Colters' Gift (6 page)

CHAPTER 7

A
FTER
reading the same paragraph five times, Lauren gave up on trying to enjoy the book she’d taken with her into Seth’s office. Seth was in and out and thankfully hadn’t tried to engage her in conversation. He was kept busy with various calls, but it was one from his wife, Lily, that made Lauren’s heart melt.

It was so obvious how adored Lily Colter was. By all three of the men she called husband. Seth’s entire face lit up when he realized it was her on the phone, and his eyes had grown so soft with love that Lauren found it hard to watch.

They’d spoken about the baby and how Lily was feeling. Evidently Dillon was home with Lily and it was also obvious that Seth would rather be there instead of stuck in his office. Babysitting Lauren.

It had made Lauren uncomfortable because she felt as though she was intruding on something private and deeply emotional.

She turned away to stare out the window, wondering when Noah and Liam would return and what was so important that they’d had to dump her so they could speak privately. Noah had acted strangely ever since the two had arrived while Liam had acted . . . like he cared about her. Or maybe it was wishful thinking on her part.

She’d never wished for anything as much as she wished she could go back and redo the past year. So much of her time had been spent lamenting the choices she’d made, but she’d compounded bad decision making with yet more bad decisions. Would it ever end for her?

There was more she hadn’t told Noah and Liam. Or Max. Or anyone else. But she knew the moment she gave up her secret that she’d be forced to act on it, and she wasn’t ready to face her past. Maybe she’d never be ready.

She was a coward. She readily admitted that. But in no way did she ever want to see Joel again, and were she to confess to anyone what she’d taken away when she ran from Joel and begged her brother for help, there would be no way around having to face him.

Just the thought was enough to strike fear in her heart and send a chill down her spine. She shivered and rubbed her arms.

“Are you cold?”

Seth’s question jerked her from her thoughts. She yanked her head up to see that he’d returned to his office again and was staring at her.

She stilled her hands so they rested on her arms, and shook her head. “No, I’m fine.”

He took a seat behind his desk and riffled through a stack of papers, evidently finding what he was looking for. He sat back, studying it for a long moment, and then he glanced her way again.

Then he put the paper down and leaned forward so his forearms rested on his desk.

“You know if you ever need help, with anything, that you only have to ask.”

She nodded.

Seth hesitated a moment, fiddled with a pen on his desk and then looked back at her again, as if he was trying to figure out the best way to broach the subject he wanted to discuss.

“Noah and Liam . . . are these guys you’re comfortable with? I can talk to Max. We can work out something else if you’d rather they go back to New York.”

She surged forward. “No! I mean no, it’s okay, they’re fine, I mean. It’s just that I was caught off guard. But really, they’ve been great. They were so sweet to me right after . . . you know, when what happened happened. Thank you, though. I appreciate what you and all your family have done for me.”

“You’re family, Lauren. And the Colters always look after family.”

She smiled. “I know. It’s one of the things I love the most about all of you. Max and I didn’t have that. I mean, we did, but it was just us and Mom for so long, and then we lost her. I was in awe of all of you when I first came here. To have such a large, close-knit family is pretty special.”

“You’re a part of that now,” Seth said. “Don’t forget that.”

Warmth filled her heart. It felt good to be a part of something as loving and wonderful as the Colter family.

Seth glanced toward the door and then turned back to her. “Looks like Noah and Liam are back for you. They’re out front. Come on, I’ll walk you up.”

She stood. “No need. Thanks for letting me stay and I’m sorry to be such a bother. Please give Lily my love and tell her I’ll see her when I can. I’m not sure how much freedom I’m going to have going forward,” she added ruefully.

“We’ll make it happen. She enjoys spending time with you and Callie. She won’t be able to go that long without getting together with you.”

“Thanks again. See you later,” she said as she exited his office.

Down the hall she saw Noah and Liam standing in the small reception area. They looked relieved when they saw her. Where did they think she’d go?

Noah reached for her hand as soon as she got close enough. To her surprise, he laced his fingers through hers, squeezed and then pulled her toward the door.

Liam followed them across the street, and Noah never let loose as they climbed the steps to her apartment. When he pushed inside, he kept ahold of her hand and led her to the love seat.

He seemed nervous. Ill at ease. Even Liam looked a little . . . unsure.

“Is something wrong?” she blurted. “You both look worried. Is it Joel?”

Liam got up, shoved her coffee table out of the way and dropped down onto one knee in front of her.

“No, baby. I don’t want you to worry about Joel, okay? We’re going to do everything in our power to make sure you never have to see him again.”

“We wanted to talk to you about something personal,” Noah said.

Her gaze swung to him and her heart began to race. She licked her lips nervously because she knew that whatever they wanted to discuss was going to be . . . huge. It was there to read in their expressions. They were focused intently. On her. Like she was the most important person in the world.

“O-okay,” she breathed out.

Liam slid his big hand over hers, warm and soothing. Noah took her other hand and turned it palm up, his finger tracing the lines to her fingers.

“The thing is . . .” He trailed off then ran his free hand over his head. “Hell, I’m making a total mess of this.”

“What is it, Noah?” she asked softly.

“Do you have feelings for us?” Liam asked bluntly. “Or are we way off base here.”

Heat seeped into her cheeks and she was mortified. Had she been so transparent? She’d tried her best to be indifferent toward them. She hadn’t even truly sorted out what she felt for them. They intrigued her. She’d allowed herself to fall into the fantasy that she wasn’t just a job to them, that their protection came not from their job description, but from a need that sprang from their attraction to her.

She’d gone back and forth with herself over whether she was genuinely attracted to two men or whether it was just a product of going from a man who abused her to men who treated her like she was . . . special. Like she meant something to them, and that they genuinely cared about her. Wouldn’t any woman fall for a man in the same situation? But did it make her feelings real?

Noah reached up to softly caress her cheek. “Please don’t be embarrassed by the question. We wanted—
needed
—to know because we have feelings for you, Lauren. And before we can proceed, we need to know if those feelings are returned.”

She swallowed hard, her pulse thundering in her temples. “You
both
have feelings for me?”

“Yes, we do,” Liam said in that same matter-of-fact tone.

She licked her lips, and suddenly Liam was there, his mouth covering hers in a heated rush. For a moment she had no idea what to do, but then she found herself responding, returning his kiss, opening her mouth to the thrust of his tongue.

There was nothing perfunctory about the kiss. She loved the roughness, how unsteady and eager he seemed. Almost like he was doing everything he could to hold himself in check. Joel had rarely kissed her, and when he had, it felt more like a punishment than a gesture of affection.

When he pulled away, his breath hiccupped over his lips and his eyes glowed warm and dark. He smoothed a thumb over the fullness of her bottom lip, now swollen from his kiss.

“I could so easily fall in love with you,” he said in a near whisper.

Her heart clenched and she soaked in the words like a parched desert soaking up rain.

Noah made a sound and she jerked toward him, suddenly numb with guilt. He immediately shook his head.

“Don’t look at me like that, sweetheart. You have nothing to feel guilty over. This is what we want to talk to you about. The thing is, we both care about you. We both want to see where our relationship will take us. But we have to make sure you’re on board for something like that. Plus, this isn’t the most ideal time to embark on any relationship, much less one with our particular elements. Our first priority has to be keeping you safe.”

“You want to have the sort of relationship that the Colters have,” she said, her mind whirling with the implications.

She’d known of the “different” marriage that Holly and Lily Colter had with each of their three husbands even before she’d ever met them. She’d learned of it from Max. She’d known what to expect, so when she’d witnessed firsthand the bond between the women and their husbands, she hadn’t been taken aback.

No, she wasn’t shocked. She’d been curious and more than a little envious because it was so obvious that the Colter men adored their wives. She’d often wondered what it would be like to be the center of such a relationship, the very heart and the core in which the arrangement was centered on.

Never in a million years would she have dreamed that such a relationship would find her.

Noah nodded. Liam squeezed her hand.

“Would you even consider such an arrangement?” Liam asked. “I know we’re asking for a lot. We’re nowhere near the permanent commitment stage. We haven’t even had what qualifies as a date. All we want is a chance. We want to open your mind to the possibility and see where it takes us.”

“This is a lot to take in,” she murmured. “I had no idea. I mean that you returned my interest.”

Noah’s eyes gleamed in sudden triumph. “So you are attracted to us.”

Her cheeks flamed, but she nodded. They’d given her the truth, and while she’d certainly started their acquaintance with lies, she didn’t want to continue that path.

Liam leaned in and kissed her again. Long and sweet until she was breathless. This time she slid her hand around the back of his neck and buried her fingers in his long hair. He groaned against her mouth and then pulled back, his eyes blazing.

“If I had my way, we’d bypass the dating stage altogether and I’d have you in my bed every damn night.”

She gaped at his bluntness and nearly glanced in Noah’s direction, but remembering his admonishment the last time she’d looked his way to gauge his reaction, she forced herself not to peek at him.

“We’ll take things slow,” Noah said. “We’ll go whatever pace you need, Lauren. You’ll take the lead and we’ll do whatever we need to for you to be comfortable. We want this to work.”

“Okay,” she said in a shaky voice.

Noah touched his finger to her cheekbone and ran it down to her jaw and then over to trace a line around her mouth.

“I want very much to kiss you,” he said huskily.

“Then kiss me,” she whispered.

He leaned in, slowly, angling his head so their mouths aligned. And then he pressed his lips to hers. Lightly at first. Then he deepened the kiss, tentatively seeking entrance with his tongue.

It was sweet and slow, like the first kiss between lovers. A kiss to be remembered for the way it made her feel when things were all shiny and new and emotions were still running high.

His hand fell to the side of her neck and then, as she’d done to Liam, his hand crept upward, into her hair.

He broke away but rested his forehead against hers, his chest heaving as he rested there a moment, their mouths so very close.

“I want this,” he whispered. “I didn’t think I did, but God, I want this, Lauren. I want you, and I’ll make any sacrifice for this to work.”

His words opened a part of her soul that hadn’t been previously opened. He and Liam had reached a part of her she’d closed off, a protective measure so that Joel couldn’t reach the very core of her and damage it.

It was scary and exhilarating all at the same time to open up and allow herself to trust again. But mostly it terrified her because she knew she hadn’t made good decisions in the past. How was she supposed to know if she was making the right ones now?

CHAPTER 8

L
AUREN
sat between Noah and Liam at her small dinette set that accommodated four people. Four normal-sized people. Noah and Liam weren’t exactly normal sized. They made her apartment seem overstuffed and crowded, where before she’d relished the warm, cozy feel of it.

They’d ordered dinner from Dillon Colter’s pub, and Liam had gone out to get it, leaving Lauren and Noah alone for a time in the apartment.

Lauren still wasn’t sure of herself in this strange, new environment she existed in, so she’d excused herself to take a shower and get into more comfortable clothing for lounging. By the time she’d returned, Liam was back with the food, and she’d sighed in relief.

“I meant what I said before,” Noah said around a bite of steak.

Lauren raised her eyebrows. “Oh?”

“About not letting our relationship interfere with our primary objective, which is keeping you safe and finding out any and all information we can uncover on Joel Knight. As discreetly as possible.”

She lowered her head and picked at her food.

“Don’t do that, honey,” Noah said softly. “Stop beating yourself up over him. Put the bastard in the past where he belongs. It’s time to move forward. With me and Liam. And we’re damn sure never going to give you reason to believe that we’re anything like that asshole. Don’t give him that kind of power over you.”

She sighed. “I know. Logically I do. I’m smart enough to know that he can’t control me anymore. But it’s hard to shake that off, you know? When I think of what I allowed him to turn me into, I’m so ashamed, I can barely stand it. I’m supposed to be smarter than that, and I never saw him for what he was until it was nearly too late.”

The phone rang, interrupting the conversation. Lauren walked over to where her cell phone was charging and quickly unplugged it.

“Hey Max,” she greeted.

“How are things with you?” he asked.

“Fine. We’re just enjoying a quiet dinner in the apartment.”

“That’s good. I wanted to make sure you were still comfortable with the arrangements. I can always do something different.”

“You’re too good to me, Max. But I’m fine. I promise. I’m going to be okay this time. I’ve learned from my past mistakes. I don’t want to make them again.”

“You’re too hard on yourself,” he said quietly. “We all make mistakes, Lauren. I fucked up royally with Callie. Not once, but twice.”

She smiled. “You sure did. It’s a wonder she took you back.”

“I was lucky,” he said in a somber tone. “I didn’t deserve the second chances she gave me.”

“She loves you.”

“And I love her. And speaking of Callie and her family. Holly wants you to come to dinner tomorrow and bring Noah and Liam with you. You know Mama C. She gets all nervous about her chicks, and you are definitely one of them now. She wants to eyeball these two men herself before she signs her approval to the whole plan.”

Lauren chuckled. “That sounds exactly like her. I’d love to come. It’s been a few days since I’ve seen her, and right now I could use her company.” And her wisdom and insight. There was nothing more that Lauren wanted to do than run to her with the situation she’d found herself in. Of all people, Holly would understand. She’d been a rock during the time that Lily was finding her way with Holly’s three sons. Always offering wisdom and advice. Maybe she could help Lauren sort out how she was going to make a relationship with two very demanding alpha men work.

After all, she was married to three of the most demanding alpha men on earth. Adam, Ethan and Ryan Colter. It had certainly been passed onto their three sons and to an extent their only daughter, Callie.

Callie was strong-willed, independent and had been raised by a houseful of overprotective men who thought nothing of spoiling the women they loved completely rotten.

Just thinking of the Colters made Lauren wistful.

Hope crowded in as she peeked up at Liam and Noah, who were enjoying the takeout from the Mountain Pass Bar and Grill.

Here was her shot at a relationship that mimicked the ones the Colters had. She had two very protective badass men determined to keep her safe from anything that threatened her. And they wanted a chance to make a relationship work between the three of them.

“Then we’ll see you tomorrow?” Max asked.

“Hang on just a moment. Let me ask Liam and Noah what they think.”

She had pulled the phone away from her ear and had started to ask permission, of all things, when it dawned on her what she was doing. She was acting as though she were with Joel. Always needing his approval for everything she did. She no longer had to do that. She made her own decisions. If she wanted to go visit with the Colters, then Noah and Liam could either come or stay behind. But she wanted to go.

With a quick frown, she pulled the phone up to her ear again, ignoring the raised eyebrows of Noah and Liam.

“We’ll be there. I’ll text Holly to let her know to expect us.”

She ended the call, angry with herself for being such a damn wuss.

“Any particular reason you look mad at the world?” Noah asked mildly when she returned to the table.

“I’m disgusted with myself,” she muttered.

“Why?” Liam demanded.

“Because I told my brother I was going to ask you if I could go, like I need your permission or something. It’s absolutely what I would have done when I was with Joel. I did nothing without his say so. I didn’t even go to the bathroom without telling him what I was doing.”

“I see,” Noah said carefully. “But Lauren, you do see the difference here, don’t you? We care about what happens to you. We care that there’s a threat out there that’s as of yet unresolved. We’d never stop you from doing something you wanted to do. Unless it was determined that the risk was too great. I need you to understand that now so that if the time ever comes that we shut you down, it won’t be because we’re controlling dickheads. It’ll be because your safety comes first, and we’d much rather have you alive and pissed off than dead and appeased.”

“I understand. I do. Just give me time, Noah. This is all very new to me. I wish I could just let go of the past and resolve to not let it affect me so much now. But it’s not that easy. God, I wish it were. I’d give anything to be able to wipe him from my memory and go on like he never existed. But it’s like he’s there, a shadow in my mind, and he pops out at the most inopportune times. He makes me doubt myself, and I hate that most of all.”

Liam’s eyes softened and he reached over to squeeze her hand. “I get it, baby. I do. Cut yourself some slack. You’ll get there, and Noah and I will be helping you every step of the way.”

She smiled tremulously. “Thank you.”

“So I take it we’re going out tomorrow?” Noah said. “I just need to know details so I can plan accordingly.”

She nodded. “Yes, up the mountain to where the older Colters live. Seth’s parents. Callie and Max live just across the meadow from them. Seth and his brothers and their wife, Lily, live closer to town, but their home is still out of the way and secluded. It’s very beautiful.”

“
You’re
very beautiful,” Liam said, his voice gruff and husky.

Befuddled by the abrupt change in direction, she went silent, not knowing how to respond.

“You’re not used to compliments, are you?” Noah asked. “Did the bastard never tell you that you were beautiful? Wait. Don’t answer that. I’m sorry I brought him up.”

Lauren slowly shook her head. “In the beginning he did. I mean he said and did all the right things when we first met. But they were just . . . words. He didn’t mean them. It was all very perfunctory. The way he kissed me. The way he touched me. Looking back, I have no idea why he even bothered. It was obvious he wasn’t attracted to me. Physically I mean. Or emotionally for that matter. It was like I was a thing to him.”

A low growl emanated from Liam’s throat.

“For men like him it’s about control. Not how attracted he is to you. It’s about having someone he can control. It’s a high. It makes him feel powerful,” Noah said grimly.

“And I was such an easy mark,” Lauren said sadly.

Liam ran his hand over her face, brushing his thumb in a gentle caress over her cheekbone. “He played you, Lauren. He sold you something you wanted by pretending he cared. It’s not a crime to want someone to love you or to be in love or to want a relationship. Isn’t it what we all want at the end of the day?”

She reached for his hand and leaned her head further into his hold. For a moment she closed her eyes, savoring the contact. There was nothing threatening in Liam’s touch. He was so very careful with her.

She brushed her cheek along his palm as she raised her gaze to meet his. “And why do you want
me
?” she whispered.

He frowned, his eyes darkening. He looked . . . angry.

She withdrew immediately, wary of his body language. It was automatic for her to stiffen her posture and put her hands down in her lap, averting her gaze.

Beside her she heard Noah curse, and she flinched, closing her eyes as she waited for the impending outburst.

When she felt the hand on her skin, it was instinctive to shrink away and make herself a smaller target. It shocked her. Logically, she was denying that either of these men would hurt her, but it was as if her mind was paying no heed to what she knew. It only knew that she had to protect herself.

But the hand slid soothingly over her shoulder, up and down, the touch so light it could only be his fingertips.

“Lauren, look at me please,” Liam said hoarsely.

Slowly she raised her head until she met his tortured gaze. There was
pain
in his eyes and so much regret.

Noah scooted his chair over and carefully reached into her lap where her fingers were tightly laced. He gently pried them apart and lifted her hand, pulling it to his mouth. She was visibly shaking, and she hated having such weakness so evident.

“Baby,” Liam said softly. “Listen to me, okay? I have so much to say right now and I’m fighting a hell of a lot of conflicting emotions, so be patient with me. The first thing you need to know is that I will never hurt you. Do you understand that? I don’t expect you to believe it right away, but I want you to file it away in your mind and I want you to pull it out every time you get afraid. I will never,
ever
, hurt you physically. I can’t promise that I won’t fuck up and hurt you emotionally. Believe me when I say it’s the very last thing I want to do, but I’m a guy, and we do stupid shit. We say stupid shit. I don’t always think before I speak. That’s going to happen, okay? But you have nothing to fear from me physically.” She gave a jerky nod.

“The second thing you need to know is that I don’t have a grand explanation for why you do it for me. But I knew from the moment I met you that I was gone in a pretty serious way. You were different from the other women I’ve been involved with. Not different in a bad way, but in a very, very good way. You filled the void that was left by my other relationships. I can only explain it by saying that it was like finding a missing piece to a puzzle. You fit. I hope to hell
we
fit. I hope this isn’t one-sided, and I’m willing to play a little dirty and try my best to convince you that I’m someone you need. I want you to depend on me, and not in a fucked-up way like Joel wanted you to depend on him. This isn’t about control. I just want you to know that you can count on me. For anything. And that good or bad, I’m in it for the long haul. I can’t be any more blunt than that.”

Noah remained silent, but his hold on her hand never loosened. He continued to press tiny kisses to her fingers, and he gradually opened her palm and pressed his mouth to her open hand.

“You reacted to my anger,” Liam continued. “I can’t promise never to get angry. It was like a kick in the balls to watch you with those big brown eyes look at me and ask why on earth I would want you, as if you were somehow unworthy. God, Lauren.
Unworthy
? Noah and I are just hoping like hell to prove ourselves worthy of
you
. I’m not mad at you, baby. I’m mad at the son of a bitch who has made you question yourself as a woman.”

Tears stung her eyelids, and she turned her head but found herself staring into Noah’s eyes. There was no escape from them.

Noah leaned forward and tenderly kissed the corner of her eye where a tear had escaped.

“Don’t cry, sweetheart. Liam’s usually not so damn eloquent, but in this case, I couldn’t have said it better myself. We want you to relax. It’s not going to be easy as we fumble and feel our way around a very delicate relationship. I have no experience in this kind of arrangement. Neither does Liam. We just both want to make you happy, and we want you to eventually be able to trust us. Everything else will work itself out. We’ll take it one step at a time and figure it out as we go.”

She nodded and then impulsively wrapped her arms around Noah’s neck, hugging him tightly.

Noah felt her go tense against him. She went so still, he was sure she was holding her breath. Waiting. For what? Did she expect a reprimand? Fuck that.

He wrapped his arms around her and hauled her into his lap, hugging her fiercely. He kissed the top of her silky hair and she gradually relaxed in his arms, melting sweetly against him.