Chained (37 page)

A tear fell down my face as I nodded with a smile. “Of course. I’m so glad you told me. I’m so glad you came all the way down here to tell me.” I frowned. “
How
did you get down here?”

Marcus laughed. “When everything happened and I spoke to Kit, I made sure we could keep in touch. I also went to see my sister for the first time in years. We hadn’t spoken since Beth’s death. It took a lot to walk up to her doorstep and knock on the door. I did it, though, and I’m so glad I did. I apologised to her for the first time in my life and she just accepted me with open arms. I’ve been staying with her ever since. Well, me and Thomas.” He smiled and motioned towards a post. Thomas appeared out of nowhere.

I gasped again. “Thomas, you’ve been hiding all this time?”

He laughed. “I like the element of surprise.”

I chuckled. “Well, you’ve certainly surprised me.”

He came in and gave me a big hug. Once we pulled apart, Marcus sighed. “Well, I guess you three want to head out?”

I sniffled a little, feeling the tears threaten. Thomas winced. “Don’t you dare cry, Olivia. I can’t stand to see a woman cry.”

I laughed through my tears. “I’m sorry, Thomas.”

He saw my expression and tears started in his eyes, too. “Oh, come here.” He motioned to me and I ran in for another hug. “You take care of yourself, Olivia.” I nodded through my tears and pulled away so I could give Marcus a hug.

“You need to think about you now, Olivia. Your time has come.” I nodded at Marcus and smiled.

Thomas nudged Marcus. “We’d better go.” He looked at me. “His sister does a mean cheesecake.” He winked. “Although they’re not as good as your Danish pastries.” He licked his lips, making me laugh.

“Take care of yourselves, won’t you? Maybe you can set up that detective agency we were talking about.”

Marcus laughed. “Well, you never know. I might even do the other thing you suggested and help people who need legal aid, but can’t afford it. You’ve inspired me. I’ve done too much bad in my life. It’s time I did something good.”

I nodded. “Well, you take care. I’ll miss you.”

They both nodded and said, “We’ll miss you, too.”

We all laughed, but the time for laughter was short. It was time for us to go.

With a wave, they left. I was standing there, completely bewildered and flustered.

I finally had some answers. It still filled my head with questions, but at least I knew the kind of evil Zac surrounded himself with. It seemed he had held the strings of not just me, but my parents, too.

Kit pulled me to him. “Are you okay?”

I nodded. “Yes.” I looked across and saw my boat. “Let’s go.”

We walked towards my boat and when Ian saw it, he whistled. “Wow, you really were in the money, Olivia.”

I shrugged. “It was never something I liked to brag about.”

We climbed aboard the Sunseeker forty metre yacht, walking straight into the living room area. It was just how I remembered. Brand new. It had hardly been used at all. It just sat there. I was glad it was finally being put to good use.

Ian went to work, taking off his shirt. It was then I noticed his tattoo. It was the same as Kit’s, but with the number eighty-three on it. “Do all you guys have these tattoos?” I pointed to Ian’s.

Kit nodded. “Yes. It was a sign that we belonged to the agency. We didn’t have names. We were only known as a number.”

I nodded and looked over at Ian. He looked so at ease on this boat. When he caught me staring, he looked at me. “What?” he asked, feigning ignorance. “My dad had a boat when I was a kid. We used to go fishing all the time. Being on one of these is like home.” He looked around. “Well, it wasn’t as big as one of these, but I can certainly get us where we need to go.” He smiled brightly.

“And where
are
we going?” Kit asked.

We all looked at each other and smiled. “Somewhere beginning with a C,” we all said, laughing. I knew the happiness wouldn’t last long, though. At some point, the enormity would catch up with me. I didn’t know when, but I knew it would come. At the moment, I was still in shock. Still carrying on as normal. That was a bad sign for me.

Ian went off to do his thing, making me happy. If he wanted to take control, I would let him. I didn’t know a thing about boats. I suppose I would have to learn.

“What do you have in the bag?”

I placed it down on the table and turned to Kit. “I always liked to plan, just in case. I kind of dreamt that, one day, I would escape from it all. I didn’t know whether it would be like this, but I suppose it’s as good an excuse as any.” I sighed. “Anyway, I packed a few essentials in here like clothes, toiletries, and...” I unzipped the bag and out popped a load of money. Five hundred thousand, to be exact.

“There’s more where that came from, but this is enough to get us through a couple years or so. On the ship itself, James has always maintained a healthy stock. If anything was about to run out, he would use it himself, then replace it at a later date. I think we’ll be good for a few days.”

Kit looked at the money, then at me. I could tell he was struggling with what to say. What do you say to the girl you watch having sex over and over again with another man? It was a conversation I didn’t want to have right now.

Kit hesitated, but came forward. “Olivia, I–”

“I’m going to check on the stock before we head out. Go ahead and make yourself at home.” I walked off quickly. I couldn’t take that conversation right now. I felt sick every time I thought about what happened. No matter the circumstances, it still didn’t take away the fact that I had betrayed him in the worst way. I knew he would probably feel sick touching me. I knew I would if it the situation were reversed.

I went into one of the bedrooms that we used for storage. There were three others, so there was plenty of room for all of us.

I took a look around and saw that everything was there. I went through the list of items and how long everything would last. As I pushed a box out of the way, something fell and I bent down the pick it up.

It was a paintbrush.

As I stood there, tears suddenly pricked my eyes and fell down my cheeks. The memories of Kit and me in my studio came racing to my mind.

I felt a delicate touch on my shoulder and turned around to see Kit staring at me. He was a man of few words, but his eyes said it all. He was worried.

When the sobs started, Kit pulled me into his arms and held me there. I heard the engine starting and the boat pulling away, but all it did was muffle my cries. Kit bent down to carry me into one of the bedrooms, lying me on the bed. He engulfed me in his arms and let me cry for hours. I cried so long and so hard that once I couldn’t cry anymore, my eyes felt droopy and I fell into a deep sleep.

Chapter 26

It was about five weeks before we docked in Anguilla. We had sailed to Cannes, but I decided not to go for the C’s and concentrate on the A’s first. I also wanted to be as far away from my homeland as possible. Anguilla seemed like a good start. It also helped that I had money on this island.

We had just eaten dinner on our first night and were chilling out. Despite my breakdown with Kit, I still remained aloof with him. It wasn’t because I didn’t want to be close. Quite the opposite. I hated turning him away and I hated that I was probably hurting him. I just couldn’t help it.

Ian had been my rock. We were joking with each other and mucking around. I loved having him here. At times, my silent beast would sit in the corner and brood. He would never say anything. Never let me know how he was feeling. He would just let me be me and, at times, I loved him for that. Other times, it frustrated me that he wouldn’t speak up.

“How long do you want to stay here, little princess?” That was Ian’s new nickname for me now.

Laughing, I looked away from Ian and took in our surroundings. It was a beautiful evening with the lights shining. We could hear the faint sounds of laughter as people danced and frolicked on the beach.

“I don’t know. Maybe a little while. I like it here.”

Ian raised his eyebrow. “So no more boat lessons for a while?”

I laughed again, remembering a couple of days ago when I almost tipped the boat over. I think I gave Ian a heart attack. All he shouted was, “
My god, woman. How hard is it to steer a fucking boat
?!”

“No, not for a little while.”

Ian let out a contented sigh. “Thank fuck for that.”

I whacked him across the arm. “Hey!”

The scraping of a chair alerted me to Kit’s swift escape up the stairs. Right then, I didn’t want to joke anymore.

Ian looked over to where he went, then looked back at me. “I think you two need to talk.”

I grimaced. “I know. It’s just... It’s so hard after everything that’s happened.”

Ian nodded, reaching over to take my hand. “I know. I realise you’re hurting, but so is he. Please, go to him and put him out of his misery. I know he loves you. I can see it written all over his face.”

I sighed and closed my eyes. “I know.”

Ian got out of his chair. “I’m going to see what all the fuss is about on the beach. I’ll probably have a couple drinks. You never know. I might just meet the girl of my dreams on this island.” He winked at me and leaned close. “Go talk to him. I’ll be back by morning. I think you two need some alone time.”

He patted my hand and walked from the boat to the dock. I sat there for a while, but couldn’t think of what to say. I knew we had to talk, but the pain was sometimes unbearable. What could I possibly say?

Taking a deep breath, I walked up to where Kit sat at on the sofa chair, staring off into the darkness.

“Hey,” I said, sitting down. He looked at me, smiled, then turned the other way. “Kit, what’s wrong? Talk to me.”

I saw his nostrils flare, then the tears pricked his eyes. “You seem so happy with him. I wish I could make you smile like that. Every time you look at me, all I see is pain.”

I took his hand and almost choked when I saw a tear run down his face. “That’s because you see the real me.”

He shook his head. “No, it’s not that. It’s almost as if you’re pushing me away.”

In my panic, I started mumbling, “I don’t understand what you’re trying to say.”

Kit grit his teeth as another tear ran down his face. I hated seeing him crumbling. I hated seeing his pain.

“You won’t let me near you. When we’re in bed, I’m afraid to touch you. You’re as far away from me as possible, yet we’re together twenty-four/seven.”

I looked away, feeling completely ashamed. “I’m trying.” We both knew that wasn’t true.

“You don’t seem to have to
try
with Ian. You’re relaxed around him, but when you’re around me, you get uptight. It’s almost as if you can’t bear me being around.”

I was trying so hard to hold it together. “It’s different with Ian.”

He turned to me sharply, locking me with those eyes. “How is it different, Olivia? Explain that to me!”

“Because he wasn’t there!” I choked out a sob. “He didn’t see what happened to me that night.
You
did. He didn’t witness the woman he loved having sex over and over again, even though she hated every minute of it.
You
did. He didn’t have to witness my sobs when my heart broke in two at the thought of what I’d done to you.” I choked again and tried to catch my breath. Kit was in tears by now as we both finally unleashed our anguish.

“When I look at you, Kit, I see a man who loves me, despite the fact he must be disgusted by even the thought of me. You have to be disgusted by me, Kit. How could you even bear to be in the same room as me after what happened?”

He grabbed my wrists and held my eyes with his. “It wasn’t your fault. He forced you, Olivia. He made you watch what happened to me, then he forced you.” Kit looked away in shame, but he was faultless. I was the one to blame in all this. I was the one after revenge and got us both in that mess. Not him. Me.

As I saw his pain, I gripped my eyes shut and shook my head. “How can you bear to touch me, Kit? How can you bear to even look at me?”

He shook me. “Olivia, look at me. Look. At. Me!” I snapped my eyes open to see the broken look on his face. “You were made prisoner in his home. You were drugged, forced to do things against your will, and made to be his slave. None of that is your fault. He was the one who was at fault. It’s all him. No way will I allow you to take the blame for that.” I tried looking away, but he shook me. “Olivia, you were the victim.”

He searched deep into my eyes, willing me to take it all in. Willing me to make sense of it all.

“When I look at you, all I see is the woman I fell in love with. The one who’s hurting and in terrible pain. The one who is shutting me out, not allowing me to take on the pain with her. Do you have any idea what these last five weeks have been like, knowing you’re hurting and not being able to comfort you? I have been desperate to touch you, Olivia. Desperate to wrap you in my arms each night and convince you that you’re safe. Desperate to take as much of your pain away as possible. And I want to do it all because I love you, Olivia. I love you so damn much, it hurts. Please don’t shut me out when we need each other the most. No one, and I mean
no one
, can ever make me change the way I feel about you.”

The tears kept coming as his words sank in. I knew he was trying to tell me that no matter what happened, I was still the woman he loved. I was still the woman he wanted to be with.

“I feel sick every time I think about it, Kit. It goes around and around in my head until it hurts. I’ll never forget looking at you and seeing how broken you were. I’ll never forget hearing your cries when he was on top of me. I can’t get the sounds and the images out of my head. I want to, but I can’t. And I can’t understand how you could still want me after he tainted me…after he ruined me.”

I looked down, but Kit shook me once more. He was determined not to lose me. Determined not to let me sink into the darkness. He was holding me captive with his eyes because he knew he was my ray of light in the dark. My hopes, dreams, my desires were all locked away in those beautiful eyes.

“Olivia, you have no idea how lost I was until I found you. When I saw you that day in the hotel, something changed for me. I had lost my way only to be guided by the agency, trained like a robot to carry out some of the most unspeakable things. Seeing your innocence changed me that day. When I looked into your eyes, I could see myself reflected back. I wasn’t happy. I was a slave to the agency and I wanted out. I didn’t care whether you were there when the bomb went off… I just couldn’t do it.

“Then when I saw you outside the soup kitchen, I realised just how lonely I was. How much I wanted to have happiness with someone. You changed me when you were little, and you changed me again when you became a woman. How could I ever want to lose that? How could I not look at you in any way other than devotion? I need you like my last breath. Please, Olivia. Please don’t shut me out. Please let me love you and make it all better. Please let me in and be the best man I can be. You make me the best man. With you, I always feel like the best man I can be.”

I searched his eyes and all I saw was his sincerity. At that moment, I loved him more than ever. I couldn’t hold it in anymore because, despite my head telling me how pathetic I was, Kit was now healing my heart. He was trying to heal me, and I wanted to be healed. I wanted to not let the darkness come. I wanted to live because that would mean I got to spend my life with this beautiful man before me. The one I didn’t deserve, but was offering himself completely. I couldn’t possibly say no.

I wouldn’t say no.

When I leaned forward, Kit looked down at my lips. He didn’t move, just let me lead. I brushed my lips with his and heard his breath escape him. It made me want more.

I leaned in and again touched his lips. This time, they locked longer, creating a slow dance between us.

By now, my breathing had spiked higher. I was on fire for this man who gave himself to me without condition, without fear, without trepidation. I knew that once we came together again, there was no going back. He made me want to fight the darkness. He made me want to see a future. A future so bright, my heart exploded.

As our kissing intensified, Kit suddenly pulled away and I instantly felt the loss of his mouth. He cupped my face in his hands and wiped the last tear from my cheek.

“Forever?”

I looked into the face of this man. The man who has held me captive since I was ten. The man who let me be who I was. The man who let me be free.

With a smile, I leaned forward. “Forever,” I whispered.