Circle of Jinn (31 page)

But he's not tossing me out to sing “the sun will come out tomorrow.” He's tossing me out into a pit of snakes. Or lions. Or whatever form the Afrit like to shape-shift into. He's asking me to risk my life. He's
willing
to let me risk my life. Am I supposed to feel good and proud about that?

Henry sure doesn't. But it's the story of Qasim's mother, who reached beyond her natural abilities, that really has him spooked. He thinks Farouk was trying to warn me. That trying to access too much power may destroy me.

I'm not really worried about that.

Liar.

I'm not scared to apport into Janna.

Liar liar.

The only thing weighing on me is how to go about doing what I read in Farouk's mind: protecting the ones I love.

And now your pants are on fire.

Okay, I give. Yes, I'm afraid for those I love, I'm scared to apport into Janna, and I
am
worried that trying to access too much power will destroy me. But I'm more worried about what will happen if it doesn't. Access to power is what made the Afrit into who they are today. I'm part Afrit. I'm also a descendant of Aisha Qandisha. My lineage doesn't have a particularly good track record when it comes to self-control.

So far, neither do I. And that's what has me breaking out into a cold sweat. What will happen to me when I tap into that much magical power?

There are many ways for someone to be destroyed.

*   *   *

Something feels off the moment we pull up to my house.

It's more than Chelsea leaning against the side of Nate's car right out front, waiting for us to return her convertible. It's more than seeing Nate again so soon after breaking up with him. It's more than the kindness tinged with awkwardness of Nate offering for Henry to spend the night at his place rather than starting his three-bus ride home.

It's Raina, which I realize the instant Laila opens the front door of my house. Her red eyes suggest it, but Laila's mind confirms it. I read her mind like I'm reading my own.

Nothing's working. None of the spells from the other Zars are working. She's getting worse.

Dressed in white linen pants and a sapphire-blue crocheted sweater, Laila meets me halfway between the car and the house. Her blond hair spills from the tortoiseshell clip she's used to pull it back. The curls frame her weary face.

“Raina's getting worse,” Laila says.

“I know.” I take her hand and whisper, “Nothing's working. None of the spells from the other Zars are working.”

Laila staggers back, freeing her hand. “How did you know?”

“I'll tell you, but first…” I gesture toward the group of humans behind us. Henry and Nate standing at the end of my front walk, side by side. Nate, whose close-cropped black hair and broad shoulders, barely contained in his midnight-blue polo, make him the yin to Henry's yang. Henry's sandy-brown gelled hair dried in spikes and his yellow tee in wrinkled folds. His hands are crammed into his jeans pockets while Nate's hang loose at his sides.

Is there anything I wouldn't do to protect the ones I love?

“What is it, Azra?” Nate asks, stepping forward.

Henry's right behind him. “It's your … aunt? She's still … sick?”

I face them and nod. “You should all go home and—”

“Home? I'm not going to leave you,” Nate says.

“Me neither,” Henry says.

Did I expect anything else? Wouldn't I have been hurt by anything else?

Laila smiles weakly at them both. “That's really sweet, but it's pretty much a full house at the moment.”

If Henry could grow roots right now, he would. But he knows Nate and Chelsea can't be here for this. And so he does what a best friend should do: makes things easier for me.

He runs his hand through his clumpy hair. “You know, Nate, I'm just going to crash across the street.” He looks at Laila. “If that's okay with you and your mom?”

“Sure, Henry,” Laila says.

“I'll grab the first bus in the morning,” Henry says, nonchalantly handing me Farouk's cantamen.

Chelsea bites her bottom lip. “I thought I could take you home.”

A strange look comes over Henry's face before he gives her a soft smile, not one deep enough to bring out his dimples. “Let me walk you to your car.”

Nate shuffles from one foot to the other, torn between the role he has here and the role he wants to have here. He begins to pull me into his arms but stops, instead resting a hand on my shoulder. “You were there for me. Let me be here for you.”

“It's not the same thing,” I say.

He draws his finger along my jawline. “Family's family.”

I look at him and then behind him, at Henry. “Yes, it is.”

*   *   *

Jinn thoughts hit me like balls from a tennis ball machine as I enter the house.

Hana in the kitchen, mixing by hand the sugary cinnamon crumbs to top the cake batter patiently waiting in a square glass dish, wondering why Matin has yet to sit vigil with Yasmin.

Lalla Jada and Lalla Isa in the living room, each still wearing the long maroon cloaks with gold embroidery lining the edges that they like to apport in as they pore over all six of our families' cantamens, willing a healing incantation that will work to appear. I add Farouk's to their pile.

Lalla Nadia in the window seat in Zak's bedroom, an emerald-green shawl that contrasts beautifully with her deep red hair draped around her shoulders, eyes closed, hands clenched, begging for this not to happen.

Lalla Samara at the foot of Raina's bed, her blond hair secured in a low braid, rolling the hem of her crimson tunic in between two fingers, silently promising Raina that she will make sure the Afrit pay.

And on either side of Raina, my mother and Yasmin. Yasmin's greasy black hair is as desperate for a washing as her gaunt cheeks are for a meal. She glares at my mother. I don't need to read Yasmin's mind to know she's still blaming my mother even though my mother has been doing all she can to try to heal Raina.

As for my mother, I do a double take as I approach her. Though they may be daily attire for many women, the black yoga pants she's wearing are entirely out of character. She yanks the drapey white tee hanging off one shoulder back up and manages a smile as I near.

I'm glad you're here.

Her simple thought uncorks the bottle I stuffed all my fears and worries and disbelief and denial into. I rush toward her and clear everyone's thoughts from my head. I want to feel her arms around me, to have her hold me, to have her make everything all right like when I was little, but she's the one in need of support. If I let go, she won't have the strength to stand by herself.

It's worse than I thought. I never imagined my mother would truly be unable to find a way to save Raina. That the strength of her Zar wouldn't be enough. Gold bangles heal Jinn of everything but old age. A Jinn's life is longer than a human's, but we too meet our end when the time comes. This time shouldn't be here for Raina yet. But it is.

And, worse still, she knows it.

 

31

As Zak enters the bedroom holding Laila's hand, I tilt my head, signaling for him to take my place, holding our mother. He does, and I fill the room with chairs. Soft ones. Deep ones. To try to ease what's about to come.

I then sit on the mattress beside Raina. The scratches on her face and hands that she arrived with remain. They haven't healed. If anything, they're worse. I lift her thin, cold hand and place it in mine. Her thoughts are open to me. She knows her body is failing her.

Dark purple bags drip from Yasmin's gold eyes. “They broke the spell so she could talk, but she was in too much pain. They gave her something for it, but she's still not talking.” Yasmin shakes her head. “But she has to. She has to tell us how to fix her.”

“Yasmin,” my mother says from across the room. “You know we tried everything.”

Yasmin hisses back, “Did you? Did you really? Maybe you should have tried helping her before, so the Afrit wouldn't have done this to her!”

Please, Yasmin, stop.

Raina's mind pleads with her daughter to stop blaming my mother, to stop blaming everyone.
It was my choice. I chose to go.

My body jerks.
You chose … What?
I close my eyes and concentrate, believing I read her mind wrong.
You chose to go?

Instantly, Raina's mind flashes back:
Azra? Is that you?

Oh my Janna.
My thoughts are inside Raina's mind.

But not as a precursor to controlling her, like I did with Anne Wood. And it's more than what happened with Nate at the beach.

Me:
Lalla Raina, I'm here.

Raina:
Yasmin.

Me:
She's right beside you.

Raina:
I know. I need to talk to her. I need to tell her why I did this.

Me:
I'll tell her for you.

Raina:
No! I have to … I want to be the one who tells her.

Raina and I are having a conversation. We're communicating telepathically. This must be how my father showed my mother images of Zak. I really hope the ability to loop someone else in is a benefit of the amped-up magic Xavier's spell gives me.

Still holding Raina's hand, I reach for Yasmin's with my other. She flinches, and I say, “Trust me.”

And she does. I feel it through our Zar connection. I also feel Laila, bolstering the trust between us. Though my back is to the door, I know Hana's just entered the room, and she's doing the same.

I feed off our collective strength, and then, as I did when standing in front of Farouk, I tune myself into all the Jinn with freed bangles in the room: Laila, Hana, Samara, my mother, and Nadia, who's moved from the window seat to stand beside Hana.

Lalla Raina's mind speaks to Yasmin through me:
Yasmin, please don't be angry with me.

Yasmin's fear ripples through me a second before her body physically pulls back, trying to free her hand from mine. I tighten my grip, forcing her to stay with us.

“Talk to her,” I say out loud. “With your mind, or your voice. She can hear you. Do whatever feels right.”

My mother gasps. “Azra, what are you—?”

I shake my head, and the murmurs in the room fall silent.

“Mom?” Yasmin says. “Can you hear me?”

Yes
, Raina says.

“Then you're all right! You're going to be all right.” Yasmin pushes herself closer to her mother. “What can we do? How can we heal you?”

I can't be healed, Yasmin. You must come to terms with that. And you must stop blaming your Lalla Kalyssa. It's not her fault. It's not anyone's.

“But—”

But nothing, Yasmin. This wasn't supposed to happen. It was not the plan, but even the best of plans hit snags.

“Snags? This is more than a snag, Mother!”

Ah, there's the daughter I know and love. I was hoping I'd see her once more before … well, before. Weepy doesn't suit you, darling. I hope you don't spend time moping. There's much too much for you to do.

“Do?” Yasmin says, about to toss her hands in the air and break our connection. I clench my fingers around hers until I feel her relax again. “You're … you're … hurt, and this is what you want to talk about? What I have to
do
?”

Time is short, Yasmin. Which is why you must promise to stop lashing out at everyone. You will need them as much as they will need you.

Before I can stop myself, my thought seeps out:
You mean because of the uprising or because you're going to …

Both
, Raina replies.

Now I'm the one struggling not to break our connection.

Raina continues,
You must know that this is no one's fault. The choice to enter and to exit Janna was mine and mine alone.

“You weren't taken?” I ask.

I was, but purposely so. I volunteered. If ever a time came when information needed to pass between Janna and here and Xavier was unable to be the one to do so, we had arranged for me to be brought through. His position afforded him the ability to protect me.

Until it didn't
, I think.

Raina's thoughts are steeped in sorrow but not regret.
You also need to understand that I crossed back here even though I knew Xavier was unable to fully open the shield that blocks apporting. I knew the danger. I knew what could happen if I went through. But you had to know Xavier's plan had failed. I didn't have a choice.

“But why?” Yasmin says, her lower lip trembling.

Because of you. This uprising wasn't my idea, but it became all I lived for once you came of age.

Yasmin's too choked up to speak. In her mind, she says:
Why not live for me?

Raina:
I have been. You see, Yasmin, Qasim has plans for you. You and Azra both.

Me:
Why us? Farouk didn't say anything about—

Raina:
Farouk? What does he…? Wait, have you found the portal? Do you know what your father's backup plan is? I knew he had one, but for my own safety, he refused to tell me the details. Which seems rather ironic now.

I smile weakly.
Yes, Lalla Raina, I know about his plan. He has given Zak and me access to great power. He thinks we can make the council back down.

Raina:
I suspected it was something of that sort, considering your abilities, Azra.

Me:
You knew?

Raina:
Your father needed an ally, someone to help Kalyssa see what she refused to. He and I have always been close.