Clouds (24 page)

There was a moment’s pause.

“Where are you?” the speaker said in a whisper. “Where … are … you?”

Shelly felt her heart beating.

“I believe God will not give up until he gets us back. He comes walking in the cool of the evening, seeking us. Imagine that. He’s giving us every chance to come to him as he calls out, ‘Where are you? I want you back. Don’t hide anymore. Come back to me. I won’t give up because I absolutely love you.’ ”

Shelly had never heard God’s love explained like that. It drew her to him in a way she had never felt before. Maybe God was more than just a “mighty fortress” standing afar, looking down on her. The concept rocked her in that quiet room.

“Isn’t it interesting,” the speaker said, “that when God chose to begin a relationship with humans, he placed them in a garden? He could have given them beachfront property or placed them high on a mountain. But he put them in a garden. And when Christ rose from the dead, it was from a garden tomb. Do you remember the first person he spoke with after he came back to life? It was a woman. Mary Magdalene. Do you remember what happened?”

There was a bit of a pause. Shelly tried to remember.

“Mary thought he was the gardener.”

Shelly flashed back to the man she had supposed to be the gardener in the Hilsbach cemetery who had asked her, “Who are you looking for?”

“We don’t always recognize the Lord God when he comes walking in the garden of our hearts, do we? Mary thought he was the gardener, and she said to him, ‘Where is he?’ Isn’t that amazing? When God made man and woman and they failed, he came to them asking, ‘Where are you?’ After he made the way for us to receive eternal life through his Son, it was as if God, the relentless lover, finally heard an echo from his first question when this woman said, ‘Where is he? I want him back. I won’t rest until I find him.’ ”

The words penetrated deeply for Shelly. Like Eve, she had been hiding from God for quite some time. Like Mary, something inside her desired to call out to him.

“What I love the most about this reunion is that all Jesus had to say to cause Mary to want to run into his arms was one simple word. All he said was, ‘Mary.’ He called her by her name, just as he calls each of us by name. If you have your Bible, please turn with me to Isaiah 43, the end of the first verse.”

Pages rustled. Shelly was ashamed to realize she didn’t even know where her Bible was.

“ ‘Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; you are mine,’ ” the speaker read aloud to the group. “Talk about a relentless lover! He redeemed you. He called you by your name. He wants you back.”

Shelly felt her mouth going dry.

“I’d like to do something a little different tonight as we close this first time together. I feel as if many women here need to respond to whatever it is God is trying to say to them. I don’t usually do this, but I’m going to give what some of you might know as an altar call.”

Shelly’s heart pounded even more fiercely. Her dad’s church never had altar calls. Those were only for the emotional
worshipers at what he described as the more “free-spirited” churches. Shelly didn’t think she wanted to stick around and watch a bunch of sobbing women go wailing down the center aisle and crumble on the stage. She considered getting up and slipping out, but it was as if the pew had glue on it.

“I don’t know why I feel so compelled to do this,” the speaker said. “But I want God to be free to come tonight and walk into the garden of your heart. When he calls you by name, will you respond? For some of you that might mean coming out from behind those bushes and admitting you’ve been hiding from him. Tell him you’re ashamed or afraid or whatever it is that sent you there. He already knows. Tell him. You’ll never be free until you speak honestly to him and say, ‘I’m sorry. Please forgive me.’ And he will, of course. He always hears, and he always forgives.”

Some of the women adjusted their positions in the pews. Shelly thought she heard someone sniffling.

“I’ll close in prayer,” the speaker continued. “Then I’ll step to the side. We’ll stay in this chapel in a discipline of silence for the next twenty minutes and wait on God.”

As the woman prayed, Shelly could feel her pulse rising up into her throat. This was it. She had to do something. She couldn’t ignore God any longer. He wanted her back.

Shelly remembered standing next to Jonathan in the meeting room of the church in Heidelberg. He had looked at her with his eyebrows slightly lifted, waiting for her to respond. That’s when she began to understand the pain she had caused her best friend after leaving him all those years before. She had wanted to fall into his arms and tell him she was sorry. Everything inside her had urged her to grab hold of him and say, “Jonathan, I’m back. I want you back.”

She had restrained herself with Jonathan, unwilling to make a scene, and had stifled her emotions. Tonight was different.
Shelly knew she had to respond to God. She felt herself make her way down the side aisle to the front of the chapel. As she knelt on the first step, she was oblivious to anything or anyone around her. With her eyes closed, hands folded, and head bowed, Shelly silently formed her prayer.

“God, I’m sorry. I’ve been hiding from you. I’ve tried to do everything my way, and I haven’t sought you at all. Please forgive me. I want you back.”

The tears began to form a steady stream down her hot cheeks. “I love you, God. I surrender everything to you. Thank you for not giving up on me.”

Before she could form an “amen,” she felt an arm around her shoulder. She supposed it to be Meredith’s. When Shelly opened her eyes to smile at her sister, she found that the comforting arm belonged to the speaker. She was kneeling next to Shelly, shoulder to shoulder, tears racing down her own cheeks.

Shelly smiled and whispered, “Thank you.”

The woman leaned over and kissed Shelly on the temple and whispered, “ ‘I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness.’ Jeremiah 31:3.”

Shelly closed her eyes again and let the verse sink deep into her spirit. She became aware of others around her, kneeling, crying softly, whispering prayers. The comforting arm left Shelly, but she still felt bolstered inside. A clean, fresh feeling swept over her like a gentle wind. She lingered only a moment longer, then rose and walked to the back of the chapel where Meredith was waiting for her.

The two sisters embraced and said nothing. They walked back to their cottage arm in arm, as the promised snow began to fall, blanketing their world with its precious white.

The next morning, Shelly woke early and went looking for her Bible. She found it on her bookshelf and crawled back into
bed, eager to find the verse in Jeremiah that the speaker had whispered to her last night. She read Jeremiah 31, then 32 and 33. She kept reading and found a pen so she could underline some of the verses. The more she read, the more she found to underline, as if it had been written for her alone. One of the verses had a cross-reference back to Jeremiah 15. There she found a verse that made her laugh aloud. She read it again as she underlined it.

“Are you having a little party in here, and you didn’t invite me?” Meredith said, tapping softly on the door and pushing it open.

“Listen to this,” Shelly said. “ ‘Your words were found, and I ate them, and Your word was to me the joy and rejoicing of my heart; for I am called by Your name, O Lord God of hosts.’ ”

Meredith looked at her warmly, but she was obviously confused as to why such a revelation was funny.

“I can’t explain it,” Shelly said. “I’ve read chapters and chapters this morning. It’s as if I’ve never seen this stuff before. I’m eating it up.”

“That’s great,” Meredith said. “I hate to pull you away from your feast, but did you need to be at camp early this morning?”

“No, breakfast was as usual. Why? What time is it?” Shelly reached over and turned her alarm so she could see it. “Nine-fifteen! Yikes! I better get out of here.”

Just then the phone rang, and Meredith went to answer it. The airline was calling Shelly in for a flight that left at noon. She had to scramble to get ready and make a call to Mr. Hadley to let him know she wouldn’t be in for the rest of the women’s conference.

“I understand,” he said. “I sure hope you’ll consider our offer, though. These women have been raving about the conference, saying it’s the best they’ve ever had.”

Shelly hung up and grabbed her travel bag. She really didn’t
want to go. Joining the women’s group to hear the speaker once more was much more appealing. Shelly smiled. She didn’t even know the speaker’s name, but her message had changed Shelly’s life. She was back together with God and knew his love in a way she never had.

An almost giddy feeling followed her down the island road as she headed for the ferry. The stark winter sun shone through the thin veil of clouds. Even though the sun was weak, it had managed to melt the snow. Shelly hummed all the way, feeling light and content.

On the flight to Phoenix, she smiled and gave an extra bit of care to each of the passengers. Her happiness seemed to bubble over. When the plane landed, she stood by the door next to the cockpit and bade all the passengers the customary “Bye-bye.” One of the passengers, a large man who had ordered a hot and spicy V-8 when she came around with the beverage cart, stopped and smiled back at her before exiting. She had felt generous and had given him the entire can to drink.

“You look like a woman in love,” the man said. His breath nearly knocked her over. Shelly wished she hadn’t given him the whole can.

“Thank you,” she said with a laugh. The truth was she did feel in love, in love with God for the first time in her life. How could she have grown up in the church and missed this?

During her stay at the hotel, Shelly didn’t watch TV that night. Instead she started to read Psalm 1 and didn’t stop until after eleven o’clock when she could barely keep her eyes open. She put a marker in her Bible at Psalm 134 and fell asleep with a smile on her lips.

Her return flight left Phoenix at six-forty-seven the next morning. Shelly didn’t feel as tired as she should have after getting only five hours of sleep. She returned with the same crew and ended up having a conversation with one of the women
who used to fly Sunlit out of San Jose. According to her, rumor had it that the airline was going on the block at the end of the month. That could mean termination for all employees and rehiring at the discretion of whoever bought them out.

Instead of feeling panicked, Shelly felt calm.
Look how God has taken care of you so far. Six months ago you thought everything was going to fall apart, but your life didn’t collapse. You moved into your dream cabin, you have an awesome friendship with your sister, all your bills are paid off, you have money in the bank, you went to Germany, and you have another job offer. God, you are so good to me! How could I ever doubt you? Whatever happens, I’ll thank you for it
.

After Shelly’s flight arrived at SeaTac, she drove back to Whidbey Island in the pouring rain. The main road to Camp Autumn Brook was closed for repairs, so she had to take a detour that took her around the perimeter of the island. In the backed-up traffic she tried to see between the sloshing windshield wipers what was holding things up. It seemed that all the island traffic had been reduced to two lanes on this, the only available road.

Shelly never came this way since it was farther than the main road. She hummed contentedly to herself and thought about what she would tell Mr. Hadley. It seemed right and logical for her to go ahead and take the position at the camp, but something made her want to hold back. She couldn’t figure out what it was.

Looking out the window at the driving rain, Shelly noticed a video-rental store and thought it might be fun to get something to watch tonight, but she remembered she was reading a book and was eager to finish it. Then she remembered the book was the Bible, and she laughed aloud.

Who would have believed I would turn down a movie to read my Bible?

Outside the window she noticed a restaurant’s white twinkling lights. The sign above the door read, “Rondi’s.” Without using her blinker, Shelly turned right into the parking area where more than half a decade ago she and Jonathan had parked their bikes.

Chapter Twenty-Four
 

I
t’s really coming down, isn’t it?” the waitress said after Shelly was seated at a small table by the window. The round tables on the patio, where she and Jonathan had sat, were being pelted by the steady rain.

“I’d like some tea,” Shelly said. “And maybe a sandwich. Do you have turkey?”

“Sure do. You like a salad to go with that?”

“No. But do you have any soup?”

“Tomato bisque,” she said. “The tomatoes are from Rondi’s garden.”

Shelly smiled when she remembered last time the raspberries had been from Rondi’s garden.

“Sounds perfect. And I’d like some cream and sugar for the tea.”

“Ah, a real tea drinker. I’ll bring you a pot of Queen Victoria then. It’s the real thing, leaves and all. I’ll bring you a strainer. Rondi orders this from Murchies in Victoria.”