Chaos (Phoenix Undercover #2) (12 page)

Chapter 23

Josh

The days and even the nights began to blur together as we kept hunting for Leo. Now that Frank was behind bars, we were finding the locations where he kept his drugs and the women he tortured, but Leo was still escaping us.

Even Nicolay, Leo’s number-one man who was also an undercover CIA agent, had not seen Leo since the night he and Leo took me. We were worried he too had been compromised. It would appear Leo no longer trusted anyone. Every man we had brought in since Frank’s arrest attested to Leo’s absence. No one had seen him. He had fallen off the grid, and that left one hell of an ache in my gut.

I knew he was out there. Something told me he was well aware of what was going on and was just waiting for the right time to attack.

“Josh, you got a minute?” I looked up to find Burton standing in my doorway.

“Sure.” I motioned him in as I leaned back in the chair at my desk. “Come on in.”

He took the seat on the opposite side of my desk and scanned over the papers on top of it. “I wanted to speak with you regarding the senior agent position.” That gained my full attention. “Agent Andrews and Agent Turk would like to make a decision by the end of the week. With the recent events surrounding Frank, they feel this location needs some stability as soon as possible. In fact, they wanted this handled immediately, but with me being here as the active fill-in, they’ve held off.”

“Are you offering me Frank’s position?” To say I was shocked would be an understatement. I knew they would eventually fill it, but in all honestly I thought they would bring in someone from Washington who had more seniority.

“Yes, Josh, we are. With your credentials and dedication, you’re the best candidate. We all agree,” Burton said without any signs of hesitation.

“I’m honored, truly,” I said, still a little shocked.

“So I take it that’s a yes?” he asked with a huge smile.

“Yes, sir. That’s a firm yes,” I added as we stood at the same time. He reached out, and I shook his hand.

“Congratulations, Josh. We’ll announce it this Friday in our meeting,” he said before turning on his heel and leaving my office.

I had just been promoted. It was something I had been working toward my whole career. I hadn’t expected it to be a possibility for years to come because Frank seemed to be doing such a good job, but it was mine now. Not under the best circumstances, but still it was mine.

***

I’m not saying what I did was right. In fact, I knew it wasn’t, but I couldn’t help it.

I found out Zara had no family. Her father ran off before she was born. Her mother died of a drug overdose when Zara was twelve, and she lived with her grandmother until she was taken. But her grandmother passed shortly after her disappearance. Now she was left with no one.

I felt drawn to her, like I owed her. She’d had so much taken from her, and I just wanted to show her someone out there cared. So every day since we freed the women at Frank’s Staten Island house, I had gone to the hospital to see her. She was usually asleep, but on occasion she would wake up long enough to know I was there.

We talked about the things she had been forced to do. I wished she would talk to a counselor or someone who was trained in these things instead, but she said she only trusted me, and I thought if she could open up to me, she might be able to eventually open up to someone else.

Today when I arrived, I found her sitting up in bed and staring out the window. As I stood in the doorway looking at her, I thought that today she seemed different. Better, even.

As I shut the door, she turned to face me, and a smile covered her mouth. “Hi.”

“You look like you’re feeling better,” I said as I took a step toward her.

“I do, actually. Dr. Franklin said I may be able to leave in a couple days. My ribs are healing, and my results came back clean.” She was referring to the tests they’d run to make sure she didn’t have any sexually transmitted diseases, either from unprotected sex or the dirty needles Frank’s people had used to drug her.

“That’s great news,” I said.

She continued to smile at me, and something about her expression reminded me of the way a woman looked at a man she was interested in. That thought made me feel a little bit sick.

“Listen,” I said after taking a moment to be sure I’d put what I was going to say in the kindest way possible. “I wanted you to know that I think you are a very brave girl.” She flinched when I referred to her as a girl, but I went on. “You’ll get through this, and in the end you’ll be one of the girls that uses your experience to help others. I can see that in you. You’re strong, and I want you to get all the help you can. The staff here is amazing, and the therapists are some of the top in their field—”

“But I like talking to you,” she said, looking suddenly panicked.

“I know, and I’m glad you felt comfortable enough to share what you did with me. But I’ve already gone way above my job duties. I’ve overstepped some clear boundaries, and I need to step back,” I said, remembering Greyson telling me not to interfere. “I wish you the best, Zara, I do, but we can’t be friends.”

“Friends?” she asked. “I thought we were more than—”

“This was nothing more than me wanting to make sure you were okay.” It was my turn to interrupt now. This had gotten out of hand, and I had no one to blame but myself. I let my emotions get in the way, and now it was fucking backfiring just like Grey said it would. “It will never be more than that,” I went on. “I told you that first night that I was involved with someone. We can never be more than an agent and a young girl who got wrapped up in a world of hate. I’m sorry you thought it was more.”

I left the room before she could say anything else, mentally cursing myself with each step. I needed some air. Letting my heart get in the way of my job was one fucked-up thing to do. I had planned to go to Gabby’s, but my mind was now fucked. So I decided to go back to the office instead to lose myself in capturing Leo.

Chapter 24

Gabriella

“Do you want to keep waiting?”

I looked up from my phone to find the nurse staring back at me. I had tried to call Josh four times and texted him multiple times too. Over the last four weeks, he’d become distracted and even irritable investigating every lead. I rarely saw him, and when he was with me, his mind was somewhere else.

I understood it. I did. After everything he was put through, he was consumed with bringing down anyone who threatened his life. But today I couldn’t forgive his behavior so easily. Today he should have been focused on me and our child.

Today was the day we were supposed to find out what we were having. It would have been the first time he was able to see our child, and he was unreachable.

I was both heartbroken and pissed beyond belief. Throughout this entire ordeal, I’d been understanding and forgiving. I had accepted that until Leo was caught, Josh would be gone more often than not. But I refused to allow him to shrug off our child. The looks of sympathy Dr. Bali and the nurse were giving me only made the situation worse. I was about to find out the sex of my child without anyone to share it with. This should have been a happy day, but now I just wanted it to be over.

My chest grew tighter and my tears built with each swoosh of a heartbeat and each word Dr. Bali said. And when he informed me that he was able to get the perfect view to determine the sex of my baby, the tears spilled over.

“Looks like you’re having a boy, Ms. Shannon,” he said as he looked up at me. Mistaking my tears for joy, he smiled brightly.

I
was
happy, but my sadness was outweighing my joy, and I suddenly hated Josh for that. He had known about this appointment for weeks. If he wasn’t able to make it, then he should have told me instead of taking this happy moment from me. Now, as I lay here alone looking at the screen that verified we were having a son, I wondered if he was really all that excited.

***

I was numb as I made my way downtown. If Josh didn’t want to answer my calls, then I would go to his office and he would listen to what I had to say for once. I wouldn’t be giving him a choice not to.

When I entered the lobby, I walked straight for the front desk. I knew I would need security clearance and would most likely have to wait for Josh to come downstairs to get me, but I didn’t give a shit. My anger would not dissipate while being forced to wait; if anything, it would only grow more intense. I had been waiting all morning for him, so what would another fifteen minutes matter?

“Gabby?” I turned around to find Greyson walking toward me, looking concerned. “Are you okay?”

“No.” I shook my head. “I’m not. Can you take me up to see Josh, please?”

He placed his hand on my elbow and led me past the front desk toward the elevators. After he scanned his key card, the doors opened and we stepped inside.

“Gabby, talk to me. You’re making me nervous.” Greyson watched me closely, scanning my face. “Did something happen?”

“It’s not what you’re thinking.” I had told myself I would save my anger for the man that deserved it. But the problem was once I started, I couldn’t stop. “Josh stood me up.”

Grey’s brow wrinkled in confusion.

I took a deep breath. “Our doctor’s appointment was today. The appointment where we found out what we were having. He didn’t show up, he won’t return my calls, and I am fed up with him avoiding me.”

“I’m sure there’s a damn good reason why he didn’t come,” Grey assured me just as the elevator arrived on the floor that held Josh’s office.

Memories of the last time I was here flashed through my mind—visions of how he took me on top of his desk and the other agents graced me with knowing smiles as I exited his office. I should have been embarrassed by the way Josh and I carried on that day, but I was too pissed to care.

“Don’t make excuses for him. You know just as well as I do that he has been ignoring everyone. I get that he has a job to do, Grey, I do. But today was our day. One fucking hour of his time was all I needed.”

I didn’t wait for him to respond before hurrying down the hall. I knew where Josh’s office was. I could hear Greyson approaching, but I only walked faster. I would not waste any more anger on him. My anger was meant for Josh.

I stopped just outside Josh’s open office door when I heard voices inside. The last thing I needed to do was interrupt some meeting.

As I listened, though, I began to feel sick. This wasn’t a conversation I was meant to hear.

“I wanted to apologize.” The voice sounded young. “I understand now that I developed a bond with you. I think it was because when I met you the night at the warehouse, you made me feel safe. Even though we were being forced to perform in front of Leo and his men, you still made me feel like nothing could hurt me.” There was a pause, and I could feel Greyson’s presence behind me.

“Josh, I know you were only doing your job, but I let myself think it was all real. Remembering the way you touched me and kissed me kept me going during the time I was trapped. When someone was using me, I would just allow myself to float back to you and our night together. And then a couple weeks ago when you saved me, those fantasies I had created suddenly felt so real, like you had finally come for me. I know it all seems crazy, but I had to do whatever I could to survive, and thinking of you gave me that.”

“Zara,” Josh said, and I knew that tone. It was the one he used when his heart ached; when he had done something he was having a hard time facing.

The entire thing was surreal, and I hadn’t realized I was crying until I felt the tear drop from my face and hit my arm.

“Gabby, come on.” Grey tried to lead me from the doorway, but I refused to budge.

I stepped into the room and found Josh hugging a young girl close to his chest. It was like someone kicked me in the stomach. But instead of falling into a crying mess on the floor, I stood tall and stepped farther into the room. Of course Greyson followed close behind, and I wished he hadn’t. It was bad enough I had to share this with a complete stranger.

Josh looked up and pushed back from the young girl in his arms. “Gabby,” he said as he stepped around the girl, who was now watching me too. “I was gonna call you back, but I had some things to take care of.”

“I can see that,” I replied with little emotion.

Josh looked up over my shoulder, and I assumed he was making eye contact with Grey, but I refused to turn and be sure. “Can you take Zara to your office and give Gabby and me a few minutes?”

“That won’t be necessary,” I said loud enough for everyone to hear. “I actually just stopped by to give you something.”

Josh stood before me with his hands on his hips as I pulled out the pictures the doctor had given me less than an hour ago. Doing my best to fight back the tears, I held them out before me, and Josh took them from my hands. I saw the moment he recognized what he was holding, and then the realization of what he had missed washed over him. He stepped closer, and a look of defeat covered his beautiful face. “Shit, baby.” He reached out for me, but I stepped back.

“I just thought you should know it’s a boy.” My lower lip trembled, but I bit down to hide it. “Since you had more important things to take care of.”

“Sweetheart, I’m so sorry. I got lost in work and then—” He looked up, and his gaze fell on the girl.

I didn’t need to know anything more about her. I had heard enough. I was so close to falling apart, but I refused to do it in front of any of them.

“I have gone through this entire pregnancy on my own from the beginning. I know that isn’t your fault, but damn it, Josh, you’re here now. Be here!” My voice rose higher than I had intended it to. “What you missed today is something that can never be repeated. You missed a magical moment, and right now I’m so angry and hurt that you didn’t show up, I feel numb.”

“Baby, please. Just let me explain.” He tried to reach out for me again, but I shrugged away.

“There is nothing to explain. You should have been there today. We should have found out together, and nothing—” I pointed at the girl who stood only a few feet away. “—and no one should have stopped you from being there.” I turned around and rushed from the room because I could no longer hold back the tears.

I angrily hit the call button on the elevator as I bit down hard on my lower lip. When you’re in a hurry, an elevator always has ten stops. But god damn it, when you had all the time in the world, the fucker was waiting for you.

“Sweetheart!” Josh’s pained voice caused chills to run through me.

The elevator bell announced the car’s arrival, and the doors slid open. I stepped inside, then turned around to face Josh. He tried to step in after me, but I held up my hand to stop him. “No,” I said. “Don’t follow me. I need some time to think before I decide whether or not I want to talk to you.”

I couldn’t take another moment of his sad eyes. I had a right to be angry, and if I allowed him to step inside this elevator, my anger would fade.

The doors slide closed, and I rested back against the wall as the tears fell. I needed him to understand that missing today broke my heart. And for what? To meet up with one of the girls he was
forced
to do God knows what with when he was undercover?

And then what the girl said truly hit me, and a sick feeling washed over my stomach. What exactly had he done with that girl? And was it before or after he met me?”