Compass (34 page)

But she was wrong.

This was different.

Cora had been special to her and she still carried the grief of her loss, but Ryan had been there to hold her together when her sister passed. Who would be there for her now? She would be alone.

Ryan was the other half of her soul. That was why she could never fully let him go, why she kept the compass all those years, and why she could never give her heart to another. He was the piece of her heart that was never hers to give. His love was infinite and finite. It was beyond the realms of nature. His love was everything.

The coroner stopped in front of a table near the end of the row. “If you’ll please step over here,” he instructed, extending his hand to where he wished for her to be.

Squeezing her fists into a tight ball, Alexis realized she’d been holding the compass in her palm the entire time. She looked down at the small plastic object. The dial spun around and around, in constant motion. It felt as lost as she did.

Alexis slipped the compass back into her pocket and walked around to the side of the table. Chills beveled her skin, making her hair stand on end. The heart in her chest had practically stopped beating. The medical examiner stepped in front of her. “I don’t think I need to explain to you how this works,” he said.

For the first time, Alexis looked at the man that had been her guide. He was rather short for a man, standing only a few inches taller than her. The sterile lighting in the room washed out his caramel colored skin and his brown eyes, while warm, had lost their sense of humanity after working among lifeless bodies for so long. On his scrubs, hung his name badge, Doctor Joseph McCall.

Nodding her head, Alexis’ eyes moved over the covered form in front of her. It was obviously a male figure about Ryan’s height. The facial profile was defined, much like his, but it was hard to tell with the sheet over it. Her mouth pooled with metallic liquid. She tried to swallow but her throat felt tight and closed.

Prepared for the worst, at least she thought she was, Alexis watched as Doctor McCall gripped the corners of the sheet between his fingers. The cover lifted from the man’s face, revealing the person underneath.

For a moment she stared at the body, cold and emotionless. Her mind didn’t register what she was looking at. She couldn’t move. The world had physically ceased to exist for her.

Then all at once, every emotion that had been void and vacant swelled forth. Alexis buckled forward in a flood of tears. She thought she had prepared herself, but the truth was, nothing could have prepared her for this.

She cupped her hands over her mouth and stared at the lifeless form. “Please,” she cried, waving her hands. Alexis stepped back, incapable of breathing. With her back pressed against the wall behind her, she could feel the cold tiles through her scrubs. “Please!” she screeched again, waving for Doctor McCall to drop the sheet.

Slowly, Joseph placed the cover back over the body. Alexis watched as the lifeless form disappeared from sight. She slid down the wall, covered her face in her hands, and sobbed.

The metal doors of the morgue creaked open and Alexis stepped into the corridor. Both of her hands were balled at her mouth. Every inch of her body trembled. Evidence of her despair had cut lines along her face. All color was washed from her skin. Her hair was flat and lifeless. The sag in her shoulders revealed the heavy burden of heartache she bore.

Her tear-swollen eyes honed in on Mary, who was sandwiched between Dale and Declan. Alexis thought nothing of Declan being there. He was family. They were all family.

On bated breath, everyone waited for her to confirm their fears. She glanced from Dale to Mary then to Declan. Concern, grief, and fear masked each one of their expressions. She shook her head, her face twitching with emotion. Her hands dropped to her stomach as a fresh swell of tears overpowered her.

“Oh, God!” Mary gasped.

Alexis waved one hand, the other flattened firmly at her belly. Her voice caught in her throat, trapped by the sobs, which cut through her. Finally, she forced sound to come from her mouth. “It’s not him,” she blurted out in almost a harsh scream. All the energy she had left drained from her and she fell to the floor in a puddle of tears.

Declan released Mary and rushed toward Alexis. He skidded to his knees, scooping Alexis into his arms. “It’s not him,” she repeated, her voice a mere whisper now. Thick tendrils of hair had fallen over her face. Declan smoothed her hair back, kissing her temple. His touch was soothing, but it didn’t calm her.

“It’s all right,” Declan said, his nose buried in her hair. “Everything’s going to be okay.” He rocked her, holding her tight to him. The pressure was exactly what she needed to close the chasm in her chest, but his scent and the shape of his arms weren’t right. He wasn’t Ryan.

Mary dropped to her knees and crawled to where Declan held Alexis in his arms. She encompassed them both in her embrace. Together, the three friends cried. For the fear of losing Ryan. For the hope of finding him. For the love they all felt for the man who’d brought them together.

Alexis wiped the tears from her eyes. She pushed against Declan’s arms, struggling to stand. Declan released her, offering his hand as she wobbled to her feet. Dale rushed to her, taking her other hand to help steady her. From the corner of her eye, she could see Dale give her friends a serious look. She couldn’t allow that to persuade her from her mission. Ryan was still out there, waiting for her to find him. “I’m fine.” But even to her own ears she could hear the weakness behind her words. It didn’t matter. All that mattered was finding Ryan. “I have to get back out there.” She willed her body to move.

Dale grabbed her by the arm. “Alexis, stop. You need rest.”

“No,” her voice was shaky and quiet. She shook free of Dale and stumbled forward. Her whole body felt drained, almost as if it weren’t hers anymore. Every ounce of energy she had was gone. Shock was setting in, but while her body was weak, her resolve was strong. “I must find him.”

Declan pulled himself up from the floor bringing Mary along with him.

“Alexis, honey,” Mary approached her, pulling her into a hug, “Dale’s right. You need rest. We’ll keep looking, but you just experienced something traumatic. You need to recoup.”

Alexis shook her head. “No. You all aren’t taking a break, and neither will I. I can’t stop. Don’t you see that?”

Dale rested a hand on her shoulder. “Yes, but like Mary said, we didn’t just endure the trauma you did. A small break doesn’t make you weak.”

She shrugged away from Mary and Dale. “I’ve worked forty-eight hours straight with no break. I can handle this!” She threw her hand out toward the elevator. “There are people out there who need us. All of us. Me included.” She buckled forward, the air in her lungs dense, her head splitting inside her skull. “Please,” she pleaded. “I can’t rest until I find him.”

“They’re both right, Doc.” Declan came up behind them, resting his hands on Alexis’ shoulders. “You’ll be no good to him like this. Ryan would be pissed if I let you continue when I know better.”

“Go lay down in my office,” Dale instructed. “If we find him─”

“When─” Mary corrected.

Dale nodded. “Yes,
when
we find him, you’ll be the first we notify.”

“I can’t,” she cried.

“You must,” Declan demanded.

“Don’t make us give you a sedative,” Dale commanded.

Unable to fight them any longer, her shoulders slumped and she fell back against Declan.

“Deck, take her upstairs to Dale’s office. We’ll head back to the ER.” Mary reached for her hand, giving it a good squeeze. “We’ll find him. I swear to you. Please rest.”

“I hope you know where you’re going, because Dale’s office could be the john for all I know,” Declan joked.

A faint but forced smile appeared on Alexis’ lips, as she released Mary’s hand. “Some pilot you are. Can’t even find an office.”

“I’m a great pilot,” Declan boasted, pulling her into the crook of his side. “I follow directions well. So, navigate, woman. We got to get your energy back for when we find our boy.”

A strangled chuckle gurgled in her chest, as she leaned into him and allowed him to walk her down the hall. She felt the pull of her emotions tugging inside her. The world was off course, and maybe her friends were right. A quick break could set her back on path to finding her heart and soul.

“Alexis,” someone whispered her name, “wakey, wakey.”

A little stiff from sleeping on a couch, she shifted her position but kept her eyes closed. The peace and numbness of sleep surrounded her and she didn’t want to leave that comfort just yet.

Small hands shook her by the shoulders. “Lex, wake up.”

Alexis’ eyelashes fluttered, eyelids lifted, and big brown eyes opened to find an outline of someone hovering over her. She could barely make out their form, but there was something all too familiar about this person.

“There you are. I thought I’d lost you. We have so much to catch up on and so little time to do it in.” That voice. She recognized it. Like a dream or a memory. But from where?

“Huh?” Alexis croaked. She felt confused, dazed, and disoriented, but strangely calm. Nothing seemed to make sense. Her mind felt heavy and foggy, yet clear and light. Deep in her chest, her heart ached, and her eyes felt like rocks in their sockets, but they were masked by the sweet peace that seemed to wash over her. There was no pain, even though there was. It was the oddest sensation she’d ever experienced.

She squinted her eyes, trying to focus on the person poised over her. Should she be afraid of this person? The odd feeling of serenity that surrounded her told her that she had nothing to be afraid of. Alexis rubbed the ball of her hands into her eyes, causing them to throb even more.

“Careful there. You’ve had a rough day. I’m sure you’re probably feeling like you’ve been beaten within an inch of your life.”

The voice was distinctively female. Almost childish in sound.

Alexis shifted her weight onto her elbows, pushing herself off of the soft surface of the sofa. The faceless figure stepped back, giving her room to move. The soles of her ballet slippers tapped against the linoleum, keeping Alexis aware of her presence. Alexis groaned as she stretched her exhausted body; every joint popping with each move she made. With her eyes closed, she rolled her neck, relieving even more of the tension from her sore body. What happened to make her so tense?

Alexis looked up at the shadow, squinting her eyes. “Who are you?” she asked, a twinge of uncertainty prickling her skin.

The little girl giggled, skipping in place. “Guess.”

Eyes narrowed, Alexis tried to focus on the bouncing figure. “Just tell me who you are,” Alexis groused.

“Oh, you were never any fun with guessing games,” the child complained.

Stepping out of the rays of the fluorescent light stood a little girl wearing a tutu and holding a glittery wand. Her dark tresses were wound tight in perfect ringlets and her big, brown eyes were almost liquid, like molten chocolate. She wore a smile that could only be made by angels.

Alexis covered her mouth, her eyes widening in recognition. “Cora?”

The girl laughed, clapping her hands. Her wand flapped in the wind. “I didn’t know if you’d recognize me like this.” She twirled around, her tutu fluttering with the air.

“Of course I do!” Alexis squealed, throwing her arms around her baby sister. She smelled of sunlight and fresh cut grass on a summer day, like she always had. “You always wanted to be a dancer. I used to sing and dance for you because…” her voice trailed off. Because of the leukemia, Cora became tired too easily. Her heart was willing, but her body wouldn’t allow her to dance. So, Alexis took it upon herself to dance for her sister when she could.

Alexis took a step back, staring at the illusion of her baby sister.

“Don’t be sad. I can dance now.” Cora pirouetted on her toes, flittering about in perfect form.

Alexis smiled, grabbing Cora by the hand and pulling her to her chest. She rocked her sister in her arms, amazed at how real she felt. “I’ve missed you so much.”