Color the Sidewalk for Me (33 page)

My eyes welled with tears. “But he should be, Mama. He's the one I want. And he's tryin' so hard to overcome his life; he's got to work twice as hard as anyone else.”

“That's why I gave him a chance. But even with all his tryin', it'll never work. It's his
life
that makes him yearn to be free. That's in him, Celia, and it won't change.”

“I don't care.”

She gripped my shoulders. “I've done all I can. I've tried more than you know, doin' my best to shrug it off when folks were talking. Yet you think I'm your enemy. I can't keep fighting with you about this; I got too much else to deal with. You see him at lunch, you do it without my blessing. And when he leaves Bradleyville to seek his fame and fortune—which I can assure you he'll do—you'll pay for your disobedience. You understand? What hurt you feel, you'll bring on your own head. As for me, I'm done with it. We've been dealin' with that boy for over a year, and between him and your granddad, I've had about all I can take. I don't even want to hear his name again, you understand? I've
had
it!”

Snatching her hands from my shoulders, she stalked into the kitchen. As I glared at her, a touch of smug satisfaction curled my mouth.

chapter 39

A
fter the incident at Tull's Granddad began to weaken again. Doc Richardson started making house calls twice a month to check his heart. Granddad rested more frequently, taking morning and afternoon naps. Jake Lewellyn would visit from two till four, and then Granddad would rest in his room until supper.

“Missy,” he said with a sigh one day in late November as I put clean clothes in his dresser, “I'm afraid I failed at some a the things that matter most.”

I turned to him, shaking my head. “Granddad, you've been a hero all your life. The whole town knows it.”

“I ain't gettin' along with your mama any better than I ever did, no matter how much I pray about it. And I cain't fix it for you and Danny.”

I took his frail hand. “You did all you could for us. You're the only one who's ever understood. Not that long ago you told me I should let him leave Bradleyville and follow him when I'm out of school. That's exactly what we're goin' to do.”

“I did tell you that. But you will hurt your mama somethin' terrible. A girl needs to have her mama. Might be it's the most important relationship God made in this world.”

The most important relationship in the world.
I didn't want to believe that. “Granddad. I've never had my mama.”

My statement watered his eyes. “You still love Danny?”

“I need Danny to live.”

“Then go, with my blessin'. You'll be eighteen then and a woman. But remember what I tol' you; don't give up on your mama. Just keep puttin' it in God's hands. Maybe in time she'll forgive and you can heal old hurts. Otherwise you go through life thinkin' you always got time, and then one day you realize you ain't.”

It was my turn to sigh. “I don't really understand this, you and Mama.”

“Well, you're young yet. And you got your own problems. I'd expected to live long enough to see you happy with Danny, with your family's approval. But I'm not sure I'm gonna make it. You may have to manage without me. I done tol' God I need to stay here and help you, but he may have other plans. So whatever happens with me, you just trust him to get you through.”

I couldn't imagine life without Granddad. “You're not going anywhere for a long time yet. Jake Lewellyn would be most upset. It's gonna take him at least a year or two to think up some new scam to get his marble back.”

“Try
and get it back, you mean. I'm goin' to my grave with that marble, and I done tol' him so a million times.”

“See there? You got plenty of fight left.”

“Yep,” he said tiredly, his eyes closing. “I think I'll take me a little snooze now.”

In public defiance of my mother I continued to see Danny at school. My family and I did not speak his name aloud at home, although from time to time Daddy would quietly ask how he was doing. Mama and I spoke very little but at least we weren't fighting. I spent time with Granddad or in my room, studying and painting pictures. The ocean scenes were back on my wall, often with the silhouettes of two distant figures. Sometimes I painted a scene for Danny, giving it to him between classes.

Danny was constantly morose, as if he were merely going through the motions of living. As much as he wanted to be near me, I could see his thoughts slipping away as he pined desperately for the day he could leave town. He and his mama were now willing to walk away from the farm, he said, but they had no money and no place to go. The Hardings were talking to relatives about jobs for Danny, and they promised something would come through. They seemed to hurt for Danny almost as much as I did, and their coolness toward Mama at church bespoke their attitude toward her decision.

It was nearly Christmas, with six inches of snow on the ground, before I hit on a plan to see Danny. I'd never taken the chance of sneaking out before and knew it wasn't right. But desperation drove me. When my conscience clamored, I told it to be quiet. What else were Danny and I to do? “Mary Lee,” I whispered over the phone one Saturday morning, “Danny and I have to see each other. Can you help?”

“Well, well, Celia.” Her voice could turn honey to sugar. “What happened to Miss Goody Two-shoes?”

“Mama happened.”

“Ah.” She fell silent for a moment. “Well, how about tomorrow afternoon? My parents got some Christmas deal. Your mama doesn't have to know they'll be gone.”

“Okay.” I heard Mama and Daddy pulling into the driveway. “But can you call Danny for me? I may not get another chance to use the phone.”

“Ooh. You're goin' to let me talk to your guy?”

“Mary Lee. Just . . . call him. That's all.”

“Sure thing, Celia. By the way”—she giggled—“you're a lot more fun than you used to be.”

I trembled when Mary Lee drove up Sunday afternoon. She looked perfect as usual, with a multicolored jacket open to reveal a soft teal sweater tucked into tight jeans. She'd long since let that crazy perm of hers grow out, and her chestnut hair now fell in soft waves across her shoulders. Her large brown eyes were enhanced with eye shadow and mascara, and her lips were red. I felt keenly envious of the makeup; I wanted to look that way for Danny. “Where do we meet him?” I was breathless.

“He'll be at Route 347, down below town.”

“Oh, what do I do?”

“Get down in the backseat, idgit, that's what.”

I couldn't believe how easy it was. Within ten minutes Danny had ducked down in Mary Lee's backseat with me, grinning like a Cheshire cat.

“What did you tell your mama?” I whispered.

“That I was goin' for a walk. She's used to me settin' off by myself.”

Guilt stabbed at me. Danny had always been so honest; now I was turning him into a liar. “If she finds out, what'll she do?”

“Kill me. After raggin' that I don't need my daddy to shame me anymore; I done did it on my own.”

The three of us talked in Mary Lee's game room, where Danny and I had danced forever ago. I didn't like the way Mary Lee made a point of stretching out her long legs as she slouched back against an armchair. Catching my eye, she cleared her throat and rose languidly. “Well, think I'll go upstairs. Don't be too long.” Tilting an eyebrow at me, she slunk out of the room.

Danny held me tightly as we sat on Mary Lee's couch, and we talked about our plans, our future. Being with him was so wonderful; neither of us wanted ever to let go. I told myself there was no harm in sneaking behind our parents' backs, not if God had put us together in the first place. Since he hadn't chosen to change my mother, what else was I to do? Then in no time at all, it seemed, Mary Lee was back, saying an hour had passed and her parents would be home soon. We left her house with sinking hearts, vowing we'd sneak out again.

Ten minutes later Danny thanked her profusely before hopping out of her car.

“Anytime,” she said, her voice dripping with meaning. She watched him lope away, then headed toward Minton Street, tossing her head. “No wonder you're so crazy about him,” she sighed. “He's gorgeous.” I kept silent.

“Celia, don't ever let him out of your sight. Girls in this crazy town may not know what they've got, but if he steps outside Bradleyville, they'll run for him like mice to cheese. I mean, just
look
at him!”

Suddenly I didn't care for her thick chestnut hair and that tight expensive sweater over her tight expensive jeans. “Mary Lee, he's mine.”

“Yeah.” She blew out air. “But you ever get tired of him, you just let me know.”

Lying in bed that night, I thought about Mary Lee's admonition.
Never let him leave Bradleyville.
Yet I was planning on doing just that. For the first time I was scared of what Danny might find after he'd gone.

Danny and I managed to sneak to Mary Lee's house a few more times when her parents were out. After a while my conscience no longer bothered me. Sometimes she brought her own boyfriend along, a tall basketball player named Mike whom she'd been dating for a record four months. They'd wander off while Danny and I remained on the game room couch, savoring every moment we could be together. Sometimes my heart was so full of him, I thought it would burst.

If I'd stopped to think about it, I'd have realized I wasn't praying much anymore. Nor were Danny and I talking about God in our lives. And during Sunday school and church I only pretended to listen. I was too busy planning the next opportunity to see Danny.

In February Danny turned eighteen. Using some hoarded babysitting money, I bought him a locket and chain with my picture inside. We had no chance to be together at Mary Lee's as we had hoped, so I gave it to him at school under cover of my locker door. “Don't open it till you get home,” I said. “I hope you don't think it's self-serving. It's just that it represents me. And that's what I want to give you most.”

“I love it,” he told me the following day. “Like I love you. I'll keep it in my pocket always.”

A week later Danny had news. Lee Harding's great uncle thought he had a lead on a job for him. “I'm hopin' and prayin', Celia,” he said as we stood outside school, shivering in a lightly falling snow. “Things're so bad for us; Mama and I got to leave as soon as I graduate. I'd do it even sooner for her, but she won't hear a me not finishin' my education.”

He'd talked so much about leaving Bradleyville that you'd think I'd get used to the idea. I knew he had to go and I still supported it. But it was so hard. I knew life hadn't been fair to him; now life was being unfair to me, forcing me to stay behind while he stepped out into the world.
Danny,
I thought, standing in the snow,
don't leave me.

“Where would the job be?”