Complicated Relationships (The Southern Devotion Series Book 3) (21 page)

Chapter Thirty-Seven

Too complicated

I didn’t follow after Lanie this morning. Instead, I decided to give her a few hours to calm down and think more rationally. I couldn’t blame her for being upset with me. We’re planning a wedding, and I’m arguing that I should be living with another woman putting her needs before my fiancé. Her anger was justifiable, but I hoped she would understand where I was coming from and that it would only be temporary.

Lanie was supposed to be home around four, and I go into work at six so while getting ready I kept my phone next to me waiting for her to call. As it grew closer to time for me to leave, I sent her a quick text.

Me
: I’m on my way to work for the night. If you feel like talking, shoot me a text and I’ll call you on break. I love you.

No response came through, but I knew Lanie loved me, and she’d talk when she’s ready.

We had three other bartenders on duty tonight; Marcus, Xander, and Grayson. It was the first day of the year, and lonely people filled the bar looking to drown their sorrows with someone. Ashton and Gracie had come by earlier today to remove all the holiday decorations leftover from the New Year's Eve party.

“Hey man, did you ring in the new year with a bang?” Marcus asked as we each stood filling up a pint of beer for a customer.

“Nice one,” I complimented his sexual pun.

Bobby walked up to the bar and held out an envelope. “Your girl left this at the door for you.” I opened the manila envelope and found a letter inside. 

Tristan,

Your life is full of complicated relationships right now, and I can’t be one of those complications. You’re not ready for us to get married, and I understand that, and I’m not angry. We’ve been together only six months, and we probably rushed into things. I love you and probably always will, but I can’t marry you until you’re ready to commit to us. I’m sorry.

Love Always, Lanie.

Remaining in the envelope was her engagement ring. “Marcus, cover me,”  I said throwing my towel down on the bar and running towards Bobby. “Bobby! Is she gone?” Bobby pointed toward Lanie standing at her car. Even from across the parking lot I could see her shoulders shaking as she cried. She got in her car, and I ran out calling after her, “Lanie! Don’t do this, Lanie!” She turned to look at me before driving out of the lot. Her face was puffy, and she’d been crying.

It felt like being punched in the gut. I had no idea how intensely hurt she had been this morning. I wanted to call her, hear her voice and explain things. I knew her well enough to know she wouldn’t answer. I sent her a quick text.

Me:
Please Lanie. Don’t give up on us. I love you, and I do want to marry you. We need to talk. Can I come by after work?

Lanie:
No. I have to work tomorrow.

Me:
Please talk to me!

Lanie:
In time. When I’m ready, I’ll let you know.

Derrick was talking to Bobby when I stepped back in the club. “Hey, T. You have a minute to talk?” I followed him to his office, and he closed the door drowning out the music from the club.

“Is something wrong?” I asked, not needing more heartache right now.

“I wanted to ask you that. I saw you run out of here like a bat out of hell and I figured you might need a friend right now.” I handed him the note to read. He closed his eyes and folded it again. “I’m sorry, T. You two are great together. What does she mean by you don’t want to commit? You proposed, did you give her some other reason to think that?”

I sighed and leaned my head back. “I’m an idiot, Derrick. She asked me to move in with her. My response was that I would move in after Angel gets better.” 

Derrick nodded, “Angel came home from rehab, Tristan. If she weren't better, then they’d have recommended a longer stay.”

“She could relapse or the MS could get worse.” 

Derrick interrupted, “You’re right, but she isn’t your fiancé. She’s your friend, and you can still be there for her even after you marry Lanie. Maybe the real problem is Lanie is right, and you aren’t ready for marriage.”

“No, that’s not true,” I stated not completely sure of the validity.

“Then maybe Lanie isn’t the one you want to marry. Have you developed feelings for Angel now?”

“I’m not in love with Angel, but…” I hesitated in my admission, not wanting to say it out loud.

“But?” Derrick urged.

“But Lanie may have been right about the marriage thing. I proposed while grieving my mother. Not that I don’t want to be with Lanie because I do. I think I rushed into it though.” 

“So, tell her,” Derrick advised.

“How do I tell her that I’m not ready to marry her without breaking her heart? Can we go back to only dating after being engaged?”

Derrick picked up his phone and dialed someone, “You up for a visitor? Our friend Tristan needs a little advice. I’ll send him your way.”

After hanging up, he handed me back the letter. “Mary Jane is going to make some coffee for you. She asked that you bring by a chocolate milkshake with whipped cream for her.” 

“I can’t bother her, she has a newborn.” 

Derrick chuckled, “Exactly why she jumped at the idea. She doesn’t sleep most nights until I get home. She needs the company. I got things covered here. Go talk to your best friend. She’ll give you the woman’s perspective you need.”

With a large chocolate shake in hand, I stepped up to the Collin’s door. I sent Mary Jane a text to alert her to my presence

Me
: On the porch. Didn’t want to knock in case the baby is sleeping.

MJ opened the door and waved me in. She whispered, “Thanks for the text, he just went to sleep. Katelyn’s in bed too, but we can go to the den and talk. I have the baby monitor.”

I repeated my conversation with Derrick to MJ to get her up to speed on what’s going on. I showed her the note, and she handed it back to me with tears in her eyes. “Those dang baby hormones, right?” I said trying to make her smile.

She frowned instead, “That letter is heartbreaking, Tristan. She’s in a lot of pain.” 

“I’m aware. I saw it first hand after I chased after her. What do I do, MJ?” 

“If Derrick had proposed and then told me he wasn’t sure he could marry me yet, I’d have been devastated. That being said, it wouldn’t have been a deal breaker for me. She’s going to hurt. She’s going to feel insecure about your feelings, and she’s going to be even more jealous of your relationship with Angel. What she is saying in this letter is that she wants to be your priority. And that doesn’t mean in front of Macy, but it does mean in front of other women. You made her feel as though Angel is more important than moving forward with your relationship. Deep down, she understands that you're a concerned friend, but she also knows it is an excuse.”

A shrill cry sounded through the monitor. “Duty calls…that may even be a terrible pun if his diaper needs changing. I’ll be back.”

To pass the time waiting for her return, I flipped through the pictures on my phone and stopped to stare at one of Lanie and me. It was from the day we went to Fall Creek Falls. She’d taken a selfie of us standing on the cliff in front of the falls. We both looked blissful. It was pre-engagement, pre-rehab for Angel, pre-parent issues, pre-complications, in general. It was a simpler time in our relationship. Part of me wanted to go back to that, and why couldn’t we? Although we technically already started over once, the day we were at the emergency room. That was before we officially went out on our first date; so it shouldn’t count.

I thought back to the endless one-night stands I had before I met her. They didn’t give me happy feelings; they made me feel a little emptier like Angel felt. I can’t put my life on hold because my friend might take it too hard.

Mary Jane returned holding Craig in her arms. “Would you like to hold him?”

I held my arms out, and she gently placed him in my grasp. “He’s a tiny little man.”

She laughed, “I know. I wish he had felt that tiny coming out.”

Glancing up at MJ, I said, “I’m going to tell Lanie I can’t marry her yet. I’m going to tell her the truth, that I’m not ready. If she loves me, she’ll give us a chance. If she doesn’t, well then I guess I’ll have to accept that.” Sadly I don’t know if I will be able to accept it if she walks away for good.

“I think that’s the best idea for you both, T. And for the record, I hope she sticks around. You’re good for each other, and she’s very good for Macy.” 

A groan escaped me as reality hit me hard. “Macy is going to be almost as wrecked as Lanie.”

MJ placed her hand on my shoulder. “You can’t worry about Macy’s feelings either, T. You have to do this for yourself. You worry about everyone else too much. It's one of your best traits as a friend, but one of the worst for finding your own happiness.”

I handed the baby back to her and gave her a kiss on the cheek. “Thanks, MJ. I’m going to go. It’s still early, I think I’ll swing by her house and see if she’s still awake.”

The light was on in Lanie’s bedroom, so I took a chance and knocked on the door. No noise came from inside, and I looked at my watch and noticed it was midnight and I probably scared her. “Lanie, it’s me, Tristan. I won’t stay long. I didn’t want to use my key unless you wanted me inside.” 

The door creaked open, and Lanie stood there holding her robe closed, her hair tousled, her eyes half closed. “Were you asleep?” 

She shook her head and moved aside to let me in. “I’ve got a headache and couldn't sleep. I was watching something in the den. Did you leave something here?” 

I ran my thumb across her cheek, over her bottom lip, and down her jaw, her skin trembled beneath my touch. “I wanted to talk.”

I pulled her close and went to press my lips to hers when she pushed me away. “Talk,” she said and then went to sit on the couch. She bent her legs beneath her to sit.

“You were right that we rushed things. I don’t think I’m ready to get married yet.” She bit her lip and turned away from me so I wouldn’t see her tears. “But you were wrong that it has anything to do with Angel. I love you, Lanie. I want to marry you, but it terrifies me. I am so scared that I’m not going to be the husband you deserve. I’m afraid of being like my father.”

“You’d never be like your father, Tristan. You’re so much stronger than he is.”

“Lanie, don’t give up on me, please,” I begged, my voice breaking as the emotions overwhelmed me.

“I’m not giving up on you,” she promised, reaching to take my hand in hers.

“Don’t give up on us either,” I added. She shied away from me again, and I reached out to grasp her hand. “Please, I’m begging you to give us a chance. I want to marry you…one day.”

“There’s still…” 

“Angel, I know. I got some great advice about that issue, and I’m going to take it. Angel is a grown woman who can take care of herself. I can’t fix everyone. I want to be with you, Lanie. You've done so much for me."

She stood up to pace out of reach. "Ok, so show me gratitude, don't force yourself into a commitment you aren't ready to face."

I moved closer to her. I bent to kiss her, and she didn't push me away, so I pressed further. I tugged her robe tie to pull her close, and it slipped open revealing her negligee underneath it. I pushed it off her shoulders letting it fall to a puddle on the ground. She moaned against my mouth, and I slipped my tongue between her lips and my hands around her waist. Trailing my lips down her jaw, I nibbled on her neck and collarbone and slid the straps of the negligee off her shoulders. She grabbed it before it could fall and backed away from me. "I can't."

"Let me stay here tonight?"

"Why?"

"Because I want to talk some more. I don't want this to be over."

"We need to chalk this up to what it is, Tristan; a failed relationship. We had fun, we shared good times and bad, but it's over. You can't get engaged and then unengaged and still have everything be fine. I can't move backward," Lanie state earnestly.

"I'm not accepting this is over. I don't want to be unengaged; I just want to postpone getting married for a while. I want you to wear this." I held the ring up. "I'll give you some time. We're still in a relationship as far as I'm concerned. You call me when you're ready to see me, and I'll be here. And Lanie, when you want this ring back, I'll give it to you. All you have to do is ask."

She walked to her door and held it open for me. "Goodnight, Tristan."

I decided not to dwell on her non-response, but on the fact that she said goodnight and not goodbye.

Epilogue

Five months later

Angel adjusted my tie, and it felt as though it were choking me to death. "Who created these torture devices?" I asked as I pulled at the knot.

She smacked my hand, "Stop fidgeting already. It's your big day; you've been waiting years for this moment. Macy is graduating high school! Dads wear ties for these occasions."

"Since our father is back in the picture now full time, I've sort of been demoted to brother again. I think I should be able to get away with no tie."

"You'll always be more than just her brother, T."

Macy entered the room frantically tossing sheets and towels. "Where is my other shoe!?"

Angel chuckled, "Chillax, girlfriend. It's right there," she pointed at the shoe sticking out from the opened closet door. "You guys need a drink or something to calm your nerves."

We both stared at her for the terrible joke coming from a recovering alcoholic. "Not funny, Angel."

"Sorry. MJ asked me to video the entire ceremony. They're so sad you couldn't get more tickets. And, by the way, I appreciate you giving me one."

"Well, you're practically family since we all live together," I replied. Macy ordered four tickets back around Christmas. The four tickets were for me, our Dad, Angel, and Lanie. After the night at Lanie's house, I didn’t hear from her again for a while.

After the first month of no response, I sent her a text message to see how she was. From that moment, we texted each other about once or twice a month for small talk. We talked about how work was going, the weather, and other awkward, boring subjects to avoid the big picture; our relationship status.

I regretted not marrying her when I had the chance. I kept the engagement ring in my wallet behind the business card she left me with her number almost a year ago. Macy missed her all the time. She constantly asked me about her.

"Why don't you see if MJ wants the fourth ticket, Macy?" It seemed silly to not let anyone use it.

"It wouldn’t be fair to invite her and no one else. Plus, Dad is bringing someone."

"He is? Since when?" I asked confused. I didn't know he had been seeing anyone, much less someone serious enough to bring to his daughter's graduation.

"I don’t know, some chick. We're going to be late. Let’s go!"

Graduation was in the auditorium of a local college. We had tickets but not assigned seating so Angel and I grabbed the closest set of chairs we could and I texted my dad to let him know where we were. We could meet up afterward.

Macy graduated at the top of her class as valedictorian. Unabashedly, I cried when they called her name and during her entire speech. She spoke of what the future held, second chances, and grabbing what you want and not letting go. I needed her giving me that speech five months ago.

The eloquence of her speech earned her a standing ovation from the senior class. It made my chest swell with pride. When the closing music played, I checked my phone and saw a text from Dad stating that he'd meet us at Gracie's.

Macy wanted to ride with Carter, so Angel rode with me. Everyone was inside waiting when we got there. They all screamed their Congrats when Macy walked in the door. Mary Jane pulled me aside. "Look at you in the suit and tie! You look like such a proud dad."

"I am, MJ. She's made me incredibly proud. She's blossomed so much since we moved here. I owe you for that. I'm not sure I'm thrilled that she's dating, although the kid is good to her. But look at her, can you remember seeing her smiling so much back then?"

We stared at Macy like proud parents. MJ had helped me raise her for two years. I couldn't believe how far she'd come from that scared little girl that was afraid to go to school and deal with bullies. "Excuse me a minute, MJ."  Macy was talking to Carter, and I tapped her shoulder. "Come with me for a minute?"

Macy and I stepped out on the back porch. "Is something wrong?"

"Not at all. I wanted a moment alone with you to say a few things. First of all, I love you more than life itself. You're not only my baby sister, but my very best friend."

"I feel the same way. I owe you my life, T. You have been the best role model any girl could ask for."  Macy began to cry, and she wrapped her arms around me, "I love you, Dad."

I laughed through the choked back tears, "I thought that would sound sweet but it makes me feel so old."

Macy giggled, "We'll stick with big bro."

"Much better."

Mary Jane poked her head outside, "Sorry to interrupt, but your Dad's here and he wants to see the valedictorian. And Tristan, can you go down to the basement and get the two gallons of ice cream out of the freezer?"

The basement lights were set on dim, but I was able to see enough to get to the freezer. I pulled out the containers of chocolate and vanilla ice cream. When I turned around, I almost dropped everything on the floor. A set of feminine hands grabbed the carton that threaten to spill forth to the floor. "Hi," Lanie said with a smile of uncertainty.

"Hi."

"What are you doing here?"

"Macy invited me months ago. She gave me the ticket, and I couldn't pass up seeing her graduate. Her speech was amazing."

"I didn’t see you there?" My hands were freezing as the ice cream cartons stung my skin.

"I sat with your father. He and I came together."

"Oh…please tell me you aren't dating my father?" I cringed not sure whether I wanted to puke or go punch my father in the face.

"What? No! He called me and said you haven't dated anyone else since we broke up and asked if I'd attend with him and speak to you."

"In my mind we never broke up; I told you that."

"You meant everything you said that day?" She seemed to be testing my memory, but I knew exactly what she was asking.

"Every single thing."

"Can I have it back?" She asked for the ring that currently resided in my wallet. Her hands and voice trembled with the request.

I reached into my back pocket, pulled out my wallet, took the ring from the sleeve it was in and stepped forward. "I thought you'd never ask."

"You've been carrying it with you this whole time?"

"Yep, in this sleeve where I keep the most important things to me. Macy's picture, my mother's picture, the business card you gave me with your phone number, and for the past five months your engagement ring."

She slipped the ring on her finger and pulled me into a passionate long awaited kiss.

A month later we moved in together; Macy came along, of course. On New Year's Eve of that year, we had our wedding in the middle of the bar with all of our closest friends attending as well as many of the regular customers. Once she put that ring on at Macy's graduation party, my feet never grew cold again in regards to our marriage.

We may not live happily ever after like in the fairy tales, but I'd make sure we gave it one hell of a try.

    The End….

Book #4 of The Southern Devotion Series will be told in two perspectives. One will be from Angel's POV and the other from Cameron's. It will involve two very different yet eerily similar love stories. Make sure to look for its release in early 2016.

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