Cocked: A Stepbrother Romance (25 page)

“Did you even want to get away from me? When you heard what I do, did you think that I’m a monster?” The stubble along his cheeks rubs against the nape of my neck. His fingers roam down toward the soaked spot between my legs.

I don’t want him to stop.

All it takes is a door. One open door and everything between us goes spilling out into the open. And we both know we can’t survive in the open.

We live out near the forest. The deep forest. The trees there are bigger than anything I can imagine and ancient like the feeling that drives me to bite his bottom lip. We could disappear into the forest so easily, swallowed up by time and space.

“Some part of you wants to get caught.” His voice is low and throaty, thick with desire.

I arch my back and gasp as his skilled fingers find their mark.

My mind blanks as waves of intense pleasure roll through me.

“Reid,” I say, over and over.

“Morning is a long way away,” he whispers.

I hope it never comes.

I
first saw Reid Conway in third grade. He was the new kid in town, just moved to Ridgewood with his single mom from the big city. I’d lived in town my whole life, and any change in a tiny place like Ridgewood was bound to make a splash.

He was quiet back then. He’d always been serious, but back then he wasn’t popular yet, hadn’t grown to well over six feet tall and hadn’t gotten all that lean muscle all over his fit body. He was just a little kid when we first met.

We didn’t talk until years later, not seriously, at least. I felt bad for him in those first few months and went out of my way to say hello, but that was really it. Still, I noticed him, and wouldn’t stop noticing him as we grew up. I wasn’t the only one, of course. When it became clear how extraordinary Reid was, people flocked to him. He grew out of his shyness as soon as he hit his growth spurt and girls started throwing themselves at him like crazy.

I wasn’t obsessed with Reid or anything. In fact, he was actually already a cocky asshole, even back then. But it was hard not to notice him winning local climbing competitions at only sixteen and breaking local records at seventeen. It was hard not to stare at the guy that everybody wanted to be around.

My life was easy back then, before Reid changed everything. I wasn’t exactly the most popular girl in the world, but I had my close friends and I had my schoolwork. I was going to college and everybody said so, even though I’d be the first person in my family to do it. That expectation kept me busy. Where a lot of girls my age were spending their weekends out by the gorge watching the boys ride their dirt bikes or shopping at the mall, I was in the library for hours, memorizing and studying my ass off.

I was a total geek. There, I admitted it. It wasn’t exactly a secret or anything, but I’m not really proud of my total lack of fashion sense back then and those thick-framed glasses (nerdy before nerdy was cool). But that was me, plain old Rebecca, smart and uptight.

All of that changed eventually, though. My mom died when I was a baby, so I never really got to know her, and it never looked like my dad wanted to remarry. Until one day out of nowhere he announced that he was engaged, and my world shifted dramatically. One conversation and the whole axis of my existence tilted wildly.

It was hard not to notice Reid “Climber” Conway. He was handsome in a boyish way. His grin was heartbreaking and sexy, and he exuded a confidence I didn’t even know people could have. There was something deeper to him, though, something he didn’t show people very often. It was like he expected the world to be exactly the way he wanted it to be, and usually the world made it happen for him. He showed me glimpses of that depth over the years but never really let me all the way in. As far as anyone was concerned, Reid Conway was going places.

He was also my stepbrother.

––––––––

I
’d been away from Ridgewood for way too long.

As I lugged my suitcase down the escalator and out into the rainy afternoon, I breathed deeply the pine-scented air and smiled. Although I had spent most of my time lately in New York attending Dartmouth College, Ridgewood, right along the border of Canada and Washington State in the US, had always been my home.

There was something about it. Small towns had a charm, really managing to suck you in and never let you leave, no matter how far away you got. Even though it practically rained every other day, it was still one of the most beautiful places I knew. We had mountains off to the north and the east and huge swaths of forest all over the place. The main employers were the lumber and paper mills, although even they had begun to downsize over the years.

Still, as I stood there on the curb of the tiny regional airport, it felt like nothing had changed. Getting from New York out to Washington was an arduous and long process, especially considering I had two layovers, one in Chicago and one in Seattle. I hadn’t been able to make the trip too often over the last four years because it was too expensive, and our family was a little hard-up ever since my stepmom had been diagnosed with cancer.

That was the hardest thing, being away from my family while someone was sick. Every time I begged my dad to let me move back home, he kept assuring me that everything was fine, that I should concentrate on school. He was always trying to protect me. Fortunately, a year almost to the date, Cora had gone into remission. It had been a long and difficult fight, but she had won.

And I was home to finally spend some serious time with them. School was over with, I had graduated with honors, and I had a spot in a fully-funded graduate computer science program in Texas for the upcoming fall semester. My time back home was limited, but I was excited anyway.

I craned my neck, looking down the street, watching for my dad’s old beat-up Jeep. I hadn’t been home in almost a year and was anxious to get back.

I checked my watch and frowned. He was fifteen minutes late, which wasn’t like him. I pulled out my phone and checked my messages, but there was nothing.

Frustrated, I sat down on a bench and waited.

As much as I loved being home, there was one major roadblock to really enjoying myself every time I visited. He was arrogant and attractive and loved nothing more than to tease me until I turned red. It was completely inappropriate, and yet I couldn’t help but love it. We had a history, me and him, despite our status as stepsiblings.

Almost as if sensing where my mind was going, I suddenly caught sight of my dad’s car. I stood up, eager to see him.

As it pulled up in front of me, my face fell.

“Hey, Becca. Looking good as always,” Reid said, grinning.

Reid laughed as I frowned. “Where’s Dad?”

“What, not happy to see me?”

The answer to that question was way too complex to even start thinking about. I stared into his pale grey eyes, twinkling with mirth at my surprise and discomfort. His face was chiseled and handsome, and his dirty blond hair was cropped short and as stylish as usual.

My stepbrother. The boy I couldn’t help but notice.

“No, I just . . . expected him.”

He laughed. “Relax, I know. He had to work a double at the mill so he sent me to get you.”

I nodded. That made sense. Even though Cora’s cancer was gone, there were still bills to be paid. My poor father was working himself to the bone.

Although he didn’t entirely need to. From what I understood, a lot of that money was coming from Reid. If I had to say one good thing about him, it was that he was very loyal to family. He would do anything to help his mother, and apparently every dime he won from climbing competitions and working as a guide went straight to her medical bills.

And if my father was telling the truth, that was significant money.

He got out of the car and walked toward me. “Let me get that,” he said, nodding at the bag.

I shrugged. “Chivalry isn’t dead.”

“It is. I just don’t want to listen to you complaining about getting your hair wet.” He smirked at me.

I frowned. “I haven’t been away that long. It’s not like I forgot about the rain.”

“Sorry, college girl. I didn’t mean to offend you.”

I rolled my eyes and climbed into the Jeep with a huff. He laughed as he loaded my suitcase into the back and then climbed back into the driver’s seat.

He glided back out into traffic, zooming toward the house I grew up in. I watched the lush, green forest press in all around as the Jeep moved north. There wasn’t a whole lot around, maybe one movie theater within thirty miles, one grocery store, and one tiny strip mall with a few clothing stores and barber shops packed in. There were some diners and restaurants, but otherwise it was mostly just forest, mountain, and rivers.

“How was school?” Reid asked.

“Fine. You know I graduated, right?”

He glanced at me. “Yeah, Becca, I figured that one out.”

I laughed nervously. “Right, of course. I start grad school in the fall.”

“Texas, right?”

“Yeah, in Austin.”

“I hear that’s a cool town.”

“I’m pretty excited about it.”

He was silent then, and I couldn’t help but reflect on the last time we saw each other.

The rain was coming down like crazy as I picked my way along the path. I could barely make him out up ahead, moving fast between the trees.

“Wait up!” I yelled, but he didn’t seem to hear me.

I had always been a good hiker but I wasn’t nearly in the kind of shape Reid was. His whole body seemed like it was built to move through the outdoors, almost like he never got tired. His callused hands were strong, much stronger than I realized, and could grip pretty much anything.

That was probably why he was the best climber in our region.

“Hold on!” I called again, and this time he heard me. He looked back over his shoulder, water dripping from his hair and into his eyes.

“Lost a step, sis?” he asked.

“No. Your legs are just longer than mine. And stop calling me that.”

He shrugged. “We’re almost there.”

We had left the path a mile ago, and I knew that if I lost him I would be completely screwed. I had a good sense of direction and could probably find my way back to town eventually, but I had no clue how long that would take.

We started walking again, and this time he stayed at my pace. We didn’t talk, and my heart flittered nervously. I had no clue where he was taking me or why. I was leaving the next day for school, and he had shown up at my bedroom door earlier that morning asking if I wanted to see something. Curious, I said yes.

I had stopped caring about the rain fifteen minutes ago. My parka was soaked through down to my underwear, and my hiking boots felt like I was treading water. The mud sucked at the soles of my feet but I kept moving, making sure I didn’t fall behind.

Ahead, there was a small clearing.

“Almost there,” he said softly.

“What are you showing me?”

“You’ll see.”

That was all he kept saying. I’ll see. He could be pretty mysterious when he wanted to be.

We crossed the clearing and stepped through some thick bushes. Once through, he stopped.

“There,” he said, pointing.

Up ahead, there was an old abandoned van like the kind hippies drove around in the ’60s. I laughed.

“You brought me here just to show me some junk?”

He shook his head. “Not junk. Come on.”

I followed as he walked down toward the car. I had a strange feeling about what was happening, but I didn’t say anything. The van itself wasn’t in terrible shape, all things considered. The green paint job made it blend into the forest, and it wasn’t too rusted. The tires were completely flat and I thought I saw plants growing up through the undercarriage, but the windows weren’t broken and the handles were all intact.

He grabbed the back door and pulled it open. It slid without any sounds.

“Are you sure this is okay?” I asked.

He grinned at me. “Look.”

Inside, there was a small, thin mattress covered in blankets and maybe twenty or thirty candles. Along the back side was a short bookcase filled with books and magazines.

I laughed. “What is it?”

“This is my special place. My hideout from the world, I guess.” He climbed in and I followed him. It was surprisingly spacious, though I was acutely aware of how close he was to me and how heavily I was breathing. Apparently, I was in worse shape than I had realized.

“Took me a while to build it. Had to caulk a few leaks.”

“It’s amazing, Reid.”

He moved closer to me. “I’m glad you like it.”

I snapped back to the present when he put the windshield wipers on. I hadn’t even noticed that the rain started up again. I watched the wipers flash back and forth across the glass, glad of the distraction.

I wasn’t ready to relive that entire memory. Especially not with him right next to me, barely inches away.

“How’s your mom doing?” I asked.

“She’s good. Looking forward to seeing you.”

“Yeah? Her hair getting longer?”

He laughed. “Yeah, actually. She stopped wearing those awful wigs.”

I smiled. Cora was absolutely stunning in a classical kind of way. Even at her sickest, she still managed to look completely perfect. When the chemo made her hair fall out, she had gotten a huge assortment of wigs, and she loved to send me pictures of her trying them on.

“They weren’t awful. She pulled them off.”

He grunted but didn’t respond.

Things were a little strained between us, and for good reason. I guessed the novelty of seeing me for the first time in a year was wearing off. I wouldn’t have been surprised if his mind was in the same place mine was.

We moved through a light and came into the heart of town. It wasn’t much of a city center, at least not like the towns out on the east coast, but it was home. Everything looked the same, more or less, and although that may have been depressing to some people, to me it felt right.

I wanted Ridgewood to be timeless. I knew it wasn’t, that there were problems boiling under its pristine veneer, but I still felt good every time I came back.