Casting Shadows (11 page)

I pushed him away, blushing.

‘Missed ya,’ he grinned.

I rolled my eyes, then noticed a small cut on his lip that hadn’t been there this morning. ‘What happened?’ I stared at him. Surely even Flynn couldn’t have got into a
fight in just one morning?

Flynn’s grin deepened. ‘Just a bit of pushing and shoving. There’re a couple of jerks in my class who think somebody new starting is an opportunity for them to assert their
inner idiot.’ He glanced at Leo, acknowledging his presence for the first time. ‘Same in every class I ’spect.’ He turned back to me. ‘Don’t look like that, Riv,
it wasn’t anything.’

‘But you’re hurt,’ I said, all my old anxieties rearing up. Had Flynn lost his temper?

‘Nah, I’m fine.’ Flynn touched the cut on his lip. ‘It’s just a scratch. Look. It’s freakin’ dog eat dog out there. Most of them have been at school
together since they were eleven – and they’ve
all
been here the whole of last year. I’m the only new person in my upper sixth tutor group. You can’t let them think
you’re afraid. Not for a second.’

He dragged me over towards a queue for sandwiches and started fishing in his pocket for the tokens Dad had given him. I’m starving.’

I looked at him, still feeling troubled. ‘I thought the anger management classes were going to stop you doing things like this,’ I said.

‘Things like what?’ Flynn laughed, picking up a ham and mustard sandwich. ‘I told you. It was just a bit of pushing and shoving. Me making sure nobody’s going to start
having a go at me in the future.’ He leaned down suddenly. I could feel his breath, hot and steady, as his lips brushed across my ear. It’s a one-off, Riv,’ he whispered.
‘Seriously nothing to worry about.’

We ate our lunch on our own. Leo had vanished somewhere between us buying our sandwiches and finding somewhere to sit down. I saw a few guys give Flynn wary looks. I was sure a small group of
girls on the other side of the room were talking about us too. They kept looking over, then giggling and whispering.

I swallowed uncomfortably. I’d been at the same school for years before coming here. But even if I had moved around every term I was pretty certain that I would never draw attention to
myself in the way that Flynn always seemed to.

Sometimes – if I was really honest – I didn’t understand him at all.

As the first week turned into the second, we gradually settled into life at Norton Napier. I really liked Ms Ransome, who was the English and Drama teacher as well as my tutor.
Mr Shukla turned out to teach History. He was strict but fair. I thought his lessons were a bit boring, though Flynn seemed to enjoy them – and to get on with Mr Shukla himself. In fact,
Flynn got on with all his teachers. As he’d promised, there had been no repeat of the ‘pushing and shoving’ from our first day. And, like me, Flynn enjoyed the way Norton Napier
allowed its pupils far more independence than either of our previous schools had done.

The other students were mostly nice too. I made friends with one of the few girls who hadn’t grown up in the area. Kirsty was small and red-haired and her family had just moved here from
Scotland. We quickly got in with the main group of girls in the tutor group and spent quite a lot of time doing girly stuff like trying on each other’s make-up in the bathrooms at break
time.

I wished Leo could have made some friends. But his weirdness seemed to stand out even more at college than it did at the commune. To be honest, he and I didn’t really spend much time
together. We only took English classes at the same time. Our other subjects were different, and I spent most of my free time with either Flynn or the girls I’d made friends with.

Flynn didn’t make any close friends, not that he seemed bothered. Instead he hung out with a largish group of boys from his class, spending most of his time when he wasn’t working or
with me playing football in the park close to the college.

Part of me missed my old school and Emmi and Grace, especially on my birthday, which took place halfway through our second week. At Langton all my friends would have remembered the date and made
a fuss of me. Here, no one knew except Flynn and Leo and I insisted they promise not to tell anyone at college; it was just too early in the term for me to put myself forward like that.

It really didn’t matter. We had a good time at the commune that evening. Mum and Stone came up for tea and Gemma baked a big chocolate cake. I got money for clothes from Mum and Dad, a
book from Leo and a pretty pair of earrings from Flynn. Both Grace and Emmi called and texted too with promises of presents when we next met.

It felt a bit weird. Still, being here – at the commune and at the college – was what I had wanted. According to Emmi and Grace everything was different at Langton now anyway.

And, here, I had Flynn.

Before we knew it, the first four weeks had passed and it was time for me to attend Flynn’s group counselling class with him. That evening we stayed late after college,
then walked up the road to the Norton Therapy Centre. I was feeling really nervous at this opportunity to join in tonight. I’d asked both Gemma and Flynn what to expect but Gemma just said it
would be better not to have preconceptions while Flynn wouldn’t talk about it at all.

‘I don’t know, Riv,’ he said. ‘Sometimes it makes sense. Sometimes it’s like we’re all just talking about nothing.’ He paused. ‘Still, I’m
sure it helps.’

The room the session was held in was like a big school hall, with a scuffed wooden floor and a bunch of plastic chairs arranged in a circle.

I sat down next to Flynn. He held my hand, looking bored. My heart was thumping, I was so worried I was going to do or say the wrong thing. Most of the other people in the group were already
there. They were all boys, Flynn had told me, between the ages of fourteen and eighteen. Most seemed to have come with their mothers, though a few were with their girlfriends and a couple with
their dads. At least there was no one here from Norton Napier.

I shivered. Flynn squeezed my hand. ‘Don’t worry, Riv,’ he said. ‘There’s nothing to be nervous about.’

A moment later the counsellor, Sally, turned up. She was about Mum’s age, wearing jeans and a tunic top. She had short, spiky hair held off her face with a long purple scarf.

‘Hi, everyone,’ she drawled, in an American accent just like the one Flynn had imitated the other day. ‘I’m real pleased to see you all. Tonight we’re going to
focus on the effects of anger on those around us and as part of the process I would like each of the guests here tonight to tell the person they came here with how their anger has impacted on their
lives.’

I gulped. Was I going to have to speak in front of all these people? Flynn leaned over and whispered in my ear. ‘You can say anything you like, Riv. I know what to do.’

I frowned, not sure what he meant.

But Sally was already asking the first person to speak.

It was one of the mums. Like most of the other parents in the room, she was drawn and tired-looking, with an anxious expression on her face. Her son, who looked about fourteen, sat beside her,
slouched in his chair. He didn’t look up as she spoke in a trembling voice, explaining how his temper had led to the break-up of her relationship with her boyfriend, and how she felt torn
between loving her son and being scared of him.

After a little gentle probing from Sally, the woman admitted her son had hit her several times when she tried to stop him going out with mates she didn’t approve of. Then Sally turned to
the son, who’d sat sullen and silent the whole time. She asked him how hearing what his mum had to say had made him feel.

He grunted, ‘Dunno.’ Eventually Sally got him to admit he did feel bad after hitting his mum, though he kept saying he thought it was partly his mum’s fault for winding him up.
‘Because once I’m off on one, there’s nothing that’ll stop me. It’s, like, not my fault. You can’t control it.’

At this Sally smiled and started talking about responsibility. She explained how everyone had to own their anger. How if you blamed someone else for winding you up what you were really saying
was that they were in control of you, instead of you being in control.

The boy nodded but I didn’t get the impression he’d really understood what Sally was saying. She moved on to the next boy. He was older, more like Flynn’s age, and one of the
few here with his dad. But it was the same story. The boy lashing out and physically hurting his family for no really good reason that I could see. Despite being a few years older, he was just as
tongue-tied as the first boy.

As Sally went round the room, I realised they were all the same. An uncomfortable pressure settled on my chest. Flynn didn’t belong here. He had never once hit his family, well, apart from
his dad, of course. Nor me. And he understood himself far better than these other guys. For the first time I questioned whether being here could really help him. Still, Flynn had said it did.

My heart pounded as it got closer and closer to my turn to speak. I hardly heard what the people sitting next to us said; all I could think about was what I was going to say. I glanced at Flynn.
He was still holding my hand but he hadn’t made eye contact while different people were telling their stories. Right now he was yawning, staring at the floor. I wondered what he was thinking.
How he was feeling.

‘River, is it?’ Sally’s voice brought me back to the room. I looked up, my face flushed. Everyone was gazing at me.

I nodded at Sally. She smiled. ‘Flynn has mentioned you in our sessions before.’

I looked sideways at him. He raised his eyes and gave me this hard, sexy, ironic look. I gulped, wondering what he had said.

‘So, River,’ Sally went on. ‘Perhaps you would like to share with the group a time or a feeling to do with Flynn’s behaviour.’

‘Right.’ My mind was blank. I stared at my hand, still in Flynn’s.

What on earth was I supposed to say?

‘I realise this is a difficult situation for you, River,’ Sally said encouragingly. ‘But please know that you are in a safe environment. Nothing you say here
will go outside the room.’

I stared down at the floor.

‘I reckon she’s scared of him.’ This came from one of the few other girlfriends in the room. A fat, blonde girl in a ridiculously short skirt. She’d already talked about
her boyfriend’s jealousy and how he was always threatening guys if he thought they’d been trying it on with her.

Sally cleared her throat. ‘Can you tell us how you are feeling, River?’

I wanted to crawl under my chair and curl up.

‘
Are
you feeling scared?’ Sally’s voice grew softer, more sympathetic. ‘Because you know this is a safe space and Flynn can’t—’

‘I’m not scared of him.’ I looked round the room. ‘
Really
,’ I said. ‘I’m not scared, it’s just hard to remember something. Flynn’s
never hurt me. He’s only ever hurt other people – and mostly only when they’ve provoked him.’

I could feel Flynn looking at me. I kept my eyes on Sally. She was frowning.

‘You mean he’s never hurt you physically?’

‘That’s right.’

Sally smiled. ‘Okay, then how about you tell us about a situation you’ve been in where Flynn’s response has . . .’ she paused, ‘. . . made you feel
uncomfortable.’

My chest tightened. ‘Well . . . when he hit his dad that was horrible. But though his dad didn’t really do much at the time, it was still provocation . . . because of what he’d
done to Flynn before . . . so I understood.’ I stopped, not wanting to go into the details of Flynn’s relationship with his da. Sally nodded at me. I was sure she knew what I was
referring to.

‘What about another occasion when you were there and Flynn lost his temper?’ Sally asked.

My mind flirted over the many times when I’d seen Flynn get angry. I took a deep breath.

‘There was this one time when he found out about his sister’s boyfriend.’ I hesitated, embarrassed suddenly to share my feelings with this group of strangers. I looked at
Sally, hoping she would interrupt and take over the conversation, but she didn’t. Everyone waited for me to speak. Flynn squeezed my hand. I still hadn’t looked at him.

‘Well . . .’ My voice was all shaky. ‘What happened was that I found out Flynn’s sister was with this guy, Gary, but she asked me not to tell anyone so I didn’t.
Then, one day, Flynn found out and he lost it and pushed Gary against the wall and threatened him.’ I paused, remembering how terrified I’d felt at the time. ‘I was really scared
that Flynn would hit him and that there’d be a fight. There wasn’t but when Flynn realised I already knew about Gary and Siobhan he got angry with me too. He shouted and said horrible
things. Then he stormed out.’

‘And how did that make you feel?’ Sally asked.

I let out a long, slow breath. ‘Scared, mostly. And upset. And guilty, because I thought maybe I should have told Flynn. But it would have been breaking a promise to Siobhan if I had, so .
. .’

I looked down.

‘How does it make you feel to hear all that, Flynn?’ As Sally spoke, Flynn took his hand away from mine. Out of the corner of my eye I could see him sitting back and crossing his
arms. ‘It makes me feel bad that River was frightened,’ he said. ‘But I was scared too that this guy I’d never met was going to hurt my sister.’

Sally nodded. ‘Why would you assume he was going to hurt her?’

Flynn shrugged.

‘’S fair enough,’ said one of the other boys. ‘Guy’s gonna do your sister, he’s asking for a punch in the—’

‘Thank you, Jason.’ Sally sniffed. ‘But I’d like Flynn to think about what I’m asking here.’ She turned back to Flynn. ‘Do you think your reaction was
appropriate?’

I looked at Flynn for the first time. He was glaring at Sally, his arms still folded, his jaw clenched. When he spoke it was slowly and hesitantly, as if he was having to push every word
out.

‘I think I overreacted about Gary. I should have stopped and talked and found out about him first, though he was in my home and I wasn’t expecting him and I don’t think
there’s anything wrong with assuming someone’s going to jump you if you don’t know them. That’s just how life is.’