Chasing Rainbows (12 page)

I sighed; feeling tired even though the day was only half over. I noticed his angry expression, taking in the narrowed blue eyes glaring back at me.

"Just let it go," I said, feeling all the fight drain out of me.

"Really, Addie?" He looked at me as if I'd gone over the deep end. "Let it go?"

Brandon had a soft heart, but sometimes, he let his temper get the best of him. He knew what it was like to be bullied, but I'd made my decision. It was my battle. My choice and letting it go was how I was choosing to handle it. I nodded my head, but he smacked the table again shoving his chair back and standing. Oh yeah, he was angry.

"You're sure?" he asked his tone one of disbelief and filled with emotion.

I nodded, unable to speak for the hurt expression reflected on his face. He didn't say anything else but turned and walked away from me.

"Brandon!" Kara called after him, but his irate stride carried him across the cafeteria and out the door. "He'll calm down," she said, trying to reassure me.

"I sure hope so." I would never want to hurt Brandon in a thousand years, but I think I just did.

"He's protective, Addie," Kara stated, and reached across the table and patted my hand with hers.

"I know," I said, understanding Brandon's behavior. Then Kara's phone chose that exact moment to beep and she shot me an apologetic smile before she glanced down at the tiny screen.

I placed my apple back on my tray. Any appetite I'd had now was long gone. I had disappointed Brandon, but he couldn't fight my battles for me. This would pass. And I was sure once Chance had heard about it; he'd have the exact same reaction as Brandon. I wasn't looking forward to that either. It was almost the middle of the day and there had been no call or text from him all morning so I slid my phone free of my back pocket to see if I had any new messages. There were none. Last period, I'd texted him. I was sure I'd have heard something back from him by now. It was after 11:30.

"Quit borrowing trouble," Kara said, and I looked up to find her watching me. She was eyeing my phone. "He'll call. How could he not, Addie? You're gorgeous and kind, and he's the luckiest guy in the whole world."

I shook my head, denying her words and smiled back at her. "You're crazy."

"You're my bestie," she replied, then turned away from me to dig into the tiny multihued purse lying on the table beside her lunch tray. She pulled out a slim silver tube of lipstick and handed it to me. "I promise this will make you feel better."

"No," I said, as I wrinkled my nose trying hard not to laugh. As if a single tube of lipstick could magically fix the mess I was in. Anyway, I wasn't feeling like a goddess or very pink today. My mood was kind of black.

"For me," she begged, wiggling her eyebrows up and down.

I looked into her heavily massacred blue eyes enhanced by the various shades of lavender, pink and lime streaked across her lids, unfazed by her pleas. "You look like a rainbow," I told her, trying to distract her from her mission.

She wore a baggy purple shirt that exposed one of the straps of her neon pink bra. Her finger nails and toe nails were painted in alternating colors to match her eyelids. She laughed at my remark finding it funny and finally, I gave in and found myself smiling back at her.

What could it hurt? I plucked the lipstick from her hand and pulled off the lid twisting the tube until I saw the Goddess emerge.

"Just put it on!" she urged in a sing song voice. "You're gonna make us late for class."

Since I was holding the lipstick I did as she commanded, pressed my lips together to set the color in place and handed her back the tube. I didn't feel any better, but it seemed to make Kara extremely happy. She was studying me intently with sharp eyes.

"Addie, there's usually always a rainbow after a storm. The sun's still shining even though it hides once in a while. It's just a little gray right now."

I stood and pushed my chair under the table at the same time she did. We looked at each and smiled. "Let's get to class, Pollyanna." I told her. Unlike me, Kara had always been one to look on the bright side of things.

When I walked across the cafeteria, I was aware of the sidelong glances and snide stares but with Kara by my side, I wasn't alone. I could handle their crap. I wanted to believe in her words, but my world had been gray for so long I was afraid to even hope for better. Secretly, I feared that the happiness I'd finally found would evaporate like a fleeting mist and disappear just as quickly as a rainbow.

Chapter ten

A
FTER SCHOOL,
I
HEADED STRAIGHT TO MY CAR
without waiting for Kara or Brandon. I just needed to get as far away from there as possible. In the stairwell, Bryce had somehow managed to get behind me and crammed among the masses of bodies trying to get the hell out of building. I'd had no choice but to endure his torment. There were things that he'd said to me. Things that he couldn't have known unless he'd spoken to Chance. I felt betrayed, especially when I sat down in the front seat of my car and slid the phone from my back pocket, finding there were still no messages from him.

I spied Brandon cutting through the parking lot and heading straight for me. Not wanting to deal with him right now, I quickly put my car in reverse, backed up, and pulled out before he reached me. As I got in line with the buses to wait for the light, I glanced in the rearview to make sure I hadn't been followed. No way would I break down in front of him or anyone else.

A tear streaked down my cheek. Angrily, I brushed it away. My chest felt tight. I was so mad it hurt to draw in my next breath. My heart ached. I'd put up with this shit all day long; the snickers, the laughing, the lewd comments and stares and random telephone numbers still being left on my locker door right up until the end of the day. I could handle it. But, what I couldn't handle was the not knowing why Chance hadn't messaged me or called.

Before seventh period, I'd tried to call him and it had gone straight to voice mail. Before I could change my mind or talk myself out of what I was about to do, I'd taken a left at the light and headed into town. Last night, Chance had told me his dad had brought Nate Lucas's grandmother's old house. For the last two years since she had passed away, it had been sitting empty. I'd been there only once, and that had been with Natalie.

Nate's grandmother, Reva had invited my family to a cookout. She'd raised Nate when her daughter had decided she didn't want to be a mom anymore. Nate had been four. He'd never mentioned his dad so I assumed he'd bailed on him too. Reva had wanted to meet with us since Nate was dating Natalie, and they were getting serious. It seemed like a lifetime ago and the image of Natalie and Nate standing in front of that old house smiling at one another as they held hands was still imprinted in my memory.

The two story house sat on the outskirts of town, just on the south side of Crawley. I'd lived here my entire life. Crawley was no more than a speck on a roadmap despite all of its aspirations for greatness. The new highway that came through had turned out to be a bust. It had helped some with the economy, but it was still a small town whose only claim to fame was that one of the bigger automotive industries had set up a small headquarters here.

I paid little attention to the familiar buildings I drove past. I tried to concentrate on the traffic and ignore the voice in my head screaming for me to turn around and go back. I yielded at the light, barely even thinking. My thoughts were of Chance and what I'd planned to say to him whenever I caught up with him.

I took a left, traveling across the steel blue bridge which would take me to Hawk Mountain. I was almost to the turnoff for Chance's house when I saw his black pickup headed my way. I slowed down, and he drove right past me.

What the hell was going on?

In my review mirror, I thought I'd seen him tap his brakes, but then the truck sped on down the mountain. The car behind me blew its horn and I realized, I was holding up traffic so I quickly pulled into the first available driveway and turned around. I was hurt, but most of all, I was pissed.

When I finally caught up with him at the bottom of the mountain, I ended up following him to Eight Balls. It was a local pool hall and tavern where everyone hung out. The black pickup truck had pulled into a spot in front of the building so I turned on my turn signal waiting for the oncoming traffic to pass.

The passenger side door opened just as I cut across the road pulling in beside them. Chase was with him and he was on my side. His eyes briefly met mine. He wore a smirk as he headed past Chance, who was standing at the front of the truck watching me. It was surprising to see the two of them together.

There was a moment of unease when I reached to open my door. I watched as the wind ruffled Chance's coal black hair, and I longed to run my fingers through it. Less than twelve hours earlier, I'd felt the warmth of his skin against mine and now, he acted as if I were nothing more than a stranger; as if I didn't exist.

He gazed back at me with cold eyes, and all I wanted was to see him smile once more. He looked good; too good in his work boots, faded jeans and a T-shirt. A red flannel shirt covered his Three Doors Down tee which was stretched tight across his chest. He hadn't bothered to shave and a day's growth of stubble already darkened the lower half of his face adding to his appeal.

I was scared. My heart hammered in my chest, but this was what I had wanted. This was what I needed. It had been an impulse to seek him out. One I was probably going to regret, but I opened my car door anyway and climbed out preparing myself for the worst. He stood silently watching me, and when I walked toward him, he finally moved. He shoved his hands into his pockets and straightened his shoulders as if he were preparing himself for battle.

"What do you want, Addie?" he demanded; his voice harsh. It was definitely un-welcoming.

My steps faltered. His reaction was not what I'd been expecting, especially not after the night before. A wave of self-consciousness overwhelmed me.

"I was worried about you, "I replied, and took a step forward, bringing myself closer to him. I could smell him. His woodsy outdoor scent made me tingle, and the warmth of his nearness seeped into my skin, leaving me breathless despite the knot that had settled into the pit of my stomach. I just wanted to reach out and touch him. He laughed, but his smile never reached his frosty eyes.

"As you can see, I'm fine." He seemed to be annoyed with me. With a shrug, he started to turn toward the pool hall; dismissing me as if I didn't matter. I laid my hand on his forearm. My fingers gripped the fabric of his shirt, his muscles tensed beneath my touch. He wouldn't look me in the eyes, but he did look down at my hand.

"What's wrong with you?" I asked, feeling angry and confused by his sudden callus behavior. Finally, his eyes lifted to meet mine. It was then, at that exact moment, my heart began to crumble along with whatever hope I had left.

He jerked his arm free from my grasp, and I took a step back and away from him since now, he glared at me through narrowed eyes. "I want you to get in your car and leave."

"No," I argued, I hadn't even realized that I'd said the word out loud until he spoke again.

"What do you mean, Addie? I thought you were a smart girl. Do I have to spell it out for you?" he snarled, taunting me.

He was deliberately being cruel, and I didn't understand why. Tears pooled in my eyes, but I couldn't force myself to walk away no matter how bad he hurt me.

"I guess, you do, Chance," I whispered. I was asking for heartache, but I wanted to hear him say the words. I needed to hear it. Then, just maybe, I could push him out of my heart and out of my head once and for all.

"Whatever this thing that was between us? It's officially over. I can't do this. Do you understand now, Addie? Have I made myself clear?" He sounded so distant and uncaring.

I tried not to cry, but a tear rolled down my cheek. Chance's expression never wavered. It was as if he were made of stone. I couldn't speak, so I did the only thing that was left for me to do. I turned around and walked back to my car. It seemed that my rainbow had finally disappeared.

On the drive to my house, I was trapped in a fog; smothering with the pain of Chance's desertion. It felt unreal. The hurt was crippling. When I pulled into my driveway, I was surprised that I had managed to make it home in one piece. I sat gazing at the empty house. My parents couldn't care less. They hadn't even bothered to call, let alone check up on me. And now Chance didn't care either.

A sob burst from my lips. The air in my lungs seized tight. I just wanted it all to go away. "Please, make it stop," I whispered, clutching the steering wheel so hard that my knuckles turned white. Tears flowed down my cheeks. It was as if a dam had burst. The pain left me feeling empty inside. It was a bottomless pit, and I was drowning in it.

I ran from my car, straight into the house and slammed the front door behind me. I flew up the stairs to my room where I paused in the middle of the floor to stare at the bed that Chance and I had shared the previous night. My hands trembled. My knees were weak so I sank to the floor sobbing and laid my forehead against the coolness of the hardwood. Everything was crumbling in around me. I was crumbling. Maybe, I would turn into dust.

The clock on the nightstand read 5:25. I had to be at work by 6:00. I sat up and wiped my face with my hands and pulled the phone from my back pocket then took a deep breath and dialed the number for Fred's. My nose was stopped up, and I prayed my voice didn't tremble when Fred heard the lie about my reason for not coming into work. If I didn't go in tonight, I wouldn't have to work until Sunday which was my next scheduled shift.

On the fourth ring, Fred picked up, and I gave him the old "I don't feel well excuse" and apologized that I wouldn't be able to make it. He took it all in stride and told me not to worry and for me to get some rest, which made me feel guilty. He would call his niece, he said. She'd be glad to fill in for me. When I hung up, I stretched out onto the floor and looked up at the ceiling. The wood was hard against my back, but I didn't move. I didn't care. I enjoyed the pain. At least, I felt something.