Claire (Hart University Book 2) (17 page)

“After we broke up?”

He didn’t answer. Instead he leaned in and kissed me on the mouth. “Hey, Claire?”

“Yes?”

“We stopped making out and started talking. Which is absolutely okay, but it makes me wonder.”

“Wonder what?”

“If maybe you’re having second thoughts.”

I started to say no, but then I forced myself to think about it. We
had
stopped making out. Was there a reason for that? I wanted him as much as ever… maybe more. So what was it? Was I having second thoughts?

My eyes moved from Will’s face down his perfect body.

His perfect body…

And then I knew why I was hesitating.

“It’s not that,” I said. “I just…” I bit my lip. Admitting this would be even less sexy than admitting my physical insecurities, and might even kill the mood between us for good. But we’d gotten this far by being honest and I didn’t want to stop now.

I took a breath. “I’ve only ever been with Ted, and we never burned up the sheets or anything. I mean, I enjoyed being with him, especially in the beginning, but I’ve wondered sometimes… of course Ted would never say it out loud… but I’ve wondered if, maybe, I’m not very good in bed.”

Will started to say something and stopped.

“What?” I asked.

He shook his head. “I was about to tell you how ridiculous you’re being. But the truth is, I’ve worried about the same thing. I’ve only ever been with Lissa and after hearing some of the guys on the team talk… well, let’s just say I think some of them could give you a better time in bed than I could.”

“But I only want to be with you,” I said—and then realized how that might sound. “I mean, for this one-night stand thing we’re doing.”

“I know what you meant,” he said. “I feel the same way.” He paused. “So then I guess it doesn’t matter, right? If you want to be with the person you’re with, then whatever happens is what’s supposed to happen. Sorry. Does that sound too much like a Zen poster?”

I couldn’t remember ever liking someone as much as I liked Will just then. “No. I know exactly what you mean. But, um, we have kind of drifted out of sex territory and into talking territory. Maybe we should just—”

But Will didn’t let me finish that sentence. He pulled the sheet off my body, rolled me onto my back again, and kissed me like it was the last thing he’d ever do.

And just like that, the madness returned.

My body blazed to life under Will’s. He took me from zero to sixty in the blink of an eye, and before I knew it I was wrapping my legs around his waist and clawing at his back with my fingernails.

He broke the kiss long enough to reach for the condom he’d put on the nightstand. He tore the foil cover with his teeth and rose up to his knees to slide the latex on. He was flushed and breathing hard, and he looked exactly like I felt.

“We’ve got all night, right?” he asked.

“Yes, but why—”

“I feel like we should do more foreplay than this. And I want to, but… fuck, Claire, I want to be inside you so much right now. If I know we can do other stuff later, then I—”

I reached up and grabbed him by the shoulders. “Please,” I said. “Please.”

It was all I could articulate at that moment, but it seemed to be enough.

He kissed me again, hard, and then he reared back as he positioned himself at my center.

When he slid inside me I wanted to die.

I mean it. I wanted to die right then, because I knew that nothing else I could ever experience would be as perfect as that moment.

And then it got better.

Will started to move, slowly at first and then faster and harder. And as he drove himself into me over and over his face filled with a kind of taut bliss I’d never seen before. He closed his eyes, and his jaw was as tight as the bands of muscle over his shoulders.

I couldn’t keep my eyes off him. He was so beautiful, so sexy, so—

The tingling started in my fingers and toes, and by the time I knew what was happening an orgasm hit me like a freight train, with a thundering in my ears and a tidal wave of ecstasy.

I gripped Will’s arms, and they were as hard as iron as he supported his weight above me.

His eyes were open now, and he was staring down at me like I was the most incredible thing he’d ever seen. “You came,” he said, his voice rough and gravelly.

I couldn’t speak, but I managed to nod. And then he flexed his hips and thrust in hard, and I felt his body pulse inside me as he came, too.

He collapsed on top of me then, shuddering all over and saying something into the place where my neck met my shoulder.

After a moment I realized it was my name.

“Claire. Claire. Claire.”

I could feel the vibration of his voice all through my body. He said my name with reverence, like it was the most important word in the universe.

I wanted to stay like that forever, but after a few minutes I realized that would be impractical.

Breathing was becoming an issue.

I wriggled a little beneath him and he shifted instantly, rolling off and lying on his side facing me. I turned to face him, too, and we gazed at each other in a way that should have been embarrassing.

But it wasn’t.

I’ve never just looked at someone for so long without saying anything. It was like those moments outside in the snow. The silence between us felt like music, somehow—like the spaces between notes had come together to make a symphony.

After a while drowsiness crept over me like a warm blanket. I nestled closer to Will, feeling his arm encircle me as I tucked my head against his broad chest.

And then I was asleep.

When I woke up it was dark. But unlike this morning, I didn’t wonder where the heck I was.

I knew exactly where I was.

I took a deep breath and inhaled the scent of Will, deciding I’d rather live on that than air. Then I pressed a kiss to his bare chest, relishing the hardness of that wall of muscle.

“Claire.”

Will shifted, tugging me close and kissing the top of my head. After a moment he lifted my chin and kissed me on the mouth.

The kiss was soft and gentle at first. Then, suddenly, it wasn’t. Our naked bodies pressed together and we were twisting and writhing and—

Will pulled back.

“What is it?” I gasped, desperate for him.

“I only had one condom.”

That calmed me right down. “Oh.”

My eyes had adjusted to the darkness and I could see that he was smiling.

“What are you smiling about? Aren’t you frustrated?”

“Nope.”

“Why not?”

“Because we can do other stuff.”

Possibilities opened up before me.

“Other stuff?”

“Other stuff.”

And that’s what we did.

Chapter Nineteen

When I woke up again, it was daylight.

Bright sun shone through the dormer windows. It came into the bedroom in visible shafts, dust motes dancing in the light.

Suddenly wide awake, I slid out of Will’s arms to get out of bed and go over to the window.

The world was blanketed with snow, including my car. But as I stood there, I heard a faint rumble in the distance. I waited, curious, until I saw the source of the noise: a snowplow, making its way down the road past the driveway.

The roads were being cleared. Which was a good thing, because our friends were driving out today.

“Happy Thanksgiving.”

I turned and saw Will sitting up in bed, the blankets around his waist and a smile on his face.

My heart warmed at the sight of him. “Happy Thanksgiving.”

I was naked, but this morning I didn’t feel any self-consciousness about it. How could I, after the way Will had worshiped my body last night?

I padded back to the bed and perched on the edge. “The gang is coming today.”

He nodded. “I know.” He studied me for a moment, his expression serious. “Can we talk before they get here?”

I didn’t pretend not to know what he meant. “About us?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay.”

We were quiet for a moment. Then Will asked, “Where do we go from here?”

I thought about my answer very carefully, because I wanted to get this right.

“If I were going to be with anyone right now, it would be you. But I’m not ready for a relationship.” I paused. “I was with Ted for four years. I was his girlfriend from the time I was fifteen years old. You know how you’re not sure who you are without football? I want to be sure I know who I am without being someone’s girlfriend.”

I took a deep breath. “I got a single this year because of Ted, you know? So we could have privacy if he came to visit. Then he broke up with me, and I hated having a single. I wished I had a roommate again. But lately… the last few weeks… I haven’t minded it as much. I even kind of like it.” I stopped, wondering if I sounded selfish or if Will would know what I meant.

“I get that,” he said.

Silence fell between us again, and I waited for Will to speak.

“I wish some things were different,” he said finally. “But the fact is, you don’t want a relationship right now because you’re in a good place, and I shouldn’t be in a relationship because I’m in a bad place.” He paused. “I guess sometimes people don’t sync up. You know? And you shouldn’t try to force it.”

Even though I knew he was right, and that I’d been right, too, I still felt a sudden unbearable sadness. “We synced up last night,” I said. “Like, big time. And maybe next semester… or next year…”

He took my hand in his. “You don’t have to do that,” he said. “Let’s not look too far ahead, okay?” He raised my hand and kissed it. “Thanks for last night, Claire. It was the best night of my life.”

I wanted to say
Me, too,
but I didn’t want him to think I was saying it because of what he’d said.

Why is talking so hard sometimes?

He threw off the covers and got out of bed, stretching his arms up to the ceiling. “So I guess we should get ready for visitors, huh? I’ll go shovel the driveway.”

I got to my feet, too. “I’ll help you.”

He shook his head. “There’s only one shovel,” he said. “I saw it yesterday on the back porch. I’ll take care of it. It’ll be good exercise.”

“Well… all right.”

I stood there for a moment, wondering how to end this conversation and wishing we didn’t have to. Because once we did, the magic of last night would be over. And yes, it was the right thing, but I didn’t have to like it.

Then I remembered that this was Will’s room, which meant that making an exit was up to me.

“So… I guess I’ll go take a shower. Then I’ll make some coffee.”

“Sounds good.”

I grabbed my clothes from the floor and left.

And that, as they say, was that.

Chapter Twenty

About an hour later, I was finishing up the driveway when Claire came outside with a shovel in her hand and an indignant look on her face.

“You said there was only one!” she called out, holding up the incriminating evidence in one hand.

I grinned at her. “Yeah, I lied about that.”

She started toward me. “Now I’m going to help.”

“I appreciate the offer, but there’s nothing left for you to do.”

She reached my side, looked around, and saw it was true.

“Curse you, McKenna.”

“You say the sweetest things.”

She looked up at me, squinting with the bright sunlight in her eyes. “I can’t believe you did this by yourself.”

Staring down into the oceans of blue that were Claire’s eyes, I lost my place in the conversation for a moment. Before I had a chance to find it again, we heard the sound of a vehicle coming toward us.

We both turned and listened. It might have been the snowplow coming by again, but I didn’t think so. Then, after a minute, a navy blue van came lurching down the dirt road.

“It’s one of the Panther team vans,” I said.

We backed up the driveway to give them room, and after they pulled in, here came our friends.

Tamsin and Julia and Dyshell. Rikki and Sam. Andre and Tony and two more teammates: Derrick and Isaiah.

My throat felt tight all of a sudden. There was a lump there, and it wasn’t easy to talk past.

“Don’t you people have families?”

Tamsin grinned up at me, her dark hair hidden under a neon pink knit hat and her arms full of groceries. “We decided we’d rather spend Thanksgiving with you.”

“That’s some seriously questionable decision making,” I said as I reached for the bags.

Andre was holding a big turkey wrapped in plastic. “That’s what I told them, but they wouldn’t listen. Where’s the kitchen? I need to get this thing in the oven if we’re going to eat before midnight.”

We actually ended up eating around six o’clock.

Okay, so, I’ve already made it clear that I love my mom and my stepdad. Not only are they awesome parents, but they’re good company. Holidays with them are always fun.

So I mean no disrespect when I say that this was the best Thanksgiving I ever had.

It’s quite a thing when a bunch of your friends blow off their plans to spend the holiday with you, just because you’re having a rough time. It’s humbling, not to mention an effective way to get you back on the right track.

And it was Claire who’d made it happen.

I didn’t sit next to her during dinner, figuring I’d give myself away for sure if I was within touching distance of her. But my eyes kept drifting to where she was, across the table between Tamsin and Julia.

I really, really hoped that Claire would decide to be with me some day. Because if she didn’t, I was going to be single for the rest of my life.

She was it for me. The only girl, forever.

Okay, I know that sounds melodramatic coming from a nineteen-year-old. But I never felt that way about Lissa, even though I’d loved her and was committed to her.

Was it possible my feelings would change if Claire and I never got together? Sure. But right then, at that moment in my life, I couldn’t imagine it.

The food was delicious and the conversation was fun, but the highlight for me was watching Claire. I could never get enough of looking at her, of seeing her smile and laugh with her friends.

Seeing her happy.