Chasing Sunsets (27 page)

“I miss her so much.” Camila allowed another wave of tears. “I wanted to run up and hug her. I missed . . . everything. All her growing up years. I’m the worst mama ever.”

“No.” Aspyn wanted Camila to hear her. “You’re doing everything you can to keep her out of this place. That makes you a loving mother.”

Camila shook her head. “She’ll hate me forever.”

“Write the letter.” Aspyn needed to go. Lunch would be over soon and she couldn’t be caught.

For a long time Camila only stared at the paper and pen. Then she sniffed and nodded. “I will.” She lifted hesitant eyes
to Aspyn. “Can you help me?” She looked embarrassed. “I’m not . . . that good a writer.”

Aspyn felt her heart melt. “Yes.” She took the paper and pen from Camila. “Tell me what you want to say.”

“Okay. I’ll try.” The woman struggled to find the right words, but in the end the message was all hers. Camila seemed calmer. “You’ll make sure she gets it?”

“I promise.”Aspyn hesitated. “You ever pray, Camila?”

“I want to learn.”

“There’s a Bible study once a week in your cell block. Did you know that? Monday nights.”

“I never go.”

“Start.” Aspyn smiled at her. “God has plans for you, Camila. Even now. Even here.”

The woman looked dazed. Like the news was hard to believe. Aspyn couldn’t wait another minute. She nodded. “I’ll get the letter to Lexy.”

With that Aspyn stepped out of the cell and back into the closet, and disappeared.

25

M
ARY CATHERINE WANTED NOTHING
more than to take Lexy in her arms and comfort her. The poor girl. The day was dragging on, but Lexy never recovered from seeing her mother as one of the inmates. After lunch it was more of the same, and by the time the prison tour was finished, Lexy looked like she might pass out.

Tyler and Sami’s girl also spent most of the day crying. If Mary Catherine had to guess, she doubted the girl would ever steal again. School probably looked like a dream vacation compared with this.

Marcus stayed by Mary Catherine’s side as they ushered Lexy through the main space and into the corridor. They were halfway to the holding room where they’d started when a woman mopping the floors stopped Mary Catherine. “I got something for you.”

“What?” She stopped. The woman looked familiar, but she couldn’t place her.

“Here.” The orderly kept her eyes averted. She handed Mary Catherine a folded piece of notepaper. “This is for Lexy.” Then the woman put her head down and kept mopping.

The group was still moving, so Mary Catherine had no choice but to keep walking. “Did you see that?” she whispered to Marcus.

“What?” He looked behind them and back at her.

“That woman. She was mopping the floor.” Mary Catherine held up the letter. “She handed me this. Said it was for Lexy.”

Marcus looked back again. “There’s no one there.”

“She was just—” Mary Catherine turned around and stopped for a second. “Where is she? She handed me the note like five seconds ago.”

“Maybe she stepped into a closet. You know, to put the mop away.”

Mary Catherine started walking again, backward, and then turned around. Lexy was a ways ahead of them. “That’s so weird.” She gave Marcus a puzzled look. “She looked familiar, too.”

They reached the first checkpoint. None of them had been allowed to bring in phones or purses or anything else. Now they were checked again and Mary Catherine produced the letter. “This is a letter for our participant. From her mother.”

The prison guard took the letter, opened it, and read it. He shrugged. “Fine.” He nodded to Mary Catherine as he handed it back. “Put it in your pocket. Anyone asks you tell them Sikes said it was okay.”

“Thank you, sir.”

Mary Catherine could only imagine what Lexy’s mother
might’ve written to her. How she had gotten the letter to the orderly and how the orderly had known to get it to Mary Catherine made no sense at all.

When they reached Marcus’s Hummer back in the parking lot, Mary Catherine did what she’d wanted to do all day. She hugged Lexy for a long time. “I’m sorry. About all that.”

Lexy resisted the hug. “I didn’t know . . . my mama was gonna be there. Someone shoulda told me.”

“We didn’t know either.” Marcus stood on her other side. “I’m sorry, too. Today was brutal.”

“Yeah.” Lexy slid past them and climbed into the backseat of the SUV.

They were on the freeway before the girl spoke again. “What happened to the boy?” Her tone was softer than before. “The one Dwayne shot?”

“He’s still in the hospital.” Marcus looked in the rearview mirror. “He’s in bad shape. Everyone’s praying for him.”

Lexy started crying again. Mary Catherine could hear her. Even through her tears, she managed to speak. “Can . . . we pray for him? Right now? Please.”

“We can.” Mary Catherine turned around best she could in her seat.

“Father, we’ve asked You before, but now we come to You again with Lexy. Lord, please give Jalen a miracle. Please wake him up and by Your divine touch, would You please heal his brain? Let him talk to his mama again and let him live the way he did before. We know it’s a lot, God, but You can walk on water. You can calm the seas with a whisper.” Her voice was raw with emotion. “We believe You can do this. In Jesus’ name, amen.”

Through her tears, Lexy managed two simple words. “Thank you.”

In the front seat, Mary Catherine doubted the girl was used to saying
thank you
. The Last Time In
program was working, like the training promised. But Mary Catherine had wondered if anything would pierce the darkness that surrounded Lexy Jones.

Until now.

Mary Catherine waited until they were fifteen minutes from home before she pulled out the letter. “Your mama wrote you something. She had someone give it to me before we left.”

At first Lexy didn’t seem like she was going to let them know she cared. She didn’t respond for five minutes. Then she muttered, “What’s the letter say?”

“You can read it.”

“No.” Lexy hesitated. “How ’bout you read it? I’m not that good at letters.”

It occurred to Mary Catherine at the same time it must’ve occurred to Marcus. Lexy couldn’t read. At least not very many words. Otherwise she never would’ve wanted two people she still didn’t know well to read the letter from her mother.

Before Mary Catherine opened it, she looked back at Lexy. “Has your mother written you before?”

“Never.” She raised her chin. “I hafta hear it to believe it.”

“Okay.” Mary Catherine unfolded the piece of paper and started at the beginning. “Here it is. ‘Dear Lexy, this janitor lady is helping me write this to you.’ ” Mary Catherine felt her heart react. The cycle of drugs and violence and illiteracy felt almost hopeless. “ ‘I’m so sorry for today. That wasn’t
me in there. It was me acting. All I wanted to do when I saw you was run up and take you in my arms.’ ” Mary Catherine blinked back tears. “ ‘The way I used to do when you were little.’ ”

Marcus put his hand on Mary Catherine’s shoulder, silently lending his support.

“Keep reading.” Lexy didn’t sound as hard as before. “Please.”

Mary Catherine worked to find her voice. “ ‘I made so many mistakes, Lexy. I never should’ve gotten involved with that man. I wouldn’t be here if I could’ve said no. Instead I’ve spent every day since they locked me up sitting here and missing you. I think about what you must look like and how big you must be getting. I think about you in school making better choices than me.’ ”

Tears ran down Mary Catherine’s cheeks. She wiped them before they could fall on the letter. “You’re with your grandma and I know she’s a God-fearing woman. So I believe you can find the right way, Lexy. The way I missed out on. The right way is with God, baby.’ ” Mary Catherine blinked so she could see. “ ‘I said I’d do the program today on one condition. If I could work with you. Because you see, baby, in those minutes even though I was yelling at you, I was near you. I could see your eyes and your face. The face I’ve missed so much.’ ”

Mary Catherine lowered the letter. She looked at Marcus and shook her head. “I can’t,” she whispered. “It’s too sad.”

Lexy leaned up as far as the seat belt would allow. “Is that all?”

Marcus gave her shoulder the slightest squeeze. He mouthed the words
You can do it
, neither of them wanting
Lexy to know how difficult the moment was for Mary Catherine.

“No. There’s more.” She sniffed and lifted the letter again. “ ‘So please forgive me. I never wanted to yell at you. I wish I could see you every day, baby, but not in here. Not like this.’ ” Mary Catherine wiped her eyes again. “ ‘I keep a picture in my mind, Lexy. You and me when you were six years old. Kindergarten graduation. Grandma took our picture. All I want to do every day is go back to that time and do life over again. I’d learn how to be a better reader and writer, and I’d be there for you at nighttime, to read to you and teach you how to sound out words. I’d make sure you and I were safe, away from the gangs and shootings. And I’d spend every day showing you how much I love you.’ ”

From the backseat, Mary Catherine could hear Lexy sniffling.

She had to finish. She wiped her tears once more. “ ‘But, Lexy, baby, I can’t go back. We don’t get to do life over again. So, baby, please just know that everything today was an act. It wasn’t me. It was my way of keeping you out of here. And that’s the only way I have left to love you. My precious daughter. I just wish I could’ve hugged you before you left. I love you always. Every day. Even from here. Love, your mama.’ ”

If Mary Catherine hadn’t felt drained after the prison tour, she definitely felt it now. She folded the letter and handed it to Lexy. “I’m sorry. I wish you and your mama could’ve had this moment together. Away from everyone else.”

Lexy took the letter. “Thank you. For reading it.” She pressed the letter to her chest and looked out the window.
Like she was seeing all the way back to the time when she was six years old. Her kindergarten graduation.

There was no room in the car for music or conversation. Not after that. Mary Catherine sank low in her seat and again Marcus reached out and took her hand. He’d been wonderful all day, attentive to her and Lexy, and always aware whenever the situation felt too intense. He had taken her hand or put his arm around her a number of times today.

She appreciated all of it. Especially now. He ran his thumb along her hand and kept driving. Mary Catherine thought about the woman’s letter, and the miracle it was that the janitor woman had found them before they left. Especially considering it was the only letter her mother had ever written to her.

All her life Mary Catherine had been aware of people less fortunate than her. While her parents dined at the country club, she would go with her youth group friends to serve dinner at the Nashville Rescue Mission. Her parents would vacation at Atlantis in the Bahamas, but when they started taking two or three trips there each year, Mary Catherine opted for mission trips to Africa and Guatemala instead.

Still, never in that time had she thought about this segment of life. The people behind bars. How desperate and defeating to wake up every day in those small cells. And then to know that the extent of your freedom involved the common space on the other side of the cold metal bars.

More than that, Mary Catherine had never thought about the families those prisoners had left behind. Yes, they all had done something to deserve punishment. Crimes against people and society. There was a reason they were in prison.

But what about Lexy? What had she done wrong? Her daddy was dead before her third birthday, and her mom was serving time before she stepped foot in first grade. No wonder the pattern of crime and punishment continued in the inner city. Kids had no one else to follow. Mary Catherine closed her eyes.
Lord, please let this program work for Lexy. I’ll do everything I can—as long as I can. But we can’t do this without Your help.

They dropped Lexy off ten minutes later, and again Mary Catherine hugged her. “We’ll be back to pick you up on Tuesday at six.” She searched Lexy’s eyes. “Okay?”

“Okay.” For the first time since Mary Catherine had met the girl, she didn’t look defiant. She looked lost and broken. The letter from her mother was still clutched tight in her hand. “Maybe someday . . . you can read me the letter again.”

“I’d like that.”

Lexy walked inside without looking back.

“What a day.” Marcus held the car door open for Mary Catherine.

“So hard.” On the way back to her apartment, they didn’t say much. But once more Marcus held her hand. As if there was no way to get through a day like this without physical support. As she showered that night and turned in early, she thought about her heart. Something she hadn’t thought about all day. So what if she didn’t have much time left to make a difference? Her life mattered today. It had mattered for Lexy.

Right now that was enough.