Chasing the Fire (Backdraft, Fully Involved, Flashover) (6 page)

The Keurig was on so he made himself a cup of
strong brew and slid open the glass door, its whoosh alerting her
to his presence. When she turned to him, her pretty face was glum.
She was disappointed in him.

Just wait.

“Hi,” he said simply. “What are you doing
home? You said you’d be at Abby’s for a few days.”

“I tried to call you all day yesterday. And
last night. Where were you?”

He gripped the cup with enough force to break
it and sat down. “Why were you calling me?”

Her eyes narrowed on his face—she’d see the
bloodshot eyes, the scratchy beard and smell the stench of him.
“Your father was rushed to the hospital yesterday with severe
pneumonia.”

It was like walking into a wall in the dark.
“D-did he die?”

“No.” She ran a hand through her damp curls.
If he got close enough, he’d smell that wonderful scent on her.
Would he ever get close enough again? The fact that he might not
soured his stomach.

“He came out of the worst of it about
midnight. I couldn’t get hold of you. Where were you?”

He leaned back in his chair. He could try to
lie, but that would make things worse with her. And Riley guessed
it was time to grow up and do what was right. As it turned out, he
didn’t have to say anything.

Janie’s brow furrowed. Reaching out, she ran
her fingers down the side of his neck. “What are these scratches?
Did you get them…” Her voice trailed off. Then, “Those aren’t from
work two nights ago, are they?” He shook his head. “They’re fresh.”
She raised her eyes to his, the bruised expression in them cutting
to the bone. “They’re from fingernails.”

“Janie, I’m so sorry.”

“Sorry?” Her eyes were bleak. “Sorry? You
broke the most solemn vow we made to each other. I still wear the
ring…” She just stared at him. “And you know how important fidelity
is to me because of my mother.”

“I was wrong. Very wrong.”

“Who is she?”

“It doesn’t matter. I don’t have feelings for
her.”

“And you think that makes it better? That you
acted like a pig, as well as a cheater?”

“I don’t know what to say.”

Suddenly, she bolted up and rushed into the
house. He found her huddled over the toilet in the bathroom,
vomiting.

As he looked down at her, he thought, This
is what you did, Gallagher.

oOo

Week 1 of the breakup

ABBY DROVE THE
car up to the curb in
front of their parents’ house, stopped and reached over to take
Riley’s hand. “You can do this, buddy.”

“I hope so.” He swallowed hard. “I want to.”
He faced his sibling, who had proved her love was unconditional.
“You’re a good big sister, Abs. Thanks for taking care of me.”

Riley had been a basket case when he’d showed
up on Abby’s doorstep two days ago. She’d sat him down at her
kitchen table, gave him coffee and listened to what a shit he’d
been. She’d agreed, then tried to help him. They’d talked through
the nights about his resentments—and the origin of them—about what
kind of man he wanted to be, and Abby selflessly reminded him of
some stupid things she’d done in her life, too. By today, he was
ready to take the next step. “I’m going to get our new foster kid
right now,” she told him. “But I’ll pick you up later. Call
me.”

He kissed her cheek, left the car and trudged
up the walk like a little boy. He remembered when he’d been playing
ball and broke a neighbor’s window, and when he got caught flirting
with another girl, and when he’d almost buckled under pressure when
the kids at school taunted him about nerdy Jane. Each time, when he
came up this walk, his mother had been disappointed in him, but his
father had taken him out back and talked about what a real man did
in those situations. Funny, he hadn’t remembered those incidents
over the eight years he’d been hating the man.

The door flew open and his mother rushed out
and hugged him. “Oh, honey, I’m so glad to see you.”

He held her tight. “I hope he is.”

“I told him you were coming, like you asked,
so you didn’t shock his heart.”

“Thanks.”

Once he reached the second floor of his
house,
his
heart was pounding as if he’d run a marathon.
Still, he went down the hall and knocked on the door of his old
room. “Come in,” his dad said in a gruff voice.

Riley stepped inside but stayed by the
entrance. His father lay in Riley’s old bed, seeming smaller and
weaker than he ever had before. His face was pale and Riley could
see the heavy rise and fall of his chest. He really was sick.

“Hi, son,” Ben Gallagher said in a gravelly
voice. Immediately, he began to cough.

Riley crossed to him, and when his father
stopped coughing, he poured him water and handed it to him. “Drink
this, it’ll help.”

After he’d downed the water, his father
gestured to a chair that had been pulled up to face the bed. Riley
wondered briefly if Janie had sat in this seat when she’d come to
see his dad. Then pushed the notion away. He couldn’t let his
problems with her interfere with what he needed to do today.

His father gave him a weak, uncertain smile.
“Your mother told me you were coming. I’m glad you did.”

“Thanks for seeing me.”

“Of course.”

Edgy, he fidgeted in the seat. “You’re sick.
I’ll pay for health insurance until you get on your feet.”

“I don’t want your money.” He uttered the
words without rancor and with…longing.

Now Riley’s heartbeat went into overdrive.
“I’m offering more.”

His dad stared at him.

“I’ve been a shit all these years about
you.”

“You had reason. I let you down bad,
Rye.”

“Still, other people tried to help you.”

“You had more reason to hate me.”

“No, Dad, don’t let me off the hook. I gotta
get a handle on my anger and resentment. I gotta change and start
with facing the truth.”

Wisely, his dad nodded.

Riley glanced up at the ceiling, praying for
help to find the words. “I think it’s because we were so close. I
couldn’t believe…” He trailed off, biting his lip to contain the
emotion he felt.

“You couldn’t believe I’d done such an awful
thing?”

“That, too. But I think I couldn’t believe I
lost you. You were so important to me.” His voice cracked on the
last words.

His father laid back and briefly closed his
eyes. “That was the worst of the nightmare for me, too. I missed
Mom and Abby, real bad, but you…gone from my life…I didn’t care if
I lived anymore.”

Riley caught sight of his father’s hand on
the bed. It was withered from the life he’d been leading. Slowly,
he reached out and clasped it in his. Held the hand that, until his
downfall, had comforted Riley all his life. He captured his
father’s gaze. “I’d like…” For a moment he couldn’t go on. “I’d
like a chance to see if I can put this all behind me. I want to do
that, if you’re willing, Dad.”

Now, his father’s eyes clouded. “I’d like
that, Rye. Very much.”

oOo

“
RILEY, WOULD YOU
take him his
breakfast? You seem to be the only one able to keep him in
bed.”

Riley smiled over at his mother. “Yeah,
sure.”

Her eyes warmed. “I’m so glad you came home
yesterday. That you’re talking to him. Staying here.” He’d moved
out of Abby’s and into her old room at his parents’ house.

“We got a long way to go, Ma.” Riley had
discovered letting go of his anger took more than talking with his
father.

“I know, honey. But first steps are
important.”

Now that he’d taken those first few steps
with his dad, Riley let in what had happened with Janie. Would he
ever get to mend his very broken relationship with her? Had he lost
her forever? The notion cut him to the core.

oOo

The next day, he once again carried his
father’s breakfast upstairs, knocked on the ajar door of his old
room and stepped inside. Now that he wasn’t so vomit-at-the-notion
anxious, he took in the pictures lining the tops of the dressers
and nightstands. Mostly they were of Janie, which dug the knife in
his heart a little deeper, but there were also many of him and his
dad, which maybe he needed to see.

When the old man caught sight of him, Ben
Gallagher’s face broke out in cautious smile. “Hey, son. Your
mother got you playing nurse again?”

He set the tray table over his father’s lap.
“I don’t mind.”

His dad grabbed his hand. They’d always been
an affectionate family. “Can I say again how much I appreciate this
second chance?”

Riley’s heart contracted in his chest. He
could still see Janie when she left their house, broken and near
collapse. And he’d found the ring he gave her in high school in the
garbage. “Yeah, well, now I guess I believe second chances are
important.”

His father studied him, took a sip of his
coffee. Since Riley had brought a cup for himself, he mirrored his
dad’s actions. “So, why hasn’t Janie been over here to see me?” his
dad asked.

“Because she doesn’t want to see
me.”

“I figured that. I’m sorry if it’s because I
showed up again.”

“No, it’s me. I’m a stupid asshole.”

His father chuckled. “You’re a guy. We’re all
stupid assholes sometimes.”

Riley didn’t think anything could make him
smile after Janie’s dismissal of him from her life, but the joke
did. “I guess.”

And with that simple humor, the tight knot in
his stomach began to loosen a little. Maybe Riley was going to be
able to do this right.

oOo

THE NEXT TIME
he visited, he found
his father watching a ballgame. “The Yanks winning?” Riley asked
casually.

“Yeah, wanna watch for a while?” His father’s
eyes widened. “Or are you too busy?”

“Not too busy. I go back to work
tomorrow.”

They sat in easy silence broken by comments
about the game. At one point, Riley went to get snacks. It was
easier doing things together and not harping on the hard feelings
of the past. After the play ended, his father turned toward him.
“Rye, I hate to ask you something so personal, but I can’t enlist
the women. Could you help me shower? And shave, maybe?”

A week ago, he’d have thought he had a better
chance of going to Mars than assisting his father with personal
hygiene. So much had changed.

“Yeah, Dad, I think I can do that.”

oOo

Week 2 after the breakup

“
HEY, TONY. I’M
leaving. Have a good
night.”

Tony smiled up at Riley from his desk. “You,
too.” He watched Riley for a minute. “You’re doin’ good, Rye. I’m
proud of you.”

“It was a tough pill to swallow but when your
ego’s tromped on”—and your heart broken, but he didn’t add
that—“even the guys’ ragging on you doesn’t matter.”

He drove quickly to the Anderson County Fire
Academy as he’d done every Monday, Wednesday and Friday at six p.m.
both this week and the one before it. Hard cases needed regular
sessions. He entered the big chrome-and-glass-and-stone building,
took the elevator to the third floor and went to the office he’d
first visited two weeks ago when his life had fallen apart.

“Come in.”

Riley entered.

Jack Harrison sat in a comfortable chair,
leafing through some papers. Probably summaries of Riley’s fuckups.
“Hey, Riley,” he said, glancing up.

Dropping down onto the couch opposite him,
Riley gave him what passed for a smile. “How come you always look
like you’re happy to see me?”

“Because I am.” Jack chuckled. “I expect you
to excel here like you do every place else.”

Riley snorted.

“Besides, I have good news today. I checked
up on your lieutenancy revocation.”

Riley forced despair away. He needed to stay
positive, about his job at least. It was all he had left.
“Yeah?”

“The paperwork’s been amended. I asked Noah
Callahan if I could tell you”—Riley had let all the brass know he
was in therapy—“and he said yes.”

“Shoot.”

“The revocation of your lieutenancy is only
temporary now. In six months, if you’ve had no more incidents, you
get the promotion.”

“Yes!” He frowned. “I wish I could share the
news with Janie. Shit!”

“Maybe you can tell your dad instead?”

Riley nodded, still stinging from thoughts of
Jane.

“Have you seen her?” Harrison asked.

“No. She said not to call her.” He took in a
breath. “Let’s not talk about Janie. I’m into this retooling of my
life, whether she lets me back in hers or not.”

Harrison smiled. “Yep, you’re gonna be my
best client.”

oOo

Week 3 after the breakup

JANIE PULLED UP
in the driveway to
find Riley’s truck parked in its old spot. He’d texted her, asked
if he could come over to do repairs on the deck and weed out the
garden; she’d said yes, she’d be out while he was here. And she’d
left. But she didn’t expect him to stay so late.

As she went into the house, she lectured
herself that she shouldn’t want to see him. But they’d been
together all their lives and three weeks without talking to him,
touching him had been hell. Maybe she needed a little dose of him.
No, it was probably better to avoid him. Like it was better to
throw out the little ring she’d always treasured.

Vowing to head right upstairs and stay there,
she snagged a bottle of water from the fridge and, keeping her eyes
averted, walked past the open sliding door to the backyard.

Loud barks came from outside. Barks? She had
to be imagining things. She’d always wanted a dog, but they both
realized their unusual working hours wouldn’t be fair to a
mutt.

She had to look.

On the grass, Riley, dressed in plain, blue
shorts and a yellow shirt that highlighted his dark hair, was
throwing a ball to a little cocker spaniel. Though the pink bow
around the dog’s neck dwarfed her, she was doing pretty well
retrieving the miniature toy.