Clean Break (12 page)

‘Are you feeling all right, Maxie?' I asked, craning round.

Maxie ducked his head.

‘Dad, we might have to stop, I think Maxie feels sick.'

‘Oh God, Maxie, little man, every time I see you
now you start projectile vomiting,' said Dad. ‘You can't feel carsick, I've only been driving two minutes.'

‘I'm
not
feeling sick,' Maxie mumbled.

‘So what's bugging you then, Maxie?' I asked.

‘I don't want to paddle. The fish will chew my toes,' Maxie said, drawing his feet up onto the car seat and shuddering, as if giant piranha fish were nibbling at him there and then.

Dad roared with laughter. So did Vita.

‘Don't laugh!' Maxie said crossly.

‘Well, you're so stupid!' said Vita. ‘
I'm
going paddling, Dad. If I had my costume with me I'd go right in swimming. I'm not afraid of fish, I
like
them. Dad, will you take me to swim with dolphins one day? That would be
so
cool.'

‘We'll put that idea on hold for a little while, Princess Vita, but you can paddle with cod and haddock and plaice to your heart's content today.'

We didn't do any paddling though. It was dark by the time we got to the seaside. It was colder than ever, with an icy wind blowing right off the sea.

‘Mmm! Breathe in that fresh air,' said Dad, but he was shivering inside his thin jacket.

Maxie's sticking-out ears were painfully crimson, so Dad wrapped my stripy wool scarf round them, tying it in a knot on top of Maxie's head.

‘You look like a silly girl with a hair ribbon,'
Vita teased. She insisted she wasn't cold but her teeth were chattering, and when I held her hand her fingers were like little icicles.

‘Let's run along the sands,' said Dad.

We couldn't find any sand – there were just hard pebbles. We held hands and tried running, making a great crunching din. Maxie kept whining and tripping.

‘Ye gods, you're a fusspot, little guy,' said Dad. He picked Maxie up and sat him on his shoulders.

‘Pick me up too, Dad!' said Vita.

‘Have a heart, darling, I'll keel right over,' said Dad. ‘Come on, blow the beach walk. We'll go up on the prom and make for the pier.'

It glittered in the dark, fairy lights outlining the silver domes.

‘Is that a palace?' Maxie asked.

‘It's the Palace Pier, clever guy. See that stripy tower? That's your very own tower, Prince Maxie, where you can sit on your golden throne and command your magic kingdom.'

Dad bought us food from every single stall on the pier – lemon pancakes and doughnuts oozing jam and salty chips and fluffy candyfloss and 99 ice creams, just as he promised. Vita and Maxie licked and nibbled and slurped until they had food stains all down their school uniform and pink candyfloss scarring their cheeks.

Their hands were too sticky to hold comfortably, so I had to steer them by the shoulders. I ate every scrap of all my takeaways, munching great mouthfuls until my school skirt strained at its zip, but I still didn't feel full enough. The empty ache was there even though I kept telling myself I was having a wonderful day out with Dad and I should be happy happy happy. I'd conjured him up and here he was, all ours.

I started walking very carefully down the pier, trying hard not to step on any cracks whatsoever so that my luck would last and Dad would come back home with us and see Mum and stay for ever. I tried my best, but the pier planks were gnarled and twisted with age and it was hard placing my feet dead centre every single step. I could see through the planks to the dark sea hissing below. It made me dizzy and I had to look up. When I looked down again my shoes were spread all over the place, going over line after line.

Dad saw me looking dismayed. ‘What's up, Em? Want another ice cream?'

‘Dad, I'm meant to be on a
diet
.'

‘Don't you take any notice of your gran. You eat all you want, darling. Come on, let's go in the amusement arcade. I'll see if I can win you all a present.'

There were huge stuffed animals bigger than
Maxie decorating the rifle stalls: cream camels with lolling pink tongues; fat elephants with huge flapping ears and tiny twinkly eyes; stripy zebras with stiff black-and-white manes and thick black eyelashes; spotted amber giraffes with long swaying necks and short tufty tails.

Vita and Maxie and I gazed at these luxury animals in awe. Then we looked hopefully at Dad.

‘No way, kids. It's all a con. I'd never win enough points,' Dad said.

He tried all the same, changing a ten-pound note into coins, shooting over and over again.

‘Tough luck, sir,' the young girl stallholder kept saying, eyeing Dad up and down.

‘It
is
tough, darling, when my kids have set their hearts on one of your lovely animals and I haven't got a hope in hell of winning one,' said Dad, giving her his special smile. ‘Hey, you've already had one tenner off me. How about I give you another and you make my kids deliriously happy with a camel?'

‘I wish I could,' said the girl, sidling up close to Dad and giving him a little smirk. ‘But the camels are all counted.'

‘An elephant? A zebra? What about that giraffe over in the corner with a wonky neck?'

‘My boss would go bananas,' said the girl. ‘I can't, I truly can't, not unless you win fair and square.'

‘But you know and I know there's no way you
can win,' said Dad. ‘It's not fair and it's not square.'

‘That's life,' said the girl, shrugging. ‘Here, your kids can have these as a little consolation prize, eh?' She threw us a packet of jellybeans each. ‘Maybe you can come back later . . . without the kids?'

Dad laughed and whispered something in her ear.

Vita glared and tugged at his arm. ‘Come
on
, Dad,' she said crossly.

Dad pulled a funny face. ‘Sorry, Princess Vita. I'm simply trying to sweet-talk that girl into letting you have a special camel. Still, never mind, let's win you a teddy instead,' he said, stopping at one of those crane machines. Rainbow-coloured teddies were stuffed against the glass, squashed in so tightly their snouts twisted sideways and their beady eyes bulged.

‘Uh-oh! They're so crammed in I'll never be able to pull them out,' said Dad.

‘But I
want
one,' said Maxie, standing on tiptoe so that he was eye to eye with the huddle of bears.

‘You've got hundreds of bears at home, little guy,' said Dad.

‘But I haven't got a stripy one. I want
this
one, Mr Stripy,' said Maxie, stabbing the glass with his sticky finger.

‘I want a bright pink one. It's exactly the colour
of Dancer's nose. They can be best friends. Please please please win me the pink one, Dad,' said Vita pleadingly, jumping up and down.

Dad rolled his eyes and then looked at me. ‘OK, Princess Emerald, I suppose you want an emerald-green teddy,' he said.

‘It's OK, Dad,' I said, though I
did
want one badly. I wanted a very small green bear with bright blue eyes and an anxious expression.

‘It's that one, isn't it?' said Dad, pointing to my blue-eyed bear.

‘You're magic, Dad,' I said semi-seriously.

‘I'll do my best to win you your teddies, but it's not going to be easy,' said Dad.

He changed another ten-pound note and then started manoeuvring the crane. It was the most unwieldy thing ever, the metal claws brushing past each bear uselessly. Sometimes it held onto a paw or an ear or a little snout but after a tug or two it swung away again, empty.

We watched goggle-eyed, holding our breath each time the crane hovered. All four of us went ‘Ooooh' at each failure.

On the very last go Dad managed to capture a little lopsided yellow bear that clung onto the crane grimly with one paw.

‘Is he mine, Dad?' asked Vita.

‘I really wanted Mr Stripy, but the yellow one
might do instead,' said Maxie, though he didn't sound sure.

‘The yellow ted isn't for you, Maxie. He isn't for you either, little Vita.'

‘Is he for
me
, Dad?' I asked.

‘Sorry, sweetheart, he's already taken,' said Dad. ‘He's
mine
.'

‘Are you going to call him Mr Yellow?' asked Maxie.

‘No, my little bear's called Ray.'

‘That isn't a very special name,' said Vita.

‘Yes it is, darling. He's my little Ray of Sunshine. He's going to remind me of our happy day together.'

We had one last longing look at Mr Stripy, Pinky and little Blue-Eyes. Then we went out of the amusement arcade, gripping hands and shivering all the way down to the end of the windy pier where the rides were. Maxie cowered away from the dodgem cars and squealed in horror at the great waltzer hurtling round and round.

‘You're such a pain, Maxie,' Vita grumbled. ‘You're always too scared to go on anything.'

‘No I'm not,' Maxie insisted. ‘I do want to go on one of the rides. I want to go right up in my tower.'

We looked at the pink-and-red-striped helter-skelter tower.

‘I don't think it's
really
got a golden throne inside, Maxie,' I whispered.

‘I know,' said Maxie. ‘That was just a story, wasn't it, Dad? But it can still be
my
tower, can't it?'

‘Of course it's your tower, Maxie. You're very generous and you're happy to share it with Vita and Em and me and all these other people too. But it's going to be dark inside – is that OK?'

‘Of course it's OK,' said Maxie bravely.

Dad paid for us all to go into the helter-skelter and climb up and up and up the steps to the top.

‘See, Vita, I'm not the slightest bit scared,' said Maxie, his voice just a little squeak.

Vita didn't argue. She didn't like it much herself. Halfway up she hung onto my hand and wouldn't let go. When we got to the top at last a man was handing out coconut mats.

‘Can I share your golden throne, Maxie?' said Dad, sitting on the mat and pulling Maxie onto his lap.

The man pushed them out onto the slide and they vanished into thin air. We heard Maxie shrieking.

‘I don't think I want to,' said Vita. ‘Let's go back down the stairs.'

‘We can't, Vita, there are people coming up behind us.'

‘I don't care.'

‘
They
will. Come on. We'll go on a mat together. It'll be OK, you'll see,' I said.

‘Aren't you scared, Em?' said Vita.

‘No,' I said.

‘You're shaking.'

‘I'm
cold
. Now come on, get on the mat with me.'

I sat on the mat and Vita perched on my lap, hanging onto my legs tightly with her little pincer fingers. The man gave us a big push and then we were off, out into the dark night, flying round and round and round, the wind in our face and the sea swooshing far below and the lights twinkling all along the promenade. It was as if we'd stepped straight into one of Dad's magic stories. I never ever wanted it to end. It was a shock shooting abruptly right off the slide and landing on the ground, though Dad was there, picking us both up.

‘Can we do it again?' we all begged.

Dad gave us another go. This time I took charge of Maxie and Vita flew with Dad. I wished I could have one go on Dad's mat, but Vita was too little to manage Maxie and I knew I was way too big to share with Dad.

I wondered if I should really try sticking to my diet and cutting out all my secret snacks – but when Dad suggested fish and chips for supper I didn't object.

I got frightened when I saw the clock in the fish restaurant. Dad saw me looking.

‘Don't worry, Em, it's not twelve o'clock yet.
We're not going to turn into pumpkins.'

Vita and Maxie giggled. I waited, eating chip after chip. I ate half of their chips too, trying to get up the courage to ask Dad something.

‘You did tell Mum and Gran you were taking us out, didn't you, Dad?'

He shook his head at me. ‘You're such an old fusspot, Em. You're my kids. I don't have to ask permission to take you for a fun time.'

I loved it that Dad included me as his kid. But the little worry inside me was getting bigger and bigger.

‘But Dad, if you
didn't
tell them, won't they be wondering where we are?'

‘Just leave it, Em. Don't spoil things,' said Dad.

‘Yes, shut up, Em,' said Vita. ‘And stop eating my chips. I want to make a little log-cabin house with them.'

‘Yes, shut up, shut up, shut up,' Maxie chanted.

Gran always tells us off it we say shut up. Maxie said it over and over again, showing off.

They were both starting to be silly because they were tired out. I was tired too. I felt my eyes pricking with baby tears because Dad had been sharp with me. It wasn't fair. I didn't want to spoil things. But I couldn't help thinking about Mum and Gran and how worried they would be.

‘Maybe we could ring Mum?' I mumbled.

‘There's no point. We're going to go home now – if that's what you want,' said Dad.

‘No, it's
not
what we want,' said Vita. ‘We want to stay out with you, Dad. We want to stay out all night.'

‘Yes,
all night
,' said Maxie, though his eyes kept drooping and his chin was on a level with his cluttered plate.

I bit my lip. I didn't say any more. Dad paid the bill and picked up Maxie.

‘Me too,' Vita wailed, holding her arms up like a toddler.

Dad did his best to carry her as well. I stumped along behind.

‘Tell you what, Em,' said Dad, struggling to turn round to me. ‘We could all check into a little hotel as the kids are so tired. Then we can drive back tomorrow.'

‘But . . . but we haven't got our pyjamas or our washing things,' I said anxiously. ‘And we wouldn't be back in time for school tomorrow.'