Charlotte's Tangled Web: L.B. Pavlov (38 page)

I couldn’t believe that the summer had gone by so quickly. I basically spent my summer running, eating, and crying myself to sleep at night. The nights had not gotten any easier. That was the only part of my day that I had time to think about things. I still missed Daniel so much, and my heart did not ache any less than the day that it was broken. The good news was that during the day I was training so hard that I didn’t have time to think about it. I was eating better and only drinking one of the weight-gain drinks a day now. I felt physically strong. Emotionally, I was shaky at best.

My running was better than ever, and I couldn’t wait for the season to start. I loved all the girls on my team. They were so sweet and always invited me along when they went out, which I rarely agreed to, but I had gone once or twice. Unfortunately, every time I went with them, Nick Stevens was there as well. He had not lightened up on his pursuit at all. I was resigned to the fact that he actually liked me because I didn’t like him, and he wasn’t used to that. He had asked me out every single day at practice since the day that I met him. It had just become a routine for us now. He would ask, I would decline, and everyone would laugh.

I was here to run, not to meet a charming boy. I had already had one of those, and that didn’t work out so great for me. Coach Little was really pleased with my running, and he was happy that I had put some weight back on. He asked me again the previous week if my heart had mended a little bit yet, and I informed him that it had not and that I didn’t think that it ever would. Coach Little was like a dad and a coach wrapped into one. He really cared about us, and he took the time to make sure that we were OK. He was far more caring than my own father had been.

My dad continued to e-mail me every couple of days and let me know what races he would be attending. I told him that I would be with my team, and we traveled as a team together, so I wouldn’t be able to really see him there. I think he was fine with not seeing me. He just wanted to see if I was running well.

Eric and Jack had come to see me over the weekend, and I had such a great time with them. They loved California, and I was able to take them all around and show them some of my favorite places. James was just getting back from Europe, and he needed to get settled at school. Eric asked me if I had talked to Daniel, and I let him know that I didn’t speak to Daniel, and I didn’t want to speak about him either.

He and Jack had given each other a look, but I refused to inquire. It wasn’t something I could talk about. I was finally making it through the day without crying. I reserved all my tears for my lonely, torturous nights when I slept hugging a framed photo of someone who didn’t love me and listening to his voice. I slept with a charm bracelet and a promise ring—or rather, a broken-promise ring—under my pillow. This was actually progress, I thought, laughing to myself.

Kathleen and Steph had also come out in July, and we had such a fun girls’ weekend. They met all of my teammates, and Nick was relentlessly asking them why I refused to go out with him. Steph thought I should give him a chance, and Kathleen snapped at her about it being too soon. They both asked what had happened between Daniel and me because they said they had never seen two people more in love. This caused me to burst into inconsolable, hysterical tears, and they both apologized for bringing it up. I couldn’t talk about it with anyone. The only person whom I could ever have shared this with was the person who had broken my heart. I wasn’t comfortable talking to anyone else. I never had been.

Lenora and I e-mailed every single day. I looked forward to her funny e-mails about how boring it was at the house without me. She had moved in with Carl and was just at our house during the day now. She prepared all of my father’s meals and took care of the house. She was still looking forward to Thanksgiving because she and I would be cooking together and spending time together. I told her that I was looking forward to it as well.

Grace had sent me two large care packages. I cried both times when I opened them. She had sent me my favorite snacks, lots of magazines, pretty nail polishes and lipgloss, and my favorite lavender lotion. She enclosed a sweet card in both packages saying how much they all missed me. I wondered why she would write that. Did she mean she and Tom missed me or maybe Preston and Devon too? Certainly not all of the Hollingsworths missed me. I couldn’t call her. I just couldn’t hear her voice and not cry. I wondered if I ever would be able to hear her voice without crying. I sent her cards and e-mails and let her know how the summer was going. I missed her so much. She asked if she could see me when I came home for Thanksgiving, and I told her that I would like that. But secretly I was nervous about seeing her and not getting too emotional, but I would try. I loved her, so I had to try. I couldn’t cut her out of my life because my heart was broken. That wasn’t fair to her.

We finished up our last Friday practice before school started on Monday. I was happy school would be starting because that would be even more of a distraction for me. Amelia, our team captain, announced that we would all be going out for Mexican food tonight to celebrate our summer training coming to an end.

Everyone was in agreement, and then she turned to me. “And that means you too, freshman!” She added, laughing, “We will keep Nick away from you, OK?”

“Oh, OK, sure,” I said nervously.

Misty squealed with excitement because I had agreed to go out with them. Obviously I was a bit of a bore for a roommate. I took a nice, long siesta that afternoon, and when I woke up I took a quick shower. I wondered what to wear to a team celebration, and I decided on my black, linen pants and a spaghetti-strap, blousy top and sandals. I straightened my hair for the first time in months. I walked out and sat on the couch to wait for Misty.

I heard her and Todd in her room giggling and laughing, and my heart was filled with envy. I looked down at my iPhone, and I had some updates. There was an update on Notre Dame news blinking. I clicked on it.

It was a short paragraph on the new quarterback who would be leading the team this year named Daniel Hollingsworth. I froze when I read his name. There was a photo of him sitting in the weight room after a workout, and he looked incredible. My entire body tingled at the sight of him. He was beautiful. He looked more muscular and ripped in the arms, and I assumed they had him working out pretty hard. The article asked him a few questions about his summer training, his family connection to the football program, and his hopes for the season. He was humble, of course, saying how he would work hard and give it everything he had. He gave all the credit to his teammates. That was how Daniel was, and I loved him even more as I read the article.

Then I got to the end of the interview, and the female reporter asked, “All the girls here at Notre Dame are dying to know if Daniel Hollingsworth is single.”

He responded, “Nope! I have a girlfriend whom I love very much.”

I felt as if all the blood slowly drained from my body. I ran into the bathroom and shut the door. I was hyperventilating. Oh my gosh. He loved her? Daniel was in love with Crystal Bryant? How was that possible? I leaned my back up against the bathroom wall, and I slid down it to the floor. I started to cry. This was just not what I was expecting, at least not so soon. I crawled over to get toilet paper to wipe my face.

Misty knocked on the door. “You ready, Charlie? Is everything OK?” she asked softly.

“Oh yes, I’ll be right out,” I said shakily.

I turned the water on so that she wouldn’t hear me trying to stop my crying. OK, Charlotte, pull it together, I thought. I reminded myself of the saying “that which doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” And then I looked in the mirror and tried to apply a little makeup to hide my puffy face. But what if this does kill me, I wondered. Could you die from a broken heart? Did God think I was stronger than I really was? Well, I could be the case study because I didn’t think anyone’s heart could hurt as much as mine did.

I opened the door, and there they were, Misty and Todd, the cutest couple I had ever seen. He adored her, and she was beaming.

“OK, let’s go whoop it up, guys!” Misty said excitedly. “You look awfully cute tonight, Charlie!” she said sweetly.

“Oh, thank you. You look very pretty!” I said, looking at her.

I couldn’t shake the sick feeling that I had. I couldn’t believe that damn reporter had to ask him that. Daniel had a girlfriend, and he was proud to announce it. My gosh, he was the one who set my phone up to receive the news updates. Didn’t he care how it would make me feel? What had happened to him? I thought I knew him as well as I knew myself. How could I have been so off-base with him? I needed to push that feeling away. I could cry it out as soon as I got back to my room. But at that moment I needed to suck it up and be part of a team that had welcomed me in and been nothing but supportive.

We pulled up to the restaurant, and there was Nick, standing in the parking lot. Please tell me he isn’t waiting for me out here, I silently pleaded. He saw Misty’s car, and he ran over.

“Oh my gosh, Charlie, he is waiting out here for you,” Misty said, giggling.

“Oh no. Please don’t leave me with him, Misty, please,” I begged.

She turned around to face me where I was sitting in the back seat. “Charlie, take a breath. I won’t leave you, OK? He just likes you, and he is pretty cute. But if you don’t want to be alone with him, I will be your wingman, or is that wing lady?” she said, giggling at her own joke.

Todd turned around to face me as well. “Charlie, if he makes you uncomfortable, you just let me know, OK?” he said sweetly.

We stepped out of the car. Nick had opened my door. Ohhhhhh, why won’t he give up, I thought! I felt my blood boiling. I was dealing with the fact that Daniel had a girlfriend that he happened to already love, and then this guy wanted to be my knight in shining armor?

“Hey, freshy!” he said excitedly. “Happy to see that you came out tonight!”

He went to grab my hand, and I felt my whole body tense up. I yanked my hand away harshly. “Please don’t do that,” I said sternly.

“Oh, I’m sorry, Charlie. I didn’t mean anything by it,” he said apologetically.

I could tell that I had hurt his feelings, and I felt bad about it. He was a nice guy, and he hadn’t done anything but try to be friendly. Any normal person would be excited by his attention, but I wasn’t normal. I was a mess—a brokenhearted mess. I didn’t like him trying to hold my hand, and I didn’t want him to try to date me.

We went inside, and everyone was at a long table. Of course there were four seats at the end of the table for the four of us. Unbelievable. It was like I was on a double date. I was nauseated. I was going to have to drink a weight-gain drink because I had just lost my appetite.

“Hey, freshy!” a bunch of people shouted as I walked in.

I wondered what they were going to call me next year when I was a sophomore. Hopefully this name didn’t stick, I thought, laughing to myself. Everyone was talking, and it was very loud.

Nick turned toward me and said, “Listen, Charlie, I didn’t mean to upset you. I’m really sorry for trying to hold your hand. I just like you.” He was being humble, and it was so loud that no one could hear us.

He really was quite a vision, but I just wasn’t interested. He was very handsome, with big, blue eyes. I could tell that he felt really bad, and maybe it was time I talked to him instead of ignoring him.

“It’s OK, I should probably tell you something so that you will understand where I’m coming from,” I said quietly.

He looked at me intensely. “OK, please do,” he said eagerly.

“I kind of thought you were joking around in the beginning, and that this would just kind of blow over until you moved on to the next girl, but you haven’t done that. Um, I have, I mean, I had a boyfriend back home. And I love him so much. And I’m not over him in any way, shape, or form. And, um, to be honest with you, Nick, I don’t think I ever will be. So I don’t mean to be mean, but the truth is, I gave my heart away a long time ago, and I’m never going to get it back.” I looked up at him to see his reaction.

His eyes were glossy. What the hell was happening now? He was tearing up because I had a broken heart?

“Charlie, I’m really glad you told me. I feel bad for you. I’m really sorry you got your heart broken. Thanks for telling me. I will stop pushing, OK?” he said sweetly.

He was a genuinely nice guy. “Thank you so much,” I said, relieved.

“But now we can just be friends. I like you. I think you’re sweet, and you kick ass on the track! There’s no reason we can’t be friends, is there?” he asked hopefully.

“No, that sounds good,” I said.

The rest of the dinner was actually a lot of fun. I laughed at all of their funny stories. They joked about things that happened when they were traveling to races and how Connor had forgotten his racing flats when they traveled to nationals last year, and Coach Little had to run out and buy him new ones.

Connor threw his hands in the air. “I was a freshman,” and then he looked over at me, “no offense, freshy!” and everyone laughed.

For a few hours, I forgot about the devastating news I had read right before dinner. Of course I knew that I would be revisiting it all when I went to sleep that night, and the tears would be waiting for me when my head hit the pillow.

I survived the weekend. I cried myself to sleep on Friday and Saturday nights, and my head was pounding most of the weekend. I went for a long run by myself on Saturday because Misty was taking the day off. I needed to run. On my second mile, I heard someone calling my name, and I turned around. It was Nick. He was also on a run.

“Hey, freshy,” he said. “How far are you going?” he asked, running up next to me.

“I’m going to do ten, and I’m just starting mile three,” I said.

“OK good, do you mind if I join you? Just as a friend, of course,” he said, laughing.

“Sure,” I said.

Nick went on to tell me that he was from New York, and he had been the New York boys state cross-country champ all four years in high school. I had to pry to get it out of him, so he was very humble about it. He was the oldest of three kids and had two younger sisters whom he seemed to adore. He was the only runner in the family, but his family was very supportive, and they would be at a few of the races this season.