Coming Up Roses (22 page)

"Marriage is simplest."

"But I don't
want
to be married. I like being my own person."

"And you couldn't be if your last name was changed?"

"There's a bit more to it than that."

"We're talking about a wedding ring, not a ball and chain."

"We're talking about more than a ring!" she cried.

It was his turn to throw up his hands. "What, aside from accommodating me in the bedroom? You sure as hell wouldn't have as much work to do. And you wouldn't have to filch away every miserable penny you got your hands on, trying to clothe your daughter. Or walk around in the dark at night, afraid to waste lantern fuel. Just what are we talking about, Kate?"

She could only stare at him.

He stepped closer, his hands once again riding his hips. "Let's get a clear understanding here. If I adopt your daughter, and then I turn out to be the bastard you're afraid I might be, your independence will be shot all to hell, anyway." He leaned toward her. "With Miranda's happiness at stake, if I said jump, you'd ask how high. There'd be no end to the leverage I'd have over you. So what the hell difference does it make, married or not?"

She pressed her fingertips against her temples. "None, I guess." She fastened frightened eyes on his. "What about you? Doesn't it bother you, knowing how I feel?"

He shifted his weight to one foot and bent a knee. After gazing at her for several seconds, he said, "I aim to change that. If I didn't think I could make you happy, that'd bother me. But I think I can if you'll give me the chance."

Kate couldn't believe she was about to ask this. "Wh-Where would we live? At your place?"

He glanced over his shoulder. "Not with Joseph planted in your front yard. We'd have to stay here to keep Ryan out of here." He pursed his lips, then exhaled a breath through his clenched teeth. After a long moment, he said,

"I thought about moving the evidence. My first instinct was to bury him out in the woods somewhere." He paused to gaze thoughtfully across the valley. "The way folks are settling here though, it would have been just my luck to choose a spot that some farmer plans to clear soon. If somebody started digging a well or uprooting trees near where I buried him, they might—" He broke off and swallowed. "Next I considered taking him to my place. Then I thought better of it, for two reasons. One being that the rose garden will be the last place Ryan will look, the other being that I'd be implicated as an accomplice if the body was ever found."

"I wouldn't expect you to take that risk."

"It wasn't my risk that concerned me but Mandy's. If suspicion was thrown on me, we could both end up in jail, and there she'd be with no one to take care of her again. It's better to leave things alone and hope we can keep Ryan away."

"And what if—" She wrung her hands. "What if we can't? What if he finds Joseph and turns me in?"

"Then you go to jail, and Mandy and I wait for you to come home. They aren't going to put you in prison or hang you, Kate. It's not as if you deliberately killed the man."

"I thought about it enough times."

"You can't think a man to death. No jury on earth will convict you."

She closed her eyes. "I murdered him in my thoughts a thousand times. According to the Bible, that's as bad as doing it."

"Bullshit."

"It says it, right in—"

"I don't care what it says. You can't take everything so literally. Three-quarters of the world's population should hang if that's the case. Practically everyone has a violent thought now and again. And you had more cause than most."

She curled her hands into fists. "I didn't have a choice when I married Joseph."

"I guessed as much. You're too intelligent a woman to have made such a rotten choice in a husband."

His admission surprised Kate. It had been years since a man have given her credit for having any brains. "With all the best of intentions, my uncle made the nuptial arrangements shortly before he died. I swore I'd never be coerced into marriage again."

He rubbed his jaw. "I'm trying my damnedest to feel guilty about that."

She stared down at him, wondering what that was supposed to mean. Then he looked into her eyes, his warm with a mixture of amusement and tenderness.

"But the truth is I'll take you any way I can get you. And it's hard to feel guilty about that when I know it's probably what's best for you."

Best for her… How many times had Joseph said the same? Kate had hoped to spend the remainder of her days deciding for herself what might be best.

"Is it the physical aspect of marriage?" he asked softly. "Was Joseph—" He broke off and tipped back his head to gaze at the roof. "I know he was a mean so-and-so. Was he ornery in the bedroom, too?"

Ornery? A picture flashed in Kate's head of darkness and the panting sound of Joseph's breath. Hoping Zachariah wouldn't notice how tense his question made her, she shoved the memories away and knotted her hands into fists.

If he started to suspect just how
ornery
Joseph had sometimes been, he might demand she give him particulars.

Kate couldn't do that, couldn't even contemplate it. There were some things so horrible that one dared not expose them, dared not even think of them.

Reluctant to lie, she temporized, struggling to keep her voice even. "No, as a rule, he wasn't ornery. Not in the bedroom, anyway." That was the truth, as far as it went. Kate avoided meeting Zachariah's gaze, afraid he might see the unspoken truth in her eyes. "The physical aspect is only part of the reason I feel as I do."

Zachariah looked relieved. "Well, then." He flashed her a slow grin that made her skin tingle. "At least he did something right. I have to admit that was my biggest worry, that maybe things hadn't been—" He broke off and shrugged his shoulders to rearrange his jacket. Running his finger under his collar, he glanced at the rising sun.

"If this weather doesn't beat all. It's getting damned hot out here."

"It's July."

He studied the sun a moment longer, his eyes in a squint to block out the light. "Yeah, July. Now I suppose it'll get hot enough to fry eggs, and we'll all wish for rain."

Kate felt like screaming. How could he switch to talking about the weather at a time like this? Her whole life was being decided here. Her thoughts drifted to Miranda, asleep upstairs. Kate imagined the joy on her face when she heard the news. At least her child would be happy. Pray God. There was always the chance that Zachariah McGovern might show a totally different side once he had his fish hooked.

"Wh-When will we do it?" she asked in a tinny voice.

Still rubbing his jaw, he seemed to freeze at the question. After a pregnant moment, he said, "When it feels right, I guess. Do we have to decide that right now?"

Kate lifted her chin and stiffened her shoulders. "If I have to do it, I want to get it over with."

He just stood there, holding his jaw and gaping at her.

She was beginning to feel annoyed. Two minutes ago, he couldn't seem to wait. "Who'll we get as witnesses?"

"Witnesses?" An odd expression crept into his eyes, and then he started to clear his throat and nearly choked on a smothered laugh. "Witnesses." He rearranged his expression to one of solemnity, apparently with great effort.

"Of course, witnesses. I don't know where my head went." He pinched the bridge of his nose. "How about Marcus and Ching Lee? I can round them up and have them ready by noon ."

" Noon today?" she asked.

He swept off his jacket and swiped his forehead with his shirt sleeve. "Like you said, we may as well do it. I'm not going to feel easy until those adoption papers are signed."

Kate tried to take a deep breath but her lungs didn't want to expand. Men. She'd never understand them. One minute, any old time suited him just fine, and now he wanted to set out at noon ? She hated that. Feeling like a ball being bounced about at someone else's whim. "I can be ready."

Hooking his jacket on one finger, he slung it over his shoulder. "Do you want me here with you to tell Miranda?"

Kate couldn't feel her feet. "No. I think it'd be best if I do that alone."

Apparently reluctant to leave, he planted a boot on her bottom step. "I know you're not happy about this."

That was an understatement.

He looked up to eye her eave again. "That roof needs fixing."

The weather, and now the roof? Kate bit down on a wave of irritation. "Yes. Much more rain like we've just had and it'll leak like a sieve, I imagine."

He thumped his heel on the step. "This porch is in sorry shape, too."

"Yes."

His gaze sought hers. "So is your life, Katie."

There was no answer to that.

"I'm handy at fixing things," he said huskily. With that, he turned away.