Cherryh, C J - Alliance-Union 08 (50 page)

"And you've lost your perspective, boy, you've damned well lost your professional perspective! You're feeding your own damn insecurities into the situation. You're
interpreting,
son, you're not observing, you're not functioning, you've lost your objectivity, and you're off the project, son, you're
off the project
until you come back here with your head back together. Now get out of here! And don't bother me with these damn play-time projects of yours until you
get
your problem fixed.
Get out!"

"I don't know what I could have said."

He was shaking. He was shaking all over again when Grant came over to the couch and handed him a glass. The ice rattled. He drank a gulp, and Grant settled down beside him with the tablet.

Give it a few days. Yanni explodes. He calms down.

He shook his head. Made a helpless gesture with the glass and rested his eyes against his hand a moment while the whiskey hit his bloodstream and the cold hit his stomach. "Maybe," he said finally, "maybe Yanni's right. Maybe I'm what he said, an assembly-line designer making an ass out of myself."

"That's not so."

"Yanni ripped me to shreds the last two designs. He was
right,
dammit, the whole thing would have blown up, they'd have had suicides."

Grant grabbed the tablet next to him, and wrote:

Don't give up.
And went on writing:
Denys said once Ari didn't fake your Aptitudes. You've taken it as an article of faith that she did. You've always thought you belonged in Education. You do. But Ari wanted you in Design. I wonder why.

His gut went queasy when he read that.

Grant wrote:
Ari did a hell of a lot to you. But she never refused to look at your work.

"I'm off the project," he said. Because that was no news to Security and their eavesdroppers. "He says I hate the kid. It's not true, Grant. It's not true. It's not true."

Grant gripped his shoulder. "I know it. I know it, they know it, Yanni knows it, it's what he does—he was psyching you. He was getting you on tape."

"He said I flunked, didn't he?"

"For God's sake, that's part of it, that's part of the psych-out, don't you understand it? You know what he was doing. The test wasn't over yet. He wanted a reaction, and you gave it to him."

"I'm still pulling up what I said." He took a second drink, still shaking. "I can remember what I meant. I don't know if I can figure Yanni well enough to know what he heard."

"Yanni's good. Remember that.
Remember that."

He tried to. He wrote:
The question is, whose side is he on?

Horse dipped his head and took grain from Florian's palm. "See," he said to Catlin, "see, he's friendly. He just worries when it's strangers. You want to touch him?"

Catlin did, very carefully. Horse shied back.

Catlin outright grinned as she jerked her hand back. "He's smart." The pigs and chickens had not impressed Catlin at all. She had just looked at the chicks in disgust when they piled up against the wall, and retreated from the piglets in some alarm when they rushed up to get the food. Then she had said they were stupid, and when he explained how smart they were about what they ate, she said they wouldn't be bacon if they were smarter about where they got what they ate.

The cows she said looked strong, but she was not very interested.

But Horse got the first real grin Florian had ever seen from Catlin, and she climbed up on the rail and watched while Horse played games with them and snorted and threw his head.

"We aren't going to eat Horse's babies," Florian said, climbing up beside her. "He's a working animal. That means they're not for food."

Catlin took that in the way she took a lot of things, with no comment, but he saw the nod of her head, which was Catlin agreeing with something.

He liked Catlin. That took a lot of deciding, because Catlin was hard to get hold of, but they had been through the Room a lot of times, and only once had he been Got and that was because they had Got Catlin first, and there had just been a whole lot of the Enemy, all Olders. Catlin had been Got twice in all, but the second time she had yelled Go! and given him time to blow a door and get through, which was his fault: he had been slower than he ought; so she Got all the Enemy but the one that Got her, and he Got that one, because
he
had a grenade, and the Enemy didn't expect him to have because he was a tech with his hands full. Catlin had been real proud of him for that.

He was just glad it was a game, and he told the Instructor it was his fault, not Catlin's. But the Instructor said they were a team, and it didn't matter.

He gave them half their Rec time.

Which was enough time to come over here. And this time he talked Catlin into coming with him and meeting Andy and seeing all the animals.

He was not sure Andy and Catlin got along. But Catlin said Horse was special.

So he got Andy to show Catlin the baby.

"She's all right," Catlin said, when she saw the girl Horse, and it played dodge with them, her tail going in a circle and her hooves kicking up the dust of the barn. "Look at her! Look at her move!"

"Your partner's all right, too," Andy said, with a nod of his head toward Catlin.

Which was something, coming from Andy. Florian felt happy, really happy, because all things he liked fell into place that way, Catlin and Andy and everything.

He remembered then, though, that they had to get back before curfew, which meant they had to hurry.

"Time," he said, and to Andy: "I'll be back as soon as I can."

"Goodbye," Andy said. "Goodbye," Florian said with a little bow, and: "Goodbye," Catlin said, which was very unusual, Catlin usually letting him do the talking when they dealt with anybody but Security.

They had to walk fast. He had showed Catlin the shortcuts on the way and she knew all of them on the way back, which was the way with Catlin.

She was also longer-legged than he was, and she could pick him up. He had thought boys were supposed to be taller and stronger. The Instructor said not when you were seven.

So he felt a little better about it. And he walked fast keeping up with Catlin, breathing harder than she was when they got to Green Barracks.

But when they checked in there was a stop on both of them at the desk. The azi there looked at his machine and said:

"Report to the Super, White section."

That was clear across the Town. That was Hospital. That meant tape. Instead of going to their quarters. "Yes," Catlin said, taking her card back and clipping it to her shirt. He took his back.

"Same instruction," the azi said.

"I wonder why," he said when they went back out onto the walk, headed for White.

"No good wondering," Catlin said. But she was worried, and she walked fast. He kept up with little extra efforts now and again.

The sun had gone behind the Cliffs a long time ago. The sky was going pink now and the lights were going to be on before they could get back. The walks and the roads were mostly deserted because most everyone was at supper. It was a strange time to be going to take tape. He felt uneasy.

When they got to the Hospital the clerk took their cards and read them; and told them each where to go.

He looked at Catlin when she went off her own way. He felt afraid then, and didn't know what of, or why, except he felt like he was in danger and she was. If you took tape you went to Hospital in the daytime. Not when you were supposed to be having dinner. His stomach was empty and he had thought maybe it was going to be a surprise exercise: they did that to the Olders, hauled them out of bed and you could hear them heading down the hall in the middle of the night, fast as they could run.

But it was not a Room when they got there, it was truly Hospital. You couldn't do anything except what you were told, and you didn't
think in
Hospital, you just took your shirt off and hung it up, then you climbed up on the table and sat there trying not to shiver until the Super got there to answer your questions.

It was a Super he had never had before. It was a man, who turned on the tape equipment before he even looked at him; and then said:

"Hello, Florian. How are you?"

"I'm scared, ser. Why are we getting tape now?"

"The tape will tell you. Don't be scared." He picked up a hypo and took Florian's arm and shot him with it. Florian jerked. He had gotten nervous about noises like that. The Super patted his shoulder and laid the hypo down. And held on to him because that was a strong one: Florian could feel it working very fast.

"Good boy," the Super said, and his hands were gentle even if he didn't talk as nice as some Supers. He never let him go, and swung him around and helped him get his legs up on the table, and his hand was always there, under his shoulders, on his shoulder or his forehead. "This is going to be a deep one. You aren't afraid now."

"No," he said, feeling the fear go away, but not the sense of being open.

"Deeper still. Deep as you can go, Florian. Go to the center and wait for me there. ..."

"I don't
want
a party," Ari said, slouching in the chair when uncle Denys was talking to her. "I don't want any nasty party, I don't like any of the kids, I don't want to have to be nice to them."

She was already in bad with uncle Denys for borrowing Nelly's keycard, because Nelly, being Nelly, had told uncle Denys and uncle Giraud the whole thing when uncle Denys asked her. Nelly didn't want to get her in trouble. They had caught her anyway. Nelly had been awfully upset. And uncle Denys had had a severe Talk with her and with Nelly about security and safety in the building and going where she was supposed to.

Most of all he had said he was mad at Justin and Grant for not calling him and telling him that she was where she wasn't supposed to be, and they were in trouble too. Uncle Denys had sent them an angry message; and now they were supposed to report her if she came by there instead of the halls she was supposed to be in.

Ari was real mad at uncle Denys.

"You don't want the other kids," uncle Denys said, like a question.

"They're stupid."

"Well, what about a grown-up party? You can have punch and cake. And all of that. And have your presents. I wasn't thinking of having the whole Family. What about Dr. Ivanov and Giraud—"

"I don't like Giraud."

"Ari, that's not nice. He's my brother. He's your uncle. And he's been very nice to you."

"I don't care. You won't let me invite who
I
want."

"Ari, —"

"It's not Justin's fault I took Nelly's keycard."

Uncle Denys sighed. "Ari, —"

"I don't want an old party."

"Look, Ari, I don't know if Justin
can
come."

"I want Justin and I want Grant and I want Mary."

"Who's Mary?"

"Mary's the tech down in the labs."

"Mary's azi, Ari, and she'd feel dreadfully uncomfortable. But if you really want to, I'll see about Justin. I don't promise, mind. He's awfully busy. I'll have to ask him. But you can send him an invitation."

That
was better. She sat up a little and leaned her elbows on the chair arms. And gave uncle Denys a lot nicer look.

"Nelly isn't going to have to go to hospital, either," she said.

"Ari, dear, Nelly
has
to go to hospital, because you made Nelly awfully upset. It's not
my
fault. You put Nelly in a hard place and if Nelly has to go to rest a while, I'm sure I don't blame her."

"That's nasty, uncle Denys."

"Well, so is stealing Nelly's card. Nelly will be back tomorrow morning, Nelly will be just fine. I'll call Justin and I'll tell Mary you thought about her. She'll be very pleased. But I don't promise anything. You be good and we'll see. All right?"

"All right," she said.

She was still mad about having to stay in the downstairs hall on her way back and forth to tape; and she tried and tried to think how she could get around that, but she hadn't figured it out yet.

So they were not going to have a party in the big dining room downstairs this year because uncle Denys said there was so much work lately anyway that a lot of people couldn't come. So they were going to have just a little one, in the apartment, but the kitchen was going to do the food and bring it up; and there would be just a few grown-ups, and they would have a nice dinner and have punch and cake and open her presents. She would get to plan the dinner with Nelly and sit at the head of the table and have anything she wanted. And Justin and Grant might be able to come, Denys said.

So they did.

Justin and Grant came to the door and Justin shook uncle Denys's hand.

Then the scared feeling shot clear across the room. Justin was scared when he came in. Grant too. And everyone in the room was stiff and nasty and trying not to be.

It was her party, dammit. Ari got up with the upset going straight to her stomach, and ran over and was as friendly as she could be. You didn't get anywhere by telling people to be nice. You just got their attention and shook them up until they fixed on you instead of what they had fixed on, and then you could do things with them. She didn't have time to work out who was doing what—she just went for Justin: he was the key to it and she knew that right away.

Uncle Giraud was there, and Giraud's azi Abban; and Dr. Ivanov and a very pretty azi named Ule, who was his. And Dr. Peterson and his azi Ramey; and her favorite instructor Dr. Edwards and his azi Gale, who was older than he was, but nice: Dr. Edwards was one of her invites. Dr. Edwards was a biochemist, but he knew about all sorts of things, and he worked a lot with her after her tape. And there was uncle Denys, of course, who was talking to Justin.

"Hello!" she said, getting in the way.

"Hello," Grant said, and gave her their present. She shook it. It wasn't heavy. It didn't rattle. "What is it?" she asked. She knew they wouldn't tell her. Mostly she wanted to get hold of them. And they were looking mostly at her.

"You have to wait to open it, don't you?" Justin said. "That's why it's wrapped."