College Girl (9 page)

“What are you doing here,
Gretchen?”

“You didn’t return my call.”

I didn’t say anything.

“You’re just going to throw away
everything we had together? That’s your plan?”

No, just not going to throw away a lifetime on you
, I thought. I
didn’t say this, though. I wasn’t crazy.

“Where are your keys, Gretch?”

“Fuck you!”

The wine sloshed out of the glass
as she gestured, and I was relieved that she preferred whites.

“Gretchen,” I said calmly. “You’re
going to sober up, and then you’re going to get out of my house.”

I glanced at the clock. It was a
quarter past six. Alex’s class had ended almost two hours ago, and I was
seriously regretting not getting her number. I looked down at my phone to see
if she had texted me during the ride back. Nothing. Gretchen slammed her wine
glass down on the table and marched past me into the living room, reappearing
thirty seconds later holding the garment bag from Becca and the picture of Alex
I had left on my nightstand.

“So? Who’s the little bitch?”

I was in front of her in an
instant, snatching the picture and the dress out of her hands. I leaned toward
her, and even drunk, Gretchen had the sense to step back.

“I don’t owe you a goddamned
thing, Gretchen.
And stop calling my mother and playing the
good little future daughter-in-law.
We’re over. We have been for a long
time.”

I straightened up, got the keys from
her ugly, oversized designer purse, and walked into the bedroom, calling Finn
in after me. I wasn’t about to leave my dog alone with this crazy bitch.
Hearing the crash of glass, I stalked back into the kitchen and found red wine
flowing over the floor like blood, broken glass everywhere. Going back to her
purse, I took out her phone and scrolled to her friend Natalia’s number,
curious as to how deep the bonds of sorority sisterhood went.

“Are we partying tonight?” the
voice asked.

“Natalia, it’s Ryan.”

The line was silent for a few
seconds.

“Why the fuck do you have
Gretchen’s phone?”

“Because she’s at my place wasted
out of her mind again. Now, if you don’t want me leaving her outside on a leash
’til she sobers up, then come pick her up.”

“Fuck you, Bennett.”

Music blasted from the speakers in
the living room.

“Be here in an hour.”

I ended the call and walked into
the living room. The first time I had seen Gretchen like this, it had fucked me
up. Now I just didn’t care.

“Natalia’s coming to get you. Break
anything else, and I’m sending your father the bill so he can send you back to
rehab.”

Gretchen’s eyes narrowed, and I
walked out, picking up some rags from the pantry to mop up the red wine and
broken glass.

Alex

After class, I waited for Ryan,
but he never showed. So I went by the DC and had dinner with Julie. Then I
showered. Bored and restless, I finished half my homework, but as usual, the
latest Calculus assignment was fucking impossible. Just as I was about to bang
my head on the desk, Julie came by and invited me to walk with her and a bunch
of other people from our floor to a frat party right off campus. I shook my
head.

“Come on,” Julie moaned. “They’re
not checking IDs.”

“How do you know?”

“Megan told me.”

“Oh, that’s comforting. But are
they checking the drinks for roofies?”

Julie snorted.

“Come on. Safety in numbers.”

I shook my head again. I had
already decided what I was going to do tonight. I kept telling myself over and
over what a stupid idea it was to show up at Ryan’s house unannounced, but I
couldn’t help it. I had already gotten a bus schedule from the corkboard by the
elevator and found the route back to Ryan’s house. But

I wasn’t about to tell Julie my crazy plan to show up at
Ryan Bennett’s house, mostly because it sounded a little too stalkerish.

“All right,” Julie said, shaking
her head. “But if you change your mind, text me. It’s the red and white house.”

I nodded. I had seen that frat
before. I called it the Meat Head House. It was across from the parking structure
by the student union, and there were always a couple of guys out front throwing
a football or sitting in lawn chairs and harassing any girls who happened to
walk by.

I looked down at my phone. The
next bus would leave in fifteen minutes. I grabbed my jacket and rushed
downstairs. It occurred to me several times as I walked to the bus stop that I
totally shouldn’t have been doing this. But then I decided that I needed to do
something
I
really wanted to do for
once, and right now I really wanted to see Ryan. Lately I was starting to think
that I had forgotten how to really want something. There was always this layer
of doubt beneath my decisions. Like how part of me felt like I’d be a bad
daughter if I finally just told my mom that this whole pre-med thing was
completely psychotic.

I wanted Ryan Bennett, though. In
a way I knew was totally unsafe. He had stopped—both times—when we
had been alone. But I wasn’t stupid. He wanted more. I did, too. The problem
was that our versions of
more
had to
be seriously different. For one, I didn’t even know what the bases stood for.
Was first base kissing? I had a feeling that we had gone way past first base
the night at his house—and now here I was taking the bus right to his
doorstep.

As I got on the bus,
a bolt of regret
shot through me. What the hell did I think
I was doing? He hadn’t shown up at my dorm, which meant he had probably
forgotten all about what he had said yesterday about coming by. For all I knew,
he was out on a date with someone more
age-appropriate
.
I thought about getting off the bus at the next stop, but I didn’t. Looking out
the window, I realized there was something surreal about seeing this part of
town again, like last Thursday had been a strange dream.

But it wasn’t a dream, because
before last week I never could have imagined Ryan Bennett’s deep blue eyes or
the way he had looked at me. No guy had ever looked at me like that, so the
fact that
he
had was crazy. And
crazy
was the perfect description for what
I was doing right now. I looked out the window and saw A Street. One more
stop
.

When I stepped off the bus, it was
colder and quieter than I expected. Crossing at the crosswalk, I looked at the
street numbers and tried to remember how many houses down Ryan’s had been. I
zipped up my jacket and looked up, hoping it wasn’t about to start raining
again. The last thing I needed was to show up at his house looking like a
drowned cat.

Finally I reached the blue and
white house that I would never forget. In addition to the black motorcycle,
there were two cars parked out front. A black Audi and a white BMW with a
vanity plate that said PRNCSS. Princess? I swallowed and looked up at the
house. Maybe it was a neighbor’s car?

After several deep breaths, I
worked up the nerve to walk up the stairs and knock. As soon as I did, I heard
Finn barking from somewhere in the back of the house. I smiled. Amongst others
things, I loved Ryan’s dog. Actually, I was deliriously excited at the prospect
of petting him again. I missed having a dog. The porch light clicked on, and
the door swung open a second later.

I looked at the well-dressed woman
standing in the doorway and bit my lip. Her expression reminded me of the girls
in high school who looked through everyone else like they didn’t matter.

“What?” she snapped.

“Sorry. I-is Ryan here?” I managed
to stammer, listening to Finn bark wildly from the back of the house.

As if to answer my question, I saw
Finn bounding toward me just before Ryan stepped through the kitchen door
wearing only a perplexed expression—and a towel around his waist. I looked
back at the woman in front of me, and she smiled. Without hesitating, I
clamored down the stairs and ran as fast as I could.

“
Alex
!”

When I heard Ryan shout my name, I
turned and saw him standing on the steps in the towel, an image that would
probably be scorched into my memory forever. Then I kept running. Tears blurred
my vision, but I didn’t stop until I was back on the main road toward campus.
How could I have been so stupid? What the
fuck
had I been thinking going to his house?
Epically brainless,
Alex.

I slowed to a walk after several blocks—only
because I was out of breath. I would have kept running full speed if I could
have. Seeing the bus pull up at the next stop, I ran toward it. I got on, and
when I looked out the window a minute later, I saw the single headlight of a
motorcycle slice by. Taking out my phone, I texted Julie. Then, on a whim, I
jumped off at the next stop and headed for the creepy red and white house,
which looked like it belonged in a horror movie.

Hearing a whirring sound behind
me, I turned and saw a motorcycle pulling up at the curb. The rider flipped up
the visor. It was Ryan. Shit! He must have doubled back.

“Alex, we need to talk.”

It wasn’t the most mature maneuver
I had ever pulled in my life, but instead of walking over to him like a
rational adult, I turned and ran full-speed toward the frat house. When I got
to the door, the guy sitting on a lawn chair out front asked if I was
twenty-one.

“No,” I gasped.

“
Yes
, you are,” he smirked before strapping a plastic bracelet on my
wrist.

I pulled my arm back and darted
into the house. Apart from the creepy black lights everywhere, it was dark—and
loud. Someone pressed a drink into my hand, and when an arm came around my
shoulder, I jerked back, sloshing some of whatever was in the cup. I looked up,
expecting to see Ryan. Instead, I saw a ghoulish glow-in-the-dark mask that
looked like a hooded skeleton.

“Hey, I haven’t seen you before.
What sorority are you rushing?” the masked stranger yelled in my ear.

I shook my head.

“I’m not.”

“You’re a freshman, right?”

I nodded distractedly and tried to
pull away.

“I need to find my friend Julie.”

“Julie? Oh, I know Julie,” the
male voice said.

“I doubt it,” I muttered.

I caught sight of Tony across the
room. Finally!
Someone
from my dorm.
Right now, Tony looked like my savior.

“Tony!”

When I started to pull away, the
arm that had been draped around my shoulder tightened. I felt my phone buzz in
my pocket. Shit! It was probably Julie.

“Let go!” I snapped.

“Why don’t you come with me?” the
voice hissed in my ear. “We’re having a private party in the back.”

“No thanks, asshole,” I muttered
under my breath, tugging harder against his grip.

Dammit. He wouldn’t let go. When
he started hauling me toward another doorway, I looked around for Tony. There
was no sign of him. A second later, after evaluating my chances of making it
out of this freaky funhouse without great bodily harm, I hurled the full cup up
and back. Liquid splashed my jacket, but I also nailed the masked shithead
right in the face before hip checking him with all my force.

“You
bitch
!” he yelled, releasing my shoulder.

I ran across the room, desperately
trying to find the exit when an arm wrapped around my waist. Unlike the last
guy, I couldn’t shake this one off me. I kicked and screamed until he finally
picked me up and carried me fireman style out of the house. When he finally set
me down, I looked up—and saw Ryan staring down at me.

“Are you always this much
trouble?” he growled.

Ryan

I stared down at Alex Reed, still
in awe that I had just chased her through the worst fucking frat on campus.
There should have been a page in the new student welcome packet identifying
these frat assholes as the most likely to roofie the cheap, shit beer they were
passing around to any freshmen dumb enough to walk through the door to this
place.

“Am
I
always this much trouble?” Alex demanded, glaring up at me. “Are
you kidding? I only went in there because—”

“Fucken bitch is right there.”

I looked toward the house and saw
a small group of knuckle draggers coming down the stairs. On any other night, I
might have found their
chest-thumping
entertaining,
but neck-deep in fucking girl-centered drama, I couldn’t spare the energy.
Locking my hand around Alex’s wrist, I hauled her toward the bike, finding her
less resistant now that she had seen her other option. I pulled the helmet over
her head and put on my own just as the cadre of geniuses reached the sidewalk.
When I got on the bike, Alex took my hand without question.

“Get off the bike, douchebag. I
need to have a chat with your fucking girlfriend.”

I revved the engine and lifted a
hand to my helmet. Alex was gripping my waist, reminding me that I had more
than just my own goddamned ego to worry about. Luckily for her, I wanted to get
her out of here more than I wanted to prove what a macho dickhead I was. These
assholes were doing more than enough of that.

The asshat in a soaked polo shirt
stepped forward, and I released the brake and punched it. The last thing I
wanted to do right now was take Alex back to my house with Gretchen there, but
dropping Alex off at the dorms with no explanation wasn’t an option, either.
Within two minutes we were back at the house, and I exhaled when I saw that Gretchen’s
BMW was gone. I hoped that Natalia had had the sense to bring someone sober to
take Gretchen’s car back to Sacramento, but I couldn’t worry about it. Gretchen
wasn’t my problem anymore, and maybe this time it would
fucking
sink into her head.

Then again, the last time she had
pulled this bullshit—sober for once—and shown up at the house, I
had let my dick do the thinking. But somewhere in between tearing off our
clothes and making it to the couch for a quick fuck, I had snapped out of my
sex-withdrawal psychosis and shown Gretchen the door. It hadn’t been my
infallible conscience that had stopped me; it had been the fact that I didn’t
want to get sucked in again. And condom or not, I also didn’t want to pick up
whatever she might have contracted during what she had christened her Freedom
Tour.

Parking the bike, I helped Alex
down and took off my helmet. Before I could help her, she yanked off hers and
shoved it into my hands. Her face was tear-streaked and furious, her cheeks
flushed and her eyes a vivid green.

“So, your fucking Barbie doll
girlfriend went home, and now you think it’s okay to bring the little freshman
back? Well, I’ve got some breaking fucking news for you: you’re not that hot,
and I’m not that stupid!”

I watched her chest rise and fall,
amazed that this girl yelling at me could stiffen my cock instantly while
Gretchen’s histrionics had only managed to exhaust me. Then, suddenly the image
of that douchebag tugging her toward the back of the frat house filled my
vision.

“Not that stupid? Really? You didn’t
consider running into that meat grinder on a Friday night stupid?”

“You were the one who chased me in
there!”

This wasn’t going very well, and
she was starting to shiver. Grabbing her hand, I pulled her toward the front
door. I opened it and waved her ahead of me. She walked in reluctantly and then
spun around angrily.

“Right. Like it’s so much safer in
here.”

I advanced on her as she tugged
her cell phone out of her jacket pocket.

“What do you think would have
happened to you if that fucking sociopath had gotten you behind a closed door?”
I snapped.

Suddenly every ounce of color
drained from Alex’s cheeks.

“And, while we’re on the subject
of men and boys who want to fuck you, do you have any idea how badly I wanted
to do just that the other night?”

She blinked.

“No, I didn’t fucking think so.
But
I
didn’t act on it. That’s the
difference between those guys and me. I’m not a degenerate asshole.”
At least not yet
, I thought wearily. “If
you can’t tell the difference, then maybe you
aren’t
that bright.”

I watched as a tear slipped down
her cheek. A second later I snatched the phone out of her hands and pulled her
off of her feet. Touching my lips to hers, I tasted the salt from her tears and
hated myself. She tried to twist away, her small hands shoving against me, but
when I bit her bottom lip with barely any pressure, she whimpered. Then her
grip tightened on my chest.

It wasn’t fair of me, but I
couldn’t stop myself. I lifted her into my arms and carried her to my room
where I laid her on the bed and followed her down. Her dark hair, loose for
once, was spilling over the pillow like cinnamon as she looked up at me with
those wide fucking green eyes, her pink lips parted. I lowered my head to taste
her lips, and I promised myself that I wouldn’t let it go too far. But I knew I
was skating on thin fucking ice.

When her cell phone went off in
the living room, she jerked in my arms. With a sigh, I pushed myself up and
stalked into the next room, snatching her phone from where I had tossed it onto
the couch. I looked down at the Caller ID.

Julie
. Again trying to ignore a raging hard-on that had been
plaguing me practically since the moment I first saw Alex, I walked back into
the bedroom where she was sitting on the edge of the bed. She looked
shell-shocked as she took the phone from me. After another second, she stood up
and walked out. I ran a hand through my hair and tried to get a grip on my
self-control. Finally I crept into the kitchen and stood listening to the
one-sided conversation going on in the other room.

“I’m fine … Yeah, I went to look
for you, but you weren’t … No, Tony’s nuts … I’m fine. I’m at, well, you know …
Julie! Yes, I’m still a …” She suddenly went very quiet. “Do you know if Brit’s
in the room? … Good … No! God! I’m coming back to the dorm! I’ll see you a
little later … Thanks for checking up on me.”

When I opened the back door, my
dog ran right by me and into the living room. By the time I followed him, I
found Alex kneeling in front of him scratching his neck.

“Alex, I’m sorry.”

She looked up at me like she had
expected something else—probably for me to continue acting like a dick.

“Was that your girlfriend?
Earlier, I mean,” she mumbled meekly.

“No, that wasn’t my girlfriend.”

I shoved my hands into my pockets.
I didn’t have the energy to explain my sordid history with Gretchen Mueller.

“Oh. Well, she’s really pretty,”
Alex
said, looking down at Finn again.

I growled, aggravated by the
insecurity in her tone. All I could think of was the girl kneeling in front of
me, and she couldn’t seem to get that. After several seconds she looked up at
me again.

“I’m sorry for coming over here
randomly.
I mean, I shouldn’t have.
I don’t know what
I was thinking. When you didn’t show up, I just … I guess I figured I
would—”

“Test the limits of my severely
battered conscience?” I finished dryly.

She smirked, a glimmer of her
usual attitude resurfacing.

“Oh, yeah. Like I’m
so
irresistible. You want me to spell it
out for you? Not
one
date in high
school, and the guys in my dorm think I’m invisible. So, I don’t know what
you’re smoking, Professor Bennett. Viagra possibly?”

I watched her carefully, but her
eyes hadn’t actually traveled down to the source of my enduring discomfort.
Professor Bennett
. I was really
beginning to believe that this girl was my karmic punishment for past
indiscretions. Having impure thoughts about Alex was one thing, but acting on
them while she was in Robertson’s class was—like I told
Jess—unethical. And that wasn’t even taking into account how
inexperienced she was. What really bothered me now, though, was that I didn’t
want
to just fuck her and forget her,
which meant the only rational choice was to take her back to her dorm and look
her up in five years.

Five years
.

My jaw clenched at the thought of
someone else touching her—being her first. What the fuck? Where had this
proprietary bullshit come from? Then I realized what it was. I couldn’t fucking
stand
the thought of some asshole
with worse intentions laying a hand on her—some asshole who didn’t give a
shit if he made her come. Of course, this was unassailable proof that I had
officially lost my fucking mind. I gestured toward the couch.

“Alex, sit down and let me explain
the male psyche to you.”

She rose grudgingly from where she
had been kneeling in front of Finn. I glanced at my dog,
who
was staring up at Alex worshipfully. He would probably bite my arm off if he
thought I posed a risk to his new best friend. Ungrateful animal. I took Alex’s
jacket from her, and frowned at Finn as he made himself comfortable at her
feet. Thinking about my dog’s complete freedom to stick his nose between her
legs without shame, I felt a ridiculous pang of jealousy as I sat down on the
coffee table facing Alex.

“You should know that, as a group,
we males have an innate tendency to preserve our egos at any cost,” I said in
my most professorial tone of voice. “If we sense we’re going to be rejected, we
will A) pull your pigtails or B) ignore you …”
or C) try to roofie your drink if we happen to be like that dick at
the frat
, I didn’t add.

When Alex laughed, I relaxed.
Under different circumstances, I would have poured her a glass of wine and
turned on the charm. Instead, I wrapped her in the blanket and watched her.

“Now, tell me more about yourself,
Miss Reed.”

She blushed.

“There isn’t much to tell,” she
shrugged.

“Tell me anyway,” I coaxed,
willing my hard-on to take a fucking sabbatical. “I want to know.”

“Well, I went to school in Santa
Monica—”

My eyebrow went up.

“Not Irvine?”

“No, my parents—well, my mom
and my stepdad—they took jobs in Orange County right after I graduated.
My little sister was finishing fifth grade, and they wanted her in a better
school district.”

“What about you?” I frowned.

“I was the experiment, I guess.”

She gave me a crooked smile.

“Honestly, I think I would have
been better off reading spy novels than going to junior high.”

“Where’s your dad?”

Her forehead creased, and I
wondered if her family issues might in fact compete with mine.

“In AA—or rehab, I hope. I
haven’t seen him since eighth grade.”

She looked down again, studying
her hands.

“So how did you turn out so
well-adjusted?” I asked lightly. “No drugs, no criminal record.”

I smiled when she looked up at me.

“Oh, yeah. Right. I’m the ideal
student. Practically flunking out my second quarter, wishing my roommate would
flunk out before me so I could have the room to myself, nearly sleeping with my
hot Calculus TA …”

My cock jerked, and I sat forward
swiftly, bringing my lips to her ear.

“Alex,” I whispered roughly. “The
other night wasn’t even close to
nearly
.
I could show you what
nearly
means …”

When I pulled back and looked at
her, her cheeks were flushed. Without thinking, I grasped her around the waist
and sat down on the couch as I lifted her into my lap so that her legs came
down on either side of mine. In this moment I
knew
that I was out of my mind, but I didn’t fucking care as I
wrapped my fingers around her hips. I began to rock her gently, rewarded by the
tiny moan that escaped her lips.

With a sudden flash of insight, I
knew exactly why I was willing to torture myself this way. It was because I
knew
I was going to be her first. She
gasped as I brought her all the way against me. Then her head fell back. Her
breathing became quick and shallow, and I had to resist the urge to carry her
into the bedroom. Touching her chin, I watched as she lifted her head and
slowly opened her eyes.

“Right now I’m going to take you
back to your dorm … but the next time I see you, I want you to tell me if you’re
ready.”

“R-ready?” she asked, her eyes
wide and unblinking.

“To learn.”

She was trembling, and I couldn’t
resist caressing the undersides of her breasts with my thumbs, watching as her
eyes closed again. I
knew
what I was
doing. I was making it impossible to turn back. When her tongue darted out and
touched the center of her upper lip, I gritted my teeth. I could make her come
right now. Hell, I could probably whisper in her ear again, tell her how badly
I needed to see her lose control—and then watch as she came apart in my
arms.

But that wasn’t what I wanted.

Now that I had committed myself to
plunging headlong into the dark side, I wanted everything. The thought of a
quick fuck—on the couch, in the hallway, on the kitchen counter, in the
bedroom—didn’t appeal to me now. I wanted her to surrender, one small
step at a time. I leaned forward, brushing her ear with my lips.

“I can be a very patient teacher.”

I lifted her off my lap and
steadied her when she wobbled. Grabbing her jacket, I helped her put it on and
slipped her phone in the pocket before zipping it. Then I took her hand and led
her out of the house to the car, where I had already stashed the dress and
shoes after Gretchen’s little meltdown, knowing there had been a good chance
she would have taken a pair of scissors to them.