Chains of Freedom (51 page)

"I don't hate you, David. Admittedly, you're not my favorite person right now, but I don't hate you. You're doing a good enough job of that all by yourself. Come on, I'll take you to RJ. She's walking the wall again. She usually does these days." Topaz led the way.

"She's up then!" David said in pleased relief.

"If that's what you want to call it," Topaz replied sadly.

Levits saw them from the doorway where he waited for RJ. Before Topaz could stop him, he was on David. "You bastard!" Levits had David by the throat against the wall. "How dare you be alive!"

Topaz pulled Levits off David with an effort and held him. "Calm down, Levits."

Levits struggled in Topaz' arms.

"Don't make me hurt you, Levits."

Finally Levits slumped, his rage spent.

"It's all your fault, you bastard," Levits hissed. "But maybe it is better that you hear it from her. After all, you've hurt her the most."

"Go on," Topaz told David.

David walked out onto the wall. RJ stood at the end of the walk, her back to him. Her hair hung to the middle of her back and blew in the salt breeze. Had it been that long? It had been so long since he'd really looked at her. In the white robe she looked even darker than usual. He wanted to run up and hug her, but knew that wasn't possible anymore.

"I'm not ready to go yet, Levits," she said without turning around.

"It's me, RJ," David said in a low voice.

RJ didn't turn around, but he saw her shoulders stiffen. "You!" She said it as if it were a curse. After a silence that seemed to last forever, she ordered, "Go away, traitor."

"I'm sorry," David said.

Again there was a long silence. Then, to his dismay, she started to laugh. It was an awful sound. "You're sorry," she laughed. "Did you hear that world? David Grant is sorry. Sorry! Oh, now that's rich! You help Jessica destroy me, and you're sorry!" She still wouldn't face him. "Have you seen my lover or my brother? What about Sandra?" Her voice sounded calm, but David felt the rage.

"Not yet," he answered shakily.

"Well, there's a very good reason for that. You see, they're all dead!"

"Oh, my God!"

"Well over half the population of Alsterase is dead. The city is in ruins. Jessica Kirk is happy. She has my chain and my brother's head." As she spoke, she finally turned to face him, and David stepped back in horror. "So, you don't like what they did to my face."

David looked at the ugly red scar that ran down the side of RJ's face, then looked away.

"No, David. Look." She opened her robe, and David saw the ten-inch scar which now marred her once perfect body. She pulled her robe back around her. "A GSH came in the middle of the night. Thanks to your misguided loyalty he knew just where to find us. He killed Sandra, shot Whitey, then he shot me in the head, pulled my heart out of my chest and left me for dead. Levits saved me—Levits and Whitey. You see, Whitey lived just long enough to tell Levits what I am. Maybe it's finally time for you to know what RJ stands for."

"I don't want to know anymore," David whispered, his throat tight.

"Well, I'm going to tell you anyway. I'll start by telling you my full name. R-J-12 . . . Get it, David? It's a series number. I'm a GSH!" she screamed.

David's eyes bulged.

"I'm an unprogrammed, unlimited GSH. A human couldn't have lived. Hell, I shouldn't have. They sent a GSH to kill another GSH, but he wasn't completely successful. He didn't kill my body, just my soul. 'R' is for reject, 'J' for jerking, as in my arm movements. Twelve is my number in the series. Jessica Kirk is one of that twelve. She and I are the last two alive, supposedly. I used to hate being a freak. I used to be ashamed. I thought it made me less human. No more. I have learned a lesson. In fact, I've learned several. The first is that when people love you, they love you no matter who or what you are, or what you do, and the opposite is true for those who hate you. The second is that no matter how superior you are, there is always someone better who is waiting to prove it just as soon as you let your guard down. The third is never to trust anyone completely, because you can never be sure of the people
they
trust. The fourth—never give anyone power that you can use yourself; at least you won't use it
against
yourself. The fifth and most important is that it doesn't matter if your heart is made out of titanium steal alloy, because it can still be broken. Life was so much easier when I cared for no one, and no one cared for me."

She turned her back on him and looked back towards Alsterase."When I had no roots and my only desire was to eat, drink and sleep when necessary, I didn't really care whether we won or not. But in those days, I didn't know the casualties as individuals. This time, I did."

"RJ, I don't know what to say . . ."

"That's because words are meaningless at this point." She looked out at the ocean. "There was a time, David, when I loved you. Not just as a friend, but as a woman loves a man. But you wanted no part of me. Then Sandra loved you, and you treated her like shit. You gave your love and your loyalty to this woman who betrayed us all. Just go away, David. I finally don't love you anymore."

"Well, I
do
love you, RJ. I don't know if I can ever make it up to you. All I can say is that I was an idiot. You were right, and I was wrong . . ."

"That doesn't bring him back. It doesn't bring any of them back. I doesn't take away my scars, fill my empty bed or my empty heart." She laughed bitterly. "Look at you. The word man. Words won't fix this, David.
Nothing
can fix this. I wish you were dead, but I don't have the desire to kill you. I wish I were dead, but I'm not." Her voice broke in sobs. "Go away! Just go away!"

Mickey put David in a room as far away from everyone else as possible. The bed was warm, and he was tired, but he couldn't sleep. He understood Levits' anger at the fact that he was alive when so many were dead. It was all his fault, and yet he'd lived. He wished he hadn't. He couldn't get RJ's face or her words out of his mind. She looked utterly defeated. No light shone from her eyes; instead they were sunk back into her head and dark circles bruised them. She'd lost weight, and she looked weak and unkempt. She just didn't care anymore. The fighting spirit that had driven them all was gone. She was broken, helpless, fragile and afraid.

He sat up slowly, filled with shock and horror. What had RJ said?
Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it
. If RJ had been like this in the beginning, he probably would have returned her love.

Driven to his feet by his thoughts, he started pacing. "Oh, God!" he groaned. He'd got his wish all right; now he didn't want it. He wanted a strong, aggressive and confident RJ. He wanted the RJ who would kill a man with one hand while she drank a beer with the other. This cringing, broken creature wasn't RJ.

"God forgive me, Sandra." If he had stayed with her and returned her love, none of this would have happened. Sandra had needed him, but as a partner, not a protector. That hadn't been enough for him. Now he realized what a treasure he'd thrown away.
Too late. All too late.

He slumped down on the bed, crushed with guilt. Little Kirsty, crying, cringing Kirsty, had toppled mighty RJ with his help. That was biting the hand that fed you with a vengeance. No wonder everyone hated and distrusted him. He hated himself.

But RJ hated him, and that he couldn't handle.

He had to find a way to gain her forgiveness.

He didn't attempt to talk to anyone in the next two weeks. He caught a glimpse of RJ every once in awhile. She never looked any better. Sometimes he watched her walk the wall, aching to help her. But he knew that he was the last person on Earth she wanted to see. He stayed away.

For the first time he was able to sit close enough to overhear a conversation in the mess hall.

"I think she's gone mad."

"Look at her eyes. There's nothing there."

"I don't think she's ever even going to dress."

"They say she won't even comb her hair; Levits does it for her."

"They're having trouble getting her to eat."

"What's going to happen to us now?"

That was a good question. Units called in daily from all across the Zone, but the orders never changed.
Stay put and keep a low profile.

The New Alliance, which had started with two people with the same dream and had grown into a force to be reckoned with, was crumbling. Dying, even as RJ was dying. Not for lack of troops, weapons or supplies. Because of RJ's foresight, the losses in this attack—though large—were far from crippling. No, it was dying because the nerve center was dying.

David got up and went to watch RJ as she walked the wall. He heard Topaz and Levits coming and ducked into a doorway to avoid a confrontation.

"She's not getting any better," Levits said to Topaz. "She's stopped healing. She needs to eat. I can hardly get her to eat enough to sustain herself. She told me the other day that she wants to die. I don't know what to do."

Topaz shook his head and stopped walking.

"Instead of becoming less depressed, she becomes more so," Levits sighed. "Can't you fix Poley?"

"I wish I could, but . . ." Topaz shrugged."Stewart was a bit of a realist. He put the robot's brain and personality chips in the head. Without it there is no Poley, just a simple headless service robot. I hardly think that's going to cheer her up."

"I wish I knew what to do. It's as if that bastard jerked her self-confidence out with her heart, and I don't know how to shove that back in," Levits said.

David didn't wait to hear any more. He now knew where his redemption lay. He now knew what he had to do.

He made his way to the main computer room.

"Marge?"

"Yes, David Grant?"

David sighed with relief. Obviously, no one had thought to reprogram Marge. He still had clearance. "I need you to get me into Capitol."

"Difficult, but not impossible," the computer droned.

David left in the night. No one was likely to miss him, and if they did, they'd just be glad he was gone.

Getting to Capitol was the hard part; it took him a week. But getting in was hardly any problem at all, with Marge's help. He let his beard grow and, with the cast gone, dressed in an Elite uniform, and carrying the proper papers, it was a walk in the park.

Of course, one screw up and he was dead meat, but he didn't plan to screw up.

Jessica and Right returned to Capitol from their meeting with the hated Jago, and went straight to her office.

"Do we have to go straight back to work, Jessy?" Right asked, taking her hand.

"We've been gone for three days," she smiled at him. "Don't worry, Right. The beast has been taken care of, and we'll have lots of time on our hands."

She walked into her office, and instantly flew into a rage. "Where are they?"

Before Right could ask what, Jessica was at her desk. She punched her intercom button.

"Lieutenant! Send Zark in here on the double!"

"What's wrong?" Right asked.

"Look," she pointed to a blank spot on her shelf.

Right looked and nodded. "I wouldn't worry, Jessy," Right reassured her, "he probably just took your trophies because he was angry about being left behind. Remember that, unlike me, he is programmed not to displease you." Right flopped down in a chair.

Zark entered the room and moved towards Jessica as if she were a magnet, and he were steel. She held up her hand, stopping him cold.

"What's wrong?"

"You know what's wrong, Zark, and I don't think it's funny. Where are they?"

Zark's eyes followed her out flung arm to the empty spot on her shelf.

"I didn't take them," he said.

"Zark . . ."

"You know I didn't, Jessy," he said.

Jessica whirled on Right. He noticed the silence and looked up to find both Jessica and Zark giving him suspicious looks.

"Don't look at me," he said in disbelief. "I was with you."

"You could have had someone do it," Zark accused.

"Why?" Right asked.

"Jealousy," Zark suggested.

"As I said, Freak, I was with her."

"Enough!" Jessica screamed. "You two morons may not have done it, but someone did. I want a room-to-room search. I want them found, and I want whoever is responsible killed."

Zark and Right walked from Jessica's office. "Who do you think did it?" Right asked.

"Besides you and I, I don't know anyone who has a motive." Zark looked at Right and smiled. "Whoever it is, they have a stupid sense of humor."