Chasing the Wild Sparks (8 page)

“Finn, you’re imagining something that won’t happen.” I reach over and grab his hand. He squeezes mine back, but averts his worried gaze.

He sighs. “Maybe someday I’ll change my mind, but I doubt it.” He shakes his head and looks up at me. “I don’t know, Becks. I don’t want to lose you. I do know that. You’re my entire world.”

I force myself to smile through the mixed emotions inundating me; desperate hope and overwhelming sadness fill my heart from his contentions.

I nod and quietly sigh. “Okay.” I take the ring and put it on my ring finger. It’s way too big.

“Wrong finger,” he states and taps on my middle finger. I cringe and move the ring to the right finger. Damn. He doesn’t even want me to wear it on
the
ring finger. He wouldn’t want anyone confusing it for something else, no doubt.

He sheepishly smiles. “I took one of your other rings that you wear on that finger with me to get it sized.” Of course he did. I nod and look away.

“Baby, don’t be mad at me,” he pleads. He leans over and softly kisses my cheek. “I love you. That will
never
change,” he urgently insists.

“I love you, too. I just…”

“I know. I’ll think about it. Just give me time.”

“Finn, we’ve already had three years.”

“Please, give me a little more before I decide for certain.” He sits back and I eye him skeptically, not saying anything in return. He gently puts a hand on one of my breasts and massages it.

I say, “I have to be up early.”

“I know. So do I.”

“No, you can sleep in.”

“Not if I’m going with you.”

Tilting my head, I lean away from him and his hand falls from my chest. “You are?”

“If that’s okay. I traded with Drake at work. I have to work at six.”

“No, don’t go and mess up your schedule.”

“It’s fine. I don’t have to be on location anywhere tomorrow. I’m just anchoring, so it wasn’t a big deal. I want to spend the day with you.”

“It’s just a kite festival.”

“It’s with you.”

I grin. “Okay.”

He looks down at my right hand. “I love how the ring looks on you.”

I admire it, too. “So, do I.” I knowingly smile. “Thank you, Finnigan.”

He roguishly smirks. “Say that again, baby.”

“What? Thank you?” I ask innocently, trying to keep a smile from sneaking onto my face.

“You
know
what I want.”

“A brand new kite?” I bite my lip, failing to keep my grin off my face.

His eyes wickedly gleam. “Oh, Becks,” he growls and pounces on me, pinning me onto the bouncing bed. I laugh from underneath him.

“It’s always better to fly your own kite!” I yell over his shoulder and giggle hysterically, not that he knows what that means.

“I’ll show you something that I can do better than flying a kite,” he cockily declares. He bites my bottom lip and his reawakening dick drags along my thigh.

How so true that is.

CHAP
TER 6

“Hey, chickadee. Good morning and how was your evening? Was Wilder a perfect gentleman last night and leave you alone?”

I glance out of the room and over to the bathroom door in the hall where Finn is taking a shower. “It was great. Um, I’ll have to meet you at the festival.”

“You’re not backing out on me, are you? Fuck, sorry—blanket waiver—please don’t leave me alone with Morgasm and Jethro!”

“Jethro?”

“Or Billy Bob. Pick one. Although, I think I’d rather spend the day with Jethro than with Morticia, Queen of the Damned.”

I giggle. “No, I’m coming.”

“I
bet
you were last night.”

“Oh, Rod.”

“Please tell me you yelled that in the throes of passion!” He laughs. “Shit, that would be classic!”

Laughing, I cover my mouth and look to the hallway. “Shut up!”

“Wilder probably would’ve either had an aneurysm last night or hunted me down and cut my dick off this morning.”

“Will you shut up for three seconds?”

“Oh! Wait! So you
did
knit him a huge scarf! Way to go, Hadders!”

“I’m trying to tell you what’s going on this morning!” I exasperatedly laugh.

“TMI, Hadders. I honestly don’t need to know what he’s currently doing to service you and with what part of his body he’s doing it with. I have a pretty good idea, whore.”

I giggle. “He’s in the shower.”

“What the hell did you do to him?”

Rolling my eyes, I tuck the phone under my chin and work on putting a band into my hair for a low ponytail. “Like I said, I will meet you there.”

“I thought you were riding with me, or were you ridden enough last night?”

“Goodbye, Rod.”

“I’ll bring some extra tokens. I bet there’s another ride left in you somewhere. Does Wilder like the back door, if you know what I mean? Because if not, I’ll pick up his slack.”

I snap my phone shut and toss it onto Finn’s bed, sitting down next to it to put my sandals on. The water in the shower is still running. I know he’s in there sulking. He wanted me to get in with him, but I told him no. I also reminded him that it takes extra time for my birth control to kick in since I know that was his intention. He sure wants to make use of the time we have this weekend. We’d never get out the door. I also suppose a small part of me wants some distance from him after last night.

Raising my left hand, I stare at the bluish metal band on my middle finger. He can’t even promise me a future with a promise ring. I do love the ring, but then again, I hate it. It’s a reminder either way. After last night and the things he told me, I know he loves me, but I still have doubts. If he loved me as much as he says he does, wouldn’t he want to make me his wife? Instead, I’ll forever be an ambiguous girlfriend, no one of significance in his life. Hell, he won’t even tell people that I
am
his girlfriend.

It’s a lose-lose situation for me all around.

“What’s wrong?” Finn asks, standing in the bathroom doorway with a fluffy, blue towel around his waist, running his fingers through his wet hair. The water enticingly glistens over his muscles, coercing me to want to forget about damned kites. I also note that he does, indeed, have a hickey. Oops. Did he even see it? How is he going to hide it today?

I guiltily drop my hand. “Nothing.” Staring at his neck, I stand and his mouth falls open.

“What’s wrong?” I volley back to him and search his astonished face.

“Wow.” He shifts on his feet, his hands on his hips and his eyes roaming up and down my body.

I wince. “Is that a good
wow
or a bad
wow
?”

“It’s a
go-change
wow.”

I look down at my dress and then up at Finn, perplexed. “What?”

He adamantly shakes his head and scoffs, “Huh-uh. You’re
not
wearing that dress.”

“Why not?”

“There are so many reasons why not.”

I put my hand on my hip and argue, “Sorry, but it’s too late to change.”

He walks toward me, clutching where the towel is tucked in. “Becks.”

“Finn,” I emulate him. “There’s nothing wrong with my dress. It’s not too short, see-through or revealing.”

He stops in front of me, towering over and intently staring me down. “It’s enough. Everyone will be staring at you, including me.”

I smile. “It’s a good thing if
you
do, isn’t it?” He doesn’t answer as he glowers. “Why would anyone else stare? There will be a lot of people there.”

Unsmiling, he counters, “Exactly.”

I scowl up at his face. “Everyone stares at
you.
Why is this any different?”

He clasps one of my breasts, his thumb seeking my nipple through the material. “Because, they’ll be staring at you for all the wrong reasons.”

I reach up and stop his hand. “And your Finnatics lust after you for all the
right
ones?”

Taking his hand from his towel, he clutches my other breast, more firmly than the other this time. “I don’t dress like this.”

I grin. “Now,
that
would be funny.”

Frowning at my remark, he points his chin over to his dresser. “Can’t you wear jeans or sweats?” His thumbs begin to circle, clouding my concentration, and I want to rip his towel off.

Grabbing onto his other hand, I plead, “Finn, stop.” I don’t know if he’ll take that as to stop about the dress or his hand. I hope he doesn’t stop touching me, even though I need him to stop.

He steps against me; his freshly showered body smells so good. “Shit,” he mutters. “It’s a good thing I’ll be there.” He puts his arms around my waist and pulls me into him.

“Why? Are you going to be my bodyguard, my babysitter,
and
my chastity belt?” I retort and quirk up my lip. Without thinking, I grasp the edge of his towel, tucking my fingers into it. His left hand moves from my waist over to my hand and he pushes on it, causing the towel to fall to his feet.

Oh, no.

He lifts the skirt of my dress up and whispers, “I’ll be all three
and
your overprotective boyfriend.”

I clear my throat. “Yes, I’ve noticed.” How ironic. The daredevil doesn’t want me to take a risk and be even remotely audacious. Though, this dress is not like that. He probably doesn’t want me to draw any kind of attention to him so he doesn’t have to admit he has a girlfriend to anyone he knows. Paired with my cardigan, I could wear the dress when I go to Mass with him,
if
I ever go to church with him. Yet another place he doesn’t want me hanging around him. I’m sure he went last night alone before work.

I close my eyes as he grinds against my bare stomach. “Finn, we’re going to be late.”

“Yes, we
are
going to be late.”

I attempt to feebly push him away, but he strongly holds me close to his chest. “We can’t do this.”

He grates his teeth in frustration. “Becks, come on.” He looks around the room and sighs before restoring his gaze to me. “We haven’t been together a lot this weekend. Let’s take some extra time…just for us.” His fingers stroke my back and my willpower.

I argue in vain, “We’ll be spending the day together.”

He petulantly rolls his eyes and shakes his head, looking down at me pointedly. “That’s
not
what I mean.”

I glance at the hickey I gave him, still wondering how he’s going to hide it since it’s bigger than I meant for it to be. “We’re already running late.”

“Late for
kites
?”

“Rod wanted to be there at 11:00 and he’s already on the road. We have an hour and a half drive.”

“Damn it.
He
can wait.” Finn takes my hand and wraps my fingers around his solid arousal, keeping his hand on mine. “
I
can’t,” he heatedly insists. He’s past the point of no-return, but I continue to futilely object.

“I promised him I’d be there.”

“We will,” he replies impatiently. “You promised me you’d always love me, Becks.” He squeezes our hands around him. “Right now, I need you to love me.”

“I
do
, Finn, it’s just—”

“We
cannot
go when you’re wearing this dress and I’m
this
jacked up.” He takes his hand off of mine and puts his arms around me as I continue to hold him intimately. He inclines his head and kisses me gently at first, but then his lips quickly engulf mine. I can feel desperation with every move of his lips. Why does he suddenly seem to want me so much? Or is it just the sex he wants? Finn’s hold strengthens around me and he begins to twist us and walk us backward to his bed.

“Finn, no,” I whisper and move my hands up to his chest. His hands are again up my dress and soon inside the top of my waistband. “Stop it.”

He stops us at the edge of his bed. “Don’t you want me, baby?” he whispers back, staring ardently into my eyes as he starts to peel down my underwear. He knows I do. I put my hands on his to stop him, but he keeps pushing. He lets go of one side of my waistband and sits down on the bed, trying to pull me down and straddle him.

“Finn, stop. You don’t even have a condom on.” I move my hips away and he grips onto me tightly.

Mostly disregarding my statement, his eyes flick up to mine and he says, “You said we’d be alright, Becks.” He pulls on my hips and positions himself beneath me.

My eyes widen in disbelief. “Why are you not willing for me to wear this dress in public, but you’re willing to risk getting me pregnant, when that’s the
last
thing you want?”

He yanks my underwear to the side and tries to ease into me. He closes his eyes and shakes his head. “I’m not. You said we were okay.” I can practically hear the gushing of the adrenaline coursing through his veins. I think it’s like a game of Russian roulette for him. Another rush. There’s no way in hell he wants to knock me up, but he loves the thrill of it being a possibility because it’s something else he can triumph over. I don’t like him playing this game of chance because what happens if he loses and he does get me pregnant? Would he hate me? Would he leave me?

I attempt to lift up off of him through his steel grip. “No. I said I
thought
we were. That’s
not
the same thing.”

Finn immediately opens his eyes and as if I just showed him a positive pregnancy test, he pushes me back. “Then, I’ll put on a rubber.” He reaches for his nightstand drawer and I slide off his lap.

“We have to go, Finn.” I fix my dress and step away.

“Becks.”

I look at him and his eyes fly over my face, pleading with me to reconsider. “Baby,” he says softly. He tears open the package and works the condom on, and I watch him as he unrolls it. He then leans back onto his elbows, offering himself up to me with vulnerability in his eyes, but a cocky-as-hell smirk on his face. He knows I can’t resist him, but oddly, he also appears to be afraid that I will.

“Finn, what are you doing? You know we have to go,” I say quietly, but resigned to the fact that we will be late because of the irresistible sight before me.

“I want to be the only one who knows the ecstasy that’s under your dress.”

I smile. “You are. You already know quite well.”

His vulnerable gaze is now confident as he resolutely utters, “Remind me.”

I bite my lip and as if he hypnotized me, I take off my underwear. His passionate brown eyes burn into me as mine travel slowly over his tantalizing body
, draped provocatively on his bed. My gaze locks onto his dick and he boldly reaches down and grasps it. “It’s all for you, Becks.”

My mouth opens in awe of his brashness. In public, he’s so smug and self-assured about his athletic prowess and aptitudes, yet then he’s reserved and so private when it comes to anything that has to do with me. I get to see every angle of the complex design that is Finn Wilder.

I still must be staring because he coaxes, “Come on, baby. You know you want me.” He gives me a come-worthy grin. Definitely…cocky.

I smile crookedly at him and insolently cross my arms. “You think you do anything for me?”

He persists to grin devilishly. “You already took your underwear off.” He’s going to be the death of me.

“I can always put them back on.”

He deliberately shakes his head from side to side, not taking his heated scrutiny off of mine. “No you won’t.” He licks his full lips and seductively bites his tongue.

“I can always go commando to the festival.”

Suddenly, he drops his hand from his erection and snarls with genuine irritation rolling over him, “Fuck no!”