Authors: Simone Elkeles
Tags: #Romance, #Young Adult, #Chick-Lit, #Contemporary
I walk home, glad
mi’amá
is working so I can be alone and lock myself in my room. The second I walk in the house, I realize that’s not an option. Both of my brothers are sitting on the couch in the living room. I haven’t seen Carlos in over a year, and wasn’t expecting him to be released from the hospital in Germany until next week. He looks fine, but when he gets up I can tell it’s not without pain.
“Hey, bro!” I say. “They let you out early?”
I couldn’t stand bein’ in the hospital, so I made them release me early. I almost don’t recognize you,” Carlos says, giving me the once-over. “You’re sportin’ some badass bruises. How does the other guy look?”
“You mean the other five guys?”
Carlos whistles in appreciation as he turns to Alex. “Our little brother has turned into quite the fighter while I was away.”
“Tell me about it,” Alex mumbles. “Ask him who he’s been hangin’ with.”
Carlos raises an eyebrow. “Who you hangin’ with, Luis?”
“None of your business. Alex, where’s Brit and Paco?”
“At her parents’ house for dinner. I got out of goin’ when I heard Carlos was flyin’ in today. So, Luis … I got a text from Julio a few minutes ago sayin’ you got the boot. What happened to your job at the country club?”
“That’s also none of your business.”
“You’re our little brother,” Carlos says, advancing on me like a soldier on a mission. “Everythin’ you do is our business.”
The last thing I need is my brothers giving me shit, especially now. I would push Carlos away, but supposedly he’s got a nasty gash complete with a shitload of stitches on his leg from shrapnel that wedged itself into his muscle.
“Lay off,” I tell him, but my words fall on deaf ears.
Carlos attempts to pin me to the wall like he did when we were kids. I’m too fast and slip out of his reach, but not before he grabs my T-shirt and pulls it hard to get me to face him.
“You’re packin’ heat, aren’t you?” he says as he lets go of my shirt.
Shit. Busted. Alex is up in a flash. He stands next to Carlos and both of my brothers form a human wall, preventing me from escaping.
“Give it to me,” Alex growls.
Carlos shakes his head. “What the fuck, Luis? You gangbangin’?”
I hear the front door open and
mi’amá
’s voice call out, “What’s going on?”
Reyes is standing behind her in uniform.
Carlos immediately blocks me protectively. “You got a warrant?” he asks.
“Carlos,”
mi’amá
snaps in a scolding tone. “Don’t be rude. I invited Cesar over for dinner.”
“Who the hell is Cesar?” Carlos asks.
“Our next-door neighbor,” I explain. “And landlord.”
Carlos looks from me, to Alex, then to
mi’amá
. “Is this some sort of joke?”
“I’m afraid not,” Alex says.
Mi’amá
sets down her groceries in the kitchen, then comes back in the room. “What are you doing home so early, Luis?”
“I got fired.”
She blinks a few times in shock. “
Fired?
”
“They didn’t want an employee with bruises from a fight servin’ customers.”
Mi’amá
shakes her head in disappointment and sighs. Damn, I think she’s about to cry. I wonder if it’s because Officer Friendly is here. She excuses herself and sullenly escapes back to the kitchen.
Reyes steps forward and holds out his hand to Carlos. “You must be Carlos. Your mother is really proud of your service. It’s nice to finally meet you.”
While Carlos and Reyes shake hands, Alex slaps me on the shoulder. “Luis and I will be right back,” he tells them.
In my room, which used to be
our
room, Alex goes all father-figure on me. “You better not be dealin’ drugs,” he says in a harsh whisper so Reyes can’t hear us.
“I’m not.”
“Why did you get fired? Don’t bullshit me.”
“It wasn’t for gangbangin’, Alex. I already said I got fired for havin’ bruises on my face … and for bein’ late for work,” I add.
“Why were you late?” Alex asks, not letting up on his interrogation. I think he chose the wrong profession.
“Peterson gave me a detention. Now lay off, bro. I’m not strapped, and I’m not dealin’ drugs. Seriously, Alex, stop puttin’ your shit on me.” I pull up my shirt and show him that I’m hiding a black rolled-up notebook in my waistband. I pull it out. “I don’t have a gun in my waistband. I have this.”
Carlos, who just popped in the room, pulls the notebook from my hand. “What’s this?”
“The gun you thought he was hidin’ in his pants,” Alex says. “It’s a notebook, Sherlock.”
Carlos opens the notebook and starts reading the first page out loud.
“Nobody really knows her
Except the chosen few
Her secrets are kept hidden
Behind that sun-kissed hue.”
“Give me that!” I yell as I try to grab the notebook back. Carlos yanks it out of my reach and continues reading.
“If I reach out to touch her
She’ll just run away
My Forever and Always
Will have to wait another day.”
“Holy shit, bro. That’s deep. Alex, I would’ve bet that you were the sappiest one in this family, but I was wrong. Luis beats you, hands down.” Carlos rolls the notebook back up and hands it to me. “Who’s the lucky girl?”
“Doesn’t matter. She thinks I’m scum.”
Carlos laughs. “That means she likes you, bro. Shit, the first time I met Kiara, she thought I was an asshole.”
“You
were
an asshole,” Alex chimes in.
“Damn straight,” Carlos says, completely proud of it. “Girls like assholes; at least they did when I was in high school. We’re a challenge for ’em. Kiara was different.” He laughs just thinking about his girlfriend. “Kiara, on the other hand, was
my
challenge. She didn’t make it easy for me.”
Nikki’s not making it easy for me, either. Man, life used to be so simple until we moved back to Fairfield. I had a solid, foolproof ten-year plan. Now that I’m back, all my plans have turned to shit. Today I was forced to make a choice between my family’s safety and my own future.
I had to take the detour.
Mi familia
comes first. They’ll always come first.
I had to take the gun Chuy put on the table. I pledged my loyalty to the Blood after that, which screws everything up. How long can I keep the truth from my brothers when they’re already suspicious?
“Alex! Luis! Carlos! Come help set the table!”
mi’amá
calls out to us.
My brothers practically jump to attention when they hear her voice.
“We’ll talk about this later,” Alex promises.
I play it cool until everyone is occupied in the kitchen. It’s my opening to find a place to hide the gun.
When Reyes came in, I maneuvered the Glock so it was hidden in my shorts. Nobody saw me slip a notebook from my backpack and roll it up. I didn’t think I could pull it off, but I did. I swear a few times I thought the gun was about to slip down, but by some miracle it held until Alex walked out of the room.
Now I’ve got to stash it so my brothers won’t find it, and Paco won’t accidentally get hold of it when he comes over and mistakes it for a toy. Without having time to think, I rush to my closet and shove the Glock in the pocket of the one and only suit I own. I’ve worn it to weddings, funerals, and a few
quinces.
The suit is in the back of the closet, so I’m confident it’s safely hidden. I walk back to the kitchen and hope I don’t have guilt written all over my face.
“Hey, Ma. Did you know Luis has a crush on a girl?” Carlos says when we’re all eating at the small kitchen table. Even Reyes is still here, but since he’s gotten the hint that we’re not thrilled he’s in the picture, he’s been quiet.
“That’s news to me,”
mi’amá
says. She doesn’t even look in my direction, clearly still pissed at me for getting in a fight and losin’ my job.
I’m glad when the doorbell rings and interrupts the silence.
“Expectin’ anyone?” Alex asks as he moves toward the front door.
“No,”
mi’amá
says.
My cousin Elena stomps in the house like a tornado. Everything about Elena is big. She’s got big hair, a big personality, and … well, let’s just say she doesn’t need silicone implants. Elena is hilarious, but she is one scary Latina when she’s pissed. “Is the bastard here?” she asks.
Alex shrugs. “And the bastard would be …”
“Jorge. You know, my cheating husband.”
Mi’amá
rushes to Elena’s side. “What happened?”
“I found him at Homestyle Buffet with that tramp Nina Herrera.”
“Who’s Nina Herrera?” I ask.
“His high school girlfriend. I caught them in the act.”
“You caught them having sex at Homestyle Buffet?” Carlos chimes in, confused and maybe a little amused.
“No. They had dinner! When was the last time my sonofabitch husband took
me
to dinner, huh? Huh?
Huh?
Anyone want to answer
that
question?” She gestures to each of us, then sneers when she focuses on Reyes. “Lorena, are you aware that you’ve got a
cop
sitting at your dinner table?”
“I’m Cesar,” he says, standing as he introduces himself.
She stares at the handcuffs secured to his uniform, just waiting to be slapped on an unsuspecting criminal. Considering Elena herself had run-ins with
la ley
when she was younger, she doesn’t trust cops any more than the rest of us do. She takes a step away from Cesar as if he has some infectious disease.
“Yeah, umm …” She turns to
mi’amá
and murmurs fast and furious, “Whatthe
fuck
areyoudoingwithacopinyourhouse?”
She says it as if it’s all one word.
Mi’amá
’s response is, “He’s a friend.”
Elena nods as slow as her brain is processing the information. “He’s a friend? Since when did you become friends with cops? Wait, maybe this is a sign!” She plasters a big smile on her face and turns to Reyes. “I need you to arrest my cheating husband.”
“While I’d really like to help you,” Reyes says, “I can’t legally do that.”
“Who said anything about doing it
legally
?”
“She’s kidding, right?” Cesar asks
mi’amá
, who shrugs with embarrassment.
“Not really.” Dismissing Reyes because he can’t help her cause, Elena stands next to Carlos’s plate and reaches out to take a bite of his
taquito
. “I forgot to welcome you home, Carlos. How’s your leg?”
“I got to be honest, Elena,” Carlos says as she kisses him on the cheek and leaves a big red lipstick mark. “Since you came in, I haven’t felt any pain. You’re more entertainin’ than television, and more effective than Vicodin.”
She takes her attention off of Carlos and focuses on me. I moan as she takes my cheek and squeezes it between her fingers. “I love you Fuentes boys like you were my own.
Mwah!
”
She comes in close. I can clearly see a stray chin hair she needs to pluck, and her strong perfume burns my nostrils.
Her lips start to pucker and I cringe. “Please don’t get lipstick on me.”
“Oh, you know you love it,” she responds. I try to shield my face, but she plants a wet one on my cheek with her big lips.
“Did she get me bad?” I ask Alex.
Alex cocks his head to the side, analyzing the mark. “Yeah. She got you good, bro.”
Alex doesn’t wait for Elena to make her mark on him. Instead, I watch as he opens his arms out wide for a hug. When she goes to kiss him, he ducks and plants one on her cheek.
“You’re sneaky,” she says, wagging her finger. “If you ever cheat on Brittany, I’ll seriously cut your dick off.”
“You’d have to get in line behind Brittany if that ever happened. Listen, Elena, I’ll call Jorge and see what’s up. He’s not havin’ an affair.”
“Anyone home?” Jorge’s voice echoes through the house.
My chair scrapes the floor as I make a quick move to help Alex restrain Elena so she doesn’t go all ape shit on Jorge. When Reyes wants to get involved, I hold a hand up to stop him.
“This is normal,” I tell him.
“For who?” he responds.
“I wasn’t cheatin’ on you,” Jorge says, looking like a mess. “Nina wanted someone to talk to after she broke up with her boyfriend, that’s all. Stop actin’ like a jealous wife.”
“I’m not jealous,” Elena cries out, clawing through us to get to him. “
Culero
, get a clue. When an ex-girlfriend wants to talk to you, that’s code for ‘I want you back.’ ”
The doorbell rings again.
“I’ll get it,” Alex says. I’m not paying attention until his loud, commanding voice carries across the house, saying, “Luis, you have a visitor.”
I stood outside Luis’s house for a few minutes before I got up the nerve to ring the bell. They’re obviously having a party. I can see a house full of people through the front window.
Alex answered the door. He knows who I am. Every few months my parents invite him and his wife and son to our house for dinner or Sunday brunch. He calls Luis to the door and my heart pounds in anticipation.
Luis comes to the door with a big red lipstick mark on his cheek. “What are you doing here?” he asks, his voice tense. He’s obviously not happy to see me.
“Come on in,” Alex says, putting his arm around me and urging me inside.
“You still got that lipstick crap on your face, bro,” Alex mumbles to Luis as we pass him.
Luis curses, then starts wiping his cheek vigorously. “My cousin likes to mark us,” he explains. “It’s kind of an unnecessary and annoyin’ tradition.”
I pass a police officer standing next to Luis’s mom. Carlos is here, too, along with another couple. The couple must be having a heated argument, because they don’t look happy with each other.
Carlos points to me. “Is this
the
girl?” he asks Luis. “The one from the poem.”
“What poem?” I ask, suddenly curious.
“There is no poem,” Luis insists. “My brother is delusional from the pain meds he’s on. Don’t listen to him.”
“Are you okay?” I ask Carlos.
Carlos lifts up his pant leg, revealing a nasty cut stitched together with a row of staples traveling from his thigh all the way down to his calf. “This is proof that freedom ain’t free.”
“Ouch. How did it happen?” I ask, cringing. Just looking at it is painful.
“Shrapnel from an IED.” He narrows his eyes at me. “You
Mexicana
?”
“Carlos!” his mom calls out in a scolding tone.
“Seriously, bro, shut up,” Luis says.
Carlos holds up his hands in surrender. “What, it’s a crime to ask a girl if she’s Mexican?”
“No. It’s just rude,” Luis says.
Carlos laughs heartily. “Bro, when have you known me
not
to be rude?”
I answer Carlos, “I’m American more than Mexican. Does it matter?”
“Only if you deny your heritage. Don’t want to dilute the culture, you know.”
“Carlos is one to talk,” Alex chimes in. “His girlfriend is as white as they come.”
“Are you kiddin’, Alex? Have you looked at your lily-white wife lately?” Carlos argues playfully.
“Hey,” Alex says. “Before you rip on white people, you might want to remember that your nephew is half white.”
“Not the half that counts,” Carlos says proudly. “Listen, I’m an American and fight for this country, but that don’t mean I ignore my Mexican heritage like it’s somethin’ to be ashamed of.”
“I’m not ashamed of it,” I say. “I don’t know Spanish or walk around waving a Mexican flag. I’m not going to fake it, when I don’t know much about it.”
“It’s not too late to learn,” Carlos says.
“Luis, are you going to introduce me to your friend?” his mother cuts in.
Luis hesitates, so I step forward. “I’m Nikki,” I say with a smile.
“Nikki
Cruz
,” Alex says. “Dr. Cruz’s daughter.”
“Ah, I remember you.” She tilts her head, deep in thought. “Weren’t you at Alex’s wedding?” I silently pray she doesn’t mention that I kneed Luis’s nuts on the dance floor. That’s an incident I’d rather not dredge up right now.
Carlos isn’t going to let this one slip by. He perks up. “Oh, yeah! Nikki, weren’t you the one who kicked Luis in the—”
“Nikki goes to Fairfield,” Luis explains. “We’re in chemistry class together.”
So now everyone is silent, waiting for me to talk. I turn to Luis and mumble quietly, “Can we talk?”
“Yeah. Follow me.” I follow him through the kitchen and out the back door. “All right,” he says. “Talk.”
I clear my throat and look up at the sky, knowing that Luis wants to go up there one day. Will he pursue his dreams, or has he changed his plans? “I was thinking about what you said in chemistry today. You know, the part about me judging you before I had all the facts. Well, after thinking about it … you were right.”
He shrugs. “It doesn’t really matter.”
“It does to me,” I say.
“Why? You’ve made up your mind about me.” He gives a short laugh. “Everyone has.”
“Tell me right now you’re not dealing drugs and I’ll believe you. Look in my eyes and tell me the truth.”
He looks me straight in my eyes. “I’m not a dealer,” he says, his gaze not faltering one bit. “The drugs weren’t mine. I’m not Marco, so stop puttin’ both of us in the same category.”
“You’re friends with him.”
“I’m also friends with Derek. Listen, I don’t know what the hell happened between you and Marco. To be honest I don’t really want to know, ’cause if I did I’d probably want to kick the shit outta him.”
“I don’t need you to protect me.”
“What if I want to?” I watch as he looks up at the sky and stares at the stars. “Damn, Nik, you have no clue what crazy thoughts have been runnin’ through my head since we were on Derek’s boat, and then after hookin’ up Saturday night … You want to ignore what happened, but I can’t.”
“The truth is, I can’t, either.” I swallow the lump forming in my throat. “I have to know if you’re in the LB, because if you are I can’t do this.”
“Look at me,” he says. When I do he sighs. “I’m not a gangbanger, Nik.”
“You were right to call me out. I wanted to think the worst about you, because if I did I could ignore the connection I feel when we’re together. It’s like I
get
you, and you
get
me, and then Saturday night when we were alone in the pool house—”
“You said it was
fun
.”
“I told you it was fun just to throw you off. Hunter once told me most guys can screw a girl they love just as easily as they can have a one-night stand. Marco was the last guy I dated, and he practically destroyed my heart and soul and everything in between. It was more than fun Saturday night, Luis. I need to know if you think we can make it work.”
“Wow. The way my week has been goin’, that’s the last thing I expected to hear.” Luis runs a hand through his hair. I can sense the stress radiating off him. “My life is so fuckin’ complicated right now.”
“Sorry,” I say. “I don’t mean to complicate things more.” I focus on the ground because I don’t want to see his face when he tells me that I’m delusional.
“It’s not your fault.” He takes a deep breath, then slowly lets it out. “Nik, I gotta be honest. I don’t know if it’s a good idea to get involved with me right now.”
“I get it,” I say. “You don’t have to explain.” He hadn’t tried to hide the fact he was a player from the second I met him. I was stupid to think getting closer to him and feeling a connection meant I’d suddenly changed him.
“No, you don’t get it.” The sides of his lips turn up in a small smile. My breath hitches when he reaches out and slides his hand to the back of my neck and urges me to look at him. “I don’t want to be with anyone else,
mi chava
. I want you to be my girlfriend.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, really.”
His words soothe my increasing doubts. “I don’t want to be with anyone else either,” I say.
I haven’t wanted to let anyone get close to me, but that was before Luis came back into my life. Maybe this push-pull thing is us trying to figure out where we stand. Times have changed, I’ve changed, and I’m ready to put the past behind me.
A moment passes and I feel a sense of peace cover me like a blanket. I hope he doesn’t see tears threatening to fall from my eyes.
“Come here,” he says, pulling me close. “You’re shaking.”
I close my eyes and a tear falls down my cheek. Luis has managed to slice right through my invisible protective armor and I feel so vulnerable. “I’m scared.”
“Me too.” He holds me tighter, then kisses the top of my head.
It feels so good to be held again by him. I bury my head in his chest, soaking up the warmth of his embrace. “Promise me you’ll always be honest with me, Luis.”
“I promise.”