Chris Mitchell (28 page)

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If this sounds obtuse, try spending some quality time with the straight men of Florida during Spring Break, Mardi Gras, or any of the other ostensible “mating seasons.”

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Christians and conspiracists have long been convinced that Donald Duck is a racist, based on a snippet of dialogue between Disney’s Donald and Warner’s Daffy Duck during a bar scene in
Who Framed Roger Rabbit
.

D
AFFY
: I’ve worked with a lot of wisequackers, but you are dethpsicable!

D
ONALD
: Goddamn stupid nigger! I’m gonna WAAAAAAAAGH!

D
AFFY
: This is the last time I work with someone with a speech impediment!

According to the subtitles on the film, Donald is actually saying “Goddurn stubborn nitwit,” but then again, he is a white-feathered fowl, whereas Daffy is considerably darker.

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This effect is, in fact, achieved by a system of gears, which attach to bicycle pedals hidden inside the stone. The Little Mermaid works the pedals slowly while sitting comfortably in a padded seat. It’s like a slow-motion spin workout every time she does an autograph set.

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Gay Day is not an official holiday; Disney does nothing to promote the event, nor does it discourage its celebration. Once a year, usually some time in May, Disney World becomes
the
destination for the gay community—thousands of boys and girls—from all around the world. All you have to do, so everybody knows which team you play for, is wear a red T-shirt. This event has occurred every year since 1991, and every year, Christian groups work themselves into a lather over its implications. Martin Mawyer is the president of the Christian Action Network. “It’s absolutely impossible to describe the depth of depravity we saw,” Mawyer said after visiting the park during the 2003 Gay Day Event. “Not only did we see men kissing men, but these shirtless homosexuals were twisting the nipples of each other and fondling the butts and groins of their ‘lovers.’ And all this occurred right out in the open at a Disney theme park.” What Mawyer was doing at Gay Day in the first place is still undetermined.

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A little history: The ground floor of the Magic Castle is a souvenir shop. On the second floor, it’s a restaurant. But the third floor is Roy Disney’s unfinished apartment. In 1971, while they were putting the final touches on the Magic Kingdom, Roy died. Management offered the living quarters to his widow, but she declined, so the space became a storage and dressing room. Nowadays, the bedrooms are piled high with boxes of old costumes and props used in
Kids of the Kingdom
dance revues.

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In 2004, a thirteen-year-old girl claimed that she had been molested by Tigger. Within days, character performer, Michael C. Chartrand, was charged with lewd and lascivious molestation of a child and taken into custody. During the course of the investigation, more complaints were filed against Chartrand, but none had sufficient evidence to press charges. Chartrand’s lawyer (who was also a friend of fur) declined a plea bargain and took the case to trial, at which time he donned the tiger costume and demonstrated the difficulty of seeing and moving inside the bulky fur. It took a jury less than an hour to deliver a “not guilty” verdict.

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Disney does a lot of charity work with the Make-A-Wish Foundation, honoring the final wishes of terminal children, so this is not an uncommon occurrence. More often than you might think, the wishes of these children have something to do with meeting a favorite Disney character.

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In 1995, the
Wall Street Journal
published an article that highlighted a piece of whispered dialogue in Aladdin. The piece in question takes place when Aladdin meets Jasmine and her pet tiger, Rajah, on the balcony of Jasmine’s palace bedroom. As the menacing tiger approaches our hero, he whispers, “All good teenagers take off your clothes.” Disney’s official interpretation of this line is, “Scat good tiger, take off and go.” On closer inspection, however, the truth seems to lie somewhere in between.

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Actually, it’s the Reedy Creek subdivision of Lake Buena Vista.