Charity Starts at Home (2 page)

After putting on their coats, they met a few people in the hallway who came in to provide security. Quinn would never get used to the men who looked like nightclub bouncers, but the past few years, they’d needed them almost every night. When he was young there were sometimes protests from the people who found they were too far down the line to secure a warm bed for the night, but those protests were rarely violent. These days, every man, woman and child who entered the shelter was searched, and knives and sometimes guns were confiscated and returned to their owners in the morning when they left. That was one reason why they needed the bouncers. Another was the fact that adults with children got precedence over single men or women and especially when it was freezing outside, this was often met with more than verbal abuse. The board that clearly outlined the rules was posted near the door and smudged by graffiti, but Quinn refused to even comment on that particular part of the shelter’s policy. There was only one thing harder than closing the door on a freezing homeless person, and that was when he was accompanied by a dull-eyed five-year-old. Quinn had grown hard over the course of the years, but the children still broke his heart every time.

Quinn gave Haden an encouraging nod before unlocking the heavy front gate. The first man to enter was Karl with his two children. He was a regular, an ex-druggie who’d lost his wife to an overdose and then found the courage to sober up so he could take care of his kids. The kids were in school now and Karl was working odd jobs, but they had yet to find affordable housing. For the last year, Karl had helped out by making sure the families with kids got in first, organizing the line accordingly. He was a big guy, with surprisingly good people skills, and his preparation made for an orderly and swift entrance of the neediest families.

An hour after opening the doors, everyone was eating, the dinner hall packed with people surrounded by all their worldly belongings.

Haden was smiling brightly.

“You’re happy,” Quinn remarked as he handed Haden a bowl of hot soup after sitting down next to him.

“These people are safe for the night,” Haden stated, taking a sip and burning his mouth.

Quinn smiled. “Yeah, they are.”

“As the weather grew worse, I kept reading about the cops finding people frozen in alleyways and such.” Haden sighed, defeated. “When I was walking to work after the first frosty night, people were walking past a young woman on a bench covered in newspapers. She looked all grey and I called an ambulance, but it was too late. She was dead and everyone was just walking past her as if they didn’t even notice.”

“Would you have noticed if you hadn’t worked here this summer?” Quinn asked.

Haden shrugged. “Probably not, although I’d like to think I would.”

“Well, you’ve taken a big step toward helping these people.”

Haden looked at Quinn, doubt in his face. “Tomorrow we let them out again and it’s a lottery whether they’ll have a place to sleep tomorrow night. Nothing ever changes. We’re a drop in the ocean.”

Quinn was surprised at Haden’s defeatist attitude. “We help those we can. For tonight. And tomorrow’s another day. Don’t they teach you that at AA? Take it one step at a time, one day at a time. You never know about tomorrow.”

Haden nodded.

“It’s the same with these people. And things do change. You saw Karl with his kids, right? He’s been sober for over a year now. He’s a good guy. If I had more money, I’d give him a job and a permanent place to stay at the shelter, but I don’t. He knows my hands are tied, but he keeps fighting. He’ll make it one day. In the meantime, Cammie and I are on the lookout for a small apartment for him and his kids.”

Haden stayed around for the cleanup and when all the residents were settled in for the night, he came into the office to say goodbye to Quinn. Quinn couldn’t help thinking Haden looked like a shy schoolboy, but he attributed that to his libido taking over.

“I better go,” Haden announced, playing with his leather gloves as he was about to walk out. “Can I come back again one evening?”

“Sure,” Quinn answered. “We have to discuss your plans for Christmas, after all.”

Haden nodded shyly. “I’ll make some calls and let you know what I come up with.”

*  *  *

Quinn
didn’t hold his breath, especially not after the first week of not hearing anything from Haden. Life went on in never changing circles; morning routine, afternoons off, then evening routine and falling asleep in his small room at the back of the shelter to a soundtrack of the coughs and snores of a large group of people sleeping in a small space.

Two weeks before Christmas, Quinn was in the city after a meeting with the Salvation Army when his cell phone rang. He smiled when he saw Haden’s number pop up.

“Hey! What’s up?” he answered.

“Haden here.”

“Yeah, I know. I have your number,” Quinn answered happily, dashing into the subway and waiting on the bottom step out of the cold wind, hoping he wouldn’t lose his connection.

“Can I come by this evening?”

Quinn was surprised how Haden’s question made his heartbeat quicken. “Of course!” he answered, sounding quite a bit more eager than he wanted to. “You’re always welcome.”

“I have a meeting to go to first, but it’s not far from the shelter so I’ll come around after that. Same time as last week okay for you?”

“Just ring the doorbell,” Quinn replied before he clicked his phone shut. Haden’s words kept ringing through his mind. He was going to a meeting. Would that be an AA meeting? Although Quinn hadn’t gone to one in ages, he knew there was one every day about two blocks away from the shelter. For a long time, he would go there just before returning to the shelter, back when he needed those meetings to make it through the evening. He took in a deep breath and started walking toward his train home. It dawned on him how much stronger he was compared to a year ago, and it made him think about what Haden was going through right now.

*  *  *

By the
time he walked up the stairs from the subway, it was snowing. He had a fair way to walk and his old coat was soaking up the moisture of the melting snow, making him shiver. Since he passed the old church where the AA meeting was going on, he decided to walk inside. They’d just gotten started and Quinn quickly scanned the faces of the men and women in the group before quietly taking a cup of coffee and sitting down at the back. He couldn’t see everyone in the group, but it felt good to be among like-minded people anyway and it didn’t take more than hearing the stories to remind Quinn about the power of these sorts of meetings.

An older woman was talking about her children, how she’d been afraid to call them, but how she was now talking to her son again. When she was finished, someone else got up and Quinn immediately realized the voice sounded familiar.

“Hi, my name is Haden and I’m an alcoholic.”

“Hi, Haden.”

“I’ve been sober for seven months and three days.”

Applause.

Haden sighed deeply as if he was trying to muster the courage. Quinn tried to crane his neck to look at him, but when he realized Haden was facing him, he ducked down again, hoping Haden hadn’t noticed him sitting there.

“I was never the most sociable person. I started drinking in high school when I realized that after a few drinks, I wasn’t so afraid to approach girls anymore.” The crowd chuckled in recognition. “It wasn’t until much later that I discovered I liked guys more than girls.” A few people laughed and Quinn could hear in Haden’s voice he was smiling too. “Then I found out I had an even harder time coming on to guys, so I drank even more. Now that I’m sober, all my anxieties are back with a vengeance.”

Haden paused and Quinn had a hard time keeping a low profile. He wanted to see Haden’s face so badly.

“Just after I stopped drinking, I met a guy I really liked. His world is so different from mine, yet when we talk, we seem to have a lot in common. Back then, I didn’t have the nerve to say anything, let alone make a move toward him. I’m pretty sure he’s gay, so that isn’t the problem. Anyway, we lost touch, but last week I met up with him again at the place where he works.”

Quinn smiled, realizing that Haden was talking about him. About them. He took a large drink of coffee to quell his nerves.

“We can still talk really well, but I don’t know how to proceed from here.”

“So what did you used to do when this happened?” a woman in the center asked.

“I used to have a few drinks and then make myself bump into him. Can’t do that now.”

“You can still bump into him,” she continued.

“The coming face to face with him part isn’t that hard. He’s really open and approachable, but I think he just sees me as a friend. I don’t have the nerve to tell him my feelings go further than that. What do you say?” Haden asked rhetorically. “Hi, I’m Haden; will you come home with me?”

Some people chuckled.

“How would you want him to approach you?” A man’s voice asked.

“I don’t know,” Haden admitted. “If he did, I’d probably run away.”

“So what will you do then?” the first woman asked.

“I don’t know,” Haden repeated. “I know drinking isn’t going to solve my problems, but sometimes I think that if I just have a few drinks, just once, I could find the courage to tell him how I feel. On the other hand, not drinking is more important to me than dating.”

“You’d just fall off the wagon again, dude,” another familiar voice said.

Quinn dared to look up again. He noticed Karl sitting closer to him, elbows resting on his knees and eyes turned toward Haden. His face was caring and understanding and Quinn was kind of happy that Karl and Haden seemed to know each other, at least from meetings like this.

After hearing another story, the gathering broke up after linking hands to say a prayer together. Quinn stayed near the back, leaning against a pillar of the old church when Haden emerged. Unease crept over Haden’s face when he noticed Quinn standing there.

“Quinn,” Haden nodded. “How long have you been here?”

Quinn didn’t need to read Haden’s mind to understand what Haden was afraid of, so he used a little white lie. “Not long. It was snowing pretty badly so I ducked in here to get warm again.”

“You’ve been to a meeting before?” Haden fished.

“Not for at least a year.” Quinn nodded. “I’ve been sober for….” he couldn’t believe he had to think about it, “just over five years now. So I know it isn’t easy.”

Haden nodded shyly and walked to the side to get his coat. “I was coming to see you tonight. I figured you could use some help at the shelter.”

Quinn put his hand on the back of Haden’s shoulder, but drew back when he felt Haden pull away. “I like it when you come in to help me,” Quinn said instead.

A shy smile spread across Haden’s face and all Quinn could think about was how hard it was going to be to show Haden their feelings were mutual.

“Let’s make a run for it,” Quinn suggested. “The sooner we’re home the quicker we can warm up.”

When they walked outside, the snowfall had turned to rain, but it didn’t feel any warmer than before. Quinn raised the collar on his already wet coat and looked at Haden before gesturing he follow him. It was a brisk, two block walk and they were both soaked when they arrived at the heavy gate barring the entrance to the shelter. Quinn rang the bell and tiptoed to stay warm.

“You should really find yourself a warmer coat, Quinn,” Haden said with genuine concern in his voice.

Before Quinn could answer, they heard the bolts and locks being opened and Camille peered out. “Hey Quinny! Haden, nice to see you again.”

Quinn didn’t miss the teasing look on Camille’s face. He just hoped Haden didn’t know her well enough to understand it. “You boys look like you need a good long communal shower to warm up again. Water’s at its hottest right now, you know.” She winked and Quinn shot her a look hoping to stop her teasing.

She winked at him again as she turned on her heels and walked out of the hallway.

“She’s right, you know,” Quinn told Haden. “This is about the only time you can take a nice hot shower. There isn’t a lot of privacy though, so if you want, you can go first and I’ll wait until you’re done.

Haden shrugged. “I’m good. I’m not that wet. You go ahead.”

“Well, if you change your mind, you know where the clean towels are.”

Quinn, used to taking quick showers in between getting home and getting the shelter ready, was nicely lathered up in the farthest cubicle when he heard some unfamiliar sounds. He stuck his head out of the spray of the shower and smiled. Someone was inside the shower area and he was trying to be as quiet as possible. To Quinn’s amusement, he was failing miserably.

At any other moment of the day, Quinn wouldn’t be so at ease, but at this time of the afternoon, Camille was getting ready to start cooking and all the doors were locked. There was nobody else here yet other than her and him, so the other person could only be Haden. Quinn let his hands run over his body to wipe off the suds. The adrenalin was making him hard and he fisted himself a few times to scratch his itch. Underneath the partial partition, Quinn could see the reflection of two manly bare feet in the shiny wet tiles and he decided to ham it up a bit.

“Fuck yeah, mmm,” he murmured. “Feels good, Haden. Touch me right there.”

Standing half under the spray, he could hear Haden move closer. Quinn bit into his hand to stop himself from chuckling too loudly, but he wasn’t sure Haden had heard him say his name. He was going to have to make sure of it. “Oh Haden,” he sighed, rolling his eyes at his own bad acting skills. “Feels so good.”

Haden shifted from one leg to the other on the other side of the partition and Quinn couldn’t hold back any longer. His hands were aching to touch the other man. He didn’t bother turning off the spray and simply rounded the partition, coming face to face with his object of affection. Like he’d expected, Haden was stark naked and to his delight, not only well hung but rock hard too. Haden looked self-conscious and was trying to hide his erection with his hands, but the real surprise came when Quinn’s eyes travelled up and he saw the elaborate dragon tattoos all over Haden’s chest and arms, which had been carefully hidden under long sleeved shirts. The look of utter terror on Haden’s face prevented Quinn from making a comment about them. Instead, he launched himself at Haden’s sinewy body and attacked his mouth with a passionate kiss. Quinn felt Haden melt slowly under his embrace, Haden’s hands hesitantly moving to Quinn’s hips. This was enough incentive for Quinn to grind his erection against Haden’s and he felt more than heard the older man moan into the kiss. This gave Quinn the confidence to grab hold of both of their erections, rubbing them together until Haden was rolling his hips against Quinn’s hot, wet body. His eyes closed, Quinn gave in to the needs of his body until he was so close to coming he didn’t think he could stop it anymore. Just at that point, Haden broke the kiss and threw his head back, bumping it against the thin metal partition. He didn’t flinch, totally giving in to the convulsions wracking his body. Feeling Haden’s hot release stream over his hand was enough to push Quinn over as well and after thrusting hard into his hand a few times more, he clung to Haden, panting hard.