Catch Me Falling (15 page)

Can’t sleep?

No.
There was a pause of a few seconds.
You either?

Nope.

What are you doing?
Isaac texted back.

Lying in bed.
It seemed like such a simple train of conversation, but it felt oddly intimate.

Me too
. There was another pause.
I wish you were with me.

She stared at the phone, her heart feeling lighter, buoyant. She wasn’t sure why.
Me too
.

What are you wearing?
he texted.

She swallowed, felt the heat slither down and coil in her most intimate place.
Pajamas.

Alexa
. It sounded like a chide.

Baggy t-shirt and panties
. She felt her cheeks flush. Was she really going to do this? What was it, anyway?

Want to come over?

So he was skipping straight to that, was he.
Did you get the recipe from Ellie
?

I’m not hungry for food
.

Alexa swallowed, her throat suddenly dry. She felt her pulse thrum underneath her skin, felt want coil in her stomach. She couldn’t resist him, not really.
I’ll be over in fifteen.

See you soon.

Okay.
Alexa got dressed as fast as she could and then headed out the door.

An hour and a half later she was back in her own bed. No overnights. He wasn’t fond of them, and she was okay with that. Even in Baltimore they had slept in separate hotel rooms.

Her phone buzzed.

Good night, Alexa Matthews
.

Good night.
She stared at her phone, wished that he was sleeping next to her, that she had a warm solid body to curl up with. But she didn't. And part of her, part of her was okay with that. She missed it, but she understood what it meant. It was commitment, it was trust. And maybe they weren’t ready.

She wanted him. She craved him. She slept restlessly that night, wishing he was by her side.

A
lexa walked
into work four days later, exhausted. Several long days at work, several long days stuck in court had kept her occupied. She hadn't talked to Isaac, had barely talked to Jill, and all she wanted to do was go home and sleep. But she couldn't, because she had more to get ready for. She caught sight of Jill as she walked down her hallway, tried to smile.

Jill looked at her, raised her eyebrows. She looked haggard too, dark circles under her eyes. She had been working just as hard as Alexa had over the past few days, helping her prep everything she needed for her cases. Both of them deserved a break. But unfortunately, that was just not how life went. “You look dead,” Jill said.

Alexa frowned at her. “That's not nice.”

Jill chuckled. “But it's true.” She winked. “How's Isaac?”

Alexa felt a twinge of guilt. She hadn't talked to him in days, hadn't seen him since the night she had gone over to his place. “We've been busy,” she said. It was easier than admitting that she had dropped the ball. But it was her fault, wasn’t it? She stifled a yawn, ignored Jill looking at her.

“Sarah and I are having dinner tomorrow,” Jill said after a moment.

Alexa looked at her, raised her eyebrows. “Is that an invitation?” she asked.

Jill nodded. “If you want it,” she said.

Alexa considered it for a moment. “I have to ask him,” she said doubtfully.

Jill grinned at her. “That's a yes.”

Alexa rolled her eyes, pretending it was far more doubtful than it was, and then headed into her office to get what she needed. She pulled out her phone, checked the time. It was later in the day, maybe he wasn't working. She texted him, though, just in case. She wanted to see him, wanted to spend time with him.

“Where’s dinner?” Alexa asked, looking suspiciously at Jill, who had followed her into her office.

“The zoo.” Jill’s eyes twinkled.

The zoo would be a different place to do a date, have dinner, go see the animals. Different from the aquarium. He would like it, she thought.
It’ll be at the zoo. Think we can make up for your lack of zoo experience?

He texted back quicker than she expected.
Sounds interesting
.

Alexa grinned.

Saturday night it was, then. She could do Saturday. That gave her Sunday to prep for Monday, long enough to get everything she needed pulled together for court. She stifled a yawn, glared back out at Jill. “We're on,” she said finally.

Jill grinned at her, and then turned back to her work. She wasn't surprised.

Alexa glared at her for a moment, frustrated. It was easy for Jill to be happy, she and Sarah seemed to have relatively uncomplicated relationship. But Alexa and Isaac, they were different. They didn't have easy. They had dark, brooding. For all that it seemed to work, it felt like other times they were both so wrapped up in their thoughts that they went nowhere.

Alexa kicked herself out of her pity, her moping. They were okay, she and him. They were happy. She was looking forward to Saturday. She wanted to see him again. He was her drug.

J
ill and Alexa
carpooled to dinner; Alexa was more skeptical of it, after Jill’s abandoning her to Isaac last time, but she had forgotten to get gas, so carpool it was.

Dinner was so, so good. Not just the food but the people, too. Isaac had relaxed, his face shifting, becoming more open. Jill and Sarah laughed and smiled and Alexa was grateful for all of them. For her friends. For Isaac.

Finally, they separated to say their goodbyes. Out of the corner of her eye, Alexa watched Jill, waiting for Jill to break and want a ride home from someone else.

“You seemed to enjoy yourself,” Isaac murmured, reaching out and tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear.

“I did.” She smiled. “Thank you for coming.” She should have been surprised at how comfortable she was having him so close. It didn't bother her, not really. Not when he had seen her so much more intimately. They had been together for a while now.

“I wanted to see you again,” he said softly. He looked at her, gently cupped her face with his hand. It was strange, being like this He had all of her focus, every ounce of her energy. He was magnetic, sent energy sizzling under her skin. She wanted him, she wanted him so much.

“I wanted to see you too,” she said softly.

There was something the flashed in Isaac’s eyes, some pain, longing, hope she didn't understand. But those words had been magic, in a way.

Jill came bounding over, ready to leave. He looked at her, smiled. Then turned and left without another word.

Alexa couldn’t help but watch him go.

A
lexa sat
in the car with Jill, riding back to their apartment. She hadn't expected to actually be riding back with Jill, so it was a tiny bit disorienting. Not that she was particularly complaining. They were mostly silent, although she could feel Jill keep looking her. “Did you have fun?” Jill asked.

Alexa nodded, then realized that it was dangerous for Jill to be looking at her. “Yes,” she said.

“You're quiet,” Jill said after a moment.

Alexa looked at her suspiciously, then looked away. “Thinking about the case we're prosecuting on Monday.”

Jill paused, and Alexa could see she was debating whether or not to pull the car over. “You just had a date with a sexy doctor, and you’re debating about court on Monday?”

Alexa paused. “Yes?”

Jill laughed and shook her head. “You're insane.”

Alexa preferred work-obsessed. That much she knew at least. She sat there in silence for a moment, considering. “I don't know.” Once she said it she regretted it, regretted the can of worms it would open.

“About?” Jill's tone was even, careful. Not pushing, cautious.

“Dating him.” Alexa shrugged.

“Is that what you two are doing?” Jill asked, and again, it was a noncommittal tone. Unassuming. Alexa wasn't sure what to make of it.

“Yes.” She looked at the window, watching the scenery go by. “Sometimes it doesn’t feel that way.”

“Are you afraid of dating him?”

Jill’s words sent shivers down Alexa’s spine. “I guess.” She had been afraid of him. What he could do, what he could say. The way his voice made her skin light on fire, the way he consumed her, made her cry out. The way he could hurt her.

Jill considered Alexa’s words, her eyes on the road in front of her. “My first girlfriend was like your boyfriends,” she said, her voice oddly casual. Alexa looked at her, surprised. She wouldn’t have guessed that, not at all.

Jill seemed to take a breath; her knuckles were white on the steering wheel. “So I dated guys for a while after I left her. It was easier, that way, to pretend that she hadn't existed. What she had done to me never happened.” Jill exhaled, and her grip loosened slightly on the steering wheel. “But that didn't make it go away.” This time, she did take the time to glance at Alexa.

Alexa swallowed thickly.

“You have to face what happened, face what you're afraid of.” Jill turned her gaze back to the road, focused on her driving. They were almost there, Alexa noted out of habit. “Because if you don't face it, you're never going to get over it. You’re never going to find someone to make you happy because you’re always going to wait for the roof to cave in on you.”

Alexa looked at her, not sure what to say. That was a point she hadn't considered. True, she'd gone to therapy after what had happened to her in high school. After she had been raped. But it hadn't really been anything serious. Not really.

“Thanks,” she said softly. She had never heard that story. Jill kept secrets like she did. Best friends, but best friends who were scared. Jill came across as flippant at times, but she was hiding things.

“Never gonna judge your friends by the surface again, are you?” Jill asked with a grin.

Alexa bit back a rueful chuckle. “Never again.”

Jill smiled, and then parked her car. It was easy to get out of the car, to hug, say goodbye, then go into their own apartments. Then Alexa went home and settled into bed. Thought about Isaac. She felt giddy. Excited. Like she was finally moving on, letting go of everything that had happened to her. Damien was her past. He wasn’t relevant.

She swallowed, got ready for bed. Went through her familiar routine.

It didn't make it easy, but it did make it easier.

She looked at her phone for a moment, opened it. Went to the text, from him. Thought about texting him. Typed out the words, three little words.
I miss you.
But she didn't send it; instead she deleted the words, left them unsent and unsaid.

She padded out to the living room to grab a glass of water. The wine at dinner had left her thirsty. She stopped a few feet away from the door, a sudden uneasiness threatening to consume her. There was something on the ground. Something small, like paper.

She picked it up gingerly. Carefully. It was a photo of her. Just her. She was smiling in a way she had never seen herself smile before. She swallowed and turned it over, her throat dry as sandpaper.

Alexa and Isaac. 8-9-15.

Her name. Isaac’s name. A date. What had happened that day? Nothing she could think of. Was she with Isaac? Maybe.

Why was his name on it? She squinted closer. There. Very fuzzily she could make out someone who had to be him, although his face was blurred. Who had taken that photo? Who had slipped it under her door? Her heart was pounding in her chest, the fight-or-flight surging through her making it difficult to focus.

It was probably a prank.

A sick joke.

It had to be.

I
saac sat
in the hospital cafeteria, his hospital-bought lunch in front of him. He had been too busy to make his own food, to eat anything besides what he could grab at the hospital. It definitely wasn't the most nutritious, but there were times when that concerned him and times it didn't.

He looked at one of the senior doctors from his department, an older man named Garrick. He was one of the senior partners with controlling interest, someone Isaac wanted to impress, needed to impress. “So how have you been?” he asked, looking at Isaac with raised eyebrows.

Isaac smiled politely. “Good, sir. Yourself?”

Garrick shrugged. “Fine,” he said. He looked at Isaac, studied him. “So what you do outside of here?”

Isaac paused and considered what Garrick was actually getting at. It was Isaac’s once a quarter mandatory meeting with one of the senior partners, a requirement of his job position. “Not much,” he said carefully. “I'm a good wakeboarder. I also enjoy learning about history.” Especially when Alexa was by his side.

Garrick smiled, but it wasn’t one that made Isaac comfortable. “Are you single?”

Isaac stilled and sat his fork down. “Why do you ask?”

“Because I've heard rumors about your involvement with a hospital employee.” Garrick looked at him, his eyebrows raised.

That wasn’t as straightforward as Garrick made it sound. Isaac’s history when it came to his coworkers was complicated, to say the least. Maybe Garrick wasn’t talking about Alexa. Maybe this was about someone else. “Anyone specific?” He asked, trying to seem nonchalant.

“The lawyer,” Garrick said. “Miss Matthews, I think her name is.” Garrick looked at him, his eyes cold.

“No,” Isaac said as casually as he could, taking another bite of his lunch. He didn’t know what Garrick was getting at, but none of it seemed good. Isaac chuckled. “I’m not dating her.”

Garrick looked at him, an eyebrow raised. He looked unconcerned. That alone sent red alerts off in Isaac’s mind. “Then why have you two been seen spending significant amounts of time together?”

Isaac shrugged and took another bite of his lunch. “People like to gossip,” he said dismissively. “I’m a common topic.” He rolled his eyes. “Nothing is going on between Alexa and I.”

“You know her name.”

“If I didn't, I wouldn’t be good at my job,” Isaac pointed out. His voice was cool, unemotional, but it was the only way to protect her. He chuckled, hating himself as he did so. He hated being dismissive about her, pretending that she didn’t matter. “Besides, women like you more if they think you're in love with them.” He winked at Garrick.

Garrick laughed, and Isaac hated him for it. “Well I guess that's solved,” Garrick said, a grin on his face. He seemed almost amused by what Isaac had said. Almost amused by his claims.

Isaac hated having to say that, having to pretend that was the truth. It wasn't, and he knew it. But he had to protect Alexa. She didn’t need to become just another name on his list. She was worth more than that.

“Any other questions about my professionalism?” he asked coolly.

Garrick smiled, shook his head. “That had been our main concern,” he said. “We heard the rumors, figured we'd check into them.” Garrick raised his eyebrows. “Given your reputation, it seemed prudent that we would check on something like that. Your reputation affects our corporation.”

Isaac nodded, smiled his fake smile. He hated Garrick. He hated his department. Alexa was worth so much more than they made it sound like. She wasn’t a risk, she was a person.

He heard a fork clatter to the floor, ignored it. Saw Garrick’s eyebrows raise a fraction more. He frowned, wondering what it was, what had startled Garrick. Isaac turned, looked. Froze.