Complete Nothing (30 page)

“So what’s up?” he asked finally. “Is everything okay?”

His hands were in his pockets again.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Well, there must be something wrong if you felt like you had to drive all the way over here just to talk to me.”

I looked away, confused and defeated, insecure and awkward. He was the one who’d done something wrong, right? So why did I suddenly feel out of line?

“No. Not really,” I said. “I was just . . . confused.”

Keegan blinked. The bells in the tower on the campus church began to toll, ringing long and clear from very nearby. The sound vibrated my bones and seemed to shake the ground beneath my feet.

“Confused?” he said eventually. “Because I didn’t call you back for one day?”

I swallowed. “Well when you put it like that—”

Keegan turned toward the parking lot, shaking his head. I could see his blue car gleaming in the sunlight a few rows behind mine. He started to walk, giving me no other option other than to fall into step with him.

“What is it with you people? Just when I think we’re starting to have fun, you get crazy and clingy.”

I almost tripped. Luckily, we were passing the driver’s-side door of my car at the time. I stopped moving, stopped breathing, stopped thinking. It was as if the reverb of that bell had filled my brain, shuddering the insides of my skull, drowning out everything else.

There were no words for what I was feeling. No words for what he had just done to me. But I had to say something.

“Us people?” I blurted. “What the hell does that mean?”

“You people. Girls. It’s like pathetic is your default setting. I’m sorry I can’t be there for you every second of every hour of every day. I have a life.”

My eyes filled so suddenly I almost gasped. No one had ever
called me pathetic before, and it did not feel good. Suddenly I remembered the way Peter’s face had crumbled when I’d used the same word on him last week, and I wanted to go back in time and slap my hand over my own mouth.

Instead I stared at Keegan. He looked so different to me. So different from when he’d smiled at me over the Dave & Buster’s table. So different from when he’d pulled me to him outside the gym or acted vulnerable at Goddess that day. He had this cocky, defiant look on his face I’d never seen before. The look of a player. A jerk. A user.

Lauren had been right from the beginning. And I had been so, so stupid.

I felt as if someone had just punched me square in the chest. This whole thing had started when I set out to use him. Apparently, when I wasn’t looking, he’d turned it around on me. He’d gotten what he wanted out of me on Tuesday afternoon, and now he was showing his true colors.

“Don’t worry,” I said, mustering my pride. “I have a life too. And it’s about time I get back to it.”

Hands shaking, I somehow yanked open the car door, got in behind the wheel, and put Keegan Traylor in my rearview mirror as fast as I possibly could.

I went to Claudia’s recital on Friday night. I didn’t have to—she wouldn’t know I was there unless someone told her—but I wanted to. I watched her and Lance execute their duet. Watched the crowd go wild. Gave them a standing ovation. And when the old lady in the next seat smiled up at me, my throat welled with pride.

“That’s my girlfriend,” I said.

Then I spent the rest of the night praying to God that tomorrow, I’d be able to make those words true.

“I’m going to throw up,” I said to Lance, pacing in my three feet of space in the lobby of the Lafayette School of Dance. There were dancers everywhere. Tall ones, short ones, skinny ones, skinnier ones. They stretched out against walls, practiced pirouettes in the corners, compared résumés over coffee. There were too many dancers vying for too few spots. How could I have ever thought I was good enough?

“You’re not going to throw up,” Lance said firmly, holding onto my shoulders. “You’re probably just carsick from the drive. That with the nervousness is not a good combo. Why don’t you go to the bathroom? Take a minute. You’ll feel better once you’ve had time to breathe.”

“Okay. Yes. Good.” I said, looking around for a sign to the ladies’ room. Instead I was accosted by a series of pretty, perky faces topped by perfect buns and chignons. Lance pointed me in the right direction and gave the small of my back a shove. The door was right in front of me.

“I’ll be right here,” he said, rather loudly.

“Okay.”

I shoved the door open and slipped into one of the three white-walled stalls. The place spotlessly clean. Still, I tugged out one of the paper toilet seat covers, laid it on the seat, and then dropped down, putting my head between my hands.

“Focus,” I whispered. “You’ve done this routine ten million times before. You can do this. You can do it, you can do it, you can do it.”

I bit down on my tongue and looked up, wishing my parents and Casey and Lauren were here. Agreeing to carpool with Lance had felt like a good idea at the time, and when he’d picked me up that morning, I’d felt so independent. Like making it through this life-altering event on my own would prove that I was ready for the real world.

But now I just wanted my mommy.

Or Peter.

Dammit. Why had I thought of Peter? I’d been doing so well. I hadn’t thought of him once on the ride down here. Well, not in the last fifteen minutes of the ride. Okay, at least not since we’d parked the car.

But now that I was alone and thinking about him, I couldn’t stop. I remembered the plea in his eyes when he’d asked me to take him back. His confession about being so afraid of losing me. He’d been so heartfelt, so vulnerable, and I’d just flat-out rejected him. For Keegan. The biggest jerk ever to walk the earth.

What would he do if I called him and told him I’d take him up on his offer? Did he still want me, or had I ruined everything?

Someone pounded on the stall door.

“Are you ever coming out of there?” a nasal voice asked.

“Sorry.”

I jumped up and flushed, then yanked open the door. The
girl waiting for the stall wore a black thin-strapped leotard and a leopard-print gauze skirt. She looked me up and down like I was trash. I averted my eyes, washed my hands, and checked my reflection.

“Well,” I whispered, “you can definitely beat out that girl.”

Then I smirked, rounded my shoulders, and vowed not to think about Peter Marrott for the rest of the day. Except that when I yanked open the door, he was standing right in front of me, holding a dozen red roses.

“Surprise!”

My hands fluttered up to cover my mouth. Behind Peter were True and Lauren, Mia and Wallace, Lance and Madame Helene, Gavin and his new girlfriend Tara. And behind them were my parents, alongside Casey and Corey. My friends and family. They were here. And they were holding embarrassing painted signs. Messages like
GO CLAUDIA
!
and
TWIRL TO VICTORY
!

“What are you guys doing here?” I gasped, as my mom stepped forward to hug me.

“Peter called us,” she said, beaming over at him. “He said he was organizing a caravan to come down and cheer you on.”

“We couldn’t miss that,” my dad said.

“You did this?” I said to Peter, releasing my mom. “But you have a game tonight. . . .”

“We’ll make it back in time,” he said with a shrug. He was wearing a black polo shirt that made him look older somehow, more sophisticated, but still my Peter. “We wanted to be here for you.” He cleared his throat and lowered his voice. “I wanted to be here for you.”

My heart was so full I thought it might pop. We both looked around at our audience, and they quickly turned away, pretending
to be enthralled by the black-and-white framed dance posters decorating every wall.

“Claudia, whatever happens next year, I want you to know, I’m going to be there for you from now on.”

“Peter,” I whispered. “I’m so sorry about the things I said to you. I can’t even—”

“It doesn’t matter,” he said. “I’m over it. As long as I can be with you.”

Before I could answer, the door to the audition room opened with a squeal. A hush fell over the gathered crowd.

“Claudia Catalfo!” a woman with a clipboard called out.

My heart hit the ground. My mouth went dry. This was it. This was the first moment of the rest of my life.

“Oh my God,” I gasped.

Peter smiled. He tossed his head back, flinging his bangs off his forehead. As always, they fell right back where they’d been. “Kick some ass,” he said.

“I will,” I told him confidently, grinning from ear to ear. And somehow I knew that I would. Knowing that these people were here to support me, how could I not?

“I love you, Claudia,” Peter said.

Somehow the grin on my face widened. “I love you, too.”

He leaned in and gave me a gentle but firm kiss. “And just so you know,” he whispered. “When you come out of there, I’m going to ask you to homecoming.”

I squeezed his hand, giddy beyond belief. “Just so you know, I’m going to say yes.”

The job was done. The timer had turned. And if the kiss a victorious Peter was now planting on a blushing Claudia at the center of the field postgame was any indication, my latest match was one that was going to last.

As an added bonus, Wallace and Mia were now sitting in the almost empty bleachers cuddled together over his iPad. I had talked Lauren into driving me, Wallace, and Mia down to Princeton yesterday, forcing the two of them to share one small backseat for over an hour, during which they’d discovered a mutual love of spinach pizza, a shared obsession with Angry Birds, and some kind of ancient Boy Scout/Girl Scout connection I couldn’t quite understand. Whatever it was, it was working for them. Perhaps I’d already sent my third couple out on their journey to true love.

I looked around at the torn-up football field, the smiling faces of the retreating fans, the yellow school buses, the
GO RAMS!
banners, the packs of students milling around the Snack Shack, and felt at peace. I was a human now and for better or for worse, I was starting to feel more human. This place was becoming my home. It was scary, but at the same time, exhilarating, to feel a part
of something—to feel real. I took a deep breath and relished the moment.

Almost as if to mock me, Orion’s laugh sounded nearby and I turned. He was standing at the top of the bleachers along with a group of football players, cheerleaders, and other random students, with his arm around Darla’s waist. I wished like anything I could be next to him, hearing his voice, holding his hand.

I turned away, sparing myself the torture. Claudia and Peter were now moving across the field toward the school, her head resting comfortably against his shoulder. That was what I wanted for myself. That simple intimacy. Was it so wrong that I wanted it with the guy I loved?

Otherwise what? Otherwise
what
?

No, I decided. It wasn’t so wrong. And I was going to do something about it. I’d spent so much time meddling in other people’s lives over the past few weeks, I could spend five seconds meddling in my own.

I started up the steps toward Orion and his friends, wondering what it was going to take to extricate him from Darla’s grip, when I realized he was no longer there. Darla, Veronica, Josh, Charlie, Katrina, Gavin, and a few other jocks were still hanging out, but Orion had disappeared. Of course. Right when I’d decided to swan-dive off the high wire.

“Where in the world did he—”

The most awful peal of electronic noise split the air so suddenly and so loudly, it made everyone in a half-mile radius cringe. Then someone cleared his throat, and the sound blasted through the speakers set into the booth behind the bleachers.

“Sorry about that.”

It was Orion’s voice.

“I just wanted to say that Darla Shayne, I think you’re the most beautiful girl at Lake Carmody High, and I would be honored if you’d go to the homecoming dance with me.”

Every girl in hearing distance let out a sickening “awwwww” of delight.

“Oh, this is Orion, by the way.”

Darla ran up to the open window in the booth, and suddenly Orion’s face appeared.

“Yes, yes, yes!” she shouted.

And then they kissed. They kissed a lot. They kissed and kissed and kissed, and hot fireballs of fury roared to life inside my chest. My bones began to shake. My every cell vibrated from the heat of my rage. I closed my eyes and tried to contain it. I could see only destruction. I saw the bleachers collapse beneath Darla’s feet. Saw the ceiling cave in upon the Orion who was not my Orion. I felt the entire Earth begin to quake beneath my feet.

Someone screamed. My eyes flew open and my heart stopped beating. The walls of the announcer’s booth were, in fact, trembling. Startled birds took flight from trees as somewhere nearby a car alarm began to blare. People gripped guardrails, lay prostrate on the ground, clung to one another in terror. That was when I realized that the ground was, in fact, shaking. That I had made it shake. My anger had caused an earthquake.

This was very not good. I had to make it stop. I took a deep breath. With every fiber of my being, I concentrated on my center. I closed my eyes and calmed my heart. And then, finally, the world grew still.

So. Maybe not so human after all.

“What the hell was that?” Josh Moskowitz shouted.

“An earthquake. That was an earthquake,” Charlie told him.

Everyone started chattering and making calls, checking to see if loved ones were okay. I had a feeling they were going to find out that this particular earthquake was very localized, that no one else they knew had felt a thing. Fear coursed through my veins. What I had just done was unacceptable. It was too big, too dangerous, too noticeable. Zeus must have seen it, and if he had, I was soon to be in a huge amount of trouble.

Orion raced out of the booth and grabbed Darla, who sobbed and clung to him like she would never let him go. I turned my back on them and got out of there as quickly as possible, before I could cause any more damage. Before I could unwittingly bring them even closer together.