Clan and Crown (46 page)

Tidro stood quietly weeping. Yuder
stood at his side, his gaze far away. The utilitarian room, devoid
of all decoration but for a couple of chairs for visitors to sit
in, was silent for a few moments. Only the computers and monitors
hummed to themselves as the group once more absorbed the horror
that was and the horror that could have been.

Zarl gave Clajak one of his piercing
looks. The prince warmed to see evidence of the force that made his
father the man he was. Devastated body or not, Zarl’s mind remained
strong. His spirit continued as indomitable as ever.

His next question proved that.“What is
this about a councilman trying to force you to choose a
Nobek?”

Egilka drew near to answer.
“Wagnox.”

Zarl made a noise that Clajak supposed
would have been a derisive snort had he the strength to make it so.
“Of course. Pwaldur’s mouthpiece when Pwaldur can’t yell loud
enough himself.”

Following that statement, Zarl
grimaced. For a moment Clajak thought a great pain had seized him.
Yet it was conscience that made the emperor wince. “Ah, but Pwaldur
has lost almost everything, hasn’t he? Everything that matters,
anyway. Excuse my lack of charity. The medication for the pain is
making me mouthy. At this point if I think it, I say
it.”

“Say all you wish as bluntly as you
wish, my father. I will not be forced to clan a Nobek Egilka and I
do not choose for ourselves.” Clajak was as adamant about that as
he was about not ascending to the throne.

Zarl gave him a wry twist of a smile.
“Of course not, my son. Dr. Flencik says I am to live after all.
I’m a miracle.” He startled them all with a bitter laugh. “This is
not a miracle. It is purgatory to continue when my empress has
moved on.”

He made that grimace again, his gaze
moving to Tidro and Yuder. “I do not mean to say I am not grateful
to be with you two still. Damn this medication.”

Tidro smiled at him, love shining from
his face. “You are allowed, my Dramok. Rage all you wish. Mourn all
you wish. You are not diminished in my eyes.”

Yuder showed no sign of hurt or insult.
“Nor mine. I too would have wished to go with her. Yet I know Irdis
would be glad we three remain together.”

Tears welled in Zarl’s eyes again. “My
poor, sweet love. She was still so young. We were fortunate to have
her for the time we did.”

“She was more than this world
deserved,” Clajak said. He thought it sounded like a trite
sentiment, but he meant it with all of his heart.

Zarl blinked his eyes clear. “I agree.
Now as to this matter of you clanning—”

Tidro interrupted, waving his hands
impatiently at Zarl. “My Dramok, you should not stress yourself
over such matters. Your mind and body both need to
rest.”

Zarl huffed weakly. “My mind needs
something to keep it occupied or I will wallow in despair. Clajak,
do not rush to a decision because of what has happened. Yuder has
sworn he will defy any who try to force you into a situation you
are not ready for.”

Clajak jerked in surprise. He stared at
Yuder. After their argument three days ago, he thought his Nobek
father would be in favor of him making a quick decision, the better
to be ready to take control if needed.

Yuder returned the look with no visible
emotion. He said nothing.

Clajak bowed his head. “I am grateful
for your support, my fathers.”

Egilka sounded no less relieved. “As am
I. Thank you.”

Zarl’s voice weakened. “We do need a
Dramok’s voice from the Imperial Family, however. Clajak, you must
take over—”

All at once, the panic returned. Clajak
recoiled from his father’s bedside, stepping back. “I’m not ready
to lead. You’re recovering. You’ll be back where you belong
soon.”

Zarl blinked at him. “My son, it would
not be you alone. Tidro and Yuder will be there. It would be no
different than the usual except I – and Irdis—”

His voice failed. Clajak stared at him
in terror as Zarl struggled with the strength of his feelings and
the weakness of his body. One monitor gave a beep, the sound a
blade to Clajak’s heart.

He cannot believe I can
take his place. He must know he’s needed still.

There was another warning beep. Clajak
spoke to refute its cautionary cry, a sound that said Zarl might
yet fail to recover.

“I’m not ready, my father. It is your
voice that the Empire hears. It is your voice that the Empire
respects. I am nothing. I haven’t earned the right or learned all
the skills I need.” Clajak looked to Yuder, the one who knew his
limitations best. “I’m not ready!”

A note of pain crossed the Nobek’s
face. “My son, you must not take what was said before in the heat
of anger and pain to heart. We rise to our challenges. You are
better prepared than you know.”

Clajak stepped back. He shook his head
and muttered, “No. No. It’s not my time, not yet.”

Overwhelming emotion laid hold of his
legs, making him wheel around and hurry from the room. Clajak
couldn’t have stopped if he wanted to, not even with Egilka’s cry
of “Clajak!” ringing in his ears.

When he thought he heard his Imdiko
chasing after him, Clajak ran. He had to get away. He could not
replace Zarl, not even for a second, not when death might be
waiting for an excuse to take away yet another of his parents. Not
when he was less than Zarl, not when he was so much less than
Irdis.

Clajak was less than nothing compared
to them. He ran from the responsibility that, if accepted, might
tear Zarl away too.

* * * *

Egilka gasped for breath as he hurried
to keep up with Bevau. The Nobek strode with single-minded purpose
down the beach, setting a pace in the summer sun that winded
Egilka.

Between pants, the Imdiko prince tried
to reason with his determined companion. “You know I’m grateful to
you for helping me look for Clajak. But he won’t be there! He
hasn’t hidden in that spot since he was a kid, and certainly not
for so many hours. Nowadays when he wants to escape everyone, he
jumps in a space-worthy shuttle and leaves the planet.”

“Which we know he hasn’t done, or I
would have found a record of his departure.” Bevau had mercy on
Egilka and stopped. He brushed the sweaty strands that had escaped
the Imdiko’s ponytail from his face.

In the hours following Clajak’s abrupt
departure from his father’s bedside, Egilka had grown more and more
beside himself with worry. His Dramok’s terror of taking Zarl’s
place, even temporarily, had been plain to see. In that last
instant before Clajak had fled, Egilka had seen how he was drowning
in fear. What might he do in his determination to avoid leading the
Empire?

Bevau gripped Egilka’s shoulders and
rubbed them, his expression offering comfort the Imdiko couldn’t
accept. “Think about it. It makes sense Clajak would go to the cave
as he used to. He’s distraught. On top of that, he’s being
overwhelmed by everyone shoving responsibility on him. Grown man or
not, strong Dramok or not, he’s lost his mother and could still
lose one of his fathers.”

“Zarl’s condition is
stable.”

“For now. We all know that could
change. In the meantime, Clajak is being told he has to lead
Kalquor. It’s a huge responsibility, one that reminds him that the
parents he loves, the ones he has left, won’t be with him forever.
Right now, his childhood is all he has left, the only thing that
remains safe.”

Egilka couldn’t help the hurt in his
voice. “He has me.”

Bevau smiled and pulled him close for a
hug. “Of course he does. In the face of all Clajak has lost and
stands to lose, he’s forgotten that. We’re going to remind him that
there is still something good in his life.”

With one last squeeze, Bevau released
Egilka and set off again. Egilka hurried after him. Within a few
minutes, the cave was in sight.

It wasn’t so much a cave as a large
outcropping of rock, rising from the powdery-soft pink sand of the
beach. The hollow within wasn’t tall enough for a full-grown man to
stand upright. As the two men drew close, the shadowed interior
didn’t reach far enough back to hide its lone occupant in the
darkness. Egilka felt relief bleed most of the strength out of his
legs and he staggered a little before recovering. Clajak was there.
Bevau had found Egilka’s Dramok.

Bevau hunched down and peered at the
prince sitting against the far wall. “Here you are. Poor
Clajak.”

He started to crawl in just as Egilka
caught up to him. Desperation to reach Clajak had the Imdiko
pushing past Bevau to get to the prince.

“Thank the ancestors! I was so worried
about you,” Egilka exclaimed as he wrapped his arms around Clajak’s
broad shoulders.

His clanmate blinked at him with red,
swollen eyes. He looked impossibly young at that moment and
miserable with shame. “You must be furious with me,” Clajak
said.

Egilka thought about it. For a moment
he had felt angry, but only because he’d been concerned about
Clajak’s well-being. Plus there was the hurt that the Dramok had
run and hidden rather than trust that Egilka would take care of him
until this latest storm passed.

Yet all that vanished as he gazed into
Clajak’s tormented face. The poor man was in an awful place right
now, and the horizon seemed determined to grow darker for him.
Egilka had no room to be exasperated when so much had happened to
his clanmate.

He combed his fingers through the
steel-tinged hair. “I’m not even a little bit impatient. I just
want you to come home where I know you’ll be safe and sound. Will
you do that for me?”

Clajak’s wretched expression faded into
surprise. Then the hint of a wondering smile touched his face. He
took Egilka’s hand and pressed it to his lips.

“For you? I’d do anything. Always.” He
moved the Imdiko’s hand to his cheek, pressing against it. “I’m
sorry I’m not being a better Dramok. A better clanmate and son. I
don’t know why I keep coming apart like this.”

“You lost your mother, Clajak.”
Egilka’s thumb wiped away the tear that leaked from the other man’s
eye. “You’re being told to do what you can’t imagine ... stand in
Zarl’s place. But it’s only temporary. He will recover. He will
return. He just needs you to keep things running for a little
while.”

Clajak blanched. “I just keep thinking
– fuck, Egilka, I don’t know what I’m thinking.”

“It’s okay. One step at a time. One
foot in front of the other. That’s all you have to do.”

“It’s not a race you have to run all at
once,” Bevau agreed. “And certainly not alone.”

Clajak looked at him and flushed. “By
the ancestors, I must seem a complete disaster to you. How can you
stand to look at me?”

Bevau shrugged. “A Dramok may be the
leader of the breeds, but he’s still a man. Every man has his dark
days and moments when his strength fails. That’s when you call in
the Nobeks.”

Clajak barked a harsh laugh. “Thank the
ancestors for the Nobeks. And the Imdikos.” He swallowed. “If I’m
not completely diminished in your eyes, Bevau, will you come with
us again? I’d just – I’d like it if you’d stay with us a little
while.” His gaze went to Egilka. “My Imdiko has been as steady a
clanmate as I could wish, but I think I’m a bit much for him these
days. We would both benefit from your continued
presence.”

“Do you think I would leave you right
now?” Bevau seemed insulted. “I’m not going anywhere. I’ll stay
with you for as long as you need me.”

What if we needed you
forever?
The thought erupted in Egilka’s
head. He almost said the words, but shut his mouth just in time.
The last thing he and Clajak needed to hear was how Bevau was not
suited for their clan.

The last few days, he had become
convinced otherwise. He and Clajak had found their Nobek. Egilka
was certain of it.

The three men crawled out of the tiny
cave. Clajak blinked in the bright late afternoon sunlight, looking
around as if he’d wakened on an alien planet. Egilka gazed at his
Dramok. Seeing the lost look reminded him of Clajak as a young,
uncertain boy. It made his heart throb painfully.

He rubbed Clajak’s back, loving him
more profoundly in that moment then he could remember loving him
before. “Your clothes are drenched in sweat. You’ve been here for
hours, my Dramok. No food, no water. Let’s get you taken care
of.”

He and Bevau walked on either side of
the mourning Clajak, seeing the lost man home again.

The moment they reached the princes’
suite, Egilka led Clajak into the washroom. Bevau went to their
kitchen to fetch the worn-out Dramok some water and a light
snack.

Egilka tossed a small seating cushion
into the bathing room, making Clajak sit down while he started the
water running. The bathroom space had been left close to its
natural rock setting, making it cavern-like with the deep bathing
pool dug into the middle of the floor. Yet it had all the best
amenities, including soothing salts, scented gels, piped-in music
and vids, and a rainfall shower.