CHOCOLATE, TEA AND THE DUCHESS (13 page)

another very bad light. Lord, it made him feel like a complete lout.

"No, I don't."

"Then why? Was that your first time with him? Why does he thrash you so

before you . . . ?" Her eyes looked glazed with emotion. Her voice broke, yet her back

remained straight.

"I ask him to."

"It wasn't the first time?"

"No, not at all."

"You enjoy being whipped like that?"

"Yes, I do." He hated the self-examination she forced upon him, but he did feel a

strange sense of relief.

"You know, I can understand, I think, about that. I have come to crave your

spankings. I look forward to them. Is that the way you feel?"

He moved to the window, looked out over a sleeping Grosvenor Square. "I

suppose it is. I've never really examined it, Felicity." He felt shame, embarrassment,

fear. Her acceptance or rejection of him at this point was pivotal. He wished his secret

not to become public knowledge. "Felicity, this is not something I wish you to discuss

with anyone, do you understand? We will talk until the sun comes up if that is what

you wish, but I must ask, and I admit I have no right to do so, but I must ask that you

don't mention this to your mother or anyone."

She rose from the settee and joined him at the window. She placed a tiny hand

on his arm; he looked down, met her gaze.

"I promise you, I will never tell anyone what I saw tonight. But you must

promise me that we will sort this out together, please. I wish to know how you think

and feel."

No one in his life had ever cared how he thought or felt. He'd been raised to be

the duke, which was all that had ever mattered. For as long as he could remember, he'd

been instructed on the proper behavior of someone of his station, what was expected of

him and what he should expect from others.

He'd always done his duty. Though his tenants had rarely, if ever, seen him, he

had always taken care of them. The Sapphire Club was the one thing he did for himself,

for which he would never apologize. Not even to his wife. However, that attitude didn't

negate the shame or the fear he felt.

"We can talk all night, Felicity, if it is what you wish. However, I will say before

we start, that I will not stop going to the club. You must not ask that of me. I would

sooner send you back to your parents; you must understand that."

Felicity smiled up at him in the way he'd come to appreciate. Her eyes sparkled

with such genuine concern, it tore at his heart.

"I'm not broken, Felicity." He couldn't keep the sadness from his voice.

She patted his arm. "I never said you were."

Chapter Thirteen

Felicity didn't comprehend anything she had seen or heard during her visit to the

club, but she was determined to understand. She'd realized that she'd grown to care for

Phillip, which meant she owed him time to explain.

Their late night conversation had produced no real understanding, but rather

numerous questions. She sensed reluctance on Phillip's part to delve deep within

himself and reveal to her what was really going on. It made her wonder if he even

knew.

She hadn't been completely honest with him either. She hadn't told him of her

excitement, as well as bewilderment, at his coupling with the young man at the club.

She wanted to know it all—what he was thinking, feeling, expecting from the man. Was

it only physical or was it emotional as well? Did he love his man? Did the man love

Phillip? His answers had not convinced her of anything.

After she'd left Phillip to find her bed, she had lain awake, trying to make sense

of everything, with no success. She knew not how to convey her feelings to Phillip

about that night and about him. Though the drive home from the club had been cold, it

had helped to clarify for her where Phillip stood in her life and in her heart.

Though not loving, he was a kind man who'd always seen to her pleasure before

his own. The very few times she'd heard him laugh were indeed glorious. His smile, on

the infrequent occasions he deigned to show one, endeared him to her as no one else's

ever had. Did she love him? She was certain she didn't, but she cared for him and

wished to see him well.

When she woke in the early afternoon, she knew Phillip would have been long

gone from home. He'd mentioned several appointments, all to do with Lord's business.

He said he wouldn't be home for dinner, but assured her he wasn't going to the club.

With that knowledge, she leisurely prepared for the day.

Never one to allow grass to grow beneath her feet, she called for an unmarked

carriage and made her way to St. John's Wood. A visit with Serenity Damrill was in

order. She needed insight and knew if there was anyone to help her, Mrs. Damrill was

the person.

Upon her arrival, Hampton ushered her into the same drawing room she'd been

shown to on her prior visit. Serenity was seated on a dark green settee, sitting next to a

most beautiful woman with blonde hair and the greenest eyes Felicity had ever seen. It

appeared she was quite large with child as well. A twinge riffled through her, a longing

she had not realized she possessed.

"Felicity, I am so happy to see you." Serenity stood and came forward, extending

her hand in greeting. She covered Felicity's hand with both of hers and squeezed

warmly. "Dear, allow me to introduce Lady Wycroft. Desiree, this is Her Grace, the

Duchess of Thornhill."

Desiree, who was the wife of the Marquess of Wycroft, Prentice Hyde, attempted

to rise.

"Please, don't get up, Lady Wycroft. I wish you no difficulty and I see it would

indeed be so."

"I must admit, Your Grace, getting down is enough of a problem, but getting up

these days requires some aid. My poor husband is constantly lending me a hand." She

chuckled amiably, setting the tone for the visit.

"I am sorry for bursting in on you, Serenity. I had no idea you were entertaining.

I really should come back later."

"Don't be silly. Desiree and I are old friends, and I know you will grow to love

her as I do. We are all friends here, what with our husbands so deeply involved in the

club."

Felicity couldn't keep her facial features schooled enough, and Serenity sensed a

problem immediately.

"What is it, dear?" She motioned for Felicity to sit in the chair adjacent to the

settee.

Felicity looked at Desiree, silently trying to indicate her discomfiture at speaking

of such a delicate subject in front of a stranger. "I'm not sure I can speak of it after all."

Serenity smiled. "Is it about your lost cloak? I understand it might have been

dropped during a hasty retreat."

She knew her eyes told the entire story. She felt mortified her actions had been

summed up in such terms, but Serenity had the right of it.

"No, I have the cloak. My husband returned it to me last night, much to my

eternal embarrassment. I had no intention of him ever knowing I was here."

"Yes, so I surmised when my husband told me of His Grace finding the cloak

spread over the tiles in the entrance hall. It sounds like something I might have done. I

don't suppose I ever told you about how I crept into the club through the kitchen

entrance and hid in the library, waiting for my husband?"

"No, you didn't. Did you really do such a thing?"

Serenity laughed heartily. "I most certainly did. Desiree, tell our friend what you

did in pursuit of Prentice."

Desiree smiled and said, "We wouldn't wish to bore our friend by telling my old

tales. In retrospect, it was more to get him to pursue me, but it all comes to the same

thing, doesn't it? Tell us, what have you done or are you just thinking about doing

something?"

Felicity worried her gloved hands, unsure of what she should say but

inexplicably wanting to tell all.

"Well, you see, yesterday was my birthday, and I wished to spend the evening

with Phillip, ah, His Grace. I was out all day with my mother, and when I returned

home, he wasn't there. The servants told me he had come here. I freshened up and came

here as well, thinking to surprise him, only I was the one who was surprised."

"Oh, dear," Serenity said. "It was you who Hampton sent to the second floor

room to meet His Grace."

"Could it be anyone else? What are you saying?"

"No, no, that isn't what I meant. When Hampton told me a woman had come to

meet the duke, I suspected it had to be you. By the time I found out, the room was

empty. Tell us what happened to make you run out so quickly you should drop your

cloak."

"Do you know what my husband does in that room? Please be honest with me."

Desiree and Serenity looked at each other and they nodded in unison. "It is

difficult to keep secrets at the club, Felicity, though those same secrets are guarded

outside these walls."

She felt relief and a tinge of embarrassment, which clearly had to have shown on

her face. "I hadn't expected to see what I saw. I don't know what I expected. I couldn't

resist the temptation to spy, and when I did, I was sorry."

"What is it that is bothering you? Believe me I wish to help." Serenity sounded

concerned and Felicity was comforted by that.

"First, he asked to be flogged and then—"

"And then he had sexual congress with another man?"

"You
do
know. Oh, my." Felicity covered her face with her gloved hands. She sat

for several moments, before she said, "I don't understand why he does that. Am I wrong

for saying that? Oh, what is wrong with me?"

"In a word, nothing. I must assume His Grace thinks quite highly of you.

Sometimes, though, a person needs more. Something else that speaks to a part of

ourselves we often deny. Tell me, have you told His Grace that I spanked you?"

"Yes."

"And what happened?"

"He seemed pleased."

"Have you allowed him to spank you?"

"Oh, yes, and you were right. It does enhance our . . . . "

"Yes, I understand completely. Now, I am going to ask you a very personal

question, and you certainly don't have to answer."

"What is it?"

"Has His Grace ever touched your bottom?"

"Of course, after he spanks me he rubs my bottom quite gently."

"Is there anything else he does?"

Felicity felt her face grow warm.

"Once, he asked me if he could touch, ah, and well, I told him yes. So he put

some oil on it and put his finger inside me."

"How did it feel?"

This day was going to be one long, continuous blush, she could feel it. "I-I liked it

a lot, but he hasn't done it again."

"I believe, my dear, your husband has an anal fixation." Desiree spoke from her

own personal knowledge. "Believe me, it is a good thing. Between us ladies, my

husband is obsessed. I do believe I would have lost him ages ago if I hadn't become

obsessed as well."

"What do you mean?"

"Do you remember what he did with Haynes?"

"Quite well."

"I suspect he wishes to do the same with you."

"If he wishes to do so, why doesn't he simply ask? Why does he do it with

Haynes?"

"Possibly because Haynes welcomes it. It could also be that there is no particular

emotional connection with Haynes or it could be that there
is
such a connection. I have

known your husband to enjoy the pleasures of women and men, Felicity. This should

come as no surprise to you, as he is much older."

"I have no illusions that I was his first. I know he had a mistress, and I suppose

he has had more than one. But he is a wonderful lover, very considerate of me. I will do

anything for him, but you ladies must advise me."

"Excuse me for a few moments, Felicity."

"Surely." Serenity left the room, leaving Felicity alone with Lady Wycroft.

"My lady, do you really enjoy having your husband, ah, enter your bottom?"

"Darling, we don't need to be so delicate here. Indeed I do, almost as much as

Serenity loves for her Lucien to do the same. It adds so much to our lives and means so

much to our husbands. It is an experience that once tried, will become a part of your

life. You will crave it, beg for it, demand it!"

"I wish to be all I can be for Phillip, I truly do. I am not shy with him at all. I fear

he thinks I am
too
wanton."

Desiree patted Felicity's hand, chuckling. "No man ever thinks his wife is
too

wanton, believe me. It flatters a man when he knows his wife wants him sexually. All

that old nonsense about sexual congress being only for procreation was fabricated by

women who had never experienced true pleasure at the hands of a caring and

considerate man."

"You sound quite enamored of your husband, my lady."

"Please call me Desiree. We are friends now, and yes, I most certainly am. My

husband is a wonderful man, and I am blessed to have him."

"Is he excited about becoming a father?"

"Oh, my dear, I should say he is. He is constantly talking to his son, giving him

advice and instructions. He'd have me on my back, in bed, resting every minute if I

didn't
insist
on coming here."

"I don't suppose there is much you can do, now that you are so far along."

"Oh, I get my daily spankings, and we have managed ways of giving each other