Chulito (33 page)

Chulito exhaled. “Wow, I hear you. I mean you mention the word hell and I get all scared and start to think of burning up and suffering and shit.”

“And where the fuck do you think you got that idea?” Kamikaze shook his head in frustration. “Forget that shit. I got mad love for you and what you got going on is top priority. Since Brick knows, you think he’s running his mouth to Damian and shit?”

“Nah, he’s cool. He found out, like, a month ago.”

“A month ago? And you just telling me now?”

“He found out by accident.”

Chulito was glad that Kamikaze seemed more flipped out over the preachers on the corner that his news about Carlos. He even seemed a little hurt that Brick found out before he did. Kamikaze put his hand to his forehead. “Well, this is unexpected, but like I said, you still my boy, right?”

“Yeah, I still want to be.” Even though he had said those words, he wasn’t so sure anymore.

“Good, but you still going to hell.” Kamikaze laughed.

“You going to hell, too, then, with all the shit you do.”

“So we be in hell together, and if people want to fuck with you, they gonna have to fuck with me.” Kamikaze put out the joint and shoved the box back into the secret drawer. “With all your disappearing acts, I got nervous thinking you wanted out.” Kamikaze put his hand on Chulito’s neck and squeezed it, again. “Carlos knows what you do, right?”

Chulito nodded.

“He down with it or he giving you shit?”

“We don’t really talk about it a lot.” Chulito lied. “But he knows what’s up.”

Kamikaze patted the back of Chulito’s head. “You need to let him know the deal. That’s why I don’t roll with no women and don’t connect with family. They always got an opinion. But you’re better than family.”

Chulito smiled nervously and the phone rang.

“Hey, Carlos,” Chulito sniffled.

“What’s up? You sounded scary on your message.”

“It’s cool. I just told Kamikaze about you and me.”

Kamikaze winked at Chulito.

“And?” Carlos’ voice raised an octave.

“He’s cool. A little freaked out, but cool. He said I was going to hell.”

“Definitely.” Kamikaze laughed and turned the ignition.

“I’ll talk to you later, right?”

“Wow, Chulito, I’m really happy to hear that. Your message had me worried. Wish I could leave and be with you right now. Did you tell him about wanting to get out?”

Chulito looked over at Kamikaze bopping along with Biggie.

“Not yet and I don’t know what time we’ll be done, but I’ll call you.”

“Chulito, I thought this would never happen.” Carlos sounded excited and hopeful. “I can’t wait to see you. I don’t think I’ve loved you more than I do right at this moment.”

Chulito smiled. “Yeah, well…” He looked at Kamikaze and raised his eyebrows. “I, uh, I love you, pa.” He closed his cell phone.

Kamikaze shook his head. “This is bugged out. Are you cool to come with me?”

Chulito nodded and smiled.

“Good to see you smile, nigga. Let’s go to war.”

For the next couple of weeks, Chulito avoided the corner. He got picked up by Kamikaze to do runs, went to the pier, and woke up each morning with his limbs tangled with Carlos’.

Maria offered to speak to Carmen on Chulito’s behalf, but decided to wait until she got back from her vacation in Puerto Rico. She knew Carmen would be worried and have questions and there was no sense interrupting her vacation.

So whenever they spoke to Carmen, they said everything was fine, and in fact it was. Maria made the young men dinner upstairs every night and Carlos and Chulito sometimes watched a movie with her. Maria was loving and supportive and Chulito hoped his mother would be as cool as when Maria first found out. She was surprised that Chulito had come around and told them to be safe, to stick together and to come to her whenever they wanted.

While Chulito created his cocoon of support and followed Julio’s advice to flush the shit in his life, the rumors accumulated like debt up and down Garrison Avenue.

“So fellas,” Looney Tunes rhymed to a rap beat. “The incognito, boom, boom boom, nigga Chulito, boom, boom boom, as far as we know, boom, boom boom, has become a patito.” He laughed.

Davey licked his lips. “Yo, don’t believe the shit that fuck Damian be saying.”

Chin-Chin sat on a milk crate and fanned himself with his baseball cap, “Yo, D, Chulito has been slipping in and out with Carlos.”

“He better not be perpetratin’,” Papo said. “Or he should have the balls to come clean instead of being a true pussy.”

“Damian said he saw them in the Village and they were hanging out with a bunch of other dudes,” Chin-Chin said, scraping a stick along the sidewalk. “I ain’t got nothin’ against fags, just as long as they don’t try no shit.”

“Word,” Davey said.

Papo lit a cigarette and blew the smoke toward the sky. “Well, I don’t go for that, so if Chulito turned pale, then it’s best he keep to his shit and stay off the corner, ‘cause I don’t chill with patos.”

“That shit is ill, man,” Looney Tunes said tapping Chin-Chin. “You think Chulito and Carlos be doin’ the nasty?”

Chin-Chin got up from the milk crate and picked up the bottle of Hennessey. “Oh, c’mon, you don’t have to go there with that shit.”

“See,” Papo slammed his fist into his palm. “I don’t want that bullshit in my face and faggots never know they place or when to stay back. That’s why I popped Puti the other day, because he feels like he could say whatever he feels to niggas, but I don’t want a dude looking at my ass.”

“I hear you,” Davey said, “but, c’mon Papo, Puti’s just playin’. It ain’t no big thing.”

“What?” Papo shoved Davey. “I don’t want to hear any words come out of his dirty mouth. He needs to back the fuck up. Straight up and down.”

Davey straightened his shirt out. “Chill nigga.”

“He’s got a point.” Chin-Chin passed Davey the bottle. “I don’t want niggas lookin’ at my butt.”

Davey took the bottle and hesitated. He took a swig and passed it to Papo. “Sorry, bro, but I don’t think Puti is looking at our butts.”

“Yo, what’s with you, Davey?” Papo snatched the bottle. “Maybe you a little soft or something? You betta come clean nigga and don’t be frontin’.”

“Get the fuck out, I ain’t gay. I’m just saying that if Chulito is gay, he still our boy,” Davey squared off and looked at his fellas. “Right?”

“Fuck no.” Papo stepped to Davey. “I don’t know what he be thinkin’ when he looking at me. And I don’t want to have that shit around me plain and simple.”

Chin-Chin stepped in between them. “He got a point, Davey.”

“So, you writin’ Chulito off, too, Chin-Chin?” Davey shook his head.

Chin-Chin shrugged. “I don’t know, fellas. I can’t see it. Chulito is hard and shit. I don’t see how he could be gay. But if he is, I ain’t down with him hangin’ with us.”

As the guys talked, Kamikaze’s car pulled up in front of Chulito’s building. Chulito climbed out of the car and headed into his building.

“Yo, Chu—” Papo called out, but Chulito disappeared into his building. “See? He being real slippery. Something’s up.”

Chin-Chin took the bottle from Looney Tunes who had been taking advantage of their conversation and drinking up the Hen.

Davey bit his lower lip and said, “I’m going to his house, I’m asking him what’s up.”

Papo stepped into the street. “I want to talk to Kamikaze to see if he knows what’s up.”

Davey headed down the block while Papo flagged Kamikaze down. Kamikaze stopped his car, rolled down the passenger window and tilted down his blue shades.

“¿Qué pasa, Papo?”

“How you been?”

“Workin’. Wassup?”

“We were just talkin’ ‘bout Chulito and the word on the street is the he turned ‘mo. What you know about that?”

“Chulito is my boy and I don’t appreciate how you coming at me.”

“I don’t mean no disrespect, but niggas be talking and he been incognito for weeks. I just want to know what’s up.”

“You should be thinking about what you doing with your own life instead of what’s up with Chulito.”

“I gettin’ my shit together. I enlisted in the Navy, bro, but Chulito is part of my life. I just don’t hang with patos and if he a pato I ain’t standing for that shit.”

“You need to check yourself, bro. You grew up with Chulito, you know him just like everyone else on this block, so what do you care what people be saying?”

“’Cause I don’t go for gay shit.”

“Why you care one way or the other unless you interested in kickin’ it with him?” Kamikaze shut his window and sped off.

Papo stood for a moment with his mouth open. “What? That shit is crazy. I ain’t no faggot. I don’t see how that has anything do with knowing if Chulito is gay.” Papo turned to Chin-Chin and Looney Tunes. “Kamikaze is buggin’.”

“I don’t think that if Chulito’s gay Kamikaze would still call him his boy,” Chin-Chin said. “So Damian is full of shit.”

“You got a point,” Looney Tunes agreed.

“That don’t mean shit.” Papo spit in the direction of Kamikaze and glared at the fellas.

Chulito expected to see Carlos when he heard the knock, so when he opened the door he was startled to see Davey standing in his door way.

“Wassup, Davey?” Chulito checked out the hall behind him to see if Davey was alone.

Davey took a step as if he was going to walk in, but Chulito didn’t move. “Chillin’, bro. You just haven’t been around and I’m wondering how you doin’.” Davey looked into the apartment behind Chulito. They could both hear door locks clicking open on the second floor. Carlos came out of his apartment, walked down the stairs and stopped when he saw Davey in Chulito’s doorway.

“I’m cool.” Chulito shifted his gaze from Davey to Carlos and back.

“Well, people are talkin’ shit and since we ain’t seen you I wanted to talk, but…” he looked up at Carlos. “If now is not a good time, we could talk whenever.”

“What are they sayin’?” Chulito said coolly.

Davey looked to the ground, then he looked up at Chulito, then at Carlos. “Nothin’. Forget it.” Davey walked out of the building into the late afternoon sunlight.

Chulito smiled nervously at Carlos. “Coming down?” Carlos followed Chulito into the living room where Chulito sat and bowed his head. Carlos didn’t know whether he should touch him or leave him alone. Then Chulito reached out for Carlos.

Carlos took his hand and knelt before Chulito and they hugged.

“Shit is closin’ in, Carlos. I was gonna tell Davey what was up, but feel.” Chulito placed Carlos’ hand on his heart.

Carlos patted his chest. “I’m sorry, Chulito.”

“Why you sorry? You been saying we don’t have to be sorry to nobody, and you took a lot of shit from them, me included, and you still did your thang.”

“But I was scared, and I’m scared now of them doing some stupid shit.”

“They’re gonna give me shit, but they ain’t gonna do anything.”

“I hope not, but I never expected that you would do anything and you threw a bottle at me.”

Chulito gave a look that said, “Please.”

“O.K., you threw it at my date but you threw a bottle.”

“No doubt, but I think they’re just freakin’ out, and like Julio said, if they can’t take it…” Then Chulito mimed wiping his butt with toilet paper and flushing it down the toilet.

Carlos smiled. “We don’t have to go to the Vil. We can just stay here and…” Carlos kissed Chulito and slid into a hug.

“You know I am always down for this. But if we want to go out, we goin’ out.”

“We can call a cab, and go to the number two train.”

“I don’t want to hide from them. Carlos, I feel real happy with you, and if you was a girl, I would be talkin’ to them about you and they would be high-fivin’ me and shit.”

“I’m not a girl, Chulito. And I don’t want you or me to get hurt.”

Chulito hugged Carlos. If felt so good. Carlos was always strong and smart and Chulito didn’t want him to get hurt either. At the same time Chulito wanted to be strong and smart just like Carlos and to stand up for his love. He even felt lucky to be sharing this embrace with him. Chulito leaned back to look into Carlos’ eyes. “I’m hungry. Let’s go get a slice on Hunts Point before we head out. We could go to the Vil or check out a movie.”

Carlos took a deep breath. “You sure?”

Chulito extended his hand to Carlos. They laced their fingers and held on tightly. “Let’s go.”

It was just after five
P.M.
when Chulito and Carlos stepped outside. The fellas were on the corner. Brick was in Julio’s office. Lee was working his shift at the restaurant. Martha, Debbie and Brenda were sitting on a parked car. Damian and several of the auto glass guys were still running up and down Garrison Avenue.

Davey saw them first as they stepped out of the building’s dark entrance and into the open street. As they waited for a truck to pass, Puti came to the window and watched as Chulito and Carlos crossed the street. They held hands and walked. By the time they reached the middle of the street, everyone had seen them.