Commitment (56 page)

“I already have,” Alex acknowledged.

Edmond Callier put his arm around Alex’s shoulder and guided her to the door. “The truth is Alexis, none of us can walk away from who we are; we can only walk toward who we choose to become. Go home to your family. Take this time and hold onto it. I already lost two men I considered sons, and three that I called brothers. I suspect they will not be the last,” Callier said sadly.

Alex looked at the older man intently. “He won’t let anything happen to Eleana,” she said quietly.

Callier smiled. He had recognized the growing affection between his daughter and Jonathan Krause. “I believe you are right,” he said. “But Alexis, I would mourn any one of you as I did Elliot. You may not believe that. It is the truth,” Callier told her. “
Les familles ne sont pas seulement trouvé dans le sang. Je pense que vous devriez le comprendre plus que la plupart
. (Families are not only found in blood. I should think you would understand that more than most).”

Alex turned back to the empty room and allowed her eyes to roam freely. It was a fortress. She thought silently about the friends she had already lost; John Merrow, her father, Russ Matthews, even Michael Taylor. She closed her eyes as her thoughts traveled to Dylan, so much he had lost as well; the only father he had ever known, and a father that would never
share his life. “No more,” she said. It was a silent commitment to the future. “No more.”

Friday, February 6
^th

“Alex, stop fidgeting,” Cassidy laughed. “Why are you so nervous?”

Dylan looked up to Alex and waited for her to answer his mother. “I’m not nervous,” Alex said. Cassidy raised her eyebrow and shook her head just as the doctor walked into the room.

“Well, the entire Toles family today,” Dr. Allison Bartlett greeted the room. “You must be Dylan,” she said.

“Yep. So, when do we get to see Mackenzie?” Dylan asked the doctor.

Dr. Bartlett looked between the two women in the room. “That was fast. Mackenzie; excellent choice; only need one.”

Alex stood next to Cassidy gloating and received a slight smack to her arm for her cockiness. “Yeah, yeah,” Cassidy groaned. “I was outnumbered,” she told her doctor.

Dylan and Alex both offered the doctor a toothy grin. “I can see you have your hands full,” Dr. Bartlett joked.

“Yeah, let’s hope this one has some of my genes,” Cassidy laughed.

“YaYa says Alex is missing a gene,” Dylan told the doctor.

Dr. Bartlett looked to Alex and pretended to study her carefully. “Which gene are you missing, Ms. Toles…Calvin or is it Levi…”

“Do you know Cassidy’s mother by any chance?” Alex asked the doctor suspiciously.

“No, can’t say that I’ve had the pleasure,” Dr. Bartlett answered. “So, what do you say we take a peek here and see if we can find Mackenzie?” she winked at Dylan.

“Yeah!” he exclaimed.

“Cassidy, there is a possibility I might be able to see the gender. Some things we can’t tell for certain, others are a little more….obvious,” Dr. Bartlett said.

“We’d rather it be a surprise,” Alex said. Cassidy smiled at her wife gratefully.

“But, if anything make itself known,” Cassidy raised her eyebrow, “that would be fine too.”

Dr. Bartlett set about her tasks, explaining each thing she was doing as she went. “How can you see him from out here?” Dylan asked.

“Actually, Dylan, this uses sound, but so high that you can’t hear it,” Dr. Bartlett explained.

“Can Mackenzie?” he asked.

“No, Mackenzie can’t hear it either, but Mackenzie should be able to hear your mom pretty soon,” she said.

“Really?” Alex asked.

“Yeah,” the doctor smiled at Alex’s enthusiasm. “Okay, here we go. Let’s just…oh…see; right there,” Dr. Bartlett pressed a button on the machine and then moved the wand again. “Right there,” she pointed to the screen. “See, there are Mackenzie’s hands.”

Cassidy looked at the screen, relieved to see the life within her. She looked up at Alex and lost her breath. Alex was completely captivated by the image. Her mouth was slightly open, and her eyes were moist. “Cass…”

“Alex! Look!” Dylan bounced on his heels. “Is he waving?” Dylan asked.

Dr. Bartlett tried not to laugh. “Maybe,” she said. “But you see; right there, Dylan…those are Mackenzie’s feet.”

“Be careful,” Dylan warned the doctor. “Kenzie’s feet are ticklish.” Cassidy looked at Alex and started laughing.

“How do you know that?” Dr. Bartlett asked.

“We all have ticklish feet; even Mom. It’s a Toles thing,” Dylan told her.

“Let me snap a few good ones for you,” Doctor Bartlett said. “How are you feeling now, Cassidy? Any nausea left?”

“Nope. None,” Cassidy said.

“Good. Alex, why don’t you take Dylan out into the waiting room while we finish up here?” the doctor suggested. She made a few notes on the pictures and handed them to Alex. “First photo,” she winked. Alex just nodded a bit dumbly and led Dylan from the room.

“You could tell; couldn’t you?” Cassidy asked her doctor.

“Not a hundred percent,” Dr. Bartlett smiled. “Do you want me to give you my best guess?” she asked.

“No,” Cassidy said as the doctor wiped off her stomach and continued the exam. “I already have a pretty good idea.”

“Sixth sense?” the doctor asked.

“Sounds silly, huh?”

“No. Not really. I knew what all four of mine were going to be,” Dr. Bartlett said. “More accurate than the ultrasound. I wouldn’t be surprised if you felt some movement soon,” she told Cassidy.

“I already have,” Cassidy confessed.

Dr. Bartlett smiled. “I’m not surprised. Haven’t told Alex?”

“No. They are just little flutters. Started this week and not all that often. She’ll drive me crazy for the next few weeks until she can feel it if I tell her now,” Cassidy laughed.

“Well, Mackenzie is right where Mackenzie should be,” the doctor assured. “Everything looks good, Cassidy.”

“Thanks. Thanks for letting Dylan be here,” Cassidy said.

“How are you doing; emotionally, I mean?” the doctor asked.

“I’m okay. Today helped….all of us,” Cassidy said with a smile.

“I’m sure. I’ll let you get dressed. Just….Cassidy…make sure you take care of yourself too.”

“I will,” Cassidy promised.

Thursday, February 12
^th

Dylan sat between Alex and Cassidy in the pew of a small church, toying with the button on his jacket. Dylan felt his mother tighten her grasp as music began to play. He followed his parents’ lead to stand. The cherry casket at the front of the church was covered in a spray of yellow and red roses. Dylan stopped and looked at it. He kept his parents’ hands in his own and approached the casket. He’d seen people do the same thing when Alex’s father died. Alex leaned over into his ear. “Do you want us to give you a minute?” Dylan shook his head no. He wanted to talk to his father, but he wanted Alex and Cassidy beside him.

“I just want to talk to him,” Dylan explained.

“Go ahead, sweetie,” Cassidy said. “We’re right here.”

Dylan stepped up and put his hand on the wood. It felt cool and smooth. He smiled slightly at the way the lights reflected off the perfectly shined wood. “Hi Dad,” he said. “I’m really sorry that you went away. Santa brought me a cool new video game for Christmas. It has Batman in it. I think Alex asked him to. She can never beat Mom at racing.”

Cassidy choked back her tears and smiled at her son’s innocence. She looked at Alex who was watching Dylan protectively and reached for her wife’s hand as he continued.

“I’m sorry that you won’t meet Mackenzie too. He’s my brother…or my sister; I guess. Anyway, thanks for playing those games with me. And, for the beach. I hope you won’t be mad, but I am going to be a Toles now. Mom says I can still love you even if I have a different name.” Dylan started his slow retreat and then turned back abruptly and dropped his voice to a whisper. “I almost forgot. Can you find Alex and Mom’s dads and tell them they say hi? Me and Kenzie too. I think that would be nice. Thanks, Dad,” Dylan said. He looked up to Alex and then to his mother.

“Ready?” Cassidy asked. Dylan nodded. “Okay, let’s go.”

“I can’t believe how much press was there,” Cassidy said.

“Yeah, well…he’s a big story,” Alex replied.

“Alex, what now? I mean, do you even know where Agent Brady is?” Cassidy asked.

“No. And, that isn’t my concern,” Alex smiled as she climbed into the bed next to Cassidy.

“What about President Strickland and…”

“Cass?” Alex called to her wife gently. “Let it go,” she said softly.

Cassidy turned slightly on her side and gave Alex a peculiar gaze. “What is going on?” Cassidy asked.

“A lot and a lot of nothing,” Alex answered.

“I don’t follow,” Cassidy confessed.

“Nothing has changed, Cassidy…and yet, everything has changed. I don’t know how else to explain it. There’s going to come a time when I will have to be away again; maybe on a moment’s notice…”

“I know that,” Cassidy conceded.

“But, that won’t be for a while. My focus right now is restructuring Carecom and this family; not in that order,” Alex said.

“Mmm…Dylan handled today better than I did, I think,” Cassidy changed the subject.

“He is something,” Alex said proudly. “I think he told every person he met he was going to have a brother,” Alex laughed.

Cassidy looked at her midsection and shook her head. “Well, Mackenzie?”

Alex put her hand on Cassidy’s stomach and started talking. “You in there?” Alex asked. “You know; your brother thinks you are a boy, Kenzie. Are you?” Cassidy shifted slightly and giggled. “What? Did I tickle you?” Alex asked.

Cassidy smiled sweetly and brushed Alex’s hair aside. “No. I think Mackenzie is telling us he is a boy, or
she
is telling us we’d better prepare her brother,” Cassidy explained.

“You felt him?” Alex pulled herself up. Cassidy nodded. “What did it feel like?”

“A flutter, but a pretty big flutter this time,” Cassidy said.

“Wait….you felt him before?” Alex asked.

“Very little, Alex. Very little…until just now,” Cassidy explained.

Alex ran her hand over Cassidy’s belly lightly. “Ask him something,” Alex said.

“What?” Cassidy laughed.

“Dr. Bartlett said he can hear you. Ask him something,” Alex encouraged her wife excitedly.

“She didn’t say the baby could understand me,” Cassidy laughed harder.

“He can. Come on. Ask him something.”

“What do you want me to ask
her
?” Cassidy inquired.

“Ah! I knew it! You think it’s a girl!” Alex exclaimed.

“What if I do?” Cassidy answered back smartly. Alex put her head on Cassidy’s abdomen. “Alex, what are you doing?” Cassidy giggled.

“Kenzie, are you a girl?” Alex asked excitedly. “No? Um… are you a boy? Well, come on…inquiring minds want to know.”

Cassidy started laughing so hard she became short of breath. “Oh my God, Alex…stop…you are going to make me wet the bed.”

“Well, if you’d ask, maybe he would answer!” Alex said indignantly.

“Fine,” Cassidy agreed. “Mackenzie….tell your Mommy here that you are our little girl,” Cassidy said.

“Haha! See…she didn’t move. She is a he!” Alex said.