been soldiering and scouting for near to ten years. I should’ve had a good look out of sheer habit.”

For a while they simply held each other. Emily felt her lingering fears smoothed away by his stroking hands. She soon felt his passion begin to conquer his sympathy, however. Smiling faintly, she felt her own desires begin to respond to that and knew she was going to recover from her ordeal just fine, that the fears it had inspired could be set aside.

“Harper Brockinger. Of course.”

Emily looked up at him as he suddenly urged her onto her back. “You know him?”

“Does he live in a town called Lockridge in the San Luis Valley?”

“Why, yes, he does. He and his wife, Dorothy.”

“Owns a store.”

“You do know him.”

“Vaguely.”

“Then you must know just where Lockridge is.”

“Oh, yeh, I know where it is. My brother’s ranch and my piece of land sit just outside of it.”

“Well, that is a surprising coincidence.” Surprising but not necessarily good, she thought, for it meant that he would be living very close by and, if he cast her aside as was his habit with women, that could prove to be a living hell for her. “Funny we have taken so long to see that.”

“Would’ve seen it sooner except that I wasn’t bothered with exactly where in the valley you were headed. Figured we’d just get to Wolfe’s place and then sort it out.”