Cindy's Doctor Charming (15 page)

“You two are having a baby.” She glanced over her shoulder to make sure no one was eavesdropping. “Don't you have stuff to do to get ready?”

“There was one thing I wanted to do, but she blew me off.”

Annie's gaze narrowed. “I could use a cup of coffee. And I strongly suggest that you join me.”

“Why?”

“It's suddenly clear to me why you came to help me out.”

“Enlighten me.”

“You're feeling an overwhelming urge to unburden yourself. And I'm willing to listen.” She nodded emphatically. “You know the drill.”

“Doctor's dining room,” he said with a sigh.

Annie looked over at the charge nurse, pointed to the door and mouthed the word coffee. The nurse gave her a thumbs-up and a goodbye wave. He fell into step beside her and they rode the elevator down to the hospital's first floor. After walking past the lobby and outpatient registration desk, they turned left and opened the door to the dining room. He was relieved to see it was empty.

“You pour the coffee. I'll get the carbs.” She grabbed a couple small plates and put a token slice of cantaloupe beside cookies, coffee cake and muffins.

Nathan wondered how she could put away that much food and still stay so petite. That was simpler than trying to figure out why he felt so screwed up.

Annie picked a table by the window and sat. “I love the cookies. Want one?”

Nathan set two cups of coffee on the pristine white tablecloth, then took the chair across from her. Food was the last thing he wanted. “I'd rather chew off my arm.”

“That response to a simple and courteous question contains a disproportionate level of hostility. Want to tell me what's going on with you?” She held up a hand. “And before you try to say no and brush me off, let me remind you—this is me. You can run, but you can't hide.”

Her directness was one of the things he liked best about her. So he'd see that and raise her. “I found out that I'm having a son.”

“Oh, wow.” A soft expression turned Annie's blue eyes tender. “A little Nathan.”

“Yeah.” He grinned and for just a moment all the other complicated crap was pushed to the background.

“Someone to carry on your name.”

And just like that it all came rushing back. “Maybe.”

“What maybe? There's no question that Cindy is having your baby. The right of succession has been secured. No?”

“I asked her to marry me.”

Annie stared at him, the coffee cup frozen in midair halfway to her mouth. She set it down. “So that's what you wanted to do to get ready for the baby. And she blew you off.”

“Pretty much.” It was actually a relief to get that off his chest. Maybe confession really was good for the soul.

“So what did you do wrong?” His partner narrowed her gaze on him.

And just like that confession didn't feel quite so self-righteous or satisfying. “Why would you automatically assume it's my fault that she said no?”

“This is me. I know you—the good, bad and ugly. It's not a newsflash that you're not the brightest bulb in the social chandelier. After all, you didn't recognize Cindy when you talked to her outside the hospital. As the story goes, you hit on her. Why is it a stretch to ask how you messed up proposing to her?”

“What's to mess up? I asked her. She seemed excited.”

“And then?”

He shifted on the padded chair. “I pointed out all the reasons that it made good sense.”

“Be still my heart,” she said, fluttering her hand over her chest.

“What? She said, ‘thank you, no.' I'm the wronged party here. It's not rocket science.”

“You're right,” she agreed. “Love is a lot more complicated.”

“Love has nothing to do with it.”

“That's where you're wrong. Love has everything to do with it.”

Nathan refused to confirm that her words eerily echoed what Cindy had said. “In case you forgot, I'm the guy who doesn't believe in love.”

“That's a bunch of crap. And you've got it bad.” Pity flickered in her eyes. “Otherwise you wouldn't be here on your day off. And the NICU staff wouldn't be wondering what's up with you.”

“There's nothing wrong with me.”

“Nothing that can't be explained by the fact that you're in love with the mother of your child.” When he opened his mouth to protest, she held up her hand. “Save your breath. I've heard it all before. I'll grant you that love is something you can't see or touch. It can't be explained by facts, experiments or data from trial studies. It just
is.
Loving and being loved in return is a miracle and can bring great joy if you're smart enough to hang on.”

“Hang on to what? You just said it's not tangible.”

“Not in your world.” She patted his arm sympathetically. “Your childhood wasn't about emotional growth. It was more like guerrilla warfare. Duck and run.”

“A parent's responsibility is to raise their child to function independently.”

“And yours accomplished that. But the way they did was more like teaching a baby to swim by dropping them in the deep end of the pool and walking away. It's no thanks to them that you turned out as well as you did.”

“That's a compliment, right?”

“Yeah.” She picked up a cookie and broke it in half. “The fact that you're a man of science and preaching that there's no rational way to explain love is just your way of being afraid.”

“As you so eloquently pointed out, I'm not the brightest
bulb in the social chandelier, but I'd have to guess that's not a compliment.”

“I'm your friend. I tell the truth. What you take away from it is up to you. But I'm fairly sure that you're afraid to admit you're in love because when it didn't work out for your parents, you were the one who got hammered. Your reaction to that pain stimuli is avoidance of the offending behavior.”

That wasn't news. She'd told him this on numerous occasions, but it always bounced off before. Not this time. Maybe because he was ready to listen and learn. Maybe Cindy had made the difference, laid the groundwork.

“How did you know Ryan was the one?” he asked, wondering about her husband.

“That's easy.” Oddly, her eyes filled with tears. “The sex was better than good. The chemistry unquestionable. I knew it—we—were becoming significant, so in the interest of full disclosure before we got to the point of no return, I told him that I couldn't have a baby.”

“What did he say?”

“That children were very essential to him and he wanted to be a father. My heart just stopped because I figured it was over. That had happened to me before.” She brushed at moisture on her cheek. “Then he said that DNA wasn't the most important part of parenting and there were an awful lot of kids in the world who needed good homes. But there was only one of me and he wasn't willing to let me go. He couldn't imagine his life without me in it.”

“And that's when you passed the point of no return?”

“Oh, yeah. I was already in love with him, so that just put the icing on the cake.” She turned serious. “I want you to be happy, Nathan. Break the pattern. Take a chance.”

He wasn't sure he could do that. She'd zeroed in on his
core belief. It wasn't called
core
for nothing. His deepest truth was that loving someone destroyed everything.

He didn't know if it was possible to break that pattern.

N
athan got out of the shower, dried off and dressed. He had another day off and nothing to do with himself. Going to the hospital was out of the question. Annie would have him in for a psych eval. Which probably wasn't such a bad idea.

He couldn't stop thinking about Cindy. He wanted to be with her, know how she was feeling, that she was okay. She was sexy and sunny and funny and sweet. There'd been a black hole in his life since she'd refused his proposal.

But love?

Maybe he
was
crazy. He still wanted to marry her—even more than when he'd asked. Not seeing her was driving him nuts. What confused him most was that it wasn't all about the baby. And then he smelled bacon, which convinced him beyond a shadow of a doubt that insanity had set in because no one ever cooked bacon in his house.

He followed his nose to the kitchen, where he found
Shirley standing at the stove, a fork in her hand in front of a pan sizzling with frying bacon.

“What are you doing?”

She glanced over her shoulder and smiled. “What does it look like I'm doing?”

“That's a trick question, right?”

“How can it be a trick?” Shirley's smile didn't falter.

“If I say it looks like you're cooking, you'll say I'm crazy, need my eyes examined, or both.” He pointed at her. “Or living in an alternate reality. You're wearing an apron. It has sunflowers on it.”

“Well, good morning to you, too. Can't a mother cook breakfast for her son?”

Not in his universe.

“I'm not aware of any laws against it. But this is you we're talking about.” He walked around the kitchen island and studied her carefully. “Are you all right?”

“Fine.” The smile disappeared but not the cheerfulness.

That was oddly disconcerting. She removed the bacon from the frying pan and placed them on a plate with paper towels, then blotted the crispy strips.

“Would you like hash browns with your breakfast? Or toast? I can do either. Or both.”

Frowning, he moved closer and touched the back of his hand to her forehead, checking for fever. “Are you sure you're not delirious?”

“Don't be silly.” The Stepford smile was back. “How do you like your eggs? One or two? Or an omelet with vegetables? That would be healthy.”

“Stop it,” he demanded. “Shirley Steele has never been the domestic type. Who are you and what have you done with her?” Then something else occurred to him. “Or you want something.”

“I do. But it's not what you think,” she added quickly.

“How do you know what I'm thinking?”

She sighed. “I was sort of hoping this was one of those show-don't-tell moments. But before your head explodes, I guess I better explain.”

“I'd appreciate that.” He thought about moving a safe distance away but figured holding his own wasn't really a problem.

“I had an epiphany, Nathan.”

That's when he did take a step back, then stared at her. “Now I'm really weirded out. And more than a little afraid. Strangely, that wasn't particularly reassuring.”

“Maybe you need coffee.” The sunshiny expression disappeared, replaced by exasperation that was more Shirley-like.

For some reason he found that comforting. “That would be good.”

She poured him some, then looked a little sad. “I don't even know what you take in your coffee. What kind of mother am I?”

“Black is fine.” He took the mug she handed him, uneasy now with the way she was acting. “What's going on with you?”

“I need to apologize to you, Nathan.”

“Why? Did you burn down the guest house? Paint the walls black?” He smiled at his attempt to cut the tension, but she didn't return it.

“I was a terrible mother. Correction: I still am. I'm self-absorbed and selfish. When your father cheated on me— and make no mistake, it was me he left, not you—I was so completely devastated that I simply couldn't think about anything else. Not even you, I'm ashamed to admit.”

“It's okay. I turned out all right.”

“No. I mean, yes, you're fantastic, but what I did is not
okay.” She met his gaze, her own filled with remorse. “You should have been my primary concern and I'm so sorry that I wasn't there for you. And boarding school.” She shook her head. “Ironically that decision was made based on what I thought you needed. I wasn't a positive force in your life under the best circumstances, but when your father left, I just fell apart. I truly believed you'd be better off away from me. What I didn't see until recently was that your world fell apart, too. And you had no one.”

For a nanosecond he was that lonely boy again, removed from everything familiar and dropped into an environment so foreign it might as well have been the moon. He didn't know anyone and no one knew him. That was probably the worst. He'd been bewildered and unhappy, but no one had noticed.

Until now. Why?

“That was quite a speech,” he said.

“Not a speech. It's from the heart, although I wouldn't blame you for thinking I don't have one.” She shrugged. “I'm trying to undo the harm your father and I did to you. He's no longer here, so it's up to me.”

His father had died ten years ago. Because the man was a nonpresence in his life, it hadn't left much of an impact. This unexpected change in his mother made him sad for the first time. There was no way to know what a relationship with his father might have been like.

“I'm fine. Don't worry about me.”

“I can't help it.” She poured herself a mug of coffee and wrapped her hands around it without drinking. “If you were fine, you'd be able to admit that you're in love with Cindy Elliott.”

“That subject is off limits.” Just hearing her name felt like a punch to the gut.

“Love
is
real, Nathan. If it weren't, your father's rejection
wouldn't have hurt me so deeply that I had to hide from life. From you.” Her voice caught, but she swallowed hard and continued. “Love exists. It isn't always reciprocated, but it's as real as the heart pumping blood through your body right now.”

“Okay.”

Nathan didn't know what else to say. She was right. Everything she said rang true and made sense. Especially the part about hiding. He'd been using science and work to dismiss the reality of the emotion and then to hide from it in case he was wrong. Like Annie had said, it was all crap.

“I have a feeling there's more of me in you than your father.” Sympathy shadowed her eyes. “When you love, it's deep and forever.”

He wasn't going to confirm that he'd just figured out he took after her. “I'm sure my DNA contains characteristics from both of you.”

“It's okay to talk to me about your feelings.”

“I appreciate that.” But he couldn't go there. Not yet.

She tilted her head as she studied him. “Why didn't you tell me the baby is a boy?”

There was only one way she could know that. “You talked to Cindy.”

She nodded. “Because you were not acting at all like yourself. I was worried and figured Cindy was the reason. As it happens, I was right. She told me you asked her to marry you. And that she turned you down flat.”

There was that fist-to-the-gut feeling again. “She had her reasons.”

“She doesn't think you love her,” Shirley confirmed. “I think she's wrong, but, along with your fractured childhood, you're still struggling with your guilt that your feelings for Felicia weren't enough.”

His gaze jumped to hers and he saw no recrimination there. Only sadness. “Cindy told you?”

“Everything. And for the record, there's no reason to protect me. I'm always on your side. No matter what. What happened to your wife was incredibly tragic. But it's not your fault.” She looked down for a moment. “Unlike what you're doing with Cindy.”

“What does that mean?”

“All I want is for you to be happy. I'm pretty sure Cindy is the key to that. But you're afraid to take a leap of faith and believe in love.”

Taking his breakfast order. Pouring coffee. Wearing the damn apron. It was all to show him that she cared. Food equals love. And then everything clicked. It might be an alternate universe, but he liked it here.

“So that's why you made bacon.”

“Now you're cookin'.” She grinned. “Your future happiness depends on righting the past. It's my fault your impression of love is screwed up. I'm more sorry about that than you will ever know. Someday I hope you'll be able to forgive me. But now that I've made you aware of the problem, you have to take control. If you mess things up with Cindy now, Nathan, that's on you.”

Right again, he thought. The words were invasive therapy to his ailing soul.

He grinned at his mother. “I like my eggs over medium. Hash browns. And wheat toast.”

“Coming right up.”

She started to turn away, then stopped and met his gaze. “I do love you, son.” There was a sheen of moisture in her eyes. “The words sound rusty to me. Probably to you, too. But I promise to practice every chance I get. You'd better get used to hearing them.”

“Okay.”

“Now, about Cindy—”

He held up a hand to stop her. “I concur with your diagnosis. My resolve is renewed and I will take appropriate steps to get the desired result.”

“Then I'm glad we had this little chat and cleared the air.”

“Me, too.” More than he could possibly tell her.

“For what it's worth, Nathan, I've done your astrological forecast.” She shrugged. “Don't look like that. I needed the practice. The thing is, I saw nothing but good things. All the stars and planets are saying love is on the rise. Even the asteroids are—”

“Good to know,” he said.

Shirley nodded. “I'm probably the last person you want to hear advice from, but the appropriate steps with Cindy might get a better result if a romantic gesture was included. A really, really big one. That could be just what the doctor ordered.”

And it was exactly what Nathan had been thinking.

 

Cindy pushed her housecleaning cart down the empty hall toward the elevator, really starting to feel the extra baby baggage she was carrying. She planned to work right up until her due date because she couldn't afford to lose the money. In fact, she was worried about how to make ends meet while she was on maternity leave. But then there would be child care expenses when she went back to work.

Marrying Nathan would have solved the problem. Unfortunately it would have created a bigger one. Living without love wasn't really living at all. So, she'd be poor and if not deliriously happy, at least not miserable with a man who buried himself in work to avoid her.

But maybe he would consider a small loan to tide her over.

“Cindy. Wait up.”

She glanced over her shoulder and saw Harlow. When her friend caught up, she smiled. It was a relief to put her sadness away for a little while. “I heard about the haircut. Very cute.”

Harlow automatically touched the sleek, shiny brunette bob. “Yeah? Not too short?”

“No. It's perfect for your heart-shaped face. Sophisticated. Flattering, yet with a hint of sexy.”

“You make me sound like a bottle of wine.”

“Mysterious, yet bold—”

“Stop.” Harlow held up a hand. “Where are you off to?”

“I'm on my way to the NICU.” And maybe one day soon she would figure out how to stop hoping to see Nathan there.

“Good. I'm glad I caught you then,” her friend said. “Have you heard the rumors?”

“Which one?”

“That you're pregnant.”

“Not a rumor. I am pregnant. You know that,” she said, putting her hands protectively over her abdomen.

Harlow nodded, green eyes intense. “Well, people are starting to wonder. Is she putting on weight? Or is that a baby bump. Hospital talk about you has gone viral.”

In spite of the unease trickling through her, Cindy tried to look unconcerned. “Don't people have better things to do?”

“Well, yeah.” Her friend shrugged. “But in between saving lives and getting sick patients well, we love to talk. And you're the current hot topic of conversation.”

“Good to know.”

“The thing is, Cindy, you need to be ready if
someone confronts you. And they will.” Harlow looked very anxious.

“Even though it isn't their concern?”

“Yeah, well, people have a funny way of deciding what is and isn't of concern to them. You can still put them off and keep them guessing, but not for much longer. Then the questions will really start flying.”

“Like who the father is,” Cindy guessed.

“Bingo.” The other woman nodded emphatically, but it didn't shake the worry out of her expression.

“What should I say if they ask me if I'm pregnant?”

“In my opinion as your good friend, the truth would be best. But spilling the father's identity is up to you. I just thought you should know. I really have to run. It's time to start second-round treatments.” Harlow gave her tummy a quick, reassuring pat. “Keep the little guy safe. Forewarned is forearmed. Be prepared.”

“I appreciate the heads-up.”

Her friend started to walk away, then said, “Mary Frances is planning a baby shower. Have you registered yet?”

“No. I'll do it soon.”

“Good. How about tonight? We'll have dinner first. My treat.”

“In that case, you're on.”

“Gotta run.”

Cindy watched her friend pick up the pace, then disappear around the corner. She stopped at the elevator and pushed the up button. As she waited, thoughts of her baby's father raced through her mind. She missed him so much. The sudden loss left a hole in her life that could never be filled, not even by the baby. Not completely.

Nathan had so many wonderful qualities. Good-looking, smart and sexy, but so much more. He was kind. And a sense of humor lurked beneath that pretty face. He was
noble, dedicated to his work and the tiniest human beings that found their way into his capable hands.