Charlie Joe Jackson's Guide to Planet Girl (4 page)

Mr. Radonski, by the way, is the gym teacher. He makes marine drill sergeants look like yoga instructors.

“This will only take a minute,” Hannah said.

She seemed kind of upset. I weighed my options: Risk the wrath of Radonski, or leave the one-and-only Hannah Spivero standing there, looking sad.

I decided to take my chances.

“What's up?”

“It's about Jake.”

I should have known! Of course it was about Jake! The whole school was counting on me to solve their boy-girl problems, so why should Hannah be any different? Especially since Jake was one of my best friends, and she probably figured I could offer extra insight.

I sighed, extra loudly. “What about him?”

“I think he likes someone else,” Hannah said. Then she started to cry.

I stopped sighing immediately.
Whoa
. This was big. This was potentially life-changing. For everyone involved.

“That's impossible,” I said. “Jake is like completely crazy about you.”
A feeling I'm familiar with
, I could have added, but didn't.

Hannah shook her head. “I thought so, too,” she said, sniffling. “But that was before this morning. I was waiting outside his math class, like I always do, but he didn't come out. I figured maybe he was talking with Mr. Westfall, talking about some incredibly complicated theorem or something, you know, since he's such a math genius. But then Mr. Westfall came out, too, and Jake was still in there. So I went inside, and he was sitting at his desk, writing something. He was concentrating so hard he didn't even see me coming. So I went up to him and said, ‘Hi.' He looked shocked and quickly put away what he was writing, but before he did, I could see a little bit of what he wrote.”

“What did it say?”

Hannah blew her nose.

“‘
I know you're worried about Hannah, but please don't be. I love you
.'”

Oooooof
. That was bad.

“Huh,” I said, trying to sound casual. “Did you ask him what it was?”

Hannah choked out a laugh. “Are you kidding? I said I had to go, and I ran out of there. I didn't want him to see me totally lose it.” She wiped her eyes and looked at her phone. “I'm sorry, Charlie Joe. I just thought … you know, since you're so good about this kind of stuff … you might have an idea about what I should do.”

Now, call me crazy, but I was pretty sure there wasn't anything in
A Communication Guide for Boys and Girls
about what to say to the girl that you've had a crush on for most of your life when she tells you that her boyfriend likes someone else. No wait—make that
loves
someone else.

So I did what anyone in my situation would have done.

I stalled.

“Um … well, let me at least talk to Jake about it … I'm sure there's a perfectly reasonable explanation … um … you're like the greatest person in the world and so there's no way that Jake doesn't like you anymore … that's crazy … you're like the most awesome person in the world—”

I stopped talking because I felt two arms suddenly wrap themselves around me.

They were Hannah's.

“Oh, Charlie Joe,” she said. “You've always been so incredibly sweet to me. I know it's been a little awkward for us over the last few years—”

“That's not true,” I interrupted, even though it totally was.

“Well, either way,” Hannah said. “Thank you for being there for me. I don't know what I'd do without you.”

She was still hugging me—actually, it was more like clinging to me—and I gently patted her on the back. We stayed like that for what seemed like a week, but was probably only about eight seconds. I had no idea what to do. Finally, she pulled away a little bit and looked up at me. Her eyes were wide and a little red. Then she smiled. It was like she was waiting for me to do something. Or, more like, she was giving me
permission
to do something.

And I was pretty sure I knew what that something was.

I thought for a second. If it was ever going to happen, this was probably the one chance I would get. And hey, I didn't have a girlfriend, and her boyfriend was in love with someone else, so why not?

I closed my eyes, and the next thing I knew, I kissed her. I think it might have even lasted like six seconds.

Seven years of waiting, for six seconds of heaven. It was totally worth it!

Until everything else happened.

 

8

About two seconds
into my six-second kiss with Hannah Spivero, I thought I heard the door open. I decided to ignore it.

First mistake.

At the four-second mark, I heard a backpack rustle. Then, at six seconds, an incredibly familiar voice:

“Oh, sorry! I didn't realize anyone was in here.”

I turned my head and saw her.

Katie Friedman.

She looked—well, what's the word that describes
shock times ten
?

Hannah and I immediately stopped kissing and stared at Katie. She stared back. No one moved.

Finally, Hannah whispered, “I'm really sorry,” and ran out of the room.

That left the two of us. I decided I had to say something.

I went with, “Katie.”

She suddenly looked at the ground. “Charlie Joe, you don't have to say anything. I know how long you've liked Hannah. That's great. Although isn't she still going out with Jake?”

“That's just it,” I mumbled. “He's … um … it's complicated.”

“Well, it's none of my business!” Katie said brightly. “I'm really happy for you! Well, I have to go.”

“Katie, wait.”

But she didn't wait. She bent down to pick up her backpack, and as she stood up, her eyes locked on mine.

“Katie,” I said, for the third time in thirty seconds.

“See you, Charlie Joe.” And she was gone.

As I watched her go, my heart did a weird little somersault. And that was the moment I realized something I'd probably known for a long time but hadn't been able to fully admit—to myself, or anyone else.

The girl I was crazy about wasn't Hannah Spivero after all.

It was Katie Friedman.

 

9

I stood there alone
with my thoughts for about ten more seconds, until I did the only thing that was left to do.

Go to gym.

I was late, of course. Mr. Radonski looked furious. He also looked delighted that he was able to direct that fury at me.

“JACKSON!”

“Yes, Mr. Radonski?”

“This is inexcusable!”

“I know, Mr. Radonski. I'm really sorry.”

“REALLY SORRY DOESN'T CUT IT! DO FOUR LAPS!”

I was actually relieved, because four laps around the gym is a lot better than trying to do the parallel bars, if you ask me.

I was just getting started when I saw Jake out of the corner of my eye. At first I felt a little nervous seeing him, since I'd kissed his girlfriend. Then I remembered he'd broken his girlfriend's heart. He was the one who should be nervous.

“Jake?”

He was staring at the ground, like he was either trying to do a cartwheel or looking for a dropped contact lens. He looked up and squinted, which is when I realized it was the dropped-contact-lens option.

“Oh, hey, Charlie Joe.”

“Run with me for a minute, I want to ask you something.”

“I can't! I'm supposed to be doing cartwheels.”

Wait a second. Was he doing cartwheels or looking for his contact lens? I decided not to care.

“Radonski is way over there. Come on, I have something important to ask you.”

Jake thought for a second, then apparently decided that doing a half-decent cartwheel was a lost cause. He shrugged and started jogging along. We were both out of breath after about eight steps. Pathetic, I know.

“What did you … want to ask me…”

“Well … it's about … Hannah…”

Jake stopped. So I stopped.

“What about her?”

I pulled Jake underneath the rings. We looked up and saw Eliza Collins hanging upside down, her long blond hair dangling so low we could practically touch it. She looked very graceful. Also, very brave. I'm scared of heights so I got a doctor's note that dismissed me from rings. Doctor's notes really work! You should try it sometime.

“What about Hannah?” Jake repeated.

“Um…” I wasn't quite sure how to bring it up. “She … uh … said you were writing some note or something at the end of math today?”

Jake suddenly looked incredibly embarrassed. Wow. So it was true! He really DID like another girl!

“She saw that?”

I nodded. “Yup.”

“Oh, man,” Jake said. “I really didn't want her to see that. She's going to give me such a hard time.”

“Ya think?” I snorted. “That's like, the understatement of the year. What were you thinking?”

“It's not that bad,” Jake said. “A lot of kids do it.”

“No they don't!”

“Well,” Jake said, shaking his head, “then they should. And I'm not going to feel bad just because I did.”

I couldn't believe it. Who
was
this kid? Was he a body snatcher? What happened to the nice, respectful, responsible, in-love-with-Hannah Jake Katz that I knew?

“I can't believe what you're saying,” I said, finally.

Jake turned, his eyes blazing, and whacked me on the shoulder. “Seriously, Charlie Joe? You're going to make
me
feel bad? I know everyone thinks she's a little crazy and obnoxious, and she thinks that Hannah and I are way too young to be boyfriend and girlfriend, but so what! She still deserves a birthday card! She's my mom! And I love her and want to tell her what a great mom she is! SO SUE ME!”

Uh-oh.

I stared in shock. “Your MOM?!”

“Yes! Now just leave me alone!”

As Jake ran off, I thought about the fact that I'd just kissed my friend's girlfriend, and all he'd done was tell his mother he loved her.

I suddenly felt about zero feet tall.

How was I able to give everyone else such great advice but still manage to get myself in a huge mess?

The good news was that Mr. Radonski gave me ten more laps to think about it.

 

10

Hey Katie