Claimed By Chaos (22 page)

He reminded himself that as sweet as the torture was as he rubbed against her, being inside of her would be far more stimulating and he needed time. Alastair checked her breathing and estimated her temperature by how much warmer she felt against his skin. Giselle’s hands gripped his wrists and spasmed as her head moved restlessly against his shoulder. He looked down and could see his cock glistened with her juices. He knew she was approaching a climax and he increased the pace of his thrusts until her panting became frantic and he felt her body start to tighten.

Alastair stopped moving and took his hands from her breasts. He bit her earlobe and raised her hand to his lips. He nipped her fingertips and bit the palm, shocking her.

“Deep breaths, my love.” He whispered. “We’re going slowly, this time.” He reminded her. He raised her arms above her head, over his shoulders and ran his hands up them briskly, making her more alert. He lowered her arms and slid his hand around her throat and found her pulse was where he wanted it. Alastair started stroking the flesh of her stomach lightly with his fingertips. He slowly drifted toward her breasts as his tongue explored the curve of her neck. He watched her chest rise and fall and waited until she was breathing quickly and her body was hot against him before he started moving between her thighs, teasing her slick flesh with the length of his erection. When his fingers finally closed around her nipples he used just enough pressure to stimulate her. Giselle sobbed in frustration.

“Please! I need more!” She begged. Alastair smiled wickedly against her neck. He bit down as he pinched and she shrieked as she tensed against him. He released and continued with gentle strokes. She arched against him frantically as her breasts rose and fell as she breathed raggedly. He felt wet heat bathe his aching cock as it slid back and forth between her thighs. Alastair flicked his thumbs over her nipples and she started to gasp for air and he felt her become tense. He thrust faster until he she held her breath and he stopped.

He swiftly raised her hand and bit the delicate skin on top and then turned it and nipped her fingertips three times. Giselle whimpered and tried to pull his hands back to her breasts.

“Patience.” Alastair said softly before taking her earlobe between his teeth. He bit down hard enough to make her yelp. “Deep breaths, darling.” He commanded as he raised her arms again.

Once she was alert and her breathing slowed, he let her arms fall and started caressing her shoulders as his lips brushed against the hollow beneath her ear. He let his fingers brush the undersides of Giselle’s breasts delicately causing her to shiver which he paid for as her bottom twitched against his groin again. Alastair traced the outer edges of her nipples and slowly circled inward to the peaks. Her hips writhed against him urgently, willing him to rub against her. This time, he slid back and changed the angle of his thrust when he felt the head of his cock rub against her entrance and slid into her slowly.

“Yessss!” Giselle gasped as her head fell back against his chest.

Once his groin was pressed against her bottom, Alastair stopped and held himself there. His fingers continued circling her nipples and his tongue slid down her neck. He felt her muscles squeeze around him and she started to rock her hips. He released her breast and pressed against her stomach.

“No. Do you want to start over?” He asked sternly. Giselle shook her head wildly. “Good girl.” Alastair returned his hand to her breast and his fingers went back to edge of her nipples and began tracing lightly again. He went slowly until he reached the pebbled peaks. He rubbed the pads of his fingers over them and he felt her core become slick with molten heat. He had to swallow a growl as she tightened reflexively around him. Giselle started to pant and her breaths became shallow. Alastair pulled his hips back and started stroking within her. He kept the rhythm excruciatingly slow, fighting against his body’s demands to move faster and press deeper. He released one of her breasts and his hand spread flat against her stomach and started to glide down. He noted how hot and damp her flesh was with perspiration as he reached for her soft curls. Her breasts rose and fell rapidly and she nodded jerkily as his fingers parted the delicate folds.

Alastair increased the pace of his thrusts as his fingers found the tender bud and began massaging it. Giselle moaned in delight and her hands locked around his wrist, trying to hold him to her as her body started to tighten. He pressed his mouth against her neck and sucked as his tongue lapped at her. He pinched her nipple and a high pitched squeak escaped her throat and she gulped for air as her body froze. Alastair pulled his hand from between her thighs and withdrew his cock as he swiftly bit down on her palm.

“Nooo!” Giselle screamed as he nipped the pads of her fingers. He raised her arms again and ran his fingertips up them causing goosebumps to wash over her.

“Deep breaths.” He said as she swayed against him drunkenly. Her body trembled and she whimpered as she leaned against him. Alastair caressed her throat and found her pulse. He waited for it to slow before he lowered her arms. He held her against him and kissed her shoulder as he waited until his own pulse was calm. His balls throbbed angrily and his cock was painfully rigid.

Once he was sure they were both back to stasis he set his hands to her stomach and let them slide upward. This time, his fingertips pressed firmly against her glistening skin as they traveled toward her breasts. They closed around her soft flesh, kneading as his lips dragged along her cheek until he found her mouth. She gasped as his tongue surged in. He kissed her hungrily as his fingers closed around her nipples and pinched. Giselle sobbed into his mouth as Alastair pressed his erection into her and began to thrust slowly. He could feel her heart pounding through her breast and heat poured from her in waves. She wasn’t going to last much longer. He wouldn’t either. He released her lips and she let her head fall to the side as she moaned incoherently.

Alastair placed one hand against her stomach and the other against her back and guided her to bend forward until her hands rested against the bed. The sight of her bottom pressed against his groin was nearly enough. He shut his eyes and focused on breathing in and out until he felt her pushing back against him, urging him to take her deeper and faster. Alastair gritted his teeth as he pulled her harder against him. Giselle’s head rose and she sobbed as she bucked against him.

He slipped an arm around her waist and lifted her as he ground his pelvis against her bottom and pulled her high up against him. Alastair angled his thrusts so that he was rubbing against the spot inside of her that would cause her climax to be strongest. His hand reached around and found the tight knot of flesh inside her delicate skin and set his fingers to it as he drove deep within her.

Giselle fisted her hands in the sheets and threw her head back as she yelled. Alastair felt his balls start to tighten, he filled his lungs and waited, pressing hard and deep within her. Her body became stiff and she gasped for air. She started to convulse and her muscles squeezed his cock and he let her pull him into her release, groaning as he felt his seed explode from him and flood her with scorching heat. Giselle pulled in a deep breath before a scream ripped from her throat. Alastair threw his head back and shut his eyes as his ears rang.

When he opened his eyes Giselle was limp and still. He released her and he hissed as she slid off of his still pulsing cock and collapsed onto the mattress. He fell forward onto his hands then rolled her onto her back. She was unconscious. Alastair checked her pulse, it was strong and her breathing was rapid but even. He patted her cheek gently. His head snapped up just before he heard a soft, rapid knock on the door.

“Alastair?” Mirabelle called from the other side. He didn't know if his voice would work yet.

“What do you want?” He rasped.

“Giselle?” She called carefully. Alastair looked down at her and she was still out. He patted her face again and started to shake her gently.

“Giselle!” He whispered. She still didn't respond. He looked back at the door. “You wouldn’t happen to have any smelling salts, would you?”

“What?” Mirabelle asked as she tested the handle. Alastair’s eyes flicked to the key above the door and he exhaled in relief. He lifted Giselle, pulled her to him and set his lips to hers. He found her tongue and caressed it with his as he massaged the muscles of her back. She tensed in his arms and her hands gripped his shoulders. He felt himself sag in relief. “Giselle? Are you alright?” Mirabelle was starting to sound frantic.

Alastair looked down at her and her lashes fluttered and she took a deep breath.

“Yes.” Giselle’s voice was weak. She cleared her throat. “I think so.” She said and Mirabelle humphed.

“Then I suggest the two of you try being quieter or else Hendrick will be the next person that knocks. And if that happens we’ll have the vicar on our doorstep.” She scolded softly.

“Back to bed.” Lucien grumbled from the other side. Giselle’s eyes were wide when Alastair looked down at her. They remained still and silent for several moments. Finally, he rolled onto the bed and pulled her against him.

“Are you alright?” He asked gently as he wrapped his arms around her. She nodded against his chest.

“But I think that we shouldn’t do that every time.” Giselle whispered. Alastair nodded thoughtfully.

“Probably not.” He agreed. She was still for several moments before she started to shake. He frowned as he shifted to look at her and found that she was laughing. He smiled as his hand stroked her back soothingly. Alastair felt a yawn rising in his throat. His body started to feel heavy.

“I should probably go.” Giselle sighed. He shook his head and rolled toward her as his arms pulled her tighter.

“Stay. I won't sleep more than an hour or two. I promise, I’ll have you back to your room before anyone else notices.” He pressed his lips to her forehead and his eyes closed. “Please.” He asked softly. She nodded and her body relaxed, becoming soft and still against him. Alastair felt his lips curve and his last thought was that he finally understood what people meant when they referred to their soul. He felt his soul as he let sleep pull him under.

Chapter 38

You’ve done it now.
Giselle scolded herself as she pulled back and looked at Alastair. His face was relaxed and his lips curved softly. The rigid tension that usually made him look so severe and penetrating was gone and he was peaceful. He was beautiful and her heart ached with longing. She wanted to see him like this every night. She tried to sit up but his arms tightened and he groaned as he nuzzled his face into the corner of her neck.

“Don’t go.” He mumbled drowsily. Giselle waited until he relaxed again before she slowly slid and twisted. Once free, she sat up and hugged her knees to her chest. Someone would have had to set her hair on fire to get her to leave his bed, she was so drawn to the sight of him.

Nothing she had ever seen compared to Alastair naked. He didn’t exaggerate when he said he was more impressive without his clothes on. He shifted and the muscles of his stomach rippled and her mouth became dry. His thigh slid along the mattress and she was mesmerized. He was so lean and sculpted, her fingers itched to trace the lines and hollows from his shoulders to his feet. Alastair rolled onto his stomach and Giselle had to stop herself from setting her teeth to his bottom.
Good lord, it’s so tight!
She started to fan herself and scowled at her hand. Her eyes fell on the dragons that climbed up his back. They looked so elegant yet dangerous.
Like
Alastair.
She thought. She stared and felt as if she was hypnotized. As his hand stretched across the mattress and he turned the dragons came to life and appeared to be prowling, guarding him as he slept. Giselle blinked when her eyes started to burn. His hair had fallen over his brow and she gently swept it back. He smiled and moaned softly, she felt her own lips curve.

Warmth spread within her as she realized that he was happy and that she had made him so. She sighed as she shook her head. It would be so simple if she believed that she could always make him happy. Giselle felt as if she were being torn in two. Part of her was terrified and wanted to leave. To get out while she still could, to go off on her own, finish the last traitor and disappear. Part of her heard his and Mirabelle’s words and was tempted to stay with Alastair and see if they were right, if she could have a life with him. It was so much to risk though. It went beyond their reputations, she realized. She loved him. For the first time in her life, she had something she was afraid to lose.

True to his word, Alastair started to stir after almost two hours. Giselle was still watching him when his eyes opened and found her. He rose on his elbow and looked behind her at the clock.

“You stayed.” He smiled as he pulled himself up and sat in front of her. He raised a knee and rested his arm on it as his other hand brushed her hair over her shoulder and cupped her cheek. Giselle turned her face and kissed his palm.

“I don’t think there’s any way I could have left.” She smiled wickedly. “Not with you naked. I could watch you sleep for days.” Alastair laughed softly.

“Is that all you require? If so, I’ll burn every stitch of clothing I have.” His eyes searched hers and her heart skipped. She didn’t want the conversation to become serious. Giselle raised her hand and slowly set her fingertips to his shoulder and when he didn’t tense or flinch she slowly traced curved muscles and snarling dragons.

“How does a man that lives in a library have a body like this?” She kept her voice low and smooth. His eyes narrowed and his head tilted.

“You think I live in a library?” He asked. Giselle bit her lip to keep from laughing and shook her head.

“Gilles once told me that you spend most of your days in Libraries, that if you weren’t reminded, you could go for days without leaving or eating. It’s why I expected you to be small and pale.” She brushed the pad of her finger against the edge of a dragon along the outside of his arm and found that it was raised. She shut her eyes and traced it. Alastair groaned softly but it sounded relaxed.

“There are days when I am in the midst of studying or trying to solve something and may lose track of time or there isn’t anything that interests me enough to leave.” He admitted as he lowered his leg and pulled Giselle closer, into the circle of his arms. “I have not spent very much time in the library recently.” He unfolded her legs and draped them over his. Their chests were nearly touching but he didn’t close the distance. He started stroking her thighs soothingly. Giselle let her hands reach behind him and pressed them against his back. He tensed and took a deep breath. She looked into his eyes, checking. He smiled softly and nodded. She let her fingers find the shapes against his skin and began to explore them. Muscles bunched and stretched as he breathed and leaned closer.

“But you don’t become like this in a library.” She whispered as she rested her head against his shoulder. Alastair chuckled as his hands stroked her bottom.

“I find that exercise helps me focus, it makes my mind sharper. I sneak from my lair most mornings. I prefer to do so before most people are awake so I can avoid them.” Giselle looked up and frowned. “Not you, or the family. Just people in general, in Town. I like London the most when it is empty and quiet.” She nodded in understanding.

“What do you do?” She sighed as Alastair’s hands kneaded and rubbed the muscles of her back.

“When I am here, I ride. Most mornings, I go after you return to your room. I like to take Sleipnir out just before the sun comes up. After, I tend to him and his stall. If Lucien and Toby are working, I join them.”

“Sleipnir.” Giselle smiled. It was fitting, the stallion ran as if he had eight legs. Alastair grinned as he leaned closer.

“He is the worst of all horses. But he’s fast and we have an understanding. He doesn’t destroy his stall and resists the urge to throw me and I let him run as if the flames of hell are chasing us.”

“Do you think…” Giselle was interrupted.

“No. He’s worse than Lucifer and you’re too light. He’d throw you if he turned course and you weren’t expecting it.” She narrowed her eyes, it felt almost like he was challenging her skill. He shook his head. “He’s done it to me. As I said, he’s the worst of all horses.” She laughed. Alastair was so controlled and liked his life well ordered yet he kept an unruly, unpredictable horse.
Does he prefer his women unruly and unpredictable as well? Is that why he wants me?
She dismissed the thought.

“When you aren't at Winthorpe?” Giselle sighed in delight as she felt his hands sifting in her hair. His fingertips massaged her scalp and her limbs started to feel loose and heavy.

“I try to get out on the water and row a few times a week and I fence.” Alastair said as he tried to close the distance between them. Giselle gasped and leaned back on her hands.

“You fence?” She was suddenly alert and excited. He frowned as he nodded. “Could we? Does Lucien have any foils or épées?”

“Now?” Alastair asked. He looked frustrated. She giggled as she sat up and threw her arms around his neck. He flinched before he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. Giselle pulled back and looked at his face. His eyes searched hers before they flickered, as if he was calculating. She felt her nerves tighten. Was he about to do something to her body or was he going to change the topic?

“Fencing does explain your backside.” She purred and licked her lips seductively. His brows fell and his eyes became dark.

“My backside?” His voice was deeper and he leaned toward her mouth.

“Mmm hmm.” She hummed as she licked them again. His pupils followed her tongue and he took a deep breath. “Your backside is quite remarkable. I want to bite and lick every inch of it.” Giselle felt her nipples tighten as she imagined her lips against the taut flesh. Alastair’s eyes widened and he looked panicked. She couldn’t help but laugh as she captured his face and pressed her lips to his. He opened and her tongue slid in to meet his. He was tense and still. She pulled back to find him frowning. “Not tonight.” She said softly. It was visible, the change as relief took over. He became loose and moved around her. His hands started to rub and stroke, soothing her. Preparing her?

“Giselle.” Alastair waited until she looked up at him. His eyes held hers. “I’m glad my body pleases you, as you’re the only one that will ever see it.” Possessiveness and need exploded within her and she felt his arms lock around her, Giselle’s heart hammered against her chest. She was trapped and he was going to try and talk about the things she was trying to avoid. The muscles in his jaw twitched as he read her thoughts. “I think we have a lot to discuss.” His voice was firm and his eyes were hard and unflinching. She knew it was futile but she tried to push away. His arms were like steel around her and he shook his head. Giselle exhaled in frustration.
And I just let him trap me…

“Please don’t ask me to marry you. Not now.” She searched his face, hoping he would understand. His brows pulled together and his mouth opened and closed a few times. “There’s just too much for me to cope with right now. I don’t know what all of this means and what I’m supposed to do. If you make me decide, I’m afraid I’ll make the wrong choice.” It was as honest and coherent as Giselle could manage at the moment. Alastair looked thoughtful as his eyes bounced and flicked.

“What is it that you don’t understand? What are your concerns?” He became still as he waited, ready to attack her problems with solutions. She felt her body tense and she became defensive. She couldn’t get her mind around the situation enough to know when he was so close and looking at her so intently. Giselle tried to twist away, she just needed a little more space. Alastair only pulled her closer and she squeezed her eyes shut as she tried to find the words.

“Before this… before you… I had a purpose. I had to find a man. I needed to track him down and end him, one way or another. To finish what Gilles and I began in France and to repay him for what he did to all of those agents. And to me.” Giselle took a deep breath. “If I hadn’t gone to Burton Place, if I had done anything else, I would be working or it would be done. Instead, I barely think about him. You’re everywhere, you’re all I can think of. I feel like I’m failing, like I’m becoming weak.” He shook his head.

“Planning and waiting doesn’t make you weak. And if you’re weak, then so am I. You consume me.” He said softly. Giselle felt warmth flood her chest. She tried to ignore it but it continued to spread.

“I’ve never let anything distract me. There was nothing else that mattered. I don't know if I can balance these things. What if I make a mistake because of what I feel for you?”

“People make mistakes all the time, Giselle.” He argued.

“They do. But the last time I did, I almost died.” She watched as his eyes flared. “What am I now? Am I the woman I was when I came to England, with a mission to accomplish? Am I precise and effective? Or, am I this emotional, confused, scared woman? Am I obsessed and vulnerable? Should I give in to such basic things as desire and possessiveness? Can I put everything aside and fight for things that used to seem so common, so domestic before I met you?” She laughed wryly. “If anyone told me that I’d want a home with a husband and children, I would have laughed them to scorn. Now, it hurts me, I want it all so badly.”

“Why does it hurt?” Alastair asked carefully. Giselle sighed as she let her head fall forward until her forehead rested against his.

“If I give in and let it all happen, I could hurt you. What you felt when you saw that tiny bit of blood earlier…” She felt his body become tense and he stopped breathing. “It is nothing compared to the fear I feel when I think of what will happen if my past catches up with us. You and any children we would have would be ruined. Your family would be probably be shunned. It would take years for them to recover.” She watched as his eyes became distant for a few minutes before they refocused.

“I can make everything attached to you at the War Office go away. You won’t exist there. I’ve already worked that out. The only risk I can’t account for is if you come across someone from your time in France but if you are careful and we live quietly, it’s infinitesimal. Even then, there is nothing I could lose that matters more than this. Our children would be loved and intelligent, even if they were touched by either of our pasts, which is extremely unlikely, they would prevail. And I think you underestimate the family. When Lucien, Gilles and The Mothers decide to wield their power, they are formidable. And you forget Mirabelle. I wouldn’t give the Regent odds against her.” Alastair looked at her expectantly, as if he had all the answers. Giselle couldn't help but feel optimism tugging at her boundaries. If he could make her disappear on paper and all she had to do was avoid court and not go about too much within the ton…
Stop.

“Even if all of that was possible, what about my name? People will always try to use me, and you, if you’re my husband. I don’t know if it’s possible for us to live quietly. There’s a reason I ran away in the first place.” All Giselle could imagine was people swarming around Alastair, calling and reaching. It made her angry and afraid. His hands closed around her face and his eyes poured into hers.

“No one can make us do anything we don’t want to. You and I are capable of protecting ourselves and each other. And if I have to, I can deal with society. I can deal with a lot of things, Giselle. I’ve just chosen not to. For you, I would endure anything. The ton does not frighten me. Being without you frightens me.” He was so calm while everything within her went up in flames and shook. She would have run so far and so fast if she could have reached the door. The need that she felt in response to his words terrified her. Giselle was afraid she would do anything he asked of her, no matter what the cost. She felt her head shake and resistance flared.

“You make it sound so simple but everything is conditional, Alastair! My name is nothing as long as I can avoid an entire country’s worth of people and you can make sure that there is no mention of me in years and years worth of war documents and I can hunt for a man and kill him or find enough evidence to hang him while under the scrutiny of a thousand shallow idiots. Think! What do you have when you have too many variables? You have chaos. I am chaos, Alastair. You don’t enjoy chaos.” Giselle felt utterly defeated and disappointed. Alastair laughed softly.