Catch a Tiger by the Tail (4 page)

Ethan shut his eyes tight, and Calvin pulled him close. With a sniff, Ethan wrapped his arms around Calvin and buried his face against Calvin’s T-shirt.

“I dreamed I was back there, and they killed Sloane because I couldn’t help him. Because I was too scared. Broken.”

“Fuck Shultzon. That asshole was out of his fucking mind, Ethan. He wanted to turn Therians into mindless super soldiers. He messed with your head, and he did the same to Sloane and Ash.”

“And yet Ash got out.”

Ethan pulled back enough to look into Calvin’s eyes, the anguish gripping at Calvin’s heart and squeezing.

“Ash got himself out of his cage, and Sloane got out of the chair. I couldn’t get out. Could barely move. I’m stronger, and I couldn’t do anything.” Ethan shook his head, his lips pressed together as he tried to keep his emotions in check. “I was trained for those situations. If Ash hadn’t talked me off the ledge….”

Calvin put his hand to Ethan’s cheek. “Shultzon messed with you. He fucked up your meds.”

“And what does that say about me, huh?” Ethan asked, agitated. “I’m so fucked-up I can’t function without them anymore. I can’t…. Without the meds I’m nothing. I can’t do my job. I can’t have fucking dinner with my family. Thanksgiving was a disaster. You got into a fight because of me.
Again
. My whole life I’ve had someone fighting my battles for me because I’ve been too weak to do it myself.”

“We talked about Thanksgiving. That wasn’t your fault.” Calvin’s heart broke, but he did what he always did. He remained strong for Ethan, doing his best to soothe Ethan’s fears. Calvin wiped the wetness from Ethan’s reddened cheeks. “As for the rest, I will
always
fight for you. Not because you can’t fight for yourself, but because you’re my best friend. If some asshole has the balls to mess with you, he has to get through me first. I know you’re bigger than me, and stronger, but that doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to lean on me, Ethan. That’s what people do when they care about someone. Your fight becomes mine.”

“I’m going to be on meds for the rest of my life. What if they stop working?”

“Then we’ll find something else to help you.”

Ethan sat up and shook his head. “I hate that I have no control of my own head. That I have to rely on stupid little pills. Everyone thinks I’m a fucking spaz.”

“Hey, no one thinks that.” Calvin sat up with a frown. “Are you telling me our friends, who woke up at four in the fucking morning after a twelve-hour shift and ran in here to make sure you were okay, that they think that?”

Ethan shook his head, and Calvin took hold of his hand.

“No, they don’t. Look at your brother. How many prescriptions does Seb have? He can’t function without those pills either, and he’s the reason you wanted to become a THIRDS agent. You remember what he told you when you said you wanted to become an agent like him but couldn’t because of your mutism?”

Ethan nodded.

“Tell me.”

“He said my disabilities didn’t define me. I define me.”

“That’s right.” Calvin placed Ethan’s hand to his lips for a kiss. “You define you, Ethan. Not your meds, not your mutism, not anyone else. You.”

Ethan went quiet. He dropped his gaze to his hand in Calvin’s before looking up at him, his expression softening. “I got out for you, you know.”

“What do you mean?”

“In the cage, I couldn’t move. I was so scared. Ash told me to do it for you. He said you didn’t think I was broken.”

Ethan searched his gaze, and Calvin made sure Ethan found what he was looking for.

“And he was right,” Calvin replied with all the conviction he possessed. Twenty-four years they’d been inseparable, yet Ethan still needed to be reminded that Calvin was at his side because he wanted to be,
needed
to be, as much for himself as for Ethan. Calvin took Ethan’s face in his hands. “You’re not broken, Ethan. You’re amazing, and that will never change.” He stroked Ethan’s cheek with his thumb and smiled. “Thank you for getting yourself out of there. I couldn’t stop worrying about you.”

“It scares me sometimes,” Ethan said quietly.

“What’s that?”

“How much I need you.” Ethan pulled Calvin with him as he lay down. He snuggled up close and pressed his lips to Calvin’s.

Calvin closed his eyes and parted his lips, allowing Ethan to slip his tongue in and deepen the kiss. He didn’t question it or overthink it, just went with it. Whatever Ethan needed, Calvin would give.

Ethan’s lips were soft, his mouth warm and tasting faintly of mint. Calvin loved how Ethan tasted, how he smelled, how he felt underneath his touch. He loved the way Ethan’s strong hands caressed his skin.

This was uncharted territory for both of them, and despite knowing everything about each other, Calvin was eager to explore more of this side of Ethan. They’d seen each other naked more times than he could count. They argued and fought but always worked things out. When Ethan pulled back, Calvin missed his breath on him, the feel of his lips, but he smiled at his best friend and cuddled up to him. As long as they were together, they’d make it through anything. Them against the world.

CALVIN TOOK
a sip of his beer before letting out a happy sigh. After the last few months dealing with all the crazy of the Order, Coalition, Hogan, and Shultzon, he was relieved they’d gotten back to doing regular callouts. It was no less emotionally and physically exhausting, but it was a far cry from what they’d been up against recently. Though their first week back on callouts seemed determined to make up for lost time, he was glad things were back to normal. Well, as normal as was possible for their team.

Following another long rotation, Destructive Delta did what it had been doing since Dex joined the team, taking over Dekatria, their second base of operation. By now all the regulars knew who they were, welcoming them with open arms. There was no hostility toward them, and no one cared if they were Therian or Human. Whatever anti-Therian regulars had frequented the bar had jumped ship the moment Bradley bought the place. He made it known real quick he wouldn’t tolerate any of that crap. There were plenty of other bars in New York City for them to spread their stupid, but his place wouldn’t be one of them.

The jaguar Therian himself dropped by the table, a big grin on his handsome face. He gave Dex a playful shove. “So what do you think of the new menu?”

Dex’s eyes lit up as he scanned the trendy, newly designed menu. “I think I’ve died and gone to heaven. Except I know I haven’t because Ash is here.”

Ash gracefully flipped Dex off before resuming his conversation with Cael about sharing some loaded cheese fries.

They all laughed as Dex put in his ginormous order. Calvin had no idea how the guy put all that food away and managed to stay in shape. It was like he had cheetah Therian metabolism or something. Calvin noticed the black line art on the right side of Bradley’s neck peeking out from under his T-shirt.

“Hey, is that new?” Calvin asked, pointing to the intricate swirls. It looked Japanese in style, possibly a koi fish.

Bradley touched his fingers to it. “Yeah. It’s been a while since I had a new one. Started getting that itch.” He laughed softly.

“Who designs your tattoos?” Dex asked curiously.

“Friend of mine. I love ink, but sadly I’m not much of an artist. Otherwise I’d probably have been doing that instead. Gonna have to find myself a new artist, though. My friend’s getting himself hitched and moving to California.”

Ethan pointed to Calvin, catching him off guard.

“You design?” Bradley looked as surprised as some of their teammates. It wasn’t really something Calvin talked about. His face grew warm as all eyes landed on him.

“Yeah. I’ve been drawing since I was a kid. In college I did a couple of designs for people. Word spread, and pretty soon I had enough commissions to pay for my books and supplies.”

“Shit, that’s right,” Dex said, his grin widening. “Apparently he’s awesome. Hobbs said he draws some kickass designs.”

Calvin glanced over at Ethan, who had guilty written all over his silly smiling face. Ethan nodded and held his thumbs up.

“You still design?” Bradley asked.

Calvin shrugged. “I never really stopped. I didn’t need to take any more commissions once I joined the THIRDS, and my schedule didn’t leave a lot of time for it, but yeah, for fun.”

“Maybe I can give you a call sometime. See your stuff.”

“Sure.” Calvin returned Bradley’s smile. It had been a long time since he’d drawn anything for anyone. Bradley went off with their orders, and Dex was about to say something when Calvin felt someone step up behind him.

“Agent Summers?”

Calvin turned in his chair, surprised to see Felipe Bautista standing there, a shy smile on his face. “Hey.” Calvin stood, smiling warmly. “I’m surprised to see you here.”

“Agent Summers—”

“Calvin. Please,” Calvin insisted. He held his hand out, and Felipe took it with a smile.

“Calvin. I’m sorry if I’m interrupting.” Felipe shyly greeted the rest of the table, some more warily than others.

“You’re not,” Calvin assured him. “How have you been?”

“Would you mind if we talked privately?”

“Not at all. I didn’t think you’d want to talk to me after what happened.”

“You were doing your job.” Felipe motioned over to the bar and a couple of empty stools at the end of it.

Calvin excused himself, telling Ethan he’d be back. He slid his half-empty beer to Ethan to finish off. His best friend looked puzzled by Calvin’s departure, but his attention was quickly commandeered by Dex. Leaving his teammates to their shenanigans—or rather, Dex’s—Calvin joined Felipe at the bar, where they ordered a couple of beers. Calvin patiently waited for Felipe to say whatever was on his mind.

“When I heard Drew was dead….” Felipe swallowed hard and closed his eyes for a moment before seeming to get his emotions in check. He shook his head and let out a soft laugh. When he opened his eyes, they were filled with heartache and pain. “What does it say about me that I miss him? That for the first few seconds when I wake up in the morning, I expect to see him there? I miss a murderer.”

“You miss the guy you fell in love with. The guy you thought he was. When Hogan approached Drew, he should have walked away, or at the very least asked for help. Instead he let Hogan twist him up inside and turn him into a killer. He risked his freedom, his life, you, to follow Hogan. He hadn’t been your Drew for a long time, Felipe.” Calvin put his hand on Felipe’s arm in the hopes of offering him some comfort. “What happened to Drew wasn’t your fault.”

“I keep telling myself that I should have pushed harder. I suspected he was lying to me about where he went, but I didn’t want to believe something was wrong. I was terrified he might be cheating on me.” Felipe wiped a tear from his eye. “It was so much worse.”

Calvin felt for the guy. He really did. “How have you been?”

“I’ve been seeing a therapist to help me work through all this. I feel guilty, thinking if I’d done more, he wouldn’t have involved himself with Hogan. That he’d still be alive, and things might have gone back to how they were. I left the city for a few weeks, to get away from the reporters, the threats, the hate mail, everything. The way people looked at me….” Tears welled in his eyes again. “Like
I
had killed those people.”

“Hey.” Calvin pulled him into his arms. It wasn’t Felipe’s fault his boyfriend had done what he had. Felipe was a good guy, a Therian teacher who cared about his students and worked with local homeless Therian youth. He didn’t deserve the shit he’d been thrown into. “Drew shut you out. If you’d suspected and gone after him, Hogan might have killed you.”

Felipe nodded and pulled back with a sniff. He thanked Calvin for the tissue he offered, a small smile coming on his face. “Seems like whenever we meet, I end up crying on your shoulder.”

Calvin smiled. He reached into his pocket and pulled out one of his THIRDS cards with his name and number on it. After flipping it over, he took one of the pens lying on the bar for signing credit card slips and scribbled his personal cell phone number. “Here.” He handed the card to Felipe. “Anytime you need my shoulder, you call.”

“Thank you. I’d like that.” Felipe tucked the card into his pocket before wiping his eyes. “On a lighter note, how’s your boyfriend?”

“Ah, that. He’s not really my boyfriend. Sort of.” Felipe arched an eyebrow at him, and Calvin laughed. “Yeah, we THIRDS agents don’t do anything the easy way. Everything I told you about us was true, except the boyfriend part. Ethan and I have been best friends since we were kids. Things changed between us, and that night I left you in your apartment, things got a little heated.”

Felipe’s face went red. “Oh God, he knows about that night?”

There was no way to make it sound less awkward. “He was in the surveillance van listening.”

“He’s an agent as well?” The color in Felipe’s face intensified.

“He’s my partner at the THIRDS.”

Realization seemed to dawn on Felipe. “Was he at the table?”

“Yeah, the tiger Therian sitting next to me.”

Felipe’s eyes went wide. “Oh my God, he must want to punch my lights out.”

If Felipe had been close by that night, it’s possible Ethan might have. Calvin had never seen his partner so pissed off. “Ethan knows the job. He doesn’t hold it against you.” Too much.

Felipe’s expression softened. “From what you’ve told me about him, he sounds like a great guy.”

“He is. We’ve been through everything together. Then, like I told you that night, things changed.” Calvin took a sip of his beer. It wasn’t just the change that had turned everything upside down. It was Ethan’s inability to decide what to do about it.

“Does he feel the same about your relationship?” Felipe asked gently.

“He’s got SM—selective mutism—and social anxiety. Change is really hard for him. Something as big as this…. It’s been difficult for both of us. He hasn’t told me he loves me, but the way he feels about me has definitely changed. I don’t know if he’s ready to put a name to whatever’s going on between us or if he’ll be ready to move forward. I don’t want to push him, so we’ve been taking things slow. Really slow.”