Chicken Soup for the Cancer Survivor's Soul (35 page)

As I read and ponder the above words used in an editorial to describe me, I feel a slight smile slide across my lips. My life has not always read as if you might like to trade places with me instantly. Recall my quote from above, “I have survived.” The date was February 3, 1970, and at the age of 23, with three children under the age of 3, I was wheeled into surgery. They found a large tumor in the left chest wall, growing through my ribs directly over my heart and attempting to attach itself there. This needed to be removed immediately. And so it was. The result was an incision extending from the front of my chest all around to the back in order to remove three rib sections over my heart. The muscles to my left arm were cut, making it impossible for me to use it, and the lung deflated and tubes were inserted. This type of major surgery, of course, altered the left breast dramatically. The diagnosis was fibrosarcoma of the chest wall. This left me with intolerable chest pain for the rest of my life, which would be complicated by injuries and scar tissue growth. Following the 11 hours of surgery, I was told that I would have a maximum of two months to live and that they would keep me as comfortable as possible. “You have cancer! Not only cancer, but one of the deadliest forms of bone cancer, with no possibility of survival.” Remember, this was is in 1970. Today, advances have been made, but the outcome still depends on each individual case. There you have it. The dreaded death sentence that everyone associates with the disease of cancer. Today, things have changed and instead of an automatic death sentence, we now ask, “What is my survival chance?”

I hope telling my story will give it a purpose far beyond my own existence. Maybe my suffering and all the survival techniques I learned as a result can help lessen some of the emotional burdens of others. My aim is to help everyone touched by this dreaded disease. You do not need to have the disease personally to become its victim. It can affect anyone who is in your world. I have attempted to take the loss and destruction that cancer caused me and turn it around. All of what I have been through made me strong beyond my years and tolerant of the many acts in life that usually elicit anger. My outlook is that all things can be wonderful—this smile, this touch, even pain and disappointment can give me a high because my alternative was not to be here at all. Make cancer give you more than it can take away.

When I received the news that I had cancer, I thought my world had just come to an end.
My God, what am I supposed to do? I have three small babies at home and a whole life ahead of me. I don’t have time for this, nor do I want to be so frightened. Please don’t tell me that I am going to die. Please don’t tell me that I am going to suffer beyond anything that I could imagine. Please don’t take my world away from me and replace it with a living hell until such time that I exist no longer on this earth.
Always we ask the question, “Why has this happened to me? What did I ever do to deserve this?” For these questions, there are no answers. We are not punished by having this dreaded disease, we only have it by chance.

Because of cancer, I learned to enjoy, respect, achieve, console, know great fulfillment and gain extreme insight into what is really important in this life. Too many people make the mistake of judging life by its length rather than by its depth, or by its problems rather than its promises. We have no say over the hand dealt us in life, but we do have a lot of control over how this hand is played. We are all responsible for bringing out the meaning of our own lives in each moment that we live. Remember each moment happens only once and can never be retrieved again. Everything we are, or are remembered for, revolves around our choices and our actions. Many times I have said, “I have been truly blessed throughout my life
because
I had the dreaded disease of cancer.”

Roberta Andresen

Fifty Things I’ve Learned
Along the Way

• I’ve learned that nursing is the hardest and easiest thing I’ve ever done.

• I’ve learned to take my job seriously but myself lightly.

• I’ve learned that every day I’ve held a hand but forgotten to chart vital signs I still may have come out ahead.

• I’ve learned that nursing is extraordinary because we do ordinary things so magnificently.

• I’ve learned that if I don’t get emotionally involved with my patients, it’s time for me to change professions.

• I’ve learned that when you’re 92, you shouldn’t have to beg for the salt shaker even if you have congestive heart failure.

• I’ve learned that a patient doesn’t get cancer, a family does.

• I’ve learned that a good physician is one who will say, “I have no idea what’s going on with this patient, come help me figure it out.”

• I’ve learned to help people see the “gift of cancer.”

• I’ve learned that if my child tells me she has a bake sale tomorrow at 8 A.M., to be thankful that it’s a bake sale and not a teenage pregnancy meeting.

• I’ve learned that whatever you need in a hurry will be in someone else’s room.

• I’ve learned that when the narcotic count is off, it’s usually I who forgot to sign something out.

• I’ve learned that healing the spirit is as important as healing the body.

• I’ve learned that if I don’t take care of myself, I can’t take care of anyone else.

• I’ve learned that hospital food must be a punishment for our sins in a previous life.

• I’ve learned that a body believes every word you tell it.

• I’ve learned that the nurse I’d like to have take care of the person I love most should be me or you.

• I’ve learned that time flies whether I’m having fun or not.

• I’ve learned that reality is what is, not what I would like it to be.

• I’ve learned that if I can’t cure, I can still care.

• I’ve learned that patient-centered care doesn’t mean amenities, it means empowerment.

• I’ve learned that one of the gentlest things I can do is attend all my patients’ funerals.

• I’ve learned that if I’m there before it’s over that I’m still on time.

• I’ve learned to separate between a minor event and a major episode.

• I’ve learned that it’s usually better to beg forgiveness than to ask permission, especially if I’m taking a St. Bernard to see a child in ICU.

• I’ve learned that good nurses aren’t measured as much by punctuality as by compassion.

• I’ve learned that the spirit of the law may be more important than the letter of the law.

• I’ve learned that every day I can make a difference in someone’s life, and that I choose to make it a positive difference.

• I’ve learned that if I don’t celebrate the exquisiteness of each day, I’ve lost something I’ll never get back.

• I’ve learned that what helps most when diagnosing patients is never walk behind or ahead of them, but rather walk with them and listen very carefully.

• I’ve learned that the more unloving a patient acts, the more he or she needs to be loved.

• I’ve learned that knowing when to stop treatment with a morbidly ill patient may be more important than knowing when to continue.

• I’ve learned that some things have to be believed to be seen.

• I’ve learned that addiction to pain medication is the least of our problems when a patient is in pain.

• I’ve learned that professionals give advice, but healers share wisdom.

• I’ve learned that meditation, group work, nutritional savvy and massage are as integral to a cancer patient’s care as radiation, surgery and chemotherapy.

• I’ve learned that wearing red polka-dot underwear under my uniform may not be the best choice.

• I’ve learned that grief knows no rules.

• I’ve learned that there is no room for bullies or whiners in nursing.

• I’ve learned that you don’t have to meet all the objectives to learn a whole bunch.

• I’ve learned that a nurse without a sense of humor should try to find a job as a shepherd.

• I’ve learned that having to work two weekends in a row is a minor event when my breast biopsy comes back benign.

• I’ve learned that I can work with almost any body fluid but mucus.

• I’ve learned that student nurses will do something every day that I didn’t think was possible.

• I’ve learned that no one promises us tomorrow.

• I’ve learned that medical students get anxious when I assign them nursing care or try to see if their chakras are open.

• I’ve learned that if a confused patient accuses me of “poo-pooing” in his bed, I should apologize and promise never to do it again.

• I’ve learned that no one says on his death bed, “I wish I’d spent more time at the office.”

• I’ve learned that if a child is old enough to love, she is old enough to grieve.

• I’ve learned that a lot of patients get well in spite of us, but even more get well because of us.

Sally P. Karioth, Ph.D., R.N.

Peanuts ©1996. United Feature Syndicate.
Reprinted by permission.

How to Beat Cancer

Today, cancer is the most treatable of all chronic diseases. Half of those diagnosed this year will live out their normal life span, while over 2 million living Americans are now considered cured of cancer. If you have cancer, here are some specific ideas for making your treatment a success.

1. Confront Your Fears.

Cancer evokes powerful negative emotions: Fear that you are losing control over your body and your life. Anger that this is happening. Depression over what you must endure.

For people with cancer, these are all normal feelings. Suppressing them serves only to magnify them and will not help you get better. The way to confront your fears is with education, understanding, faith, positive visualization and relaxation techniques.

Early on, connect with others who have been through the same experience (ask your doctor or hospital about patient support groups).

2. Take Charge.

The leader of your treatment team is you. And the first rule with serious cancer is, get a second opinion. Your current doctor is usually happy to recommend someone, or you can research physicians whom you feel are experts in your cancer.

Take a close friend or relative along to consultations with you. Think in advance of questions you may want to ask, and have your companion take notes for review later (just advise the doctor beforehand). It’s hard to deal with your emotions and absorb complex information at the same time.

3. Know Your Options.

Learn as much as you can about your particular kind of cancer—become an expert. It sounds obvious, but try to find out what the latest and most effective treatments are
before
you commit to treatment. (Most physicians are reluctant to change a course of therapy once you’ve started.)

Centers designated by the National Cancer Institute share the latest information with each other nationwide and can generally offer the newest options and the most advanced treatments.

4. Fight Back.

Keep asking questions throughout treatment and don’t take anything for granted. Make sure that you have a doctor, a hospital and a treatment plan
you
feel confident in—don’t just take someone else’s recommendations on trust.

Don’t worry about being a pest: experience shows that patients who aren’t intimidated by their disease are the ones most likely to get better.

Don’t think solely in terms of medical treatment. You may also need help with family, financial and spiritual issues.

Above all, don’t lose your sense of humor. Every day, look for a little pleasure and enjoyment to offset the hours consumed by treatment.

City of Hope*

* The City of Hope has been treating people with cancer for 50 years and is a Clinical Cancer Research Center designated by the National Cancer Institute. We know cancer and will take the time to help you. If you or someone you know has been recently diagnosed, call 1-800-826-HOPE to find out more about treatment available at the City of Hope. For general information about cancer, contact their CancerConnections® hotline at 1-800-678-9990. Cancer doesn’t care. We do.® (If you would like to reproduce “How to Beat Cancer” for any purpose, please call the City of Hope at 818-359-8111.)