Come Home to Me (16 page)

Wilson slowly turned around and scoffed at him. “You signed on to scout for this train, Owens. You can’t stay here.”

“Stop me,” Jake sneered. With clenched fists at his side, he wheeled around and headed back in Rachel’s direction. From the burning anger in his eyes and firmly set lips, he looked ready to murder someone. As if he didn’t even notice her, Jake darted past and peered under the wagon. Rachel’s eyes followed him. Thomas writhed and moaned in his blankets, but hadn’t vomited again.

Mary rushed up beside her. “Rachel, I’ll take the children with me. You get your man . . . I mean your brother, better, and catch up with us.”

“Are you sure, Mary?” Rachel grabbed her friend’s arm.

“It’s best these kids don’t see their pa so sick. And you’ll have your hands full.”

Tears welled up in Rachel’s eyes. “Thank you. You’re a true friend.”

“We gotta help each other out here, don’t we?” Mary smiled weakly. “And I know you’ll be in good hands, too.” She nodded towards Jake.

Minutes later, wagons began to roll, and Rachel coughed at the dust that stirred in the air. She hugged Tommy, Billy, and David to her, and told them to be good boys and to listen to Mrs. Holland. David cried, refusing to let go of her skirt when Mary pulled him away.

“I’ll see you in a few days,” Rachel promised. “Just as soon as your papa is well, we’ll catch up.” She fought back the tears in her eyes as Tommy and Billy solemnly climbed into the back of the Holland’s wagon. David continued to call to her, and his cries echoed in her mind long after the train was out of earshot. Wiping at her face, she turned her attention back to the fire, thinking vaguely that she should cook something, do anything to keep her mind busy.

 Jake picketed the mules so they wouldn’t follow the train out of habit. He hadn’t said a word to her. Did he regret his impulsive decision to stay behind with her? He erected a lean-too type tent against the side of the wagon, and moved Thomas out and away from the soiled blankets he’d lain in.

“Burn all this,” Jake said gruffly, and tossed the blankets by the fire. He washed his hands, scrubbing vigorously with the soap, then swept past her.

“Jake.” Rachel reached for his arm. He stopped, and finally made eye contact with her. His taut features soften slightly. “I’m sorry you’re here on my account. You should have ridden out with the train.”

He gave a short laugh. “And leave you here alone? I can’t do that.” He shook his head.  Running a hand through his hair, he sniggered. “I might just have blown my chance at freedom back home, but what the hell was I supposed to do?” He pointed toward the line of wagons disappearing in the distance.  “How can I watch out for all these people and keep you safe at the same time? I had to make a choice. I hope the good reverend will understand that.” He sounded as if he was reasoning with himself.

Confused, Rachel’s eyebrows drew together. He wasn’t making sense again.  His arm muscles coiled tight under his shirt, and Rachel dropped her hand. He was clearly angry about the decision he’d made to stay behind with her. No sooner had she broken contact with him, and his own hand reached for her, pulling her to him. Rachel’s breath left her lungs, and she braced one hand against his chest. She’d longed to be in his arms since the night before, but with Thomas so sick at the moment, it didn’t feel right.

“I’d make the same choice again, Rachel,” he said, his voice deep and husky as he stared down at her. His fingers lightly caressed her cheek, and he dipped his head to claim her mouth. The instant his lips made contact with hers, she melted into him. His kiss was soft and gentle, not heated as it had been the previous evening, but the response in her was the same. Her heart raced in her chest, and warmth spread throughout her body, pooling in her gut.

Jake pulled his head back, and a tentative smile formed on his lips.

“Where’s home, Jake?” Rachel whispered, mesmerized from staring into his dark eyes. His body instantly tensed, and he dropped his arms away from her. His eyes contemplated her face, and he didn’t answer right away.

“What?” he asked, sounding uncomfortable all of a sudden.

“What did you mean when you said you might have blown your chance at freedom? Where do you call home?” Rachel elaborated.

“Right now, it’s in a California jail cell,” he finally answered, his jaw muscles tight. He stepped away from her.

California! Jail!
Rachel’s mind refused to believe he was a criminal. She swallowed the lump in her throat, and realized suddenly how very little she really knew about Jake Owens. How was it possible that she had such strong feelings for him?

“What did you do to end up in jail?” she asked tentatively.

“I was accused of murder.” His stare was unwavering. “Reverend Johnson bailed me out, and said he’d clear my name if I agreed to scout for this wagon train.”

Murder! Reverend Johnson?
Rachel groped her mind for understanding. Was he referring to the same Reverend Johnson as the one in Kannesville?

“The reverend’s been all the way to California and back?” Her eyes widened.

Jake laughed. “Oh, I think the good reverend’s been in a lot of places.” His eyes darkened, and the smile vanished from his face. “I didn’t kill anyone, Rachel. I was sent here to do a job so I can get my name cleared, and that’s what I aim to do.”

“Where do you live when you’re not in jail?” She’d never had the chance to openly talk to him about personal matters before. He couldn’t be guilty of murder if a man of the church believed in his innocence, could he?

“My home’s always been in Montana.”

“Is that part of the Oregon territory?” She’d never heard of this place before.

“Yeah, I guess it is.”

“Will you be going back there when . . . after you’ve completed your job?”

“Yeah. I think so. Coming here’s made me see that Montana’s really where I belong.” He faced her fully, and reached for her hand again. “My family runs a large ranch there. There’s trees and mountains, and I never thought I’d say this, but I can’t believe how much I miss it.” He laughed suddenly.

Rachel dropped her gaze to the ground and studied the sand. He’d be leaving when his job to get the wagon train to Oregon was completed.
You knew he would. You can’t hold a man like him.

Jake lifted her chin with two fingers. “There’s only one thing missing that would make it perfect,” he whispered when she met his stare. He held her hand to his chest.

A raspy cough came from the lean-too and jolted her to the core. Both of their heads turned in the direction of the makeshift tent. Rachel stepped quickly away from Jake and rushed to the side of the wagon. The coughing and gagging increased, and Jake held her back when she would have crawled under the canvas.

“Thomas?” she called, and pushed her way past Jake and through the opening. The sight of her brother’s blue-tinged skin, gasping for air, filled her chest with terror unlike anything she’d ever felt.  

Thomas stared wide-eyed at nothing. Rachel reached for her brother’s hand. His head turned in her direction. “I’m coming, Polly,” he rasped, and his hand relaxed in Rachel’s grip.

“No! Thomas,” Rachel squeezed his hand. She watched in horror as the last spark of life drained from his eyes. With one final shudder and heave and dip of his chest, Thomas Parker exhaled his final breath.

Too numb to react, Rachel stared at her brother’s lifeless form, and realized she was now completely on her own.

Chapter 16

Jake swiped the back of his hand across his forehead, but droplets of sweat still managed to sting his eyes. He blinked to dispel the burn, then dumped the last shovel full of dirt onto the mound of freshly dug earth. He stuck the simple wooden cross he’d fashioned from two sticks he’d tied together with twine into the ground, and peered over his shoulder. Rachel stood quietly behind him, her hands clasped tightly in front of her, her solemn eyes on the grave. She’d barely spoken a word since yesterday afternoon, after Thomas had breathed his last breath.

Jake’s heart went out to her. From the moment he’d seen Thomas sick that morning, he’d known that it didn’t look good for Rachel’s brother. He’d already vomited so much by the time Rachel had found him, his body was dehydrated beyond recovery without intravenous fluids.  The little bit of water he managed to keep down hadn’t been enough.

Rachel’s stoic behavior in the wake of her brother’s death unnerved him. She hadn’t cried. She’d walked away from the dead body, and gone about fixing a supper of rice, beans, biscuits, and leftover buffalo meat. When she barely touched her food, Jake had set his own plate aside, and tried to pull her into his arms. She’d pushed him away, and disappeared in the wagon for the rest of the night.

Jake decided to leave her alone with her grief. It had to be quite a shock to her. She was suddenly all alone on a trek across the country to a foreign land. What must be going through her mind? She had three little kids to worry about now, and no man to take care of her.

This journey might test her like nothing before.
Reverend Johnson’s words haunted him now. The old man hadn’t been kidding. Jake wondered again how much the reverend knew. Had he foreseen Thomas’ death?
That’s why the reverend gave her to you to protect.
  If he’d known all that, he would have also known that Jake would fall in love with her.

How would Rachel react if he told her he was from the future? He couldn’t possibly say anything to her, yet. Shortly before Thomas’ death, he’d almost asked her to come with him to Montana. She needed time to mourn her brother before he even thought to bring it up.

Jake gripped the shovel, and turned to face Rachel. He touched his hand to her shoulder and stepped closer. Her head snapped up; her eyes wide and shimmering. A slight breeze lifted strands of her hair that had come loose of its braid, and blew into her face. Jake wiped at her cheek and tucked the tendrils behind her ear.

“Would you like to say something?” he asked gently.

Rachel’s unfocused gaze darted from him to the grave, and back again. Her body shivered slightly. Her eyes suddenly filled with the tears she’d suppressed since yesterday. Jake expelled his breath, and pulled her into his arms. For a second, he thought she might object, but then her body went limp. She wrapped her arms around his middle, and buried her face in his shirt. Sobbing quietly, her body shook and quivered, and Jake held her in a tight embrace. He stroked the back of her head, and ran his hand up and down her back.

“Let it out, sweetheart. It’s okay to cry,” he whispered.

“He was all I had,” she rasped into his shirt. “All that was left of my family.”

Jake lifted her head from his chest. Her eyes glistened, and tears streamed down her face. “You still have the boys,” he offered, knowing it was probably not what she needed to hear.
And you have me,
he desperately wanted to add. This was not the time to bring it up. He still hadn’t worked it out in his own mind what to do about her once he reached the end of the trail in Oregon.

Rachel nodded slowly. “How am I going to tell them their papa is gone?”

Jake held her face between his hands, and swiped at her tears with his thumbs. “We’ll figure it out.” He eased her head against his chest, and simply held her. Consoling a grief-stricken woman was unfamiliar territory.

It would be so easy to tell her right now that he wanted her to come to Montana with him. But that meant he also had to tell her he was from the future. He couldn’t possibly drop such a bomb on her. Not yet, anyway. He could simply tell her he’d stay with her in Oregon, but he didn’t want to lie to her. One way or another, he’d figure out a way to keep her, whether in this time or in the twenty-first century.  Would she even want to stay with him? She obviously had feelings for him, but did she love him?

Thomas had told him she had no experience with men, and thought she was simply infatuated with him. She herself had told him she’d surrendered to him, that she was tired of running from his pursuit of her. Jake’s jaw clenched, and he cursed silently.  He didn’t want her surrender. He wanted her love. The innocent ways she’d kissed him told him she was unsure of herself. He had to tread lightly, and go slow.

The late afternoon breeze whooshed gently around them, cooling Jake’s face. Crickets and other evening bugs grew louder amongst the sage and grasses. Coyotes yipped in the far-off distance, and one of the mules brayed along the river. Jake’s mare pinned her ears at the annoying beast, and lumbered away towards the banks of the Platte, sticking her nose in the water for a drink. She swooshed her tail in an agitated manner, evening bugs swarming around her rump.

How long he stood there in the open, flat expanse of the Nebraska prairie, holding Rachel in his arms, Jake had no idea. The evening sun slowly sank in the western horizon, painting the sky different shades of orange, red, and purple.  She’d stopped sobbing some time ago, and her body had stilled as if she’d fallen asleep. He eased his upper body away from her, and she moaned softly.

“Don’t let go of me.” Her soft request was almost inaudible. Jake’s heart ignited in his chest. 
I’ll never let you go.

“Let’s get back to the wagon, Rachel,” he said, instead of what was really on his mind.  He tried to step back, but her grip around him tightened. Jake bent and hooked his arm behind her knees, and lifted her off the ground. Like a vice, she wrapped her arms around his neck. Jake clenched his jaw. If he didn’t know any better . . .

No, Rachel was reacting out of grief. She clung to him because he was the only person available. He couldn’t take advantage of her. Adjusting his hold on her, he carried her back to camp.  He’d come back for the shovel later. She rested her head against his shoulder, and a multitude of emotions exploded in him. Her grip around his neck didn’t ease up. She had no idea what she was doing to him.

Back at the wagon, he tried to set her on the tailgate. “If you’d like to rest, I’ll fix some supper,” he whispered in her ear. Rachel lifted her head, and stared up into his eyes. Her blue pools still glistened with the remnants of her tears, but there was also something else. Her pupils widened, her face inches from his.

“Kiss me, Jake,” she demanded softly. Jake cursed under his breath.

“Rachel, I don’t think –”

She leaned up and pressed her lips to his, her arms tightening around his neck to draw him closer. Inexperience showed in the hesitant way in which she moved her mouth against his. Jake groaned, and his biceps bunched as he drew her firmly to his chest. He opened his mouth slightly and adjusted his lips over hers, and took command of the kiss. His body roared to life. Against his better judgment, he slanted his mouth across hers, giving in to the fire that ignited inside of him.

Rachel moaned softly, and Jake’s hold on her tightened. Without breaking the kiss, he backed away from the wagon, and carried her to his bedroll several feet away. He carefully sank to his knees, eased her onto the blanket, and bent over her.

Finally, he pulled his head back as far as she allowed. Her grip around his neck hadn’t let up, as if she was afraid he would vanish if she loosened her hold. He studied her face for a moment, trying to contain his out-of-control breathing. His heart hammered in his chest, and his body responded to her undeniable request.

The look in her eyes was not that of a woman in the throes of passion. She stared up at him, fear and panic clearly ready to burst to the surface. He eased himself next to her and gathered her in his arms. Her awkward and innocent attempts to kiss him again confirmed what he already knew. Her grief-stricken mind needed to cling to someone for comfort, and he was the only other person available.

Jake cupped her cheek with his hand, and held her away from him. Confusion registered in her eyes.

“Jake,” she whispered, trying to catch her breath. “Please . . . I need you.”

Jake sucked in a lungful of air. “Sweetheart, this isn’t what you need right now.” He leaned over and kissed her gently. “You don’t know what you’re asking.”

“Yes, I do. I want to be with you.”

Jake rolled to his back, and stared up at the darkening sky. Stars twinkled in the dim light, shimmering like a sea of diamonds.

“This isn’t how to deal with your grief and loss, Rachel,” he said almost firmly, clenching his jaw. He fought for self-control. How easy it would be to take her up on her offer. He’d fantasized about this for weeks, since the first time he laid eyes on her. This wasn’t how he’d planned to make love to her. He wanted her to want him, free of guilt or a sense of loss and grief. She’d never forgive herself, or him, if he complied with her request.

“Come here,” he whispered, and drew her back into his arms. She molded herself against him, and Jake hissed. This night would test him like nothing ever had. He kissed her again, and eased her head against his shoulder. “Just lie here, and let me hold you,” he said, stroking her back.

“You promise you won’t leave me?” Her voice cracked.

“I’m not going anywhere.” His answer seemed to satisfy her, and she relaxed against him. Jake’s arms tightened protectively around her, and he sucked in a deep breath.
When was the last time you refused a woman, Owens?
He almost laughed out loud.

*****

Rachel opened her eyes. Everything around her was dark. The loud chirping of crickets mixed with the relaxing gurgle of running water. An overwhelming sadness swept over her, and her eyes welled up with tears. Thomas was dead. She hadn’t even told him goodbye. He’d succumbed so quickly to the cholera, she had no chance to talk to him. She recalled how he spoke his wife’s name, and realized her brother was now at peace.

Rachel inhaled a deep shuddering breath. She was alone, all alone in an unfamiliar land, heading for an unfamiliar destination. Lying on her side, she shivered and groped for a blanket. Her backside was warm, and she scooted closer to the source of the heat. Her arm bumped into something solid, and Rachel froze. Someone breathed softly against her neck.

Jake! He stirred next to her, but resumed his steady breathing. An arm clamped tighter around her middle and drew her closer to his solid form. Rachel held her breath.

“Oh, God,” she whispered. More memories flooded her mind. She’d watched Jake bury her brother this afternoon before she’d given in to her sorrow and cried in his arms. He had carried her back to camp. Overcome with grief and despair, a near panic had threatened to overtake her. Everyone she loved was gone. Dead. Irrational fear had gripped her. Fear that Jake would vanish from her life, too, and she clung to him like a tick on a hound. Tears of shame flowed down her cheeks. She’d asked . . . no, she’d practically begged him to bed her out of desperation. An overwhelming need to be loved and held in the security of someone’s arms had driven her to behave the way she did. What had she hoped to gain from it? A commitment from him to stay with her? She hadn’t been thinking rationally. How could she ever face him in the morning? 

She tried to scoot away from his side, but his arm held her like a vice. She didn’t want to wake him, and relaxed her tense muscles. She craved the relief his embrace provided, relief from the pain of loss, and the turmoil in her mind about her uncertain future. She wasn’t alone is this vast unknown world. The most wonderful feeling of safety and security rushed through her, lying in Jake’s arms, along with an unfamiliar need and longing.

Why had Jake refused her? Everything she’d heard about him would have her think he wouldn’t hesitate to accept what she’d offered. He’d adamantly told her no. A deep respect and love welled up inside her for the man lying so intimately next to her. He hadn’t taken advantage of her vulnerability, although he’d had every opportunity to do so. She wasn’t sure another man would have acted as noble.