Complete Works of Joseph Conrad (Illustrated) (334 page)

“I could not conceal it.  I was too full of you.  I daresay you could not help seeing it in my eyes.  But I could not guess it.  You were always so distant. . . .”

“What else did you expect?” burst out Mrs Verloc.  “I was a respectable woman — ”

She paused, then added, as if speaking to herself, in sinister resentment: “Till he made me what I am.”

Ossipon let that pass, and took up his running.  “He never did seem to me to be quite worthy of you,” he began, throwing loyalty to the winds.  “You were worthy of a better fate.”

Mrs Verloc interrupted bitterly:

“Better fate!  He cheated me out of seven years of life.”

“You seemed to live so happily with him.”  Ossipon tried to exculpate the lukewarmness of his past conduct.  “It’s that what’s made me timid.  You seemed to love him.  I was surprised — and jealous,” he added.

“Love him!” Mrs Verloc cried out in a whisper, full of scorn and rage.  “Love him!  I was a good wife to him.  I am a respectable woman.  You thought I loved him!  You did!  Look here, Tom — ”

The sound of this name thrilled Comrade Ossipon with pride.  For his name was Alexander, and he was called Tom by arrangement with the most familiar of his intimates.  It was a name of friendship — of moments of expansion.  He had no idea that she had ever heard it used by anybody.  It was apparent that she had not only caught it, but had treasured it in her memory — perhaps in her heart.

“Look here, Tom!  I was a young girl.  I was done up.  I was tired.  I had two people depending on what I could do, and it did seem as if I couldn’t do any more.  Two people — mother and the boy.  He was much more mine than mother’s.  I sat up nights and nights with him on my lap, all alone upstairs, when I wasn’t more than eight years old myself.  And then — He was mine, I tell you. . . . You can’t understand that.  No man can understand it.  What was I to do?  There was a young fellow — ”

The memory of the early romance with the young butcher survived, tenacious, like the image of a glimpsed ideal in that heart quailing before the fear of the gallows and full of revolt against death.

“That was the man I loved then,” went on the widow of Mr Verloc.  “I suppose he could see it in my eyes too.  Five and twenty shillings a week, and his father threatened to kick him out of the business if he made such a fool of himself as to marry a girl with a crippled mother and a crazy idiot of a boy on her hands.  But he would hang about me, till one evening I found the courage to slam the door in his face.  I had to do it.  I loved him dearly.  Five and twenty shillings a week!  There was that other man — a good lodger.  What is a girl to do?  Could I’ve gone on the streets?  He seemed kind.  He wanted me, anyhow.  What was I to do with mother and that poor boy?  Eh?  I said yes.  He seemed good-natured, he was freehanded, he had money, he never said anything.  Seven years — seven years a good wife to him, the kind, the good, the generous, the — And he loved me.  Oh yes.  He loved me till I sometimes wished myself — Seven years.  Seven years a wife to him.  And do you know what he was, that dear friend of yours?  Do you know what he was?  He was a devil!”

The superhuman vehemence of that whispered statement completely stunned Comrade Ossipon.  Winnie Verloc turning about held him by both arms, facing him under the falling mist in the darkness and solitude of Brett Place, in which all sounds of life seemed lost as if in a triangular well of asphalt and bricks, of blind houses and unfeeling stones.

“No; I didn’t know,” he declared, with a sort of flabby stupidity, whose comical aspect was lost upon a woman haunted by the fear of the gallows, “but I do now.  I — I understand,” he floundered on, his mind speculating as to what sort of atrocities Verloc could have practised under the sleepy, placid appearances of his married estate.  It was positively awful.  “I understand,” he repeated, and then by a sudden inspiration uttered an — ”Unhappy woman!” of lofty commiseration instead of the more familiar “Poor darling!” of his usual practice.  This was no usual case.  He felt conscious of something abnormal going on, while he never lost sight of the greatness of the stake.  “Unhappy, brave woman!”

He was glad to have discovered that variation; but he could discover nothing else.

“Ah, but he is dead now,” was the best he could do.  And he put a remarkable amount of animosity into his guarded exclamation.  Mrs Verloc caught at his arm with a sort of frenzy.

“You guessed then he was dead,” she murmured, as if beside herself.  “You!  You guessed what I had to do.  Had to!”

There were suggestions of triumph, relief, gratitude in the indefinable tone of these words.  It engrossed the whole attention of Ossipon to the detriment of mere literal sense.  He wondered what was up with her, why she had worked herself into this state of wild excitement.  He even began to wonder whether the hidden causes of that Greenwich Park affair did not lie deep in the unhappy circumstances of the Verlocs’ married life.  He went so far as to suspect Mr Verloc of having selected that extraordinary manner of committing suicide.  By Jove! that would account for the utter inanity and wrong-headedness of the thing.  No anarchist manifestation was required by the circumstances.  Quite the contrary; and Verloc was as well aware of that as any other revolutionist of his standing.  What an immense joke if Verloc had simply made fools of the whole of Europe, of the revolutionary world, of the police, of the press, and of the cocksure Professor as well.  Indeed, thought Ossipon, in astonishment, it seemed almost certain that he did!  Poor beggar!  It struck him as very possible that of that household of two it wasn’t precisely the man who was the devil.

Alexander Ossipon, nicknamed the Doctor, was naturally inclined to think indulgently of his men friends.  He eyed Mrs Verloc hanging on his arm.  Of his women friends he thought in a specially practical way.  Why Mrs Verloc should exclaim at his knowledge of Mr Verloc’s death, which was no guess at all, did not disturb him beyond measure.  They often talked like lunatics.  But he was curious to know how she had been informed.  The papers could tell her nothing beyond the mere fact: the man blown to pieces in Greenwich Park not having been identified.  It was inconceivable on any theory that Verloc should have given her an inkling of his intention — whatever it was.  This problem interested Comrade Ossipon immensely.  He stopped short.  They had gone then along the three sides of Brett Place, and were near the end of Brett Street again.

“How did you first come to hear of it?” he asked in a tone he tried to render appropriate to the character of the revelations which had been made to him by the woman at his side.

She shook violently for a while before she answered in a listless voice.

“From the police.  A chief inspector came, Chief Inspector Heat he said he was.  He showed me — ”

Mrs Verloc choked.  “Oh, Tom, they had to gather him up with a shovel.”

Her breast heaved with dry sobs.  In a moment Ossipon found his tongue.

“The police!  Do you mean to say the police came already?  That Chief Inspector Heat himself actually came to tell you.”

“Yes,” she confirmed in the same listless tone.  “He came just like this.  He came.  I didn’t know.  He showed me a piece of overcoat, and — just like that.  Do you know this? he says.”

“Heat!  Heat!  And what did he do?”

Mrs Verloc’s head dropped.  “Nothing.  He did nothing.  He went away.  The police were on that man’s side,” she murmured tragically.  “Another one came too.”

“Another — another inspector, do you mean?” asked Ossipon, in great excitement, and very much in the tone of a scared child.

“I don’t know.  He came.  He looked like a foreigner.  He may have been one of them Embassy people.”

Comrade Ossipon nearly collapsed under this new shock.

“Embassy!  Are you aware what you are saying?  What Embassy?  What on earth do you mean by Embassy?”

“It’s that place in Chesham Square.  The people he cursed so.  I don’t know.  What does it matter!”

“And that fellow, what did he do or say to you?”

“I don’t remember. . . . Nothing . . . . I don’t care.  Don’t ask me,” she pleaded in a weary voice.

“All right.  I won’t,” assented Ossipon tenderly.  And he meant it too, not because he was touched by the pathos of the pleading voice, but because he felt himself losing his footing in the depths of this tenebrous affair.  Police!  Embassy!  Phew!  For fear of adventuring his intelligence into ways where its natural lights might fail to guide it safely he dismissed resolutely all suppositions, surmises, and theories out of his mind.  He had the woman there, absolutely flinging herself at him, and that was the principal consideration.  But after what he had heard nothing could astonish him any more.  And when Mrs Verloc, as if startled suddenly out of a dream of safety, began to urge upon him wildly the necessity of an immediate flight on the Continent, he did not exclaim in the least.  He simply said with unaffected regret that there was no train till the morning, and stood looking thoughtfully at her face, veiled in black net, in the light of a gas lamp veiled in a gauze of mist.

Near him, her black form merged in the night, like a figure half chiselled out of a block of black stone.  It was impossible to say what she knew, how deep she was involved with policemen and Embassies.  But if she wanted to get away, it was not for him to object.  He was anxious to be off himself.  He felt that the business, the shop so strangely familiar to chief inspectors and members of foreign Embassies, was not the place for him.  That must be dropped.  But there was the rest.  These savings.  The money!

“You must hide me till the morning somewhere,” she said in a dismayed voice.

“Fact is, my dear, I can’t take you where I live.  I share the room with a friend.”

He was somewhat dismayed himself.  In the morning the blessed ‘tecs will be out in all the stations, no doubt.  And if they once got hold of her, for one reason or another she would be lost to him indeed.

“But you must.  Don’t you care for me at all — at all?  What are you thinking of?”

She said this violently, but she let her clasped hands fall in discouragement.  There was a silence, while the mist fell, and darkness reigned undisturbed over Brett Place.  Not a soul, not even the vagabond, lawless, and amorous soul of a cat, came near the man and the woman facing each other.

“It would be possible perhaps to find a safe lodging somewhere,” Ossipon spoke at last.  “But the truth is, my dear, I have not enough money to go and try with — only a few pence.  We revolutionists are not rich.”

He had fifteen shillings in his pocket.  He added:

“And there’s the journey before us, too — first thing in the morning at that.”

She did not move, made no sound, and Comrade Ossipon’s heart sank a little.  Apparently she had no suggestion to offer.  Suddenly she clutched at her breast, as if she had felt a sharp pain there.

“But I have,” she gasped.  “I have the money.  I have enough money.  Tom!  Let us go from here.”

“How much have you got?” he inquired, without stirring to her tug; for he was a cautious man.

“I have the money, I tell you.  All the money.”

“What do you mean by it?  All the money there was in the bank, or what?” he asked incredulously, but ready not to be surprised at anything in the way of luck.

“Yes, yes!” she said nervously.  “All there was.  I’ve it all.”

“How on earth did you manage to get hold of it already?” he marvelled.

“He gave it to me,” she murmured, suddenly subdued and trembling.  Comrade Ossipon put down his rising surprise with a firm hand.

“Why, then — we are saved,” he uttered slowly.

She leaned forward, and sank against his breast.  He welcomed her there.  She had all the money.  Her hat was in the way of very marked effusion; her veil too.  He was adequate in his manifestations, but no more.  She received them without resistance and without abandonment, passively, as if only half-sensible.  She freed herself from his lax embraces without difficulty.

“You will save me, Tom,” she broke out, recoiling, but still keeping her hold on him by the two lapels of his damp coat.  “Save me.  Hide me.  Don’t let them have me.  You must kill me first.  I couldn’t do it myself — I couldn’t, I couldn’t — not even for what I am afraid of.”

She was confoundedly bizarre, he thought.  She was beginning to inspire him with an indefinite uneasiness.  He said surlily, for he was busy with important thoughts:

“What the devil are you afraid of?”

“Haven’t you guessed what I was driven to do!” cried the woman.  Distracted by the vividness of her dreadful apprehensions, her head ringing with forceful words, that kept the horror of her position before her mind, she had imagined her incoherence to be clearness itself.  She had no conscience of how little she had audibly said in the disjointed phrases completed only in her thought.  She had felt the relief of a full confession, and she gave a special meaning to every sentence spoken by Comrade Ossipon, whose knowledge did not in the least resemble her own.  “Haven’t you guessed what I was driven to do!”  Her voice fell.  “You needn’t be long in guessing then what I am afraid of,” she continued, in a bitter and sombre murmur.  “I won’t have it.  I won’t.  I won’t.  I won’t.  You must promise to kill me first!”  She shook the lapels of his coat.  “It must never be!”

He assured her curtly that no promises on his part were necessary, but he took good care not to contradict her in set terms, because he had had much to do with excited women, and he was inclined in general to let his experience guide his conduct in preference to applying his sagacity to each special case.  His sagacity in this case was busy in other directions.  Women’s words fell into water, but the shortcomings of time-tables remained.  The insular nature of Great Britain obtruded itself upon his notice in an odious form.  “Might just as well be put under lock and key every night,” he thought irritably, as nonplussed as though he had a wall to scale with the woman on his back.  Suddenly he slapped his forehead.  He had by dint of cudgelling his brains just thought of the Southampton — St Malo service.  The boat left about midnight.  There was a train at 10.30.  He became cheery and ready to act.