Coming Home to Love (Lakeside Porch Series Book 2) (24 page)

Joel poured her tea and then his own. “It’s hot,” he warned when she picked up the mug.

She set it down again. “I think the next right thing is to call my doctor and get in to see her as soon as possible.”

“Why don’t you call her right now?” Joel encouraged. “I’ll be right back.” He left the table for a few minutes to give her privacy.

When he returned, their salads sat on the table, and Gianessa jotted notes in a tiny notebook.

“She’ll see you?”

“This afternoon. Two o’clock.”

“Where is she?”

“Clifton Springs. That doesn’t give us much time to eat. Joel, when do you need to get back to the Manse?”

“I need to support you right now. Let’s eat our salads, and while we’re eating, tell me what you want me to do.” He was glad to see her perk up a little as she ate. When she didn’t suggest a course of action, he said, “I can wait in town, in the car, in the waiting room, wherever you’re most comfortable.”

“It’s complicated,” she said with a sheepish smile. “I’m thinking.”

“What would you really, really like me to do?”

“I’d really like you to help me talk with the doctor after the exam.”

He swallowed against his nervousness. “This will be good practice for me when Manda gets pregnant.”

“Okay. Here are my questions.” She tapped her finger on the notebook. “You tell me what else I should be asking.”

Gianessa asked Joel to take the wheel on the drive home from Clifton Springs. “I am shaking again,” she told him. “God, I could never have done that alone.”

He reached over and covered her hand. “And you won’t do any of it alone. Manda and I will help you all we can. And you have friends in the program that will be there for you. Give some thought to who you want to tell and when.”

“Please don’t say anything yet. Not even to Manda.”

“I’m prepared to keep it confidential as long as you want. Manda is consumed with classwork and wedding plans, so she’s not going to guess a thing on her own. And it’s not for me to tell Justin.”

“God, Joel, what am I going to do? How can I go to him and tell him?”

“Tell me what you’re afraid of.” Glad the car was automatic shift, he drove carefully through the parking lot.

“He will think I seduced him to get him to marry me, that I am after his money.”

“Why would he think that?”

“You know how suspicious he gets.”

“He’s capable of better.” He turned left at the traffic light and breathed a sigh of relief that they had the road to themselves.

“I can’t imagine he wants to be a father.”

“I’m inclined to agree with you about that one, but he did say something off the wall when I first came out of the coma. I don’t think he had even met you yet. But either way it stunned me.”

“What was it?”

“He was urging me to propose to Manda, which I already intended to do. And to have a family, which I had already come around to wanting.”

“You hadn’t wanted to have children?”

“No. I could never see myself as a father. But I started to see myself in that role the more Manda and I fell in love. There was a moment when I looked at her and imagined her pregnant with our child, and it felt so right. And I realized, by watching her grow and change in recovery, I really enjoyed being part of that development, and I knew I wanted to be a dad and to have children with her.”

“I’m so glad you told me that.”

“Even though it’s not exactly what I started out to say.”

“Which was?”

“That, after I came out of the coma and Justin realized I was serious about marrying Manda and having children, he said he intended to beat me to the first Cushman heir. And I laughed at the time, thinking it was just that old competitive streak between us, or maybe it was his way of telling me he thought it was an outstanding idea for me to produce an heir and raise a family. But I can’t help thinking he was serious.”

“Serious about having a child of his own?”

“Yes.” It was giving him a headache to nod and to turn his head, so he kept his eyes on the road.

“It’s hard to believe.”

“Why do you say that?”

“I have the impression he would like to have a long term relationship with a woman, but marriage and family have never been in his plans.”

When he pressed the brake at the stop sign, pain shot into his knee. He made the left turn onto a road that would take them into Tompkins Falls, still a few miles ahead. “You may be right, but I wouldn’t count him out.”

“Why?”

He heard the hope in her voice and said carefully, “He had no desire to take over the college, and yet he stepped up to the job. And people are following his lead. He has potential in the father department, whether he knows it or not. He was an amazing father to me when I was at my worst.”

“He told me, the first time we cooked together, that you were his greatest achievement.”

A smile spread over Joel’s face. “Like I said, I can’t help thinking he was serious about having a child. It takes two, and obviously neither of you otherwise intelligent adults thought to use protection.”

Joel steered abruptly into a shallow turnoff and pressed the parking brake with his left foot.

Gianessa touched his arm. “You weren’t ready to drive, were you?”

“No. My right leg is shaking. I need you to take it from here.”

When she dropped Joel at the Manse, he tried to convince her he was all right but she ordered him to rest for the remainder of the day.

“I will, if you promise you’ll tell Justin right away. You’ll know what to say. Don’t wait.”

Justin answered her call and buzzed her in. She focused on her breathing as she climbed the stairs.
Give me the words. Give me the courage
. He had the door open and waited for her with a warm smile.

Gianessa blurted out, “Justin, I’ve spoiled everything, and I can’t undo it.” She took one look at his stern face and the courage drained out of her.

She forged ahead. “I’m pregnant.” She closed her eyes swayed with sudden dizziness. “I’m sorry.”

“Sit down before you faint.”

Gianessa jumped at his harsh tone.

“Please, Gianessa,” he said gently. He steered her to the sofa and fluffed a pillow for her.

She sank down and willed herself not to cry.

“I never meant for this to happen.”

“Are you unhappy that it has?” He squatted next to her and touched her hand.

Gianessa’s eyes opened wide. She searched for some sign of hope, but she was too dizzy and too filled with anxiety to see his face clearly or make sense of the expression in his eyes. But he was not smiling. “Not for me, no. I want this baby, our baby. But I know it’s not what you had in mind for our relationship and for yourself. I know—”

“How can you know what I want?” He rallied a weak laugh. “I’m not sure I know myself.”

A weight lifted from her chest. She breathed deeply and her head started to clear.

“When did you find out? Have you seen your doctor? Are you all right?”

“Yes, Joel went with me this afternoon.”

“Joel?” he yelled and rose to his full height.

Gianessa watched helplessly as Justin’s fists hardened and his handsome face distorted with rage. “What has Joel to do with this?” he roared.

“Nothing. He knew before I did. I was in shock. I asked him to come with me to the doctor. He was kind enough to—”

“Get out.” He took two steps back and swept his arm toward the door. “I won’t take the fall for Joel’s mistake. You and he will have to deal with this yourselves.”

“Justin, Joel and I never—”

“Never what?” He spat the words. “Never meant to hurt me? Oh please.”

“Listen to me.” Her shock turned to anger, and her voice shrilled. “I love you. I’ve never slept with Joel. We’ve never been anything to each other except respectful friends and professional allies.” She could see from the flash of his eyes and the set of his jaw that he didn’t believe her.

Has he has lost his mind
?

“How dare you try to put this on Joel. Justin, how can you even think that he—?” Her hands went to her belly, and she tried to calm her breathing. “This is our baby, Justin. Yours and mine.”

“I would be a fool to believe you.” His voice was hard, menacing. “Get out of my house and out of my life.” His features twisted into a caricature of the handsome man she knew. Fear gripped her heart.

“Justin, you’re insane.” She whispered it. When she tried to stand, though, the blood drained from her head. She fell back into the embrace of the soft blue pillows.

Justin said something. Though it didn’t sound threatening, she was too dizzy to make it out. The front door slammed.

In the silence that followed, she prayed.
God, I don’t know what to do. Help me. Protect my baby.
She stretched out flat and raised her legs, one at a time, onto the back of the sofa to make the blood flow to her head. She counted breaths until the dizziness passed. The tick-tock of the old grandfather clock made her feel less alone.

Lowering first one leg, then the other, she sat up slowly and counted the seconds as the clock ticked them off. At sixty, she stood up. No dizziness.

In Justin’s kitchen, she poured a tall glass of water and stood drinking.
If I could take back the sentence about Joel helping me
. . . Her eyes turned to the lake, gray and dull this afternoon.

“Isn’t it a good thing that Joel supported me?” she said aloud, although no one was listening. “Shouldn’t Justin be glad of that? Isn’t it insane to think what he’s thinking?”

Her heart ached for him, for his rage and the agony behind it. Afraid for him, for herself, for their baby, Gianessa grabbed a towel, buried her face in it and screamed until tears came.
God, help him, he has lost his mind
. Her breathing came in ragged gasps, and her head pulsed with pain.

A woman’s quiet voice said, “This is not good for the baby.”
Who said that?

With a deep inhale, Gianessa took control. She felt the comfort of a loving arm around her shoulders. Another deep breath, and she knew it was time to leave. She needed to go home and take care of herself and her baby. She found her purse and cautiously descended the two flights to the street.

Cozy in her little blue car, she made a promise. “Baby, it’s you and me, and I will take care of us both. We will be happy and healthy together, no matter what.”

I have to tell Sara. I need her support.
Gianessa put the car in gear, wheeled around the cul de sac at the top of Lakeside Terrace, and headed downhill and around the marina to Sara’s.

One glance at her pale face and shaking body was enough to make Sara gasp. “Ohmigod, you broke up with Justin. What can I do?”

Gianessa nodded. “I need to talk to you very seriously. I need you to keep a confidence. Really keep a confidence. You cannot tell Manda or Remy or Grace or—”

“Ohmigod, you’re pregnant.”

“Yes.”

“And he threw you out?” Sara screeched.

“Yes.”

“I can’t believe this is happening.” Sara flailed her hands. “What can I do?”

“Help me fix some sugary tea before I pass out.”

“Sit down. No, not there, in the kitchen so you can coach me.”

Gianessa hugged her. “I love you. You always know how to lighten me up.”

“Thanks, roomie.” Sara drew her into the kitchen. “It will be okay. You’ll see. Tell me what happened.” Gianessa told the story, leaving out Justin’s accusations against Joel.

When their tea was ready, their talk shifted for a few minutes to work and gossip, safe subjects.

Gianessa’s spirits rose with the sweet, hot drink and the girl talk. “I’m getting a little hungry.”

“That’s a good thing, right? We’ll get you a good mom snack.” Sara rummaged in the refrigerator for a block of cheese and put it on a plate with a knife. She set it in front of Gianessa. “And I’ll make us supper, if you tell me how.”

“Deal.” Gianessa grinned. She nibbled a hunk of Colby-jack cheese and sipped tea while she directed Sara to assemble a salad. Between each careful step, Sara jabbered nervously about her customers that day at the spa.

Gianessa didn’t register a single name or detail, but it helped her to stay present and to soak up Sara’s caring and concern.

“You love every one of your people, I can tell.”

“Well.” Sara made three syllables of the word. “I let them think so, and they almost always come through with good tips.”

“But you like some of them, don’t you? I like quite a lot of my customers. And it feels good when I can help them feel better. Don’t you like making them look better?”

Sara stopped with the olive oil poised over the salad. “Speaking of that, are you going to get a mom haircut now?”

“Watch what you’re doing there.” Gianessa tried to distract her from the haircut topic. “How about a lesson in making a simple lemon vinaigrette? Start with our third smallest glass bowl.” She pointed to the stack on the counter.

Sara dutifully reached for the bowl while Gianessa slid off her stool and removed a few ingredients from the cupboard. She found a lemon in the refrigerator.

“You’re going to mix a quarter cup of the oil with the same amount of rice vinegar.”

“In the glass bowl?

“Yes.”

Under her watchful eye, Sara made painstakingly exact measurements with a metal measuring cup.

“Now I’ll squeeze this lemon into the your dish.” She sliced the lemon in two and squeezed each half. The strength she sensed in her hands helped her feel stronger for the road ahead.

“Now you’ll add a pinch of these herbs.” She pushed a container of salt-free garlic-herb blend in front of her roommate. Sara’s fingers moved in slow motion toward the short, squat bottle of herbs. She pinched a tiny amount and looked up hopefully.