Chasing Jillian: A Love and Football Novel (14 page)

Chapter Sixteen

J
ILLIAN WALKED THROUGH
the front door of her apartment twenty minutes later, dumped her purse on the little built-in desk in her kitchen, and kicked off her shoes. At least the drive home wasn’t bad. Her stomach was still churning and painful from her encounter with Seth. Maybe she should try eating something to make herself feel better.

The only thing that usually helped when she was this upset was chocolate. Of course she’d tossed it all. She didn’t think she needed the candy bars anymore. Well, she needed one now. Or fifty of them. Whatever worked.

She had a bad feeling that she could eat her way through the entire contents of the candy aisle at the grocery store, and all she’d be when it was over was ill. She’d told herself a thousand times already that Seth was going to break her heart, and sure enough, he had. He was sorry he’d kissed her. Sorry! The tears rose in her eyes again. She stifled a sob. Why did she think she could interest a man so many other women wanted? Why didn’t she set her sights on meeting someone attainable, someone who cared for her in return?

She realized that they’d said they were “friends,” and she should have been content with that definition, but she wasn’t. She should have had the courage to tell him that. She’d run out of his bedroom last night like it was on fire. And it was stupid to get emotionally or physically involved with someone who insisted he was just a friend. She was as much to blame for this mess as she currently thought Seth was, but right now, she didn’t feel like being rational, calm, and mature. She wanted to stuff her face with chocolate, watch TV, and blame everything on him.

CB wound around Jillian’s ankles and tried to grab her toes as she stormed into her bedroom.

“No, kitty. Stop it.”

She heard CB’s
prrt
as the kitten tried to grab the sleeve of the brand-new sweater she pulled off. She needed to go to her happy place for a few hours, which meant she was going back to bed in her softest flannel nightgown and huge socks, propping herself up in a cocoon of pillows, and watching anything on her laptop that might make her feel better. CB could play with Jillian’s toes to her heart’s content when they were covered with several blankets and a comforter.

She grabbed her laptop and phone as she scrambled into bed. CB scampered over her legs to cuddle against her. She pulled the pillows on her bed into a formation that she could sit up against while she stroked her kitten’s fur.

“He kissed me, kitty. He finally kissed me, and then he said he didn’t mean it.”

She couldn’t help it. The hot tears overflowed. She knew the best thing she could do was get good and pissed off. She deserved better. She could tell Seth to go perform an anatomically impossible act on himself (like she’d ever said that to another person before in her life) and concentrate on other things that made her happy instead. All she had to do was find a few.

Actually, that wasn’t accurate. She had interests and goals for the future before she met Seth. Maybe she needed to stick to her guns, ignore the hell out of him, and concentrate on her own life again. She was making progress on the “Couch to 5K” instructions she’d downloaded a couple of weeks ago. She was walking twice a day and thrilled to notice more changes as a result. She had plenty to do at the office in the next few weeks before the Sharks’ season-ticket holders’ 5K too. She could sign up for more volunteer hours at Treehouse when she wasn’t babysitting John and his buddies in the Sharks’ suite. She could get a makeover. She’d also love to spend more time hanging out with Kari.

She glanced over at the clock on her nightstand. Kari would be trying to get the baby down for his nap right now. This would give Jillian some time to quit crying and pull herself together. She could call Kari and ask if she wanted to get a coffee or something when the baby woke up.

CB scrambled up Jillian’s front to lick her cheek with her scratchy little tongue. It hurt, but Jillian gave the kitty a kiss on her pink nose. “Thanks, kitty.” CB purred a bit more and gave her a head-butt. “Maybe we should watch a movie or something. Want to watch
Must Love Dogs
with me? We can cuddle.” CB seemed to think this was a fine idea. She curled up against Jillian.

She and her kitty had a date. To hell with Seth.

F
OR THE SECOND
time in less than a week, Seth had said something idiotic to a woman and was again in the position of figuring out how in the hell he was going to fix it. He wasn’t even counting the incident with Lauren at the dinner table the other night over the bench for Liam. She was his sister. She expected him to say some dumb-ass thing that she’d freak out over on the regular.

After spending another night tossing and turning, it was evident he needed to get his shit together. What was wrong with him? He knew that he wanted a lot more than being friends with Jillian, but he wasn’t sure about her feelings. She didn’t seem to get at all that he’d kissed her because he wanted to, and he’d wanted to for a long time now. Then again, he wanted to save face if his advances weren’t what she wanted, and he’d told her he was “sorry” for kissing her, which was probably the worst thing he could have said to her.

She was shy around men. He’d earned her trust and her friendship a little at a time, and he wondered what he was going to have to do to get it back again. He should have been honest. He had nobody to blame for all of this but himself.

He couldn’t believe he was actually afraid to declare how he felt, once and for all, and find out if she felt that way about him too. He’d never worried about whether or not any woman wanted him—he’d make his move, she’d indicate interest in return, and that was that. He was having a tough time reading Jillian. She didn’t shrink from him when he tried to hold her hand, and she didn’t tell him she was too busy to spend time with him. She wouldn’t have freaked out so much if she didn’t care at all. If she wasn’t interested, she would have made an effort to meet someone else or taken up Kade Harrison on it when he’d asked her out. Then again, Jillian had no problem making it clear to Harrison that she really wasn’t interested.

If there was anything he could attribute to his momentary lapse of balls, it was the fact he could walk away from the women he’d been involved with previously. No harm, no foul. The relationship would run its course, both parties would meet someone new, and he didn’t have to deal with his broken heart. It wasn’t enough that he wanted Jillian physically. He’d fallen hard for her sweet, sassy personality, her sense of humor, and her gentle, compassionate heart. She was his friend first. Physical involvement was the next logical step, but he wondered what would happen if and when they decided they didn’t want to be lovers anymore.

He didn’t want anyone to have the power to hurt him that way. He didn’t want to be vulnerable, wear his heart on his sleeve, or any of that crap. He didn’t want to surrender his heart to her, but he knew she wouldn’t accept anything less.

She would give her heart to him. What if he broke it?

He could muse on the problem all day, but it might help if he focused on what was happening at the moment: He was getting his ass kicked by his teammates at practice. The coach was all over him like white on rice too.

“Taylor, where the hell are you today?” he shouted after Seth missed tackling one of the running backs.

“Sorry,” Seth said.

“Do it right next time,” the coach called out to him.

The center snapped the ball, Tom Reed dropped back to pass, and Seth busted through the offensive line with a perfectly executed spin move to give Reed a hard shove before he could get the ball off.

“That’s what I’m talkin’ about,” Derrick Collins shouted.

“Much better,” the coach told him.

“Thanks.”

Reed raised an eyebrow. “Do that on Sunday.”

“Fuck, yeah,” Seth said.

He managed to focus for the twenty minutes or so left in practice, and he trotted off to the locker room to shower and dress before another of the interminable meetings he had with his coaches during the season. Today’s excitement consisted of watching film of Sunday’s opponent. He’d have to get some black coffee and something to munch on so he wouldn’t fall asleep.

He grabbed the notebook and a pencil he kept in his locker for the film watching. It always helped to chart the offensive plays of opponents on paper; he and his teammates looked for tendencies and obvious “tells,” like the dumb-ass QB from Dallas who glanced at the receiver he was about to pass to. Every. Damn. Time. It would be nice to get paid seventy million bucks over five years for fucking up, but no amount of money could compensate Seth for being the butt of league-wide jokes like that guy was.

He found the film room, grabbed the coffee and a bag of sunflower seeds, and sat down. Jillian probably felt better by now, but he wanted to check in with her. Most of his teammates were still in the locker room so he had a couple of minutes. He grabbed his phone out of his pocket, clicked the notifications to “Vibrate,” and tapped out a text to her.

HOPE YOU’RE FEELING BETTER. DO YOU NEED ANYTHING?

He hit “Send” and settled back in his chair. Maybe he should call her later. Just to see how she was feeling, of course.

J
ILLIAN MEANT TO
watch a movie, but the soothing alpha waves of a contented, sleeping kitty made her fall asleep too. She awoke to midafternoon sunlight and a chime from her phone. It might be Kari. She scrabbled around in the blankets for it while CB yawned, stretched, and burrowed in again.

Seth had sent her a text. She stared at it for a few minutes. He wanted to know if there was anything she needed. She needed a lot of things, none of which were available in a store. She closed her eyes and let out a groan. CB poked her head out of the blankets and gave her a quizzical look.

“It’s okay, kitty. I’m fine.”

Her phone rang seconds later. She clicked “Talk” when she noted it was Kari’s number.

“How’s your day?” her friend said. “Did you have fun last night?”

“Kari, it’s awful. I’m at home right now.”

“Did you take the day off?”

“No. I had an argument with Seth this morning and called in sick.”

“Are you really sick?”

“My heart’s broken. It’s not contagious.”

“Marcus is taking a nap, and his daddy is home today. I’ll be over as soon as I can put my shoes on,” Kari said. “See you in a few minutes.”

Jillian scrambled out of bed, still clutching her phone. She knew she needed to answer Seth’s text, or he’d show up at her front door.

I’M FINE. THANKS FOR ASKING, she texted him. “Butthead,” she said aloud.

S
ETH FROWNED AT
his phone screen. One of the things he’d learned from multiple women over the years was that the word “fine” meant the woman in question was anything but. The defensive coordinator was giving everyone a fifteen-minute break to hit the toilet and stretch their legs before more film study. He got up from his chair and wandered into the corridor.

Drew McCoy was leaning against the wall and scrolling through the messages on his phone. “What’s up, Taylor?”

“Not a lot.”

Drew glanced over at him. “John’s assistant, Jillian, is out sick today. Her e-mail is set to a vacation message. Wasn’t she at the after-party last night?”

“Yeah. I don’t know what’s wrong.” Seth pretended great interest in his phone’s screen.

“Wasn’t she with you?”

Seth gave him a quick head shake and shrugged one shoulder. “She drove me home.”

Drew narrowed his eyes a bit. “ ‘Drove you home’? That’s interesting.”

“I was shit-faced.”

“No, you weren’t. You had a grand total of two beers. What the hell is going on between you and Jillian anyway?”

“Were you keeping track of my alcohol consumption last night? That’s fuckin’ weird, McCoy.”

“No, it’s not. My wife pointed out to me that she’d seen you drink two beers in almost three hours, but you had to be led out by Jillian.” Drew locked his eyes on Seth’s. “Maybe I should get Collins over here and ask you some more questions.”

“Why is any of this your business?”

Drew McCoy straightened to his full height and slid his phone back into his pocket. “Are you screwing around with her, or do you care about her?”

“We’re friends. That’s it.”

Drew shook his head. “Then you’re a fool.” He walked away from Seth and headed into the film room again.

Seth made a pit stop and went back to the film room. There was one more phone call he should probably make before they all started up again, but he needed a little privacy to do so. He really didn’t need to discuss this kind of shit in front of twenty-three teammates.

The twenty-three teammates were facing the doorway when he walked through it.

“McCoy says you’re not dating Jillian.”

“She’s a nice lady,” one of the rookies chimed in. “I’d sure like to take her out.”

“High school girls are more your speed, rook. Shut up and let us handle this,” Derrick Collins snapped.

The four members of the Sharks’ feared secondary moved closer to Seth.

“You spend all your free time with her these days, according to McCoy and Collins,” Terrell said. “Shit or get off the pot, man. It’s not fair to her.”

“What the hell?” Seth said. “Why is this any of your business at all?”

Kade Harrison’s voice rang out from the front of the room. “I’m asking her out again the next time I see her. She’ll go with me, dickhead.”

“No, she won’t,” Seth said as he lunged at Kade. Four guys held him back as he tried to get anywhere near Kade.

“Aww, fuck,” Derrick said as he tried to sit Seth down in a chair. “Calm down, Taylor. And hey, Harrison, you’re a real asshole. You know that?”

Kade Harrison raised his eyebrows and grinned at the men still struggling to keep Seth away from him. “That’s right. But I have the balls to go after what I want.”

“You don’t want her,” Jasha snapped. “You flirt with her because it pisses Taylor off.”

“She’ll want me, though. Funny how that works,” Kade taunted.

The noise level in the room went up exponentially as every other guy there told Harrison exactly what they thought of him. The defensive coordinator came through the doorway at a run. “Harrison. Taylor. Out in the hallway.
Now
.”