Cold Hard Secret (Secret McQueen) (18 page)

“A deal breaker?” I suggested.

“Yes.”

Great, my life was a Presidential election, and the Elder Council was Florida.

“What can I do?” I pictured myself stating my case before a room of centuries-old vampires, trying to convince them I didn’t deserve to die. Given my skill for saying all the wrong things, I didn’t foresee that particular scenario going great for me. “I don’t need to, like, testify or something, do I?”

“No. I can’t imagine you speaking for yourself would do anything but damage your reputation further.”

I would have been offended had I not just thought the same thing.

“There’s something I need to deal with in Manitoba. I think I might have a shot of finding my mother. If the council wants me dead, can they wait until I’ve taken care of that situation first?”

I didn’t want to die, in spite of my decided lack of
joie de vivre
lately. But if the Council decided it was curtains for me, I couldn’t die without knowing my family was safe. All my promises of protection to
Grandmere
, my sister, Mercedes, Tyler and others would be considered null and void once I was dead. If I could at least eliminate one of the last threats against them, maybe I could accept my fate with more grace.

Nah. I’d still fight tooth and nail down to the bitter end.

I wasn’t the kind of girl to lie down and let the world kick me in the ribs, and I had no intention of starting now.

“It might be wise for you to leave the city again while the discussions are underway. I don’t like the idea of you being considered a vulnerable target by vampires who might wish to claim your seat.”

“Haven’t I always been considered a vulnerable target?”

“In the beginning, certainly. But as time has passed and you’ve proven yourself to be strong, the threats have fallen away. This sort of negative attention might renew interest, though. The possibility of power has been known to make civil men and women do reckless things.”

I wanted to check my phone but resisted the urge. It had only been a half hour since Dominick woke me. Things with Desmond hadn’t likely changed in such a short period of time.

I dug my thumbnails into the lifelines on my palms. One long, one short, neither future certain. Some days I wish I knew which path was which, because I was starting to think no matter what I did I was going to end up with the short line and an early death.

It was a shame my life wasn’t a Choose Your Own Adventure novel where I could peek ahead to see if the decisions I was making would lead to another chapter or end in certain death. That would have been handy.

Knowing my luck, though, even having a peek at the happy ending wouldn’t be a sure thing. I’d find a way to get myself into trouble somehow. It was a gift, really.

“I need to wait until Desmond can travel.”

“Don’t wait for the wolf. Take Holden.”

I bristled. “This isn’t an even-trade situation. Mercy isn’t a vampire. I need another werewolf with me to help hunt her in the daylight and to make sure she’s not hunting me. Holden is—”

“Holden is what?” The man in question had opened the front door and was standing in the entryway holding a Starbucks cup. I wasn’t sure if that meant he’d been visiting with Calliope, or he knew how much I liked a cup of dark roast when I woke up.

“I was just saying you wouldn’t be my best odds of protection when the person I’m after can come at me during the day. That’s all.”

He moved closer, placing the big cup in front of me and removing his jacket like it was a dance move. “What you really mean is I haven’t done so well at protecting you when it matters.”

The words felt like a sucker punch to my gut. I’d thought Holden was dealing with the whole Doctor situation better than me, but maybe he was just more skilled at hiding his true feelings. Did he honestly blame himself for us getting taken?

That was a discussion we could have when Sig was gone.

My inability to say what I wanted made me cranky though, and I snapped, “Don’t put words in my mouth. I wanted to bring Desmond because he’s familiar with pack politics. And my mother won’t play fair. If she thinks she has a shot of killing me at high noon, she’s damned sure going to do it.”

Sig was watching the exchange with thinly veiled interest. “Perhaps you should bring them both.”

Yeah like
that
wouldn’t end terribly.

I looked to Holden for some backup confirmation the three of us couldn’t possibly travel together, but instead of agreeing with my nonverbal opinion, he shrugged. “Not the worst idea ever.”

“No. It
is
the worst idea ever.”

“Why? Me and the dog are getting along decently since we called the truce. I didn’t complain when you went to Paris without me, did I?”

“No.” He’d actually been pretty happy to get rid of me, I thought.

Holden went on, “And didn’t Desmond get incapacitated there? Putting you both at risk.”

My gaze darted from Holden to Sig. I didn’t like the way they were ganging up on me here. This felt rehearsed and unfair. “Did you two plan this?”

“Plan what?” Sig asked. “His arrival here with coffee? My foreknowledge of your intention to run off to Canada again?” He rolled his eyes. “Do not try to make conspiracies where there are only coincidences. You’ll make yourself crazy.”

“Well, isn’t that par for the course with your spawn?” I snapped.

I’d been avoiding this discussion long enough I almost thought I was over it. Having dealt with so many terrible things since discovering my connection to Sig, it had been the least of my worries. But apparently it was one more thing I’d been repressing, because now that I’d spit out the words, my anger at him was kicked into high gear.

Since Holden knew all about my situation with Sig, he didn’t seem shocked by the outburst. He sat beside me on the couch and quietly observed as I glared at the Tribunal leader.

“Now is not the time to talk about this,” Sig said.

“You
lied
to me. About my whole goddamn life.”

“I kept details of your lineage from you. Information you didn’t need to know.” The way he spoke was almost convincing. We hadn’t talked about our situation in person, only once over the phone. Being in the same room with him while we talked about him being my…

“What
are
you to me, can you tell me that much? Are you my grandfather? What?”

Sig laughed, and it spooked me. I jerked backwards in my seat, bumping against Holden. I hadn’t expected Sig to react like that, and the sudden joviality was too much for my nerves to handle.

“You want to discuss this now, Secret? In front of him?”

“Yes.”

“Fine.” He shucked off his jacket and reclined in his chair. “But remember, you asked for it.”

Chapter Twenty-Three

“I am not your grandfather,” Sig began, still chuckling at the notion. “Your mother’s father and your father’s father, those are your grandfathers. Nor am I your great-grandfather, which would actually be more accurate, since you’re basing your nomenclature on bloodlines.”

“Well my vampire great-grandfather, then. You sired my, uh, sire’s sire?”

“That word has now lost all meaning to me,” Holden muttered.

“Shush.”

“You are thinking of this in terms of human connections, Secret, and you mustn’t. You are not human. I am not human. Nothing about this can be contained within the confines of the romantic notion of
family
. That is how you’re trying to understand it, is it not?”

He was making me sound childish. “I need to know what you are to me, and what I am to you.”

“But our connection has remained unchanged this whole time. I was once the leader who commanded you. Now you are my… Now you sit at my side.” Even he couldn’t quite bring himself to call me his equal.

“Things aren’t the same, though. You’ve known this whole time we shared blood, yet you never told me.”

“What does it matter?”

“It matters to
me
.”

“Why?”

I threw myself back in my seat, letting out an exasperated sigh. Vampires were the absolute
worst
. “It matters because you had a bond to me I couldn’t understand, and you could have explained it to me but you didn’t. It matters because you kind of hit on me a lot, and knowing we share blood, that creeps me out now.”

Sig smirked, and there was a predatory edge to it that made me shiver. “Why do you think you appealed to me so much when we first met, my dear? It is difficult to resist the call of my own blood in others. I like to see what it is I do to those I’ve helped make. You’re ruthless, sometimes, which is something you come by…naturally.”

“Are you seriously saying you hit on me
because
you could sense your blood in me?”

“You are not unappealing physically, either.”

Wow. That might have been the single most insulting compliment I’d ever received. The creepy factor of his flirtation took on a new edge too. Had he wanted to bed himself by bedding me? Talk about messed up. Clearly I couldn’t understand the inner workings of a two-thousand-year-old vampire’s mind.

“Ugh.”

“I don’t see how this is of any concern. We never coupled.” He shrugged. “And had we, it is hardly out of the ordinary for those of the same bloodline to share intimacies. Holden, you lay down with Rebecca, did you not?”

I pivoted my attention to Holden. Though this was not a new consideration for me, it also wasn’t something we really discussed. My vampire was rigid next to me, giving Sig a none-too-friendly glare. “We did.”

“See?” Sig said, as though this made his point. “And Rebecca likely bedded her sire.”

“Well, I didn’t bed
my
sire.” I shuddered.

“Your sire was your biological father. That is most unusual. I also believe it is the only reason you find this entire situation as repellent as you do. You are confusing his human tether to you with the vampiric one you share with me. They are different things. For you and I to have consummated something, it would not be anything like the incestuous relations you seem insistent on comparing it to.”

“Can we stop talking about you sleeping with Secret?” Holden asked.

“Yes, please,” I added.

“What foolishness.” Sig shook his head. “And such a Puritanical point of view from a woman who is sharing her—”

“I dare you to finish that sentence.” I glowered at him, inching forward on my seat. I’d been dying to give him a good slap ever since I found out he’d been hiding our blood connection. If he felt like sneering at my love life now, it might be enough to make me do it.

“Very well. But you are the one who wanted to know what I am to you.”

“I do.”

“I am not your grandfather. I am not your sire. I am much more, Secret. Something I was willing to let you go your whole life without knowing.”

I sure didn’t like the sound of that.

“I will give you one last chance to continue living in ignorance. I suggest you take it.” He was rolling up the sleeves on his dress shirt, as if he were about to conduct surgery. The mere
thought
of surgery made my throat swell up. I looked at the door, desperate to escape.

Take the out,
my inner voice screamed.
Take the out. Live in ignorance.

It would be the easiest thing. And I’d never have to know what it was Sig was about to share with me. But then I wouldn’t know what he was, or who I was by extension.

“I want to know.” My voice was so small I wasn’t convinced of my own words.

“Secret…” Holden put his hand on my leg. “Maybe you don’t need this.”

He was probably right. This might be a terrible mistake. But my life was already in shambles, I somehow doubted what Sig was about to say could make it any worse.

“Very good.” His smile was downright chilling. “There is a great deal you failed to learn from your sire. But I can show you. Have you ever wondered how it is I am able to slip into your dreams, my dear?”

My gaze darted to Holden once more. I’d never shared that little tidbit with him. Besides, they weren’t
sexy
dreams. Just weird ones.

“Yeah.”

“And I’m sure you’ve been curious how it is I’m able to find you, no matter where you are. How I could find you even when you ran away.”

My palms broke into a cold sweat, and I wiped them on my jeans. “It crossed my mind.” Actually, Holden had once outright asked me whether or not I’d let Sig feed from me, because he wanted to know how the Tribunal leader was able to hunt me down so easily.

“Holden, tell Secret what would happen if Rebecca were to give you a direct order.”

Holden ground his teeth. “I would be required to obey.”

“But you could resist, if you tried, yes?”

“If I tried
very
hard.”

Sig nodded. “The bond might seem strongest at that point, but in truth, the older the blood, the stronger it is. If Rebecca’s sire’s sire were to
command
Mr. Chancery to jump off a bridge, for example, he would do it. This is part of the reason we don’t like to keep offspring near their bloodlines. Sometimes jealousy or boredom can lead to tragic consequences.”