Cocktails & Dreams (43 page)

“Hands still bothering you?” William shrugged, and Nick let it go. “Yep. It’s snowing like hell, and I was standing out in it for a while. Which reminds me…”

William grimaced after Nicholas explained the fiasco with Rob. “Don’t jump to conclusions, Nick. Accusing the man of ‘fucking you over,’ to use your phrase, probably wouldn’t be the smartest thing you’ve ever said.”

“I don’t think he could dislike me more than he already did after the sleeping bag incident.” Nicholas told William what had happened, and his father laughed until tears came to his eyes. “I did tell him later that I want to marry his daughter, but…” He shook his head as William laughed harder.

“I don’t know if you’re really brave or really stupid, Nick, but Baker certainly beats me on the I’ve-seen-too-much scale. I only had to witness groping,” he said when he could finally talk.

“I forgot about that,” Nick muttered, covering his eyes with his hand and laughing along with William’s fresh burst of chuckles. “Apparently impulse control is a problem with me.”

“So I gathered.” Will’s face gradually became serious. “That’s something you need to learn to control, Nicholas. Doctors can’t afford that luxury. Plus it can play hell on a relationship if you don’t stop to think. I guess you’ve figured that part out, though.”

Nicholas nodded. “Painfully.”

“Listen, Nicholas…I’ve been thinking about that girl you told me about? The aneurysm girl?”

“Heather?” Nick thought about her for a minute. “Some doc I’ll be, right? I was an EMT. I know people die.” He sighed. “Heather became a person and not just an injury, I guess. At first, I think I kept up with her case because it shocked me to see someone so young…and her fiancé was falling apart…”

“And it made you think of Jena and what you’d do.” William smiled a little when Nick glanced up. “Been there, done that. But I just went on to the next patient.”

“I couldn’t, Dad. I got to know her family and I let myself hope. I knew better, and it was stupid…” Nick looked down at the bedcover again.

“You’re already a better doctor than I am, Nicholas,” William said quietly. “You’d be a shitty surgeon, and I think you might want to reconsider being an ER doc, but I envy you the ability to care for someone you lose. I just get pissed because the procedure didn’t work. I was never brave enough for the people stuff.” He smiled wryly. “In any part of my life. Son, don’t make the mistakes I have. Throw yourself into the people stuff. That’s what matters, ultimately.” He held out his hand, and Nick gripped it. “You know what one of the worst parts of this dying business is, Nick? You’re twenty-seven years old, and I feel like I’m just getting to know you.”

Nick’s throat tightened. “Sucks.”

William squeezed Nicholas’s hand. “Yes, it does.” His eyes flicked over his son’s shoulder just as Nick felt Laura’s hand settle there. “Hello, beautiful. Think you can convince this guy to sleep a bit? He looks terrible.”

Laura leaned around and looked at Nick critically. “Yes, he does. Go home, Nicholas. Sleep for a couple of hours.” She ran her hand over his hair.

“Nope. If the chair is good enough for you, it’s good enough for me.” He rose from the side chair and stretched, dropping a kiss on her head before grabbing a drink and settling into the recliner. He set his phone on his chest, and almost immediately felt himself drifting away, consciousness carried off on the rise and fall of his parents’ quiet voices…

“Don’t be such a chicken, Cooper.” Jena’s teasing voice was coming from behind the rocks in front of him, and Nicholas raced around to find her standing on the edge of a dune that overhung the lake. He realized that they were at his parents’ vacation house in Maine, and he shook his head.

“That water is damned cold at any time of the year. No way.”

Jena shrugged and started pushing her cut offs over her hips. “I grew up in Oregon. Not exactly balmy water there, either, bub.” She kicked the shorts to the side and started unbuttoning her shirt. “Are you coming?”

“Not yet.” Nicholas cracked their standard joke, and Jena rolled her eyes, shrugging the top off her shoulders and tossing it on the shorts.

“I’m going in the water, and I want you with me. Man up and drop trou.” Her tone brooked no argument, even as she looked nervously behind her at the dark gray water. “Is it deep enough here? Shit, maybe this wasn’t such a good idea.” She crossed arms over her breasts, covering the filmy dark material of her bra, and grabbed her shirt with her toes, frowning.

He grinned and yanked his shirt over his head. “Too late to change your mind now. And, yes, the water is deep here. It’s gonna be cold, though, so expect that.” His green cargo shorts slipped off easily, and he kicked them over to the clothes pile before walking over and gripping her hand tightly. “Hold on and kick for the surface, okay? We’ll be together. It’ll be okay.”

“Right.” Jena looked over at him, and a hank of dark silk blew across her face. Nicholas pushed it behind her ear, trailing his fingers over her neck before he leaned over to kiss her softly.

“Ready?”

Jena grinned nervously. “As I’ll ever be. On three?”

“Yep. One.” Nicholas shook his free arm and hopped from foot to foot, making her laugh.

“Ass. Two.” Jena pulled Nick’s arm until she could press her mouth to his, winding the fingers if her free hand in the back of his hair and kissing him hungrily. As she started to pull back reluctantly, Nicholas felt her breath catch. “Wait a minute. Have you ever done this before?”

Nicholas smiled against her lips. “Hell, no. I’m a chicken, remember? Take a deep breath, Jena. Three.”

Without allowing himself to think about it, he stepped over the edge, taking Jena with him.

The water swallowed them up, cold and dark, and Nicholas waited until he felt their descent slow before he started kicking up toward the murky light, using his free hand to assist, since he wasn’t about to let go of Jena. Their heads broke the surface at the same time, and the laughing sparkle in her eyes belied her playful scream of agony.

“Cold! Damn cold,” she shrieked, clutching Nick’s shoulder as they treaded water.

“Told ya.” He pulled them toward the shore until he could stand up, relieved when the water warmed a little as it got shallower, and then wrapped his arms around her, dropping his mouth on hers and tasting lake water, and Jena, and sunscreen, and Jena, and he never wanted to be anywhere else in the world…

Except for the beeping. That was annoying.

Nicholas dragged his eyes open and saw the attending physician rush in the door, following two nurses.

Laura stood trembling to the side, eyes wide.

“Mom? What’s going on?” Nicholas struggled out of the chair, still logy from sleep.

“Your father’s seizing.” A nurse put a gentle hand on Nick’s arm and steered him toward the door. “You need to take your mother outside, okay? Will’s doctor is on the way, but the attending is very good.”

In a couple of seconds, Nicholas and Laura were standing in the hall, looking at each other in shock. He wrapped his arms around her, and she gripped his waist tightly.

“He was sleeping, Nicholas. We were talking, and he went to sleep, and I was sitting there holding his hand, and…he just started to shake. Then there were nurses running in and…” Her breath caught. “I’m not ready.” Harsh sobs started to shake her frame, and Nick held her tightly, feeling his own tears dropping into her hair.

By the time the doctors had William stabilized and he was resting, it was evening. Mark just shook his head when Nicholas asked about the prognosis, walking toward where Laura and her brother, whom Nicholas had called a couple of hours earlier, were cocooned a few chairs away, holding hands tightly as they talked. Laura cried on her big brother’s shoulder as Mark headed down the hall, shoulders slumped.

Nicholas stared at the floor, sitting in a hard plastic chair with hands loosely linked and resting on his knees, unsurprised at the diagnosis. He wondered vaguely what had happened to Conor. The day and the dream muddled around in his head until he felt like he was losing his mind.

A quiet vibration from the phone in his pocket pulled him back to the present, and Nick looked at the number before rushing out of the IC wing and into the main hallway where he could answer it, all the stress of the past few weeks peaking as he answered.

“Jena,” he said. “Thank God. I don’t care where you are or what’s happening right now. I need you. Please come. Take the next plane that will get you anywhere close to Boston.” Nurses looked at him disapprovingly as he talked, as cell use was discouraged anywhere in the hospital, and Nicholas moved toward the exit doors. “Please, Jena. I’m sorry for everything. Just come. Any plane. Please.” He realized he was babbling and leaned against the outer wall of the building, closing his eyes and willing her to say something. Anything. The sounds of cars coming and going seemed loud as he waited.

“Nicholas.” Her voice was so clear and achingly familiar. Nick sank down to sit on his heels, his back nearly touching the cold brick. A fist clenched at his forehead as he savored hearing her again. “I’m not getting on any more planes today.” She laughed brokenly, and Nicholas heard a car door.

“Why?” he whispered, feeling tears start to sting the backs of his eyes.

“Because I’m here.”

Nicholas opened his eyes and saw her walking toward him, drowning in the huge coat Conor had been wearing earlier in the day. Behind her, Conor was arguing with a cop as he stood next to a car with both doors hanging open. He caught Nick’s eye and winked.

Jena crouched in front of Nicholas, cradling his face between her warm palms as he dropped the phone in the snow.

“Nicholas?” she murmured in concern, dipping her head to look into his eyes.

He slid down the last little bit, until he was sitting on the ground, and clutched Jena against him, knowing it was probably too tight but not really caring. “Jena,” he said quietly, dropping his face into her hair as she curled against him, one arm snaking around his waist as the other hand rested over his heart, which was hammering at his ribs like a wild thing. After a minute, she raised her head to look at him, one hand around the back of his neck as he leaned down to kiss her gently again and again.

Jena finally slipped off his lap and got to her feet, extending her hand to pull him up, too, and not letting go. “Let’s go inside, Nicholas. You’re shaking.”

Nick couldn’t take his eyes off of her, afraid that she’d disappear if he did. Jena smiled and let go of his hand long enough to wrap her arm around his waist and move as close to him as she could.

“Jena?” he finally said, realizing that he hadn’t said anything more than that for the last few minutes.

“Hmm?”

“Are you staying?” Nicholas felt for a minute like everything he was hinged on her answer.

She met his eyes briefly before dropping hers. “Fair question. Yes. Always. I’m done running away.”

Easing toward the side of the hallway, Nicholas stopped moving and slid his hands up her arms and shoulders and over her neck to tilt her face up. Tears were pooling on her lower lids, and he kissed them away. “Good. Just…good.” Jena smiled and Nicholas pulled her up his body, holding her tightly and kissing her slowly and thoroughly, letting her fill his senses again. When they were both breathless, he settled her on her feet, bending to keep her cheek pressed against his. “Is it terrible to say that I never want to use a fucking phone again? Ever?”

Jena laughed and Nicholas felt her hair brush his neck.

And he was home.

N
ICHOLAS’S
A
RM
W
AS
F
IRMLY
W
RAPPED
around Jena as they walked back to the ICU, and she felt his short beard catch in her hair as he leaned his cheek against her head. She tightened her grip on his waist, turning her face up to search his, looking for words that could take the pain out of his eyes and knowing that there weren’t any.

He stared back, eyes darkly shadowed, not smiling. For the first time, Jena felt that all his guards were down, every inch of self-protective fence demolished.

“I’m glad you came,” he said quietly, his gaze roaming her face restlessly, as if he was memorizing it.

“Me, too. I should have come before. I’m so sorry, Nicholas.”

“Yeah.” He tried on a sad smile. “I guess you did warn me that you hold a grudge.”

“And I’m afraid. And I have a temper. And I hate to be wrong.” Jena looked down, dropping her arm from his waist and trying to step aside. “Not quite as perfect as you thought, huh?”

Nicholas refused to let her move, cupping her chin with a gentle hand and urging her face upward until he could look in her eyes. “No. You’re not.” He traced the curve of her cheek. “Neither am I.” He sighed. “I’ve screwed things up so bad, but I’m selfish enough to say that I still want you, if you’ll have me.” He cupped the back of her head, brushing kisses on her cheekbones and forehead. “I’m sorry, Jena,” he murmured.

“Nicholas?”

He straightened and they both looked around. An older man with thick auburn hair and bright blue eyes was standing a few feet away, glancing between the two of them. “I’m sorry to interrupt, son, but your mom was looking for you. Will’s doctors need a decision.”

Nick’s face tightened, and he hurried toward the exhausted looking woman standing beside the waiting room with two men in scrubs. Jena didn’t need the brief, whispered explanation from Nicholas’s uncle before he trudged down the hall to understand that William had taken a turn for the worse.

After a bare minute of listening, Nicholas shook his head. The taller doctor argued in a low voice, but Mrs. Cooper stopped him with a hand on his arm and a slow shake of her own head. The doctor’s shoulders slumped slightly as he sighed and walked down the hall, the other doctor following. Nicholas and his mother looked at each other, hands loosely clasped, before he wrapped his arm around her and they walked toward Jena.

As soon as she was within reach, Nicholas reached out and grasped Jena’s hand.

“I’m so glad you’ve come, Jena,” Laura said. Hesitant at first, she put one hand around Jena’s back before moving closer to hug her as tightly as Nicholas’s unmoving grasp on her hand allowed. After a minute, she released them with a final squeeze and turned toward Will’s room, asking if Nicholas would mind letting her have a few minutes alone with her husband. Nicholas nodded and kissed her temple before he and Jena walked into the waiting room.

Conor’s solemn face greeted them, his eyes flicking to Nicholas’s drawn features with concern. “Hey, man,” he said quietly, rising from a sofa and folding Nicholas into a firm hug.

“Thank you. Thanks,” Nick mumbled, hugging back with one arm while still clinging to Jena’s hand.

Conor patted his back once firmly. “Don’t thank
me
. She was already on her way. I was just the taxi from the airport.” He smiled at Jena and then stepped back, looking between them. “Okay. So, I need to go home for a few and let Mom know what the hell happened to her car. I’ll be back later, Nick.”

Nicholas nodded and sank down on a couch, pulling Jena down beside him. He cradled her face in his hands, kissing her lingeringly before resting his head on her chest. Jena stroked the back of his neck, and he relaxed. “I missed this sound, your heart, so fucking much,” he said. “I want to talk about everything, I do. But right now I just want to be close to you. I want to rest.” He chuckled softly, his breath going through Jena’s thin blouse and warming her skin. “Boy, that sounds familiar.”

Jena’s mind went to the night of her date, sure that was what Nick was remembering as well. “You’d think we would’ve learned something, wouldn’t you? C’mere.” Jena scooted to the end of the couch and beckoned him over, patting her lap.

Nicholas looked torn, glancing between the doorway and Jena. “My dad—”

“Your mom will come get you if she needs you. Rest.”

He nodded, resting his head in her lap with a small smile as she smoothed his hair. After a few minutes, his breathing evened out as he rolled onto his side and slid one hand up to anchor at her hip.

“Don’t let me sleep long,” he said, barely getting the words out before his eyelids fluttered closed.

Jena let her mind drift over the last days, wondering at how differently it ended up from what she’d been expecting. Right about now, she’d thought she’d be lying on a glimmering white beach, drinking mimosas…but she just couldn’t get on that plane to Hawaii. She’d expected Luke to be angry when she called him from the airport, watching through the big windows as the jet left without her, but he’d just laughed and encouraged her to go to Nicholas. He’d brought her to tears when he said,
“Life’s a crapshoot, doll. If you never take a risk, you can never win. You just hold onto what you’ve already got.”

Once she got through that call, Jena had been apprehensive about facing her parents, but they, too, were supportive. Rob even admitted that he’d expected her to come to that conclusion long before she reached the gate to board the plane. He was the one to lead her to the ticket counter, purchasing her ticket to Boston after a heartfelt apology for trying to use the original ticket as an object lesson in trusting herself. Rob and Sharon had waited with her for her flight using the time for gentle encouragement rather than recriminations, and Jena got on the plane with a clear vision of herself, maybe for the first time in her life. Through the long day of connecting flights, including a lengthy layover in Chicago, Jena had considered what she’d say, how she’d apologize when she saw Nicholas again.

From the time Conor met her at Logan International until they drove up to the hospital and Jena saw Nicholas sagging against the wall, time had gone by in a crazy blur. And then it had stopped. Her heart broke to see how drawn Nick’s face was, his clothes hanging loose and wrinkled and his hair wild. The carefree young man from Thanksgiving was gone, and a decade seemed to have dropped onto him at once, curving his shoulders inward and dropping his head low.

Studying the face of her sleeping man, Jena knew there wasn’t any place else she’d rather be than with him, no matter where he was. Leaning forward slightly, she slipped Conor’s coat from her shoulders and draped it across Nick. He adjusted his position on the narrow waiting room sofa, nestling his head more securely in her lap and tightening the grasp of the arm that was wrapped around her hips. His tiny frown protested the movement of her leg as she tried to give him a more level pillow before he dropped into deeper sleep again.

The harsh lights of the ICU waiting room, the ebb and flow of distraught family members in and out of the room, barely registered in Jena’s consciousness as she adjusted Conor’s coat to cover Nicholas’s upper body more completely. Cool hospital air swirled around her shoulders, and she had a minute to regret the jacket she’d inadvertently left on the plane. Even that little bit of cloth might have cut the chill. Conor had been correct—Oregon cold didn’t hold a candle to the icy blast in Boston. Reaching up, she loosened her hair from the rough ponytail she’d jerked it into nearly a full day before, letting its warm weight cover her shoulders and flow over her chest, making a soft blanket. Running her hands soothingly through Nick’s hair as he slept, Jena relaxed her own head against the wall behind the couch and closed her eyes. She’d been awake for well over twenty-four hours, and her body was crying out for sleep. She struggled to stay alert and give Nicholas a chance to rest, because God knew he needed it after the day he’d had. The week he’d had, really. Nick shifted in his sleep to lean his forehead against her stomach, and Jena’s hand drifted up from his shoulder to rest lightly against his neck. His pulse was slow and strong, and she realized how very much she had yearned to hear and feel that.

Mrs. Cooper’s soft touch as she slipped a pillow behind Jena’s head made Jena realize that her eyes had closed again. She dragged them open against what felt like sandpaper plastered against her eyeballs and tried to focus on Laura’s face.

“Damn. I didn’t mean to wake you,” Laura said, patting Jena on the shoulder as she straightened up. She paused to softly touch her son’s scruffy cheek. “I don’t think I’ve done that since he was tiny and significantly less scratchy,” Laura whispered, and they both laughed. “Go back to sleep, okay?” Mrs. Cooper suggested. “I’ll be in with Will, and I’ll call you if…if it becomes necessary.” She sighed deeply and turned for the door.

“Mrs. Cooper…I’m so sorry—” Jena began, stopping after a stern look.

“Laura, please. Nicholas told us that he hadn’t kept you up-to-date. He’s proud, like his dad.” She regarded her son with tenderness. “I’m just glad you’re here now. He needs you. This—” She stopped and ran her fingers through her dark hair in a motion that was achingly like Nicholas’s habit. “It’s hard.” Jena nodded. “Sleep,” Laura said, and left the room.

Jena settled her head back against the pillow and rested her hand on Nicholas’s shoulder. She thought she knew what she would be missing when she contemplated Hawaii, but she’d had no idea. No amount of self-protection was worth hurting Nicholas or herself as much as she’d done. Jena’s eyes slowly slipped closed.

“Hey…Jena. Hey.” Her shoulder was being shaken slightly as a deep voice murmured her name. She looked up and realized that at some time while they both slept Nicholas’s head had slipped off her lap and was nestled in the curve created when her upper body had slid sideways, while her head was resting on Nicholas’s lower chest. His arm was wrapped around her, with his fingers twined in her hair.

Gently untangling them, Jena kissed his fingers and laid his hand on his chest before sitting up slowly to see Conor crouched in front of the sofa. As she rose, he did too, sitting on the arm of the couch and wrapping an arm around her shoulders.

“Sorry to wake you, sweetheart,” he whispered, looking over at Nicholas to make sure he was still asleep. “I was wondering if you’d like to go over to my mom’s house and get some warmer clothes while Sleeping Beauty is still out. My sister, Meghan, is about your size, and I don’t think you’ll have another chance today.”

Jena looked hesitantly at Nicholas’s relaxed face, and Conor rubbed her back. “It’ll be all right, Jen. If we hurry, we might make it back before he wakes up. His mom said he’s barely slept for days. We’ll let her know where we’re going, okay? We need to get a blanket, anyway, because you’ll definitely want that coat.”

Jena nodded and carefully stood, her legs asleep from being twisted in such an unnatural position for so long, and Conor helped her walk over to the door on feet full of pins and needles. Stopping at William’s room, Conor stepped inside briefly to let Laura know where they were going, and Laura came back out with him.

She smiled at Jena. “Don’t worry about Nicholas. I’ll let him know where you’ve gone. I’m grateful that you got him to sleep, finally.” She considered for a minute. “Would you mind stopping at our house and picking up clothes for Nicholas, as well? I’m sure he’d appreciate a fresh shirt, at least. Conor knows where we live.”

“Sure.” Jena took the keys Laura fished out of her pocket. “Would you like something, as well?”

Laura looked down at her shirt and smiled. “No. This color is Will’s favorite.” She smoothed her hand over her sapphire sweater. “I don’t have much in this color, and what I have, I’ve worn lately. Just in case he wakes up.” Her eyes filled, and she waved them off, stepping into the room and back out with a spare blanket. Jena went back into the waiting room and shook it over Nicholas, stroking his hair again before meeting Conor in the corridor.

Conor wrapped his arm around her shoulders, and they left the hospital, driving in near silence until he pulled up in front of a small, white house. Christmas lights and ornaments festooned the trees and bushes in the front of the house, and Jena was startled to realize that she hadn’t thought about the season at all.

Conor sat looking at the house with a soft smile. “Not quite up to Call standards, is it?”

Jena squeezed his hand. “It’s home. That’s all you really need.”

He nodded and squeezed back before jumping out of the car and grabbing a handful of snow, flinging it with impressive accuracy at the head of someone who was peeking out the door of the house. The guy, a shorter, slightly leaner version of Conor, cursed impressively and flung himself out the door, leaping on Conor’s back and flopping him face-first into a snowdrift by the side of the driveway.

“Boys!” A strident voice called out from the doorway, and Jena looked to see a small, stout woman with curly dark hair standing there, wiping her hands on a towel. “This girl is going to think I raised a pack of animals.” She smiled and beckoned to Jena. “Come on in, honey, before the animals drag you into this mess.”

Jena stepped out of the car and slipped her way up the walk, leaving Conor to wrestle. As soon as she was inside, Jena was swept into a hug and her cheek was soundly kissed. “I assume you’re the Jena we’ve heard so much about?”

Jena nodded.

“Good. It’s about time you got here.” She tossed her towel over one shoulder and wrapped an arm around Jena’s waist, leading her deeper into the small, neat house. “Nicholas is a particular favorite around here, you know.” She chuckled. “I think we scare the hell out of him, but
someone
needed to love on that boy, heaven knows.” She turned to Jena with an impish grin. “Good to know he’s taken care of filling that job. If he’d waited much longer, one of my girls…” and she rolled her eyes to the ceiling. “He’d have never come back then—died of embarrassment, most likely.”

As she talked, she’d led the way into a tiny, efficient kitchen with an attached dining area. Gesturing Jena to a chair, she bustled over to the stove, poured something into a mug, and grabbed a couple of cookies off of a plate. Sitting them in front of Jena, she sat down in another chair and held out her hand. “I’m Emma Grady, by the way. I talk a lot, so just tell me to shut up if you want to say something.”