Complete Works of Rudyard Kipling (Illustrated) (493 page)

“That’s all right. If you’ll come down below, we may get some grub.”

We descended a naked steel ladder to a steel-beamed tunnel, perhaps twelve feet long by six high. Leather-topped lockers ran along either side; a swinging table, with tray and lamp above, occupied the centre. Other furniture there was none.

“You can’t shave here, of course. We don’t wash, and, as a rule, we eat with our fingers when we’re at sea. D’you mind?”

Mr. Moorshed, black-haired, black-browed, sallow-complexioned, looked me over from head to foot and grinned. He was not handsome in any way, but his smile drew the heart. “You didn’t happen to hear what Frankie told me from the flagship, did you? His last instructions, and I’ve logged them here in shorthand, were” — he opened a neat pocket-book — ”
‘Get out of this and conduct your own damned manoeuvres in your own damned tinker fashion! You’re a disgrace to the Service, and your boat’s offal.’”

“Awful?” I said.

“No — offal — tripes — swipes — ullage.” Mr. Pyecroft entered, in the costume of his calling, with the ham and an assortment of tin dishes, which he dealt out like cards.

“I shall take these as my orders,” said Mr. Moorshed. “I’m chucking the
Service at the end of the year, so it doesn’t matter.”

We cut into the ham under the ill-trimmed lamp, washed it down with whisky, and then smoked. From the foreside of the bulkhead came an uninterrupted hammering and clinking, and now and then a hiss of steam.

“That’s Mr. Hinchcliffe,” said Pyecroft. “He’s what is called a first- class engine-room artificer. If you hand ‘im a drum of oil an’ leave ‘im alone, he can coax a stolen bicycle to do typewritin’.”

Very leisurely, at the end of his first pipe, Mr. Moorshed drew out a folded map, cut from a newspaper, of the area of manoeuvres, with the rules that regulate these wonderful things, below.

“Well, I suppose I know as much as an average stick-and-string admiral,” he said, yawning. “Is our petticoat ready yet, Mr. Pyecroft?”

As a preparation for naval manoeuvres these councils seemed inadequate. I followed up the ladder into the gloom cast by the wharf edge and the big lumber-ship’s side. As my eyes stretched to the darkness I saw that No. 267 had miraculously sprouted an extra pair of funnels — soft, for they gave as I touched them.

“More
prima facie
evidence. You runs a rope fore an’ aft, an’ you erects perpendick-u-arly two canvas tubes, which you distends with cane hoops, thus ‘avin’ as many funnels as a destroyer. At the word o’ command, up they go like a pair of concertinas, an’ consequently collapses equally ‘andy when requisite. Comin’ aft we shall doubtless overtake the Dawlish bathin’-machine proprietor fittin’ on her bustle.”

Mr. Pyecroft whispered this in my ear as Moorshed moved toward a group at the stern.

“None of us who ain’t built that way can be destroyers, but we can look as near it as we can. Let me explain to you, Sir, that the stern of a Thorneycroft boat, which we are
not
, comes out in a pretty bulge, totally different from the Yarrow mark, which again we are not. But, on the other ‘and,
Dirk, Stiletto, Goblin, Ghoul, Djinn
, and
A-frite
— Red Fleet dee-stroyers, with ‘oom we hope to consort later on terms o’ perfect equality —
are
Thorneycrofts, an’ carry that Grecian bend which we are now adjustin’ to our
arriere-pensée
— as the French would put it — by means of painted canvas an’ iron rods bent as requisite. Between you an’ me an’ Frankie, we are the
Gnome
, now in the Fleet Reserve at Pompey — Portsmouth, I should say.”

“The first sea will carry it all away,” said Moorshed, leaning gloomily outboard, “but it will do for the present.”

“We’ve a lot of
prima facie
evidence about us,” Mr. Pyecroft went on. “A first-class torpedo boat sits lower in the water than a destroyer. Hence we artificially raise our sides with a black canvas wash-streak to represent extra freeboard;
at
the same time paddin’ out the cover of the forward three-pounder like as if it was a twelve-pounder, an’ variously fakin’ up the bows of ‘er. As you might say, we’ve took thought an’ added a cubic to our stature. It’s our len’th that sugars us. A ‘undred an’ forty feet, which is our len’th into two ‘undred and ten, which is about the
Gnome’s,
leaves seventy feet over, which we haven’t got.”

“Is this all your own notion, Mr. Pyecroft?” I asked.

“In spots, you might say — yes; though we all contributed to make up deficiencies. But Mr. Moorshed, not much carin’ for further Navy after what Frankie said, certainly threw himself into the part with avidity.”

“What the dickens are we going to do?”

“Speaking as a seaman gunner, I should say we’d wait till the sights came on, an’ then fire. Speakin’ as a torpedo-coxswain, L.T.O., T.I., M.D., etc., I presume we fall in — Number One in rear of the tube, etc., secure tube to ball or diaphragm, clear away securin’-bar, release safety-pin from lockin-levers, an’ pray Heaven to look down on us. As second in command o’ 267, I say wait an’ see!”

“What’s happened? We’re off,” I said. The timber ship had slid away from us.

“We are. Stern first, an’ broadside on! If we don’t hit anything too hard, we’ll do.”

“Come on the bridge,” said Mr. Moorshed. I saw no bridge, but fell over some sort of conning-tower forward, near which was a wheel. For the next few minutes I was more occupied with cursing my own folly than with the science of navigation. Therefore I cannot say how we got out of Weymouth Harbour, nor why it was necessary to turn sharp to the left and wallow in what appeared to be surf.

“Excuse me,” said Mr. Pyecroft behind us, “
I
don’t mind rammin’ a bathin’-machine; but if only
one
of them week-end Weymouth blighters has thrown his empty baccy-tin into the sea here, we’ll rip our plates open on it; 267 isn’t the
Archimandrite’s
old cutter.”

“I am hugging the shore,” was the answer.

“There’s no actual ‘arm in huggin’, but it can come expensive if pursooed.”

“Right-O!” said Moorshed, putting down the wheel, and as we left those scant waters I felt 267 move more freely.

A thin cough ran up the speaking-tube.

“Well, what is it, Mr. Hinchcliffe?” said Moorshed.

“I merely wished to report that she is still continuin’ to go, Sir.”

“Right-O! Can we whack her up to fifteen, d’you think?”

“I’ll try, Sir; but we’d prefer to have the engine-room hatch open — at first, Sir.”

Whacked up then she was, and for half an hour was careered largely through the night, turning at last with a suddenness that slung us across the narrow deck.

“This,” said Mr. Pyecroft, who received me on his chest as a large rock receives a shadow, “represents the
Gnome
arrivin’ cautious from the direction o’ Portsmouth, with Admiralty orders.”

He pointed through the darkness ahead, and after much staring my eyes opened to a dozen destroyers, in two lines, some few hundred yards away.

“Those are the Red Fleet destroyer flotilla, which is too frail to panic about among the full-blooded cruisers inside Portland breakwater, and several millimetres too excited over the approachin’ war to keep a look- out inshore. Hence our tattics!”

We wailed through our siren — a long, malignant, hyena-like howl — and a voice hailed us as we went astern tumultuously.

“The
Gnome
— Carteret-Jones — from Portsmouth, with orders — mm — mm —
Stiletto
,” Moorshed answered through the megaphone in a high, whining voice, rather like a chaplain’s.

“
Who
?” was the answer.

“Carter — et — Jones.”

“Oh, Lord!”

There was a pause; a voice cried to some friend, “It’s Podgie, adrift on the high seas in charge of a whole dee-stroyer!”

Another voice echoed, “Podgie!” and from its note I gathered that Mr.
Carteret-Jones had a reputation, but not for independent command.

“Who’s your sub?” said the first speaker, a shadow on the bridge of the
Dirk
.

“A gunner, at present, Sir. The
Stiletto
— broken down — turns over to us.”

“When did the
Stiletto
break down?”

“Off the Start, Sir; two hours after — after she left here this evening, I believe. My orders are to report to you for the manoeuvre signal-codes, and join Commander Hignett’s flotilla, which is in attendance on
Stiletto
.”

A smothered chuckle greeted this last. Moorshed’s voice was high and uneasy. Said Pyecroft, with a sigh: “The amount o’ trouble me an’ my bright spurs ‘ad fishin’ out that information from torpedo coxswains and similar blighters in pubs all this afternoon, you would never believe.”

“But has the
Stiletto
broken down?” I asked weakly.

“How else are we to get Red Fleet’s private signal-code? Any way, if she ‘asn’t now, she will before manoeuvres are ended. It’s only executin’ in anticipation.”

“Go astern and send your coxswain aboard for orders, Mr. Jones.” Water carries sound well, but I do not know whether we were intended to hear the next sentence: “They must have given him
one
intelligent keeper.”

“That’s me,” said Mr. Pyecroft, as a black and coal-stained dinghy — I did not foresee how well I should come to know her — was flung overside by three men.

“Havin’ bought an ‘am, we will now see life.” He stepped into the boat and was away.

“I say, Podgie!” — the speaker was in the last of the line of destroyers, as we thumped astern — ”aren’t you lonely out there?”

“Oh, don’t rag me!” said Moorshed. “Do you suppose I’ll have to manoeuvre with your flo-tilla?”

“No, Podgie! I’m pretty sure our commander will see you sifting cinders in
Tophet before you come with our flo-tilla.”

“Thank you! She steers rather wild at high speeds.”

Two men laughed together.

“By the way, who is Mr. Carteret-Jones when he’s at home?” I whispered.

“I was with him in the
Britannia
. I didn’t like him much, but I’m grateful to him now. I must tell him so some day.”

“They seemed to know him hereabouts.”

“He rammed the
Caryatid
twice with her own steam-pinnace.”

Presently, moved by long strokes, Mr. Pyecroft returned, skimming across the dark. The dinghy swung up behind him, even as his heel spurned it.

“Commander Fasset’s compliments to Mr. L. Carteret-Jones, and the sooner he digs out in pursuance of Admiralty orders as received at Portsmouth, the better pleased Commander Fasset will be. But there’s a lot more —  — ”

“Whack her up, Mr. Hinchcliffe! Come on to the bridge. We can settle it as we go. Well?”

Mr. Pyecroft drew an important breath, and slid off his cap.

“Day an’ night private signals of Red Fleet
com
plete, Sir!” He handed a little paper to Moorshed. “You see, Sir, the trouble was, that Mr. Carteret-Jones bein’, so to say, a little new to his duties, ‘ad forgot to give ‘is gunner his Admiralty orders in writin’, but, as I told Commander Fasset, Mr. Jones had been repeatin’ ‘em to me, nervous-like, most of the way from Portsmouth, so I knew ‘em by heart — an’ better. The Commander, recognisin’ in me a man of agility, cautioned me to be a father an’ mother to Mr. Carteret-Jones.”

“Didn’t he know you?” I asked, thinking for the moment that there could be no duplicates of Emanuel Pyecroft in the Navy.

“What’s a torpedo-gunner more or less to a full lootenant commanding six thirty-knot destroyers for the first time? ‘E seemed to cherish the ‘ope that ‘e might use the
Gnome
for ‘is own ‘orrible purposes; but what I told him about Mr. Jones’s sad lack o’ nerve comin’ from Pompey, an’ going dead slow on account of the dark, short-circuited
that
connection. ‘M’rover,’ I says to him, ‘our orders is explicit;
Stiletto’s
reported broke down somewhere off the Start, an’ we’ve been tryin’ to coil down a new stiff wire hawser all the evenin’, so it looks like towin’ ‘er back, don’t it?’ I says. That more than ever jams his turrets, an’ makes him keen to get rid of us. ‘E even hinted that Mr. Carteret-Jones passin’ hawsers an’ assistin’ the impotent in a sea-way might come pretty expensive on the tax-payer. I agreed in a disciplined way. I ain’t proud. Gawd knows I ain’t proud! But when I’m really diggin’ out in the fancy line, I sometimes think that me in a copper punt, single-’anded, ‘ud beat a cutter-full of De Rougemongs in a row round the fleet.”

At this point I reclined without shame on Mr. Pyecroft’s bosom, supported by his quivering arm.

“Well?” said Moorshed, scowling into the darkness, as 267’s bows snapped at the shore seas of the broader Channel, and we swayed together.

“‘You’d better go on,’ says Commander Fassett, ‘an’ do what you’re told to
do. I don’t envy Hignett if he has to dry-nurse the
Gnome’s
commander.
But what d’you want with signals?’ ‘e says. ‘It’s criminal lunacy to trust
Mr. Jones with anything that steams.’