Cattle Valley 26 - Shadow Soldier (4 page)

“So what’s next?” Aaron set the legs on the worktable and wiped his hands on his jeans. The day may have started out like hell, but Deacon had proven once again that he had the power to set him at ease.

“Next,
I
have to turn them on the lathe, but I can do that in the morning. Why don’t we get some dinner and watch a movie?” Deacon turned the light off over the saw and covered the machine with a drop cloth. “You like pork chops?”

The mention of food set Aaron’s stomach into a frenzy. A loud growl sounded, prompting a chuckle out of him. “Excuse me. I guess I’m hungrier than I thought.”
Deacon led Aaron out of the shop. When they reached the stairs to his apartment, he motioned for Aaron to precede him. “I’m sorry, but it takes me a while. The sight of this old fool trying to navigate something as simple as a staircase isn’t a vision I want stuck in your head.”
Aaron started up the steps, giving Deacon his pride. “You’ve never asked me to apologise for the baggage I carry, so please don’t do it for yours.” He reached the top landing. “Should I go in or wait for you?”
The tapping of Deacon’s cane grew louder as he neared the top. “Go on in. I’m right behind you.”
Aaron opened the door and went inside. The apartment was surprisingly cold to the eye. He’d imagined a space filled with Deacon’s creations and warmed by the love that went into each piece. Instead, it held no personal touches. He turned when the door shut. “It’s bigger than I imagined.”
“Big enough.” Deacon put a hand to the small of Aaron’s back. “Would you keep me company in the kitchen?”
Aaron turned away from the sterile living room. “Only if you’ll let me help.”
“Of course.” Deacon kissed Aaron’s temple. “It’s been a long time since I’ve worked side by side with someone over a meal.”
“How long?” Aaron followed Deacon. Like the living room, the kitchen was utilitarian with no personal touches added.
“A little over five years.” Deacon opened the refrigerator and removed a package of pork chops. After retrieving a cast iron grill from the cupboard, he leaned on the counter. “I haven’t let anyone close to me since I lost my partner, Bobby, in the car wreck that fucked up my leg.”
“I’m sorry.” Aaron had assumed Deacon’s leg had been injured in the military.
Deacon shrugged and lit the gas stove under the grill. “I try not to think about it.” He unwrapped the chops and seasoned them with salt and pepper. “Would you mind fixing the salad?”
“Not at all.” There were several questions on the tip of Aaron’s tongue, but he didn’t know if Deacon would answer them or push him away in response. “Is that why your home is so bare of pictures and stuff?”
Deacon paused in the act of checking the flame. “This isn’t a home, it’s an apartment, somewhere to sleep and eat. My home died with Bobby.”
Aaron waited for Deacon to turn away from the stove before touching his hand. “Did you make my new bed for you and Bobby?” He knew the answer could very well change the way he felt about his new purchase.
Deacon turned and put his hands on Aaron’s hips. “No. I built that headboard hoping I’d be able to sleep through the night if I got rid of everything that reminded me of Bobby.”
“But you decided to stay in the apartment, knowing you couldn’t use it. Does that mean you still don’t sleep at night?” Aaron held his breath. He understood what it was like to have ghosts run your life, but Aaron’s didn’t include men he was in love with. He wondered if he was getting his hopes up for something impossible for Deacon to give.
“No, I don’t really sleep much, but then I haven’t in probably thirty years.” Deacon set his cane aside. He leaned his hip against the counter and slid his arms around Aaron. “I’ll never forget Bobby, but it’s time to go on with my life.”
“I don’t really sleep either, so maybe we can
not
sleep together sometime.” Aaron embraced Deacon in return. He rested his cheek against Deacon’s chest and closed his eyes. “Being close to you makes me feel good.”
Deacon tilted Aaron’s chin up and leant down for a kiss. “Let’s get dinner out of the way so we can spend the rest of the evening feeling good.”
Aaron pulled out of Deacon’s arms hopeful. “I’d like that.”

After a rushed dinner, Deacon led Aaron into the living room. “Would you like to watch TV or would you rather I put in a movie?”
Aaron kicked his shoes off and curled up on the sofa beside Deacon. “TV’s fine.” He snuggled close, tucking himself under Deacon’s arm. “I think I could sit here with you and watch paint dry and feel perfectly content.”
Deacon usually watched one of the twenty-four hour news stations in the evening to keep on top of what was going on around the world, but he doubted reports of the ongoing military actions in the Middle East would be good for Aaron. He settled on the DIY station. “This okay?”
Aaron kissed Deacon’s neck, using his tongue to tickle the skin. “As long as you don’t mind if I do this.”
Deacon tilted his head to the side. “I don’t mind at all.” It had been a long time since he’d felt a lover’s touch. He’d tried to hook-up a few times, but always chickened out before getting undressed, unable to face the disgust of another man at the sight of his scars. It was different with Aaron. He wasn’t afraid of Aaron being turned off by his injuries, but he worried it might prompt horrific memories Aaron wasn’t prepared to deal with. Deacon grabbed Aaron’s hand. “I need you to feel something.”
“Mmm,” Aaron moaned. “I’ve been waiting to feel you for a couple of days.”
Deacon chuckled as he bypassed his hardening cock. “There’ll be plenty of time for that later. This is what I need you to touch.” He settled Aaron’s hand on his leg. Deacon knew the hollows in his thigh muscles could be felt through the heavy denim and waited for Aaron’s reaction.
“Does it hurt?” Aaron slid his palm up and down Deacon’s leg, in essence doing a blind examination of his injury.
“It’s tender in places,” Deacon acknowledged. “I wanted you to know what you’re getting into.”
Aaron stared up at Deacon. “I’ve seen worse.”
“I’m sure you have. I just didn’t want to surprise you with it.” Deacon spread his legs slightly when Aaron moved to stroke his cock through his jeans.
“I don’t freak out over stuff like that anymore. I think working at the fire station has helped with that.”
Deacon pulled Aaron’s T-shirt off over his head. He brushed the pale-pebbled nipples with his thumb, delighting in Aaron’s deep groan. Confident in Aaron’s response, Deacon pinched one of his nipples. Aaron’s body jerked.
“They’re sensitive,” Aaron explained. He moved to his knees and directed Deacon’s head to his chest. “Bite them.”
Deacon rubbed his heavy five o’clock shadow over Aaron’s chest before taking the protruding nub between his teeth. He laved the tip with his tongue as he bit down.
Aaron cried out, thrusting his groin against Deacon’s trapped arm. Deacon manoeuvred himself until his arm was free and pushed up between Aaron’s legs, giving Aaron something to grind against. He kneaded Aaron’s ass while he continued to bite and suck the twin pink discs.
“Please tell me you’re planning to take me to bed.” Aaron continued to hump against Deacon’s arm.
Deacon released Aaron’s nipple. He’d promised himself he wouldn’t take Aaron to bed until he’d told him about digging into his past, but how could he do that without telling Aaron of his secret occupation? Temptation would be the death of him. He removed his hold on Aaron’s ass and settled Aaron down beside him.
“You’re gonna send me home, aren’t you?”
“I need to tell you something.” Deacon tried to get the words out, but the dejected expression on Aaron’s face threatened his resolve. “Something’s come up, and I’m not sure how much time I’ll have to spend with you for the next month or so. I think it would be better if we held off on spending the night together for now.” Maybe he’d figure out a way to break the news to him later. “I’d still like to see you when I can. I’m just not sure how much time I’ll have.” He hoped the offer would soften the lost look on Aaron’s gorgeous face.
With his bottom lip between his teeth, Aaron nodded and stood. “I should probably go ahead and get out of your hair then.”
Deacon scrambled for his cane when Aaron took off towards the door. “Wait.”
The door opened and closed before Deacon could get to his feet. “Shit,” he yelled, throwing his cane across the room.

Aaron walked into the station for his shift and went straight to the ambulance. He climbed into the back and began to take inventory. It wasn’t necessary, he already knew that. Jakob Cox had worked the previous shift and he always made Aaron’s job easier by thoroughly cleaning and restocking before leaving.

“No hello for anyone today?”
Aaron smiled at Luke. “Sorry, other things on my mind.”
Luke climbed in and sat on the narrow bench beside Aaron. “What’s going on? You

were in a good mood Wednesday.”
“Yeah, but then Thursday happened.” Aaron put the packages of gauze back into their
container. “No matter how many times I replay it in my head, I can’t figure out what I did to
your friend Deacon. The guy’s running hot and cold and he pretty much tossed me out of his
apartment on Thursday night.”
“Are you sure you’re not blowing it out of proportion? That doesn’t sound like
Deacon.”
“Yeah, well, he invited me over to work on a table yesterday, and everything was going
great until I made the mistake of asking to spend the night. Next thing I know he says he’s
gonna be too busy to see me for the next month and it’d be better to wait.” Aaron ran his
fingers through his hair. “This was, like, three seconds after his mouth was attached to my
nipple and his hand was practically fucking my ass through my jeans.” He threw up his
hands. “What am I supposed to think?”
Luke whistled. “I’ve no idea. Want me to talk to him?”
“Would that be too much like high school?” Aaron couldn’t imagine Deacon opening
up to Luke, but he secretly hoped he would.
“You’d be surprised what Deacon tells me.”
There were some things Aaron didn’t particularly want to know, but he knew they
were important. “Do you think it’s his partner that died? Maybe he’s not ready to move on.” Luke looked shocked. “I can’t believe he told you about Bobby.” He reached out and
ruffled Aaron’s hair. “Not sure what went on last night, but he evidently likes you.” “Is he still in love with him?”
After a brief pause, Luke sighed. “He still loves him, and there are issues surrounding
his death, but Deacon’s not living in a fantasy world. He knows the ghost of Bobby won’t
haunt him if he falls for someone else. Believe me, man, if he told you about him in the first
place, Bobby’s not your problem.”
Although Aaron was glad he didn’t have to compete with a ghost, it meant the problem
was him.
Shit.
He’d worked so hard to come out of his shell since moving to Cattle Valley.
Reaching out to Deacon had been a huge step for him. “He saw the closet,” he mumbled. Luke’s eyebrows rose at the confession. “The one where you keep your drawings?” Aaron nodded. Deacon was the first person to see the extent of his obsession, but Luke
had walked in on him one day at the station when he’d been frantically trying to document
his nightmare. “Maybe he remembered it somewhere between kissing me and rubbing my
asshole and decided I wasn’t worth the baggage I’d bring.”
Luke cleared his throat. “That’s not it. I—um—I told him about you months ago.” Aaron leaned towards Luke. “What exactly did you tell him?” He thought of the way
he’d freaked out a few times while on the job and wondered just how unstable Deacon
believed him to be.
“Deacon’s seen a lot over the years. I thought maybe it’d help if he talked to you. I
know you and I talk, and I love that we do, but even though I can sympathise, I can’t truly
know what you’re going through.”
“So that’s why he’s been so nice to me?” Aaron rubbed the ache in his chest. Luke laughed. “I didn’t tell him to kiss you or rub your ass, so I
don’t
think you can
blame that on him trying to help you.” He slid off the bench and sat in front of Aaron. “Let
me talk to him and find out what’s going on. Until then, please, please don’t take his rebuff
personally.”
Aaron shrugged. “I guess at this point I don’t have anything to lose, do I?”

Deacon was on the phone with a handler, when someone started banging on the front door of the shop. “We’re closed,” he yelled. He was out of sorts and in no mood to be cordial to customers. The pounding came again.

Upon hearing the distressed quality of Luke’s voice, Deacon’s initial reaction was to worry about Aaron. He knew the two men were working shift together. What if there had been an accident and Aaron was hurt? Deacon pushed away from the small desk in the supply room and limped towards the front door. Luke’s expression confirmed Deacon’s fears that something had happened. “What’s wrong?” he asked, opening the door.

Luke stepped inside and locked the door before turning to address Deacon. “Aaron’s a mess. What the hell did you do to him?”
“Is he safe?” Deacon needed to know nothing was physically wrong with Aaron before proceeding.
“From the outside world? Sure. It’s his insides that are tearing him up. Well, let me rephrase that. It’s you and the way you tossed him out of here the other night that’s had him sitting alone in the ambulance fucking using up every crayon he owns.” Luke narrowed his eyes. “What the hell happened? You were supposed to help him feel better, not worse.”
Deacon turned away from the windows and headed towards the back of the shop. “Sully’s been arrested in Colombia. Midnight’s gone down to rescue him, but that leaves only me to deal with the assignments, handlers and any other bullshit that comes up. I told Aaron I’d probably be too busy to see him for the next month or so. That’s it. He didn’t take it well and stormed out of my apartment.”
“And you didn’t go after him?”
“He’s half my age with two good legs. How was I supposed to run after him, and even if I caught him, what the hell was I supposed to say?” Deacon had survived as long as he had in the business by keeping his identity a secret. Luke was the only person outside of Midnight or the President who knew he was the Director of the agency.
“Have you tried to call him since Thursday, because I’m pretty sure I gave you his phone number.”
Deacon had never seen Luke so angry. The two of them had disagreed countless times on his refusal to tell Priest, Luke’s partner and newly appointed handler with the agency, his true identity, but he’d never seen that long vein bulge on the side of Luke’s neck. “Aaron needs stability, and I can’t give him that right now. When he asked to stay the night with me, I knew he was becoming attached too quickly. Believe me, had I fucked him, this situation would be even worse than it is.”
“So tell him the truth. And while you’re at it, tell him how much you like him.”
“What makes you think I do?” Deacon prided himself on his ability to hide his emotions from the outside world, so he knew for a fact he wasn’t displaying his true feelings for Aaron.
“Because you told him about Bobby.”
“Aaron said that?” Deacon sat in one of the cushioned willow chairs at the back of the showroom. “Did he tell you everything?”
“He was afraid Bobby was the reason you said no when he asked about spending the night.”
“Bobby had nothing to do with it.”
“So why would you do it? I told you how fragile he is. Is your hidden identity really so important that you’d do this to him?” Luke crossed his arms over his chest, refusing to sit beside Deacon.
Too embarrassed to admit it was his own deceit in sifting through Aaron’s past that kept him from being honest, Deacon shrugged. “I like him, but is one night worth risking my life for?”
“You risked your life for me in a much bigger way. Why am I more important than Aaron?”
“You’re not,” Deacon stated in a matter-of-fact tone. “But that was business that came knocking at my back door. This thing with Aaron is personal, and my personal life has always come second.”
“And how’s that workin’ for ya?”
The question stung. “Would you rather I’d fucked him before sending him away?”
Despite his much smaller size, Luke lunged, tipping Deacon and the chair backwards onto the floor. Deacon used his superior strength to wrestle Luke under him, pinning Luke’s arms above his head. “What the hell’s gotten into you?”
“You’re not this cold bastard you’re pretending to be, so stop it!” Luke yelled in Deacon’s face.
Deacon thought of all the people over the years who had counted on him for protection and how many of them he’d lost. “Are you sure?”
Tears filled Luke’s eyes. “You’re more fucked up than Aaron, aren’t you?”
Deacon released his hold on Luke and searched for his cane that had been knocked across the room in the struggle. He used his good leg to scoot himself over the hardwood to retrieve it. “You should probably go.”
“I don’t know what you’re really afraid of, but please don’t do this,” Luke whispered.
Deacon couldn’t even bring himself to look at his friend. “I know Aaron’s secrets. I dug as deep into his life as my position would allow,” he admitted.
“And what? You think he’s not good enough now?”
“How do you tell someone that you know everything about them? My fucking heart breaks for him every time I look at him. Do you think he’d look at me the same knowing I pity him and what he’s gone through?”
“Answer a question for me. I don’t know what happened over in Baghdad, but obviously you do. So, do you resent him for what he did?”
“No!” Deacon snapped his head towards Luke. “He may not have handled the situation like I would’ve, but he wasn’t over there to fight.”
“Maybe he needs to know that. Yeah, you looked into his past, and I can’t promise he won’t be pissed because of it, but if you can help him with this consuming guilt he carries around on his back, maybe it’s worth it.”
“I think I’d rather he hate me than to be disappointed in me.” Deacon turned back to stare at his cane. He heard Luke slide towards him moments before his thin, tattooed arms wrapped around him.
“You’re in love with him.”
“Doesn’t matter. Relationships built on deceit don’t last.” No matter what Deacon confessed to Aaron, the fact that he’d done it in the first place would forever be between them.
“You both seem pretty miserable to me. Tell him the truth. Throw yourself on your sword or whatever the hell you want to call it, but you’ll forever wonder what could’ve been if you don’t.” Luke kissed Deacon’s cheek before standing. He held out his hand. “I happen to know he’s at home.”
Deacon let Luke help him to his feet. “Even if I tell him the truth, I still can’t give him my attention right now. I don’t know how Midnight’s done this job all these years. I hate half the whiney-ass men who call.”
Luke thumped Deacon on the shoulder. “Sounds like you’re finally earning your salary, old man.”
“Sounds like Priest needs to turn you over his knee and spank you, you smart-mouthed brat.” Deacon ended the statement with a smile. Luke was a pain in the neck, but he’d found a special place in Deacon’s heart.
“I’ll have a dinner party tonight, just a few people. Invite Aaron.”
“What if someone calls?”
“You could always tell Priest the truth and he could help you out until Midnight springs Sully from the hoosegow.”
It was definitely something to consider, but first he needed to see if Aaron would even let him through the door. “I’ll let you know.”
“Okay, but so you know, Priest is driving me crazy. He hates that I know something he doesn’t. You’d really be helping me out if you’d come clean with him, besides, I’d think you’d like knowing someone’s close who could watch your back.”
“I thought that’s what I had you for?” Deacon walked Luke to the door.
Luke flexed his slim runner’s arm. “See this? Priest’s tongue is stronger than I am.” He sighed. “Believe me, I’ve been on the receiving end of that tongue.”
Deacon made a face. He liked Luke a lot but picturing him at the receiving end…no. “I’ll take your word for it. Now get out of here. I’ve got work to do.”
“Dinner’s at eight, but come around seven,” Luke said on his way out the door.
Deacon ran a hand over his jaw, wondering how much he’d need to tell Aaron to smooth things over between them. First and foremost, he would have to come clean about digging into Aaron’s background. At least he’d know whether or not Aaron wanted to continue with their new relationship. Deacon didn’t have high hopes, but Luke’s questions had made him face the truth of his feelings for Aaron.
He glanced at the large clock on the showroom wall. Seven was only a few hours away, not much time to get himself cleaned up and ready to eat a big plate of crow. “Best get a move on, old fool,” he told himself, heading for the stairs.