Cold Hard Secret (Secret McQueen) (32 page)

I hoped for her sake she found a way to belong in the pack, either by marrying a more alpha wolf or finding herself a niche to make her useful to them. Otherwise she was going to stay bottom of the totem pole her whole life, and that was no place to be among werewolves. She would be taken advantage of, even in a pack as well managed as Callum’s. There were always bad apples willing to pick on those weaker than them.

Callum and Savannah returned to the box, both peering over the edge to the contents within. I imagined Mercy’s blank, dead eyes staring up at them.

My uncle looked up, and for the first time since I’d met him I didn’t know what to make of his expression. There was something of it that reminded me of fear, but fear wasn’t an emotion Callum would express while others were around. Perhaps, then, it was awe or admiration? But he, too, appeared queasy about what he saw.

“You told me to bring her head,” I reminded him.

“How did she die?”

“After she kidnapped Vivienne, we dealt with most of the members of a rogue pack she’d established. She ran. I chased her. We fought. She died.”

“
How?
” Savannah asked, her voice edging on angry.

I stared at the aunt I’d never met and saw only my mother, which made empathy for her loss exceptionally difficult.

I pulled out my sword and held it flat in both hands, showing I meant no harm to those who might leap in to protect Callum. “I used this to stab her through the throat into a tree and watched her bleed out.” My gaze never left Savannah’s. After a moment she looked away. “Any other questions?”

Chapter Thirty-Eight

The last time I’d gone for a run on my uncle’s property, I’d been a wolf.

I’d also managed to get shot by a would-be assassin.

Overall it hadn’t been the most positive experience of my life.

This time around, though, I cast those memories aside and focused solely on the way things felt, smelled and sounded. I’d left my boots and socks behind, and removed my jacket, so I was wearing only jeans and a tank top. If my inner wolf had her way, I probably would have gone naked, but I opted against that.

Desmond offered to come with me, but this run was just for me.

I tore through the trees, running as if my problems were tangible things chasing after me. I relished the stinging pain of twigs and pine needles prickling underfoot and the way my skin slipped across the damp night grass. The whole world was alive with smells. Out here, with nothing from the city to contaminate things, the air smelled of leaves and grass, of wet earth and free-flowing water.

Each breath I took was crisp and clean, and with every foot, I got farther and farther from the things threatening to drag me down. It was a temporary reprieve, but one I would embrace while I could.

This was as close as I could get to letting my wolf out without actually changing, and though she wasn’t satisfied, she
was
wide-awake and making her presence known. Given that she normally spent most of her lucid time revolting against the decisions I was making, it was nice to feel something from her akin to happiness.

She wanted out, but since I wasn’t going to let that happen, this was the next best thing.

I found a well-worn path through the trees—their bark coated with thick moss—and kept running until I could no longer hear or smell Callum’s estate. I leapt over fallen logs, ducked beneath cracked trees and pushed myself forward harder and harder until my legs felt hot and my lungs began to protest.

Only when I no longer knew where I was did I stop running and take a moment to catch my breath.

My heart raced, and I was glad for the reminder I was alive. I stared into the darkness and wondered how far I could run. Could I just keep going? Would there come a point they’d all realize I wasn’t coming back again?

I crouched low, bracing my hands against the hard-packed earth, and felt the hum and vibration of the land through my palms.

I could do it. Run and run and never stop running. It wasn’t the adult thing to do, nor was it a brave move, but it would be a way out.

But then what?

Desmond and Holden would be left behind, and I’d never get to see either of them again. All the people I cared about and loved would wonder what had become of me, not knowing one way or the other if I was all right. And all those problems plaguing me? They wouldn’t just vanish.

Aubrey Delacourte wouldn’t stop wanting his favor, and he might take it out on those I cared for.

The Council, especially Juan Carlos, wasn’t likely to forget the lie I’d been living, even if I wasn’t around to be punished for it. There was always someone else to pin the blame on. Would they take it out on Holden or my father? Probably.

I had people depending on me.

I had responsibilities.

And the thing about running was, once I started, I wouldn’t be able to stop. That would become my whole life from this day forward. Changing names in each city, not being able to trust anyone again.

I might be alive, but was it really living?

Sighing, I got back to my feet and wiped the dirt off my palms. Funny how the so-called easy way out was never all that easy. Instead of running again I decided to walk, taking my time and letting myself focus on what came after this. I needed to talk to Callum when I returned and sort things out with Desmond.

Then came the inevitable trip home, where all the real fun, nasty stuff was waiting. Perhaps that was why I was taking my time going back to the estate. Once I was with other people, I had to face reality. And there was a solid chance I was going to get royally screwed, and possibly killed, as a result.

It wasn’t a complete day in the life of Secret McQueen unless my life was at risk from someone.

I was finding it difficult to care now, though.

Be it death by Fairy King, death by Tribunal, or secret life as an FBI agent, none of those options seemed as drastic or awful to me as the threats of Peyton or Mercy. I was no longer a prisoner of my fear. And though I didn’t feel free in the most traditional sense of the word, I also didn’t feel shackled anymore.

Now, if I was going to die, it would be on my terms.

I could accept that kind of arrangement.

Soon enough the lights of the cabins appeared, and the raucous sounds of music and laughter spilled out from the pack’s private bar, The Den. They’d had to build their own after their antics proved too much to handle for any of the local establishments in St. Francisville.

I considered seeing who was participating in the party, until I saw Desmond sitting on the porch of one of the cottages, my boots and jacket neatly stacked beside him. He was staring right at me but didn’t call me over. For a long moment we simply stood, me in the trees and him in the
mostly
civilized world.

Run with me,
I thought at him, knowing even as I considered it how impossible it would be.

He smiled and patted the empty space beside him on the porch.

The little cabin was different from the one where Lucas and I had stayed last time. It was painted bright green and looked smaller than the more luxurious one the king had been assigned.

I already liked this one better.

Sitting next to him, I threw caution to the wind and leaned my body against his, resting my head on his shoulder and taking a deep breath, savoring the fresh burst of lime that danced across my tongue.

Home,
thought the wolf.

Yes.

For once, she and I were in complete agreement.

“You’ve been gone a while,” he observed.

“Yeah. Running.”

“Do you feel any better?”

“I don’t know, honestly. Thought about making a break for it.” I tried to chuckle and pretend I was kidding, but once again my joke fell flat. Desmond looked none too amused by the idea of me fleeing. “I mean, I
didn’t
, obviously.”

Backpedaling wasn’t helping.

He snaked his arm around my shoulders and hugged me close, placing a gentle kiss on the side of my head. “I get the feeling you want to talk to me about something.”

Clever man.

“About what happened in the barn,” I began, wondering how to word my question so he didn’t feel like I was accusing him of anything. “I know it was a high-tension situation. Things were looking bad. I totally understand if you only asked because you thought—”

He interrupted my speech with a loud, joyous belly laugh that sent a shiver of delight through me.

“You thought
I
wanted to back out?” He kissed my forehead, my cheek, my lips, then laughed again. “All this time you kept giving me these queasy looks, I assumed
you
had changed your mind.”

“I didn’t want to force you to stick to something you didn’t really want to do.”

“Man alive, Secret. I love you, but you’re so stupid sometimes.” He smiled at me, and it was hard to take offense. He reached into the pocket of his jacket and pulled something out, setting it down on my knee. “I didn’t propose to you because we were in danger. I always,
always
, planned to ask. I was just waiting for the right moment, and when we were in the barn, it seemed like it might be the
only
moment. So I went for it.”

A black velvet box was balanced on my knee.

Hesitantly, and with my pulse trapped in my throat, I lifted the little box and opened the hinged lid. When Lucas had proposed, he’d done it with a ring so large and intimidating I’d sometimes been embarrassed by the sheer size and sparkle of it.

The ring Desmond gave me felt completely different.

It was a gold filigree band with a single diamond set into it. The stone wasn’t blinding or huge, nor was it small. It was a totally average, totally perfect ring. Something I might have selected for myself, if I was in the habit of choosing imaginary jewelry. The design screamed vintage.

“Desmond, it’s beautiful.”

“I know it’s nothing fancy…”

“No. It’s
beautiful
,” I assured him. Tears had started forming in my eyes, and I blinked hard. Nothing would ruin the mood quite like weeping bloodstained tears onto my new ring. “It’s perfect.”

“I asked my mom for it before we left.”

I recalled him asking her to join him upstairs, and now I understood he’d been plotting this the whole time.

He lifted my hand and placed a kiss on my fingertips before smiling at me in that Desmond way of his. He was just so handsome, so genuine, my heart physically hurt to look at him. How could one person be
that
in love with me? It radiated off him in a way I could feel, and warmed me to my core.

“So.” He removed the ring from the box, and in spite of the fact I’d already said yes once, my pulse quivered in nervous anticipation. “Secret Merriweather McQueen. What do you say? Will you marry me?”

I couldn’t stop from crying this time, the individual tears sliding down my cheeks and dripping off my chin. “Yes.”

“Good, because I would have been really upset if you changed your mind in less than twenty-four hours.” He slid the ring on and admired it openly. “You know that was the easy part, right?”

Sadly, I did.

Now the fun would really begin.

“Where’s Holden?” I asked. “I should tell him first.”

Chapter Thirty-Nine

I had done a lot of difficult things in my life. Tasks people might have claimed were impossible to complete, I had managed to accomplish.

I’d killed a demon who tried to level New York City. I’d bested a fairy in a contest of logic. I’d survived dozens of times when my death should have been certain.

None of those things had felt half as impossible as telling Holden about Desmond.

When Lucas had proposed, Holden had been present. He’d watched the whole thing, and he’d been none too impressed. But it also hadn’t put a damper on his attempts to woo me, and I’d never tried to stop him either. During that period of my life, love had been a free-for-all.

Since then I’d learned there was no such thing as easily splitting your heart in multiple directions.

And now I was splitting my heart permanently because I’d made the choice to love Desmond, but my vampire half would always love Holden. If there was a way for me to have both of them, I would do it forever, but a three-way love story never works out in real life.

At least not when two-thirds of the people involved hate each other.

Callum had been as understanding as possible about me including Holden in my party, but before I’d gone on my run, my uncle made it perfectly clear the vampire couldn’t stay on the estate.

Tensions between Holden and the wolves would inevitably come to a boil, and someone was going to get hurt. Since Holden hadn’t come along to stir up trouble, he’d agreed to stay away from the cabins and the estate proper. He still needed a place to sleep during the day, though, and Callum had offered him the use of an old converted stable.

During the period when the cabins and bar were being built behind Callum’s mansion, a few of the wolves had stayed in the stable for several months, and during that time they’d upgraded it to be living suitable. It might not be the fanciest digs, Callum had told me, but it was better than stowing away in a shed somewhere.